Update: Do we ever talk about miscarriages?

[fedoragirl]

It seems like everyone I know IRL has had one, and pretty recently too. Does that affect you? I just had a friend tell me she had a chemical pregnancy and they didn't find out till 10 weeks along. Another friend had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. It just frightens me. Both these ladies have the same age child as mine, and I am now pregnant (4 weeks), so I feel like I shouldn't even get excited because I am sure I'll be facing a lot of disappointment soon. OB doesn't schedule appt. till 10 weeks.
Has anyone felt like that? What can I do except not worry? HA!

UPDATE: Had my prenatal exam. The baby is just fine--kicking and thriving. So yay! And thanks for all your positive thoughts and for sharing some painful memories. I know I'm not in the clear yet, but I can stop obsessing about m/c for a little while.

[Myira]

I am in the same boat as you (5 weeks) and I miscarried at 5 weeks back in August. So I feel really anxious this time and keep feeling I may miscarry just like the last time. I had low back pain last time and that scared me off.

I know that living in fear is not going to help, in fact, causes unnecessary stress, but its just something I cannot help feeling at the back of my mind. I am just keeping my fingers crossed till my first u/s and doc appt. at 7-8 weeks.

[Kitten007]

I have had an ectopic pregnancy at 6 weeks (first pregnancy) and then a miscarriage 9 weeks when the heart stopped beating (second pregnancy). I had a rough start trying to have children. It was hard, I won't lie to you. The thing to remember is that things happen for a reason. Keep your chin up and just take each milestone a little at a time. Don't stress out and try to take care of yourself. I don't know if you believe in God, but I do and thought that he would send me the very best and exactly what I needed. That helped me keep the faith that I would one day hold something so precious that my heart and soul would no longer belong to me. God has been good and I am now having my third child. Sending you tons of hugs and lots of P&PT.

Hope this helped and lifted your spirit. :hug:

AND Congrats!!!!!!:yay:

[Indianamom2]

First, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Second, I think the rate of miscarriage is something like 1 in every 3 pregnancies. It's fairly high, but it's only recently that I've been hearing more women admit to having a miscarriage. (I would be one of those women.)

I don't think the rate is higher than it has ever been, it's just that women are becoming a bit more open about talking about it, and in doing so, it seems a little more "in your face" when you're newly pregnant.

Yes, it's scary. Yes, it's a possibility, but that likelihood is that everything will be just fine. There's nothing you can do to prevent a miscarriage from occurring; it's just a fact of life, unfortunately.

I think all you can do is remain positive and realize that whatever happens, happens. (And believe me, I say this as one who had her eyes WIDE open to reality after my miscarriage. That was my first pregnancy and I never expected it. But since then, I've had two completely normal, successful pregnancies and I've learned to not worry so much about it.)

[littlebird]

Last year, I had an ectopic pregnancy at about 6 weeks (didn't know I was pregnant because I continued to have bleeding that I thought was AF). Then, I had a miscarriage at 4 weeks a few months later. Now I'm 12 weeks pregnant! My situation may be somewhat different in that my pregnancy losses and the infertility I struggled with for 3 years before having DD were due to health issues. I had to seek help from my fertility doctor to be on meds to maintain my pregnancy this time around. I can empathize with your hesitation not to be excited just in case, but I encourage you not to let your friends' losses impact your own experience. Just because they had a loss doesn't mean you will too. Sending P&PT your way for a happy, healthy pregnancy!

[fedoragirl]

Thank you so much for all your kind words, and for sharing your rough experiences. It really helps to know that I can get through the good and the bad. I am a worrier by nature so this situation doesn't help either.
As to PP's question, yes, my faith has helped me a lot in the past, but I like to take control of things and leave God in a difficult position, to say the least. I have to try to remember that I cannot control anything, after all.

[hellokitty]

Congrats! Yes, I think that for some of us, esp those who have had more than one m/c (I've had 3), it forever changes the way you view pregnancy. I was never the type to immediately announce my pregnancy, but instead would turn into freak out mode, in fear of m/c'ing. So, b/c of this, my pregnancies are never announced until I am in my 2nd trimester. I usually know which friends have never had a m/c before, but they immediately announce their pregnancy as soon as they find out. I actually envy women who have never had a m/c before and are able to enjoy their pregnancies without that knowledge/experiencing looming over them what it's like to have a m/c and the fear that it may happen again. It's hard to be in the situation where you are scared of a m/c. There is so little you can do about it and as someone else pointed out, the rate of m/c is actually higher than most ppl realize. If it happens, it happens and usually there is little you can do about it, but I understand why you are worried. I think that for those aware of it, it is something that you could easily become worried about.

[llama8]

I had a missed miscarriage with my first at 17 weeks and found out at the 20 week ultrasound. It was devastating to see no heartbeat when my 12 week ultrasound was fine. It was heartbreaking especially because they found nothing wrong with me or the baby...they think it may have been the placenta...but don't know for sure.

I went through a pretty dark time and was unsure if I could have a healthy pregnancy. A lot of people reached out and I found miscarriage is not that uncommon and so many personal friends have gone through them. I even have 2 friends that had later miscarriages like me. (1 friend lost one at 21 weeks because of deformities. She now has healthy twins that are 6 months old).

I now have a healthy 13 month DD and I am 17 weeks pregnant again (and crossing my fingers). I will always be apprehensive about pregnancy. I don't get too excited until much later on in the pregnancy...that is how I cope.

I would not lose too much sleep about miscarriage if you haven't had one. Just know that a lot of people go through it and after a period of grieving, you can move on and hopefully have a happy ending.

[sewarsh]

Congrats to you! :)
I had a miscarriage after my 2nd pregnancy just 5 months ago.
I was 9.5 weeks prego, but they think it happened closer to 7 weeks based on size of the fetus.

Its scary, but what can you do? I literally everyday countdown as I'm currently pregnant again and hit 7 weeks today. Luckily my OB scheduled me for a "mental health" ultrasoudnd next week when I'm almost 8 weeks. My OB said once you see a heartbeat at that point, the odds of miscarrying go down drastically, although not completely.

I honestly knew my 3rd pregnancy wasn't a good one. The 1st night I found out I was pregnant, I had a dream I miscarried and again I had the same dream about a week later. People would ask me how I felt and honestly I didn't feel pregnant. I'm feeling much more confident with this pregnancy, but hopefully not overly confident.

Just try not to worry, it just makes it worse. I don't think there's anything we can do but to countdown to 13 weeks and hope and pray. And then hope and pray the genetic testing is okay. Then hope and pray to 40 weeks when you give birth to healthy baby.

We're all in this together. Best of luck.

[sewarsh]

I had a missed miscarriage with my first at 17 weeks and found out at the 20 week ultrasound.

I can't even imagine. Serious hugs to you.
My SIL had a late term miscarriage at 32 weeks with her 1st and 24 weeks with her 4th. In between she had 2 healthy girls. They never found out what the problem was with either of her miscarriages. It was such a hard time for our family and especially my SIL.

[Edensmum]

I lost a son after I had my daughter. I think it helped to have my daughter and know that I could, but it also was really tough to have no reason why, both baby and I were healthy.
I think it's changed how I look at things now, though. I sort of feel like I was surprised almost when ds was born. I kept thinking a pregnancy is not a promise of a child, just wait and see. Then I had him and I felt like, "wow, it really happened!"

[fedoragirl]

What incredibly tough experiences! Wow! Thanks for sharing them even though it's painful for you.
Edensmum, you're right! Pregnancy is just one step in the promise of a child.
Well, I am continuing life as before without giving too much thought to being pregnant. I don't really feel pregnant but it's early days yet. I'm eating as before, just trying to stay a lot more hydrated than before.
You're all right--we can't know what will happen so no point worrying about it.

[MoJo]

Congrats!

I sometimes think I am the only person I know who hasn't had a miscarriage. All of my closest friends have had more than one. And of those, the one with the most heart-breaking story gave me the advice to celebrate whenever you can and enjoy what you have today. If tomorrow is a day for mourning instead, so be it. But try to not let that fear (of what could be) take away joy from today (and what is).

Best wishes!

[MacMacMoo]

SqueekMoo is our little blessing. He help keep us sane after we lost Matthew. I was 38 weeks, arrive at the hospital fully dilated and was told there was no heartbeat. Beautiful, healthy, perfect baby boy who never took a breath.

PSA: remeber to count the kicks when the time comes.

Because of SqueekMoo we knew we were able. We tried again and miscarried a week after find out we were expecting. We are now 13 weeks along in pregnancy number 4.

[edurnemk]

I had a missed miscarriage with my first at 17 weeks and found out at the 20 week ultrasound. It was devastating to see no heartbeat when my 12 week ultrasound was fine. It was heartbreaking especially because they found nothing wrong with me or the baby...they think it may have been the placenta...but don't know for

:grouphug:

This happened to my mom in her 3rd pregnancy, I think she was just around 5 months pregnant when they found out at the U/S. They also have no idea what happened. She got pregnant again a few months later and everything was fine that time around.

I miscarried at 6 weeks in 2006. Several of our friends have had miscarriages or ectopic pregnancies lately, I guess it's more common than one would think.

[Tondi G]

I had a missed MC... went in at 7 weeks and saw a good strong HB. I went back in at 12 weeks and saw that growth had stopped around 8.5 weeks and there was no HB. My next pregnancy went in at 6 weeks ... U/S showed a slow HB. Went in a week later and the HB had stopped. 3rd time was the charm and aside from some spotting/bleeding due to a subchorionic bleed I have a 5.5 yr old DS2. Still have no idea why I MC'ed those 2 pregnancies. Our experience is part of the reason my DH doesn't want to even try for a #3!

[AnnieW625]

I believe I miscarried twice. In 2003 I had been on birth control for almost 5 yrs. at that point, and never had a late period; it was always on time on the day I ended my pack of non sugar pills. This month it was very late like 3 weeks IIRC, but I never took a test as I didn't think it was possible. I was on the pill, and figured it was just some fluky stress from wedding planning, and who knows it could've been. When that period came back those 5lbs were mysteriously gone. I never actually told my DH about this. 18 months later similar situation, we had just moved, and my period was super late again, and 5lbs showed up out of nowhere, but I was still on the pill. I went and took a test this time, and three times it was negative (once at home; once at walk in clinic, and final time at drs. visit), my period came about two weeks later, and like magic those 5lbs went away. So in all honesty not sure if I really miscarried, but if in fact I did it was very very early on both times.

We lost our baby at 26 weeks and it was very sad. I don't talk about it much, and people here who have been on here for the past two years know more about it than almost everyone in real life.

[citymama]

Congrats and think positive. As the OB who took my bloodwork with my first pregnancy told me, most pregnancies go on to healthy babies. Have faith that yours will be one of them, as I'm sure it will be. Hugs to you.

[sariana]

It seems like everyone I know IRL has had one, and pretty recently too.

If it makes you feel any better, I don't know of anyone who has had a miscarriage recently (that I know of). I do know several people who have young babies or are about to deliver.

I know it's not possible, but please try not to worry. Staying relaxed and happy is the best thing you can do for yourself and your baby.

And congratulations!

[BabyBearsMom]

I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks with D&C before I had DD. It was a horrible experience. The whole time I was pregnant with DD, I was constantly checking for blood, almost obsessively. I can't tell you not to worry, because I know that nothing will stop me from worrying when I am pregnant. I just held my breath and waited until the next ultrasound, the next heart rate check. It was better once DD started kicking because when I was scared, I could feel her. DH and I are thinking about TTC again, but one of the reasons that we are hesitant is that DH is concerned about the stress it puts on my mental health and well being. He worries that if we have another MC, how I would react, how I could continue to be a mom to DD (I basically shut down the first time). They are valid concerns. Anyway, I am thinking positive thoughts about your new pregnancy and hope for a healthy little one on the way!

[marymoo86]

I had miscarriage @ 5 weeks. Not enough progesterone to help the little bean stick. Was terrible but most at this stage are undetected b/c of how early it is. Was under the care of an RE so was all to keenly aware.

[MamaSnoo]

I do know lots of women who have had miscarriages. Most have also had healthy pregnancies and babies.

I think people talk about it more now because it is more accepted to talk about it (I think that is a goo thing to help women heal emotionally), and because with early home PG testing, we tend to know were are PG from 4-5 weeks, so it is easier to identify an early MC.

When you are early in your pregnancy, it is easy to feel anxious about the outcome. I would try to not focus on the stories of MC early on in pregnancy. Try to find ways to relax and alleviate your anxieties. Hope for the best and try to stay positive!

On the other hand, if ever one day, you have to experience that pain yourself (and I hope you never ever do), you need to know that it may help you heal to share the story with trusted friends, and that some of your trusted friends have been through similar experiences.