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brgnmom
02-15-2011, 06:07 AM
it's been a little while since I've posted b/c my DH and I took a long road trip to visit our family over the weekend w/ the kids. my dad was able to meet my 3-month-old DD for the first time which was sweet, and we stayed at my parents' home. my sister also introduced us to her newborn DD which was a special moment.

my DH and I met up with FIL and MIL a couple of times, so they could spend some time w/ our kids. During the first dinner, MIL made a comment that I was feeding my DD "gas" while I was bottlefeeding her (I was using the Playtex ventaire bottle, so perhaps the angle of the bottle made it look like I wasn't feeding her the milk but her tone of voice was cold... :loveeyes: and I had a lower threshold of what I could tolerate that night after the 6-hour drive earlier that day). MIL also sent us a link to my oldest brother-in-law's family website, but apparently our laptop is not permitted to view the website. DH and I were also disheartened that his brothers did not make an effort at all to see us and meet their newborn niece (our DD) while we were in town over the weekend. The messed up thing is that my MIL was still insistent about us attending the wedding (requiring us to take another 12+ hour road trip, roundtrip), even though my BIL did not even see us over the weekend during our short trip. MIL didn't have an excuse for both BILs' no-shows. DH had a work-related meeting near where our relatives live, and we also planned to introduce our DD to his brothers, SIL (older BIL's wife) and BIL& SIL's kids.

on Saturday night, MIL and I had plans to have dinner together at her home. She called me 3 times right before dinner, wondering if *I* had "forgotten" about the event. Finally, I called her back - reminding her that I couldn't answer my phone right away b/c DH & I were spending time with my side of the family. the kids were having fun w/ my dad who was the last grandparent to meet DD and we were also taking pictures.

when DH and I drove over to my MIL & FIL's home, MIL started making remarks about my DH's student loans and how he needs to pay them back fully before we purchase a home. And then she and FIL literally asked us whether they could move their mattresses into our future home, so they could stay with us when they visit. I don't mind them meeting up with us, but I was reallly taken aback when they asked to move their mattresses into our future home. first of all, we currently live in a 2bedroom apartment with 1bathroom & we have never relied on our ILs for financial support. DH has a full load of student loans that we are in the process of paying off, and I was pretty livid that MIL asked us to have them over on a long-term basis, I'm imagining. I was pretty ticked off, since they haven't even offered to babysit our kids while my DH and I go out. (OTOH, I wouldn't want my ILs to do this - but just the gesture would mean more to me).

DH and I told his parents that they were more than welcome to visit us, but we wouldn't accept their mattresses. LoL.

anyway, I'm pretty annoyed w/ my ILs right now and disappointed that my DH's brothers & SIL didn't meet up with us at all while we were there for the weekend. DH's siblings live 5-10 minutes (just a few miles away) from my MIL and FIL's home, and they weren't out of town. My DS wondered why his cousins on my DH's side weren't around. I don't know if I'll ever tell my DD when she gets older that her uncles and aunt on my DH's side of the family didn't make the effort to meet her when she was a newborn - when we traveled 6 hours by car to visit the area. Thanks for reading, if you've made it this far.

elephantmeg
02-15-2011, 12:43 PM
aww, hugs. Sounds like they are a piece of work!

hillview
02-15-2011, 02:16 PM
Awww I can so relate to some of this. BIL (not married/no kids) didn't make it to see us when we were in England for a WEEK. INSULTING and hard to explain to the kids.

Sounds like they are nuts and keeping a safe distance emotionally will be most useful for you and the kids!
/hillary

Tondi G
02-15-2011, 07:27 PM
what a bummer... I just don't understand how family can want to miss seeing their new family member and not want to get their children together with their cousins. I HATE that my BIL and SIL live a 6+ hr drive away cause our kids rarely get to spend time together (and they really do seem to enjoy their time together when they get to). People are just odd sometimes. Sorry your IL's are such a piece of work!

hellokitty
02-15-2011, 08:38 PM
I'm sorry that there are family members like that. Unfortunately, we have had the same experience with certain family members and they didn't have a good excuse either.

MamaMolly
02-15-2011, 09:23 PM
I think your BILs are related to my SIL, and it *does* hurt. Lula was 16 months before SIL would bother herself to meet her, though we drove the 7 hour trip repeatedly. And then when she did she was nasty. I washed my hands of her, who wants to be around someone who is nasty to a baby? It makes no sense.

Just as you will protect your DD from anyone who bullies her, you will protect her against your ILs. She doesn't need to know they were crappy to a baby, she doesn't need to know them at all.

brgnmom
02-15-2011, 09:24 PM
thank you ladies for being there. :) and although it sucks, I'm glad that I'm not alone in dealing w/ these sorts of disappointments.

I think I'll still attend BIL's wedding b/c it's a once in a lifetime event, but we may try to take the shorter flight (1 hour) versus making another long road trip for the weekend. Still, a part of me has reservations since he didn't make an effort to meet DD for the first time yet, even after our crazy long drive. MIL and FIL are the only ones on my DH's side to have met DD, and I guess to my SIL (oldest BIL's wife), she considers females to be less valuable or whatever based upon her cultural upbringing.

Thank you again. :love-retry:

brgnmom
02-15-2011, 09:30 PM
hi MamaMolly,

oh no, that sucks what happened w/ your SIL and how even though you made multiple long trips, it took her until your DD was over a year old for them to meet. :hug:

BILs will both meet DD at my BIL's wedding in May, but I don't think I'll let them hold DD. I'm glad that BIL found someone to share the rest of his life with, but I'm just disappointed in his absence over the weekend. His fiance is in a different state, and she visited the prior weekend. omg, I just remembered how my MIL gave my DH and I the spring rolls that my future SIL made one *week* beforehand. I didn't actually eat the one she gave me b/c I didn't want to get ill (I did get food poisoning from take-out food my MIL bought for me when I was one-month postpartum w/ my DS, and I needed to be in the hospital overnight).

thank you for being there & sharing your experience. :heartbeat:

ShanaMama
02-16-2011, 12:29 AM
Wow, it sounds like your ILs are a real piece of work. It's a blessing in disguise that you live so far away!

Aarohismom
02-16-2011, 01:39 AM
:hug: Meeting family especially inlaws sucks sometimes, in my case everytime.:(