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View Full Version : Do you donate/sell some baby gear even if you're not sure you're done?



sarahsthreads
01-04-2011, 12:50 PM
We're trying to declutter our pathetically crammed (finished, walkout, useless at the moment due to too much stuff) basement and I'm looking at all these massive pieces of baby gear trying to come to terms with the idea of not keeping it all for a potential 3rd child. We aren't sure we're done having kids, but if we do have another it won't be for at least another year. And having had primary and secondary infertility, the likelihood is really, really small anyway.

I'd keep the cradle, crib, pack & play, mac triumph, infant-to-toddler rocker and the travel booster. Some or all of these would be useful to visiting babies or future grandchildren and/or don't take up a lot of space. But then things like the baby swing, the high chair, the bouncy seat, the infant tub, the joovy stroller and the step & play piano exersaucer-type-thingy seem excessive to keep when we're not sure we'll ever have another child.

In my head I know I can replace all of these things if we are blessed with another child. But if I'm honest with myself, the biggest reason I'm balking at getting rid of these things is because a future DC3 would not have his/her "firsts" pictures taken in the same equipment - first bath, first meals, etc. That's really, really stupid, right? Someone tell me to go find someone who could use this stuff now and that there will be better things out there if I ever need it again...please?

Sarah

SnuggleBuggles
01-04-2011, 01:09 PM
I kept it. My friend once said I'll know when I am done when I start booting out that stuff. :) I kept everything between the boys even though I often said I was done. I didn't want to have to rebuy things. If you have the space, I vote for hanging on to it. And I wish you lots of luck TTC!

Beth

egoldber
01-04-2011, 01:09 PM
You should go find someone who could use this stuff now and there will be better things out there if you ever need it again. Really. :)

I might keep something sentimental, like a cradle, but other than that I would find a home for that stuff. My kids are 5 years apart and even then I found a lot of my stuff was really not in that great shape when I went to use it again. Pieces were broken or missing or faded. And I found that I was lot more accepting of hand me down gear and clothes the next time around than I was the first time.

I also found that I used things a LOT shorter time than I did with my oldest: things like the swing, the saucer, the bouncy, etc. I had so much stuff in my house already for the older child that I simply got tired much more quickly of having the baby gear around. I was eager to be done with it and get it out of my house!

goldenpig
01-04-2011, 02:09 PM
We're trying to declutter our pathetically crammed (finished, walkout, useless at the moment due to too much stuff) basement and I'm looking at all these massive pieces of baby gear trying to come to terms with the idea of not keeping it all for a potential 3rd child. We aren't sure we're done having kids, but if we do have another it won't be for at least another year. And having had primary and secondary infertility, the likelihood is really, really small anyway.

I'd keep the cradle, crib, pack & play, mac triumph, infant-to-toddler rocker and the travel booster. Some or all of these would be useful to visiting babies or future grandchildren and/or don't take up a lot of space. But then things like the baby swing, the high chair, the bouncy seat, the infant tub, the joovy stroller and the step & play piano exersaucer-type-thingy seem excessive to keep when we're not sure we'll ever have another child.

In my head I know I can replace all of these things if we are blessed with another child. But if I'm honest with myself, the biggest reason I'm balking at getting rid of these things is because a future DC3 would not have his/her "firsts" pictures taken in the same equipment - first bath, first meals, etc. That's really, really stupid, right? Someone tell me to go find someone who could use this stuff now and that there will be better things out there if I ever need it again...please?

Sarah

I've been lucky not to have to deal with infertility yet but otherwise I'm in the same exact boat! ITA about the wanting to keep things for pictures...it's not stupid to feel that way! I'm struggling with whether to get rid of stuff like the bouncers...I have one pink and one blue one and I can't decide whether to get rid of them because i have so many cute pictures of DC in them and I want to have the same pics of any future kid if we have another. But I'm sentimental I guess. We even have DH's old wooden highchair in the garage...totally not usable as a real high chair but we can't seem to get rid of it because we have pics of DH and now DD/DS in them.

Can you loan stuff out? One of my friends loaned me her exersaucer and now that my DS is growing out of it, she has a 2nd child that can use it again. If not, you could sell it and rebuy things off CL if you ever have another.

Puddy73
01-04-2011, 02:35 PM
You should go find someone who could use this stuff now and there will be better things out there if you ever need it again. Really. :)

I might keep something sentimental, like a cradle, but other than that I would find a home for that stuff. My kids are 5 years apart and even then I found a lot of my stuff was really not in that great shape when I went to use it again. Pieces were broken or missing or faded. And I found that I was lot more accepting of hand me down gear and clothes the next time around than I was the first time.

I also found that I used things a LOT shorter time than I did with my oldest: things like the swing, the saucer, the bouncy, etc. I had so much stuff in my house already for the older child that I simply got tired much more quickly of having the baby gear around. I was eager to be done with it and get it out of my house!

:yeahthat:

I found that I was less sentimental about things when I unpacked them. The little sleepers, blankets and socks that were so precious when I put them away just looked faded and yucky. I also used less stuff with each DC. For instance, I never used a baby tub, boppy, saucer or bouncy seat for DD2 and I rarely used the stroller.

MomToOne
01-04-2011, 02:50 PM
It's not stupid to feel that way. I gave away something I would love to use with a second child only because my first used it *so* much and I was sentimentally attached to it. And yes would love to have a picture of subsequent children in. (It was a bouncer.) Do I still feel bad about it? Yeah a little. I, like, 30% regret it and 70% am glad it's out of the house right now. I'll get another and it will be ok ;)

zag95
01-04-2011, 07:06 PM
We're trying to declutter our pathetically crammed (finished, walkout, useless at the moment due to too much stuff) basement and I'm looking at all these massive pieces of baby gear trying to come to terms with the idea of not keeping it all for a potential 3rd child. We aren't sure we're done having kids, but if we do have another it won't be for at least another year. And having had primary and secondary infertility, the likelihood is really, really small anyway.

I'd keep the cradle, crib, pack & play, mac triumph, infant-to-toddler rocker and the travel booster. Some or all of these would be useful to visiting babies or future grandchildren and/or don't take up a lot of space. But then things like the baby swing, the high chair, the bouncy seat, the infant tub, the joovy stroller and the step & play piano exersaucer-type-thingy seem excessive to keep when we're not sure we'll ever have another child.

In my head I know I can replace all of these things if we are blessed with another child. But if I'm honest with myself, the biggest reason I'm balking at getting rid of these things is because a future DC3 would not have his/her "firsts" pictures taken in the same equipment - first bath, first meals, etc. That's really, really stupid, right? Someone tell me to go find someone who could use this stuff now and that there will be better things out there if I ever need it again...please?

Sarah
We are TTC #2 at this point and have all the gear saved. If I was in your boat, I'd probably purge some of the items you mentioned, as you can always pick them up at a consignment sale.

Another thought- do you need a crib, cradle and pack n play? Maybe lose one of those- I'd probably keep the pack n play for portability.... and depending on the recalls with the crib- decide between the cradle and crib- is the cradle a family heirloom or ? If is, pass it on to someone in the family to use!

salsah
01-04-2011, 07:19 PM
i kept it (and still have it) but i am trying to get rid of it. not that i can't find someone to give the stuff to, but that i'm having a hard time parting. we are in the same situation as you. even though we also dealt with primary and secondary infertility, i still had high hopes of having a third. unfortunately, it didn't work out for us. i still haven't come to terms with it and even just writing this is hard for me.
i think it would have been easier on me if i had given most the things away as soon we were done with them. however at the time, it made sense to keep the things. but now, i feels as if it was a waste. not to mention that it is a bit painful now because now when i give the things away, i'm acknowledging that i will not have more kids. i feel like i'm closing the door on the option. obviously giving the stuff away doesn't mean that we can't try, but the fact that i'm giving them is away means that we are done trying and won't have more dc. not rational, just emotional.

i would say that if you need the space, get rid of them. the first bath will still be special even if it is different tub.

citymama
01-04-2011, 07:23 PM
If you are thinking about a third, hang on to it.

In our case, we did get rid of some stuff b/w baby 1 and 2, but that's because we moved cross country! It pained me to have to rebuy it, more because of the hassle of researching etc than the cost factor. It's easy to not have to go through that again. I've been massively purging gear as DD1 outgrows stuff - nursing pillow, gymini, boppy play mat, bjorn etc have all gone. We are not planning to have any more kids. That said, I am hanging on to special baby clothes (more than I would just save as just keep sakes). On the very off0chance that we ever have a third, it would kill me to not have saved them!

sarahsthreads
01-04-2011, 10:00 PM
i kept it (and still have it) but i am trying to get rid of it. not that i can't find someone to give the stuff to, but that i'm having a hard time parting. we are in the same situation as you. even though we also dealt with primary and secondary infertility, i still had high hopes of having a third. unfortunately, it didn't work out for us. i still haven't come to terms with it and even just writing this is hard for me.

I am so, so sorry. I totally understand where you are. Infertility sucks. :(

I almost feel like giving the stuff away would be taking some control back from infertility, in a weird way I can't explain. (For me, anyway.) I just am having a hard time dealing with my sappy sentimental side!

Sarah

sarahsthreads
01-04-2011, 10:08 PM
Another thought- do you need a crib, cradle and pack n play? Maybe lose one of those- I'd probably keep the pack n play for portability.... and depending on the recalls with the crib- decide between the cradle and crib- is the cradle a family heirloom or ? If is, pass it on to someone in the family to use!

The crib is drop-side, but not recalled. I absolutely need a drop-side crib, and believe that ours is quite safe and sturdy, so if we were ever to have a third child I'd want to have it. The cradle is hopefully destined to become a family heirloom and if my relatively newly wed brother and his wife decide to have children I will certainly lend it to them. The pack & play is handy when people with smaller babies come visit since my house is no longer anything approaching crawling-baby-proof anymore. So I do have good reasons, I think, to keep all three of those.

Thanks!
Sarah :)

sarahsthreads
01-04-2011, 10:20 PM
I also found that I used things a LOT shorter time than I did with my oldest: things like the swing, the saucer, the bouncy, etc. I had so much stuff in my house already for the older child that I simply got tired much more quickly of having the baby gear around. I was eager to be done with it and get it out of my house!

I felt this way too with DD2. Ridiculously impatient over tripping over the swing and the high chair along with all the big girl toys! Honestly if we do get rid of that high chair and have another child, I'd buy a space saver chair that straps to a kitchen chair instead of a new high chair. Maybe I'm not so sentimental about everything!

And as another poster said, all those favorite outfits from DD1 that I lovingly packed away for a future DD...I realized when I pulled them out for DD2 that my tastes had changed, things were so worn and had shrunk in the wash, and they looked much better in the pictures I'd taken of DD1 than they looked IRL for DD2. Honestly, I barely get out half of those clothes every time DD2 changes sizes, and I've given myself permission to buy her some new things each time. (Although I'll admit there are big plastic bins neatly labeled with each outgrown size down in the basement because I hand everything down to my cousin's twin baby girls. And I've taken them back as she's finished with them for the time being...we each have family members who could potentially have little girl children in the next few years...)

Sarah :)

happymom
01-04-2011, 10:44 PM
I recently gave a LOT of DD's stuff away to my SIL. Mostly clothes. I certainly hope to have more children, but in the meantime, SIL really needed it and doesn't have any money. Now my other SIL just had a DD and so SIL#1 is passing everything on to SIL#2. So I'm pretty sure I'm not getting any of it back! But honestly, I'm just happy to help them out. I have no idea how long it will be before DC#2 comes along (another infertility case here :waving4:) and if its a boy, all that clothing won't get used anyways.

ETA: I kept a few outfits that were sentimental to me, but I wasn't too attached to much of it. I was a bit teary as I unpacked it all, just remembering DD being so small and thinking about how fast she has grown up, but I got over that quickly. LOL.

♥ms.pacman♥
01-04-2011, 10:56 PM
right now we're not sure if we're going to have a 3rd (and if we do, it would be at least 3-4 years down the road), but i plan on getting rid of most non-sentimental things (exersaucer, bassinet etc) after our second (a dd) is done using them. i figure they'd go to better use to someone (friend or family member) who could really use them now than just sitting there collecting dust for years. and already, we are running out of space with all the stuff we don't use. If i can't find anyone who use them, i figure i can sell on CL and recoup some of the money.

also, in terms of kids using the same stuff, i guess i have the opposite mentality...if we do end up having a 3rd, i figure he/she would be lucky by getting to have new stuff bought specifically for him/her, vs. an old hand-me down. i still feel kinda bad that my DD will be using mostly handme-downs toys/gear from DS. dh & i were both firstborn and now expecting baby #2 we were both just kinda shocked realizing just how much more stuff & attention the first kid gets. so it actually makes me feel a little better to buy a couple girl-specific toys/items for my dd bc that way later she will see that we bought it specifically for her, and it wasn't just something she got bc her older brother outgrew or got bored of.

candaceb
01-04-2011, 11:35 PM
Do you have a friend who you could "loan" it to? I have a friend who has 2 girls via IVF, and has some frozen embryos left. She is about 95% sure she is done, but can't say for sure. So, she has given me a ton of stuff, and we're calling my house "Connecticut Offsite Storage". I have agreed to not give anything away when I'm done with it without checking with her first. In all likelihood, the stuff won't go back to her, but she feels better knowing she has the option.

Snow mom
01-04-2011, 11:49 PM
I've kept a lot of clothes--probably way more than is practical considering we don't have a basement/attic/any storage really. Keeping large baby gear is out of the question for us because of lack of storage space. I sold the swing when DD outgrew it and recently passed on her bouncer and playgym to a friend who just had #2. Most of this was bought second hand to begin with so I had to realize I could always rebuy for any additional children. I don't know what I'll do when DD needs to move out of the crib. I love our crib (although it is an evil banned dropside) and it matches DDs dresser. That being said, we don't have anywhere to store it if it isn't being used. Maybe look at what you are least attached to/least likely to reuse and start by getting rid of that. I don't know if letting things go slowly would make it easier or if its better to do one major purge like pulling off a band-aid. It sounds like you could start with the highchair ;)

salsah
01-05-2011, 02:46 AM
Infertility sucks. :(



i can't tell you how many times i have wanted to come to the BP to post those exact words. just those two words, nothing else.

salsah
01-05-2011, 02:49 AM
The crib is drop-side, but not recalled. I absolutely need a drop-side crib, and believe that ours is quite safe and sturdy, so if we were ever to have a third child I'd want to have it. The cradle is hopefully destined to become a family heirloom and if my relatively newly wed brother and his wife decide to have children I will certainly lend it to them. The pack & play is handy when people with smaller babies come visit since my house is no longer anything approaching crawling-baby-proof anymore. So I do have good reasons, I think, to keep all three of those.

Thanks!
Sarah :)

those sound like valid reasons.

MomToOne
01-05-2011, 09:11 AM
The pack & play is handy when people with smaller babies come visit since my house is no longer anything approaching crawling-baby-proof anymore. So I do have good reasons, I think, to keep all three of those.


Get rid of that pack & play! That's not really a good reason to hang onto something so large. They can hold the baby in their lap :wink2:

Melaine
01-05-2011, 09:21 AM
Yes, I got rid of everything though I am still hopeful we may have more someday. We just categorically did not have room to keep it and I sold stuff to make the money to buy the next phase of "needs". I sell on craigslist and do pretty well, I wouldn't have given it away outright if I couldn't have made decent money, sometimes profit (I buy a lot used).
I have kept a few clothes and some items that I really feel would be irreplaceable. Like my Today's Kids playyard that is pricey on ebay and isn't made anymore. But other that, got rid of car seats, exersaucers, pack & plays, swings, yep everything. I do have a couple items loaned out that I want back like my tub, because I loved it.

Something I have realized that has helped me is that almost any specific item can be found down the road. It's amazing how often I see the identical outfit my kids wore at 6 months at a thrift store or yard sale. Granted, I shop a lot and like buying used. But if you discover that you desperately wanted your next child to sit in the same bouncy seat you could hunt it down on ebay or craigslist. But the odds are if you have another, you will probably decide you'd rather buy a new bouncy seat. At least I feel I will probably do that.

ETA: I also think about the value of baby stuff going down so drastically. For instance, we bought two bumbos (which I loved and used a bunch) for $35 each. The moment I was done using them, I sold them on craigslist. They were still a relatively new item and hadn't started turning up used. I sold them for $30 each. Now, I could probably get $10 maybe? I'm glad I sold them. I know if I have another baby I will stumble across a bumbo for $3 at a yard sale.

weech
01-05-2011, 10:19 AM
My DS is only 9 months old, and we're definitely having a second, and a lot of his stuff has already been donated or will be soon. I saved a few pieces of clothing I really liked, and I'm undecided on my breast pump, but everything else is going. I just don't have the space, and I know I can replace the stuff if I need it later on. There are tons and tons of people out there who need all of the stuff more than I do. I was surprised at how unsentimental a lot of his things were to me.

egoldber
01-05-2011, 10:57 AM
I almost feel like giving the stuff away would be taking some control back from infertility, in a weird way I can't explain. (For me, anyway.) I just am having a hard time dealing with my sappy sentimental side!

You know, when we lost our second child, it was VERY empowering and healing to me to be able to say good-bye to some of our baby things. It wasn't necessarily saying good-bye to ever having another child, but it helped me to feel like I was in CONTROL and I did not have to let that desire be the thing that ran my life and took over my house.

I think getting rid of enough stuff to make that basement space usable again for your family could be a very healing thing. :hug:

MoJo
01-05-2011, 11:37 AM
I saved everything from #1 because I knew I wanted #2. I'm now getting ready to get started getting rid of stuff after #2. It's hard, because emotionally, I'm not done. But DH is totally done (actually, he regrets #2) and rationally, I could give you 20 reasons we should be done and maybe one that we're not.

I will sell or give away all the gear and most of the clothes.

I think the picture thing is funny though, because I'm the opposite. . . I always wonder if #2 will feel bad that she's wearing the same clothes and using the same gear as #1 in nearly all of her pics. The only pic I've tried to replicate is one where the baby is asleep on a white comforter in a Santa hat. . . and I'm pretty sure I used a different hat on #2.

gatorsmom
01-05-2011, 12:34 PM
Sure. If I tried a baby product and found that I didn't like it, I'd pass it on or give it to charity as long as it was still safe for use. We've gotten plenty of baby gear passed on to us that I wouldn't have bought but was willing to try only to find that I really didn't like it. So, I passed it on. Same with clothes. I had a friend who passed on most of her youngest boy's clothes to me but many of the styles were just not what we like (she loved overalls which I dont' really like. They are cute, but imo, the straps fall off the shoulders a lot and they aren;t always easy for diaper changes). So even though I knew I wasn't done having babies, I passed those on.

AnnieW625
01-05-2011, 12:37 PM
I donated my original Diaper Genie, and a bouncer seat to charity. I kept a lot of other things like clothes, but I also gave them to friends who needed them in between and didn't get all of them back.

salsah
01-05-2011, 01:16 PM
You know, when we lost our second child, it was VERY empowering and healing to me to be able to say good-bye to some of our baby things. It wasn't necessarily saying good-bye to ever having another child, but it helped me to feel like I was in CONTROL and I did not have to let that desire be the thing that ran my life and took over my house.

I think getting rid of enough stuff to make that basement space usable again for your family could be a very healing thing. :hug:

i wish someone had told me that. i think it would have been easier to give away the stuff when i still had hope than now when giving it away is just acknowledgement that we tried and failed. while i know that it isn't closing the door on ever having another, it feels like it now. then, i would have given things away happy that someone will use it. now when i give stuff away, i'm sad that i won't have another baby and feel bad that the staff sat unused for years.

with the exception of the drop side crib (potentially irreplaceable) and the things that you are saving for sentimental reasons (that you will keep even when you are done having kids), get rid of the rest. do it now happily, knowing that you can replace those things when you need them.