Toddler Bedtime Help

[ray7694]

My dd will be 3 this month and drive me NUTS at bedtime. Ever since she could talk she has been horrible to go to sleep. She is still in her crib for this reason. We have always had the same bedtime routine yet she can't just go to sleep. She always whines for something. I need a drink, brush my teeth, bed is wet, go to the bathroom. If I go in and give in she will be satsified and go to sleep. Otherwise I listen to her whine and cry mommy for an hour.

So WWYD? Let her whine or go in?

[newg]

My dd will be 3 this month and drive me NUTS at bedtime. Ever since she could talk she has been horrible to go to sleep. She is still in her crib for this reason. We have always had the same bedtime routine yet she can't just go to sleep. She always whines for something. I need a drink, brush my teeth, bed is wet, go to the bathroom. If I go in and give in she will be satsified and go to sleep. Otherwise I listen to her whine and cry mommy for an hour.

So WWYD? Let her whine or go in?

DD will be three this month as well!
When DD yells she has to pee, we usually go up, eventhough most of the time she doesn't have to go. Everything else I try to ignore.

She has a LED camp lantern I bought at Target, kind of like this: http://www.target.com/Camping-Lantern-24-LED-Red/dp/B002WCK2O8/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&searchView=grid5&keywords=LED%20lantern&fromGsearch=true&sr=1-7&qid=1296673658&rh=&searchRank=target104545&id=Camping%20Lantern%2024%20LED%20Red&node=1038576%7C1287991011&searchSize=90&searchPage=1&searchNodeID=1038576%7C1287991011&searchBinNameList=subjectbin%2Cprice%2Ctarget_com_ primary_color-bin%2Ctarget_com_size-bin%2Ctarget_com_brand-bin&frombrowse=0
I put that in her crib and a few books and tell her to read to her animals/babies until she's tired.

That usually works.

[wendibird22]

DD1 goes through stages like that. She's 3.5yo and in a twin bed so she can leave the room but actually never does. She just calls out to us. Our rule is that we will go in once for one request only and won't come back. We tell her this at lights out and then when we go in our one time we remind her we won't be back. Every once and a while she's persistent and we just tune her out but 99% of the time that's all it takes.

[srhs]

I hear ya. The ammunition I have (and is working) is to take away something DS1 really likes. For example, we found some football lights we had used for a party. DH let him put them in his room and they are on at night. After we have to go in a couple times, I will say, "If we have to come in again, I need to turn off your football lights because they must be keeping you up." (I say it sweetly but firmly.)

He takes it so seriously that when I go in the morning when he is awake, he'll say, "Don't turn off my football lights!" lol

This is working at my parents' house too because there is a little lamp he likes.

Anyway, is there something she really likes that you can threaten to remove?

It doesn't always work, but it does work more often than not.

[twowhat?]

We had the exact same problem when DD2 became very verbal. We'd give in at first because they were all simple requests, but over the course of several months it got worse and worse to the point where she began to wake multiple times at night asking for us.

We had to re-Ferberize her and combined it with a simple reward system (a special sticker in the morning for every quiet night). All is well now. So if that's something you're comfortable with...

[KrisM]

Try working those things into the bedtime routine. Go pee, brush teeth, have a sip of water, and do it right before she gets into bed.

[wellyes]

If I go in and give in she will be satsified and go to sleep. Otherwise I listen to her whine and cry mommy for an hour.

Do you have a DH to do bedtime for a while? DD goes right to bed for her dad but is a determined manipulator with me.

If not - frankly - I'd do the "let her whine and cry for an hour" method. After carefully explaining the new rules (one request, maybe, as PP suggested). Any night you give in and let her make it a game extends the number of crying nights she'll need to realize that she has to go to sleep herself. <-- if that sounded harsh, it's because it's what I'm going through right now too and I'm trying to buck myself up to be tough. I think being firm and not giving in are key. Being a tough mom is really & truly for her own good.

[gatorsmom]

Try working those things into the bedtime routine. Go pee, brush teeth, have a sip of water, and do it right before she gets into bed.

A big :yeahthat: to Kris's idea. Plan to do those things every night before bedtime. And don't forget to add "snack" into the routine because it won't be long before she is in bed saying, "mommy, I"m hungry." Ask me how I know this. ;)

[ray7694]

Thanks everyone. We do everything before bed and she STILL wants something every night. I give her a drink and then she need another etc....

[fauve01]

OP, I'm wondering about naps-- is your dd still napping? if so, it's possible she's not *really* tired when she goes in the bed. Not saying this is your dd, but it is another factor to consider.

According to the weissbluth book, most kids drop the nap altogether by age 3 (IIRC). (of course my dd was done at 19 months, but that is OT :rotflmao:). if your dd is still taking a nap, you might want to figure out her total sleep time and make adjustments to nap time.


ETA: forgot to add, a sticker chart helped with getting my dd to not call out. My dd got a sticker on her chart if i didn't have to come in at nite time. after so many stickers, she got a prize (she always wanted horses from target or tru). have you tried a sticker/prize chart?

at rest time, if she didn't call out, she got a couple M&Ms.

Anne + DD 10-03

[hillview]

I agree with Annie my first thought was is the nap an issue. Might need to think about dropping it. What time is her bedtime?

[ray7694]

I did cut her nap to 1 hour. I have tried a few days to not do nap and she is such a nightmare by bedtime and still whines. She also will sleep in the next morning so I thought she still needed the nap. I put her to bed at 8pm and she usually fusses until 8:30 or 9. She gets up at 6:45 am.

How many hours of sleep total is rec for a 3yo?

[hillview]

I want to say it is 11-12 hrs. DS2 is 3.5 and has no nap and goes to bed (asleep by 7) and is up by 6 or so.
/hillary

[KrisM]

DS2 is 2.5 and doesn't nap. He goes to bed at 7 and sleeps until 7:30 or 8.

[Melaine]

She always whines for something. I need a drink, brush my teeth, bed is wet, go to the bathroom. If I go in and give in she will be satsified and go to sleep. Otherwise I listen to her whine and cry mommy for an hour.



You brush her teeth and go potty before bed, yes? Get her a sippy of water that she can keep in the bed (we use Klean Kanteens with a cup cozy on them) and then respond the same way to all requests. This is what I do:

I turn on a bathroom light so a tiny bit of light trickles into their room, I do not turn on their light, I open the door and ask what is wrong in a very low, boring voice. If they say they have to go potty, I quickly pick them up and sit them on the potty. We do not turn on the lights. We do not have any conversation at this point, because it is bedtime. I put them in bed, tuck them in and leave. If they say their water is empty (this is rare because we fill it before each bedtime), I take it to refill it, still without turning on the light and without any conversations. If they say water spilled in their bed or whatever, I check it say it's fine and leave. If you always follow the same routine, never engaging in conversation, never turning on the light she should get tired of calling. IF she doesn't, IME, that means she is not tired for other reasons like bedtime is off, she ate something that is keeping her up, too wound up, etc. Sometimes my kids will do this if they haven't gotten out of the house all day, gotten some exercise and sunshine. I feel like then they just aren't tired and sunshine helps our inner clock regulate, too, ykwim?

That is totally just my experience with my kids and of course may not work for anyone else, but I thought I would throw it out there.

eta: I just read the other responses. I went through this when my kids were giving up their nap. It was frustrating because they seemed to need the nap while refusing to take it. They have gotten past it now, but we did have a rough time. Giving it up made bedtime worlds easier, though.