Feel like my life is out of control

[lmwbasye]

This post is more for me just to vent somewhere and get it all out since there's no one here to listen. I'm just feeling so completely overwhelmed lately. DH is working crazy hours lately (5 a.m. until midnight) and the boys are really feeling it and acting up. DH is going to the field for a month in half a week. He'll be back in March, but working those crazy hours again and may need to go to Iraq during that time. April....gone again through the beginning of May when I'll need to tote myself and two little boys who will be already having a difficult time with Daddy being gone on two flights to my brother's wedding. Then, DH deploys in the summer...again...for another year.

And it all just feels like too much right now. And I'm so mad/annoyed with myself for getting so upset/frustrated/anxious lately. We've dealt with his being gone a lot and have gone through several deployments. I keep joking with him that I must have PTSD from the last deployment (a 15 monther) because I NEVER get anxious about his being gone...it's sad and can be difficult...yes...but I'm always OK. This is the first time that I just feel like I'm not sure if I can handle it all. And I HATE that!!

The boys are just out of control lately. And I know it's because they are worried about Daddy being gone (and they only know about next month so far!). The tantrums are maniacal almost...L screamed for 45 minutes the other night at the top of his lungs over not being able to find the exact plane he wanted. Just screaming, sobbing, throwing things type of fit and I feel so bad for him. I seriously feel like the Army needs to issue every wife a personal psychologist to move in with them because I feel so many times I'm NOT qualified to deal with all his emotional issues.

Add onto that I'm on round two of clomid after 3 miscarriages and nearly 2 years TTC and I'm pretty sure AF is coming and it just makes me SO SO sad. And I don't understand why this just is not working. I'm so blessed to have the two little boys I do but DH and I have always dreamed of four little ones and we can't even get to three now.

Plus...the BN commander's wife can't seem to get involved in anything so I've had to step up and be our Family Group leader...for 1200 soldier's families!! And they're all looking to me for direction/advice/leadership and here I am having just such a difficult time right now. There's no one really that I'm able to talk to and it's so isolating here. Plus, my family is just not a place to lean.

Plus, the house is just a mess, I'm behind on everything, I'm missing my DH and I feel like the worst mother and wife ever right now.

Gah!!! My mind knows that everything will be fine...I am strong...and I can handle all of this. I just wish my heart would catch up and I could start to get my rhythm, calm down, and find some peace already. Because feeling like this is really getting old!

[zag95]

OK mama.

Can you get some other volunteers to help you out with the 1200 families things?? Maybe there are others who are willing do to this- Maybe you can share the burden with the commanders wife?

Can you hire a cleaning person to come in and work 1x per week or maybe 2x per month?

Can you have someone come while your DH is out of town/overseas, to give you some relief?? This first month might be a good time to test things out prior to the next deployment.

Can you access any resources/support groups for army wives? Also it sounds as though some counseling for the kids might be good to deal with their fears, etc.

Try to minimize the stress that you are going through by taking yourself out of some of your responsibilities..... hard to do I know- but to preserve your piece of mind and prepare for your DH's upcoming deployment, sounds like you are going to need to have less on your plate.

Take care mama:hug:

[larig]

:grouphug: Oh, you poor thing. That is so much to have to struggle with on your own. I hope you get a chance to do something nice for yourself soon!

[DebbieJ]

Oh, honey, I am so sorry.

Can you hire a mother's helper to come play with the boys a while so you can get caught up? Or find a Mother's Day Out program? Hire a cleaning lady?

I'm sorry you have no one to lean on. Is there an online wives support forum?

You can always lean on us here!

[MoJo]

:grouphug: for you, Laura. You can DEFINITELY lean on us here. My DH was in the service before I met him and strongly considered returning last year, but I can only imagine the stress.

I know you're the leader for the family support, but surely with 1200 families there are MANY others who could help, even temporarily? For example, some people feel overwhelmed by needing to cook, while others find it no trouble to cook two or three times as much and then share. I would think that as the leader, what you should be doing is finding out what people's skills/strengths/availabilities are, finding out what families' needs are, and putting the two together. . . not doing ANY of the actual supporting yourself. If I'm way off base, just tell me so, no hard feelings!

You definitely need to take it one thing at a time. If I read it right that he's leaving in just half a week for a month in the field, then I think you need to just focus on this half a week for now.

:grouphug:

[JTsMom]

You sound like an amazing wife and mother to me. :hug:

[lmwbasye]

Thank you for your kind words. I really feel better just having typed it out. Always helps to just let things out.

We can't afford to pay for help right now because the house we own at another post has the renters moving out, so we need to pay that mortgage until it rents again. Once he's deployed and getting extra pay, that's a different story.

It's not so much that I have to do all that much for the family groups...they are broken down into 8 companies. It's more the fact that it feels like so much pressure when all these spouses are asking me for advice and are leaning on me and I can't do the reverse. A rank thing comes into play and my DH does not want/need/can't have his personal life divulged to the soldiers per se. There are two other soldiers in our BN that are the same rank...one single...one married and about to have her second baby so she already has enough going on. The only other spouse is the commander's wife and she made it very clear she does not want to be bothered. Just a bit lonely at the top.

Anyway, it WILL be okay somehow and we'll get through it. Just having one of those days where it all just feels unfair and seem to be too much. But I DO know others have it way worse and this too shall pass.

Thanks AGAIN for listening. It really is so helpful.

[mousemom]

Wow, you are such a strong woman to deal with all that on your own. I'm sorry you don't have anyone to lean on irl, but please know you can always come here and talk with us.

[goldenpig]

:hug: That is so tough for all of you that he is gone for such long periods of time.
Thank you to your DH for his service to the country and to you & your family for the sacrifices you make because of it.

[MamaMolly]

:grouphug: PMing you!

[AnnieW625]

Just want to send lots of :grouphug: and hope things get better in some sort for you. I'll be thinking of you guys.

[Mommy_Mea]

Not any sage advice, but I just wanted to give you a :grouphug:

[gatorsmom]

Laura,
Just read your thread 4 days late and I wanted to ask if you are doing any better? I know that when my DH is away (he is gone again tonight), my kids are very emotional. It's weird because they will not gett weepy about DH being gone. Occasionally they'll just ask, "when is Dad getting back?" But the littlest issues can make them cry and scream. I feel so bad for them! It's hard to see them like that.

Big hugs. It will get better. Just keep trying to keep that attitude. :grouphug: