DD not wanting me to pick her up from daycare isn't that weird, right?

[Krisrich]

DD1 is 2. DH usually does daycare pick-up (lucky me!) but I had to pick her up yesterday. As I anticipated, she was initially happy to see me, but then quickly started crying and asking for Daddy. It took me about 5 minutes to convince her to come with me. I wasn't upset or offended by her behavior because I figure, like any toddler, she does not like her routine to be disrupted. But, what I couldn't understand was why another mother just stood there with her son and STARED at us. I tried to make light of the situation, mentioned that I know Daddy usually picks her up and this was a surprise and she doesn't like a change in her routine. This woman continued to simply stare. So, tell me the truth, was DD's behavior really that out of the ordinary? Would you have been taken aback by it? This other mother made me feel bad about myself. :cry:

[LMPC]

Ooooh, don't you just loooove people that stare?! Really, is that out of the ordinary for a toddler to be thrown off by something different in her routine? I don't think so! I wouldn't give it a second thought! There are certain things that I do with DD that she likes me to do..just because of how I do them. Likewise, she likes to do certain things with DH. Toddlers are creatures of habit!

[catsnkid]

It was rude of her to stare. Maybe she was concerned.

[twowhat?]

I don't see anything unusual about your DDs behavior. She simply wanted her Daddy to be there and he wasn't. It wasn't because she was rejecting the fact you were there instead. She was just expecting Daddy and was disappointed.

It was rude of the other Mommy to stare!!! Don't feel bad about yourself! Be proud that your DD loves Daddy so much that she cried when he wasn't there to pick her up.

And it might help to (if possible) prepare her next time Daddy won't be picking her up. That's what we do:)

eta: I know!!! She was JEALOUS!! Because her DH never does pick-up or drop-off and her son doesn't care whether Daddy was there or not:)

[egoldber]

No, it isn't that weird. I pick younger DD up almost every day and even then sometimes she is reluctant to leave. She just is not good with change or transitions. That woman was just clueless.

[BabyBearsMom]

I don't think it is weird at all. Some kids at my DCP scream and cry regardless of which parent picks them up. They are just busy playing with their friends and don't want to go home at that moment (these tend to be the same kids who are crying when they are dropped off too, so it isn't like they don't like their parents, I think they just don't like change). I certainly wouldn't stare at them, how rude!

[amldaley]

That other mother is a jerk. And likely delusional that she won't one day be faced with a kid whose actions are contrary to what they "should" be.

DD went through some funny stuff at daycare right between 24 months & 29 months. She was happy to see me but did not want to leave. We had our first public tantrum ever at about 24 months right on the sidewalk in front of the daycare. Screaming, laying on the ground, the whole 9 yards.

They rely on routine and predictability so much at that stage - sometimes any little differrence can shatter them.

We have found that telling DD in advance helps. "Hey! Mommy will pick you up today! Won't that be fun! Yea!!!!! Oooohh....maybe we could go to the grocery together!!!! Yea!!!!!!!!"

Apparently, I am not as much fun as DH who puts DD's hat on himself and dances around and generally makes an a$$ of himself just to get her and the other kids to laugh. So, I am not really popular at pick up, either!

[BabbyO]

Doesn't sound weird to me at all. For us DS just doesn't like going home...he has more fun at the Babysitters.

As for the other mom...maybe she just zoned out. DH has gotten mad at me for "staring" on several occasions. In reality, I didn't even SEE whatever I was staring at...I'd just zoned because I was trying to remember something. I call it my distracted mommy zone! :)

[Krisrich]

Thank you all so much! I do feel better now!

[Tammy]

I think that's normal for her age. My DD is the same way. Normally I do drop off and pick up at daycare, but with a new little one now DH is doing daycare duty for DD1 until I go back to work. Now when I occasionally pick up DD1 she's initially happy to see me and then says hey, I wanted Daddy to pick me up. Just her thing and she too thrives on routine.

[catsnkid]

Oh, and DS started giving me hard time about leaving daycare at about 15 months, and it has continued. He doesn't wanna leave! I tell him we have to home to see the cats and/or daddy.

[boolady]

When DD was about 15 or 16 months, every day when I got there to pick her up, she'd run towards the exit to the playground in her room, then lead me on a fun little chase through her classroom to try and wrangle her to go home. She'd carry on and fuss and say "stay." I guess it was a good thing that she was having fun there. Even now, if I get there in the middle of the goodbye song or a story being read or some other such fun, she ignores me until whatever they're doing is over.

[MamaKath]

Not at all wierd! I do drop off and pickup and my kids never want to leave. It is 100 times worse if it is dh!!!

[pomegranate]

Totally normal for your DD. Not normal for the other mom who stared. DH gets this a lot from DS. DH will sometimes bring a small treat for the car ride to bribe him. Funny thing is that DH gets embarrassed because the other kids in the class stare at DH! He's embarrassed by 2-3 year olds! We also try to tell DS in the morning who will be picking him that day and to remind him to be a good boy.

[hillview]

NORMAL!
/hillary

[ncat]

DS does that too. He doesn't want to leave, especially when they are listening to books on tape or his favorite teacher is there. Many a time I have carried him out kicking and screaming. DH is the usual pick up parent and has an easier time.

[elektra]

Totally normal. You know, the only thing that I can think of that may have been going through that other mother's mind was that she was sort of looking out for your DD, in the case you were not her mother. I think if I heard a child protesting for their parent (mother or father) while someone else was their picking them up, it might cross my mind that this pickup person was not authorized to pick up the child.
But if the staff clearly saw you then I don't know what kind of problem that staring lady had!

[ShanaMama]

As for the other mom...maybe she just zoned out. DH has gotten mad at me for "staring" on several occasions. In reality, I didn't even SEE whatever I was staring at...I'd just zoned because I was trying to remember something. I call it my distracted mommy zone! :)

Hmmm.... that's the only good excuse I can imagine. Although I am sometimes trying to give someone a sympathetic look but they might not perceive it that way.
FTR, my 2 yo is so obsessed with Daddy that she'll insist on calling him after she gets hurt & I calm her down, only to comletely lose it & bawl to him on the phone. It's like she wants him to hear her crying.
Tonight she wanted to see a pic from her birthday. I showed her a pic of me holding her. That's the entire picture. What does she say? "Daddy!!!!" She spotted tiny him all the way in the background. Her mother holding her? Chopped liver.

[bigpassport]

They are just busy playing with their friends and don't want to go home at that moment (these tend to be the same kids who are crying when they are dropped off too, so it isn't like they don't like their parents, I think they just don't like change).

This is my DS. Fusses when dropped off, fusses when picked up. He's just happy in the moment and doesn't want to leave what he's doing. I wouldn't have thought twice about a toddler fussing at pickup time. The mom who stared was rude (but don't hold it against her too much, maybe she had had a long day, who knows). Don't fret about it, momma!

[Multimama]

I think the way your DD reacted is totally normal. I also think the way this woman reacted is pretty normal too, sadly. Toddlers love routine and whoever does a certain thing with them is the person they want to *always* do it with them, kwim? But I think a lot of moms who do *everything* for their kids don't realize that if their husband was an active participant in X part of the day (like picking them up from daycare) that they would want dad to pick them up just as much. Lots of people out there think that toddlers want mom all the time, they don't realize that they want "primary caregiver" all the time. :) So she was probably staring because she was shocked to see a toddler wanting dad. I wouldn't worry about it. In fact, I'd hope that changes for her and feel bad that there isn't a strong secondary caregiver (dad or whoever) in her kids lives that she sees them responding in this way for. It must be exhausting for her!

[spunkybaby]

Totally normal. You know, the only thing that I can think of that may have been going through that other mother's mind was that she was sort of looking out for your DD, in the case you were not her mother. I think if I heard a child protesting for their parent (mother or father) while someone else was their picking them up, it might cross my mind that this pickup person was not authorized to pick up the child.
But if the staff clearly saw you then I don't know what kind of problem that staring lady had!

:yeahthat: I was thinking the same thing. It's totally normal for a child to not want to be picked up from daycare, but if a child was protesting loudly and asking for a different parent, I might wonder if there was a custody issue going on.

[llama8]

My almost 15 month old DD has started giving me a little hard time when picking her up from daycare. She is so busy playing and clearly loves it there that she is not in any hurry to leave I need to chase her to put on her jacket and she mildly protests to leaving at times. I am sometimes upset about it, but everyone assures me that it is normal, especially if she is happy there and in the middle of playing.

[TwinFoxes]

Totally normal. At WDW for one day of our trip one DD decided that ONLY daddy could do stuff for her/ride with her. There were definitely a few scenes before DH and I got with the program (the girls were pretty non-verbal at that point, so it took a couple of times to figure out what was going on).


Totally normal. You know, the only thing that I can think of that may have been going through that other mother's mind was that she was sort of looking out for your DD, in the case you were not her mother. I think if I heard a child protesting for their parent (mother or father) while someone else was their picking them up, it might cross my mind that this pickup person was not authorized to pick up the child.
But if the staff clearly saw you then I don't know what kind of problem that staring lady had!

:yeahthat: Exactly what I thought. I don't think I'd have that reaction, especially after my WDW experience, but I think a lot of people are really on the look out for familial abductions, which are much more common than stranger abductions.

[Gracemom]

I worked daycare for two summers in college. Once, a little girl screamed when her father tried to pick her up and ran to her teacher and refused to go with him. I was horrified and thought surely he was abusing her. Her teacher explained that transitions were hard for her and that her mom usually picked her up. I feel bad for that dad now. I didn't have kids then and was not educated about kids that have a hard time with transitions. This mom might just be used to an easy going kid who doesn't care who picks her up. My son is not that way. He freaks out when out of the ordinary things happen. Not fun to deal with, but it happens. Sorry you got the stare!

[wimama]

Our DS rarely ever wanted to leave daycare at the end of the day and it didn't matter who picked him up. It was a battle to pull him away from what he was doing. I always tried not to take it personally when I was working to pry my kid out of the daycare center and other kids were running up to their parents happy to go home.

Her routine changed that day when you did pick up. And, I would take that as a sign she likes her daycare. Several of DS classmates had similar problems leaving at pick up time. Kids just need a little transition time. DH and I would often just stand back and watch DS play for a while to give him a little time to transition.

I once watched one of my DS's daycare friends throw an all out epic fit at pick up time. She sat down and was hugging the leg of a table, refusing to put her coat on and refusing to leave daycare. No amount of urging from her parents, us the other parents or her friends was going to convince her to move. They had to drag her out of there mid fit, since they were closing the center.

Your daughter is totally normal, the parent staring is the odd one.