Playdates...what is reasonable?

[HIU8]

Hi, I just introduced myself in the into thread.

I have a playdate question. DS is 6, and although he has some issues he has been going on dropoff playdates (and dropoff parties) for about a year now. He has a playdate tomorrow with a kid from his school (at our house). I think the mom plans on staying. How do I broach the subject of maybe just to leave him for a couple of hours? I don't mind her staying, but I don't want her to think she has to (b/c really, I would rather she didn't).

Also, DS has a playdate at another childs house the next weekend. The mom invited me to stay. I am of the mind that DS does better on a playdate when I am not there (away from home). Should I just ask if she wants me to stay or if she feels more comfortable if I do? I think she may want to forge a friendship with me (that would be nice), but if she feels it's just b/c our kids have some special needs, then I would rather go--b/c really DS does not need me there.

Any thoughts?

[Pepper]

Hi there - these are just my thoughts, since we are still worlds away from a dropoff playdate with DS1 :-)

Regarding playdate/mom1, I would just say something casual like "it's totally fine if you want to just drop off your DC. My kid is good with this type of playdate and I totally understand the need to get some time to yourself."

Regarding playdate/mom2, it sounds like you're interested in starting a friendship with this mom. So I'd say accept the invitation to stay and see how it goes - if you get the sense during the playdate that it's more about her perception of your kid's needs than you, the next time you'll know and can decline her invite to stay. Hmm that doesn't seem clear...I just mean to say that, if you think you'd like to have her as a friend, here's an oppurtunity to find out if that will work. Personally, I'm always interested in making new friends! But you did say that your DC does better when you are not there - do you think that if you hang out it will be a real problem for your DC? As in, you will have to leave early?

[HIU8]

Mom #1 got the days mixed up and thought the playdate was tomorrow. She only wants her son to play for 1.5 hours (OK--I think it's not enough time normally, but since we have someplace else to be tomorrow evening it's okay). I'm hoping she doesn't stay b/c I will be baking while she is here.

Mom #2--I would like to forge a friendship with. She has two other NT kids so she must know about playdates. So, I will go to that one with DS.