3 year old and clean up time

[hillview]

DS1 will usually clean up (sometimes some negotiation) but he largely gets the joke.

DS2 is a freak about it. With my recent purge/tidy efforts I am trying to get the boys to clean up before dinner/bed. For the last 2 days DS2 has been a tantrum/drama tears, anger, throwing, etc.

Typically (with DS1 historically) I held my ground. And eventually he would clean up. With DS2 well it is a totally different story. He falls apart. Total disaster.

I have tried
Warning (clean up in 5 minutes etc)
Offering to do it together
Telling him he is cutting into fun activities (book reading/TV show time)
Ignoring the tantrum
Hugging him and cheering him on which sometimes works for other situations

I need a new path. Kids do clean up at 3 right?

Cleaning up isn't a totally new event at our house BUT it isn't a routinized effort. He does clear his plate after dinner, get dressed himself largely, etc.

School has been a little stressful for him -- he started Montessori in September and I think he is still adjusting. At the end of the day he is definitely tired.

Thanks for reading this much!
/hillary

[LMPC]

Okay, so take this for what it is worth...DD is only 2 and still very easily manipulated LOL. But what works with her is making it a game. "Put up all the things that are blue!" "Pick up something with your left hand!" You get the idea. I agree with you...cleaning up is so hard in the evenings (for adults too) because everyone is just that much more tired!

[lalasmama]

This was one of my biggest struggles when DD was younger (3 1/2 yrs or so). ...

I went to a Love and Logic siminar, and it was pointed out that, developmentally, a 3 year old just plumb doesn't understand what "clean your room" means. They said a 3 year old (and still many 4s) need concrete, step-by-step directions. "Put your dolls in this box." "Put your cars in the garage." "Put your Mickey Mouse on your pillow." Tedious, but when I had a professional point out how it needed to be done, it made it so much easier to deal with. After a few weeks of doing everything in the same order (dolls, doll clothes, barbies, kitchen dishes, kitchen food, etc), I could ask her to go take care of xyz, and then she could do it. But it definately took hands-on direction and a TON of repetition!