Ghetto Moms and Indifferent Moms

[ha98ed14]

DD takes a class. It is one where the kids go in by themselves, but parents stay and watch from the side or wait outside the room. There is a new family that started coming about a month ago. I already know way more than I want to about them. They have a pair of girls 14 months apart. Grandmother has custody because her daughter (girls' mom) has addiction issues. Well, I guess Gma decided that this was a good time for mom to come visit her girls because for the last 3 weeks, the daughter/mom has been there. She walks out into the middle of the floor to chastise her girls, pulls them up from lying on the floor, yells at them for not paying attention. She drags them by the arm off the floor over to the side and berates them. Not only does this completely undermine (undermind?) the teacher's ability to have any classroom control, but it is really disruptive to the rest of the class, especially my DD who is standing right between her daughters, and DD is freaked at at why this stranger is yelling at her. I was so pissed I asked the teacher to change DD's spot ad complained to the director about the mother continually interrupting the class. But whatever. Ghetto mom is ghetto. She probably doesn't know any different. I seriously think she has a meth addiction cuz her face looks like a pizza.

The thing that really pissed me off was that I remarked to another mom that I was not ok with this lady's behavior. I asked her if she was ok with it and she said no, but what did it matter because they are thinking of dividing the class in half and having and upper and a lower class. Right now it is 3-5, but some are newly three and others are almost six, so it is a wide range of ability. I replied that well, her daughter would be in the upper class (she's 5) but my daughter would be in the same class as these two girls whose mom has taken to storming the classroom. The mom didn't say anything that I can remember, maybe she said, "Oh." She just promptly left. I could tell I made her uncomfortable by verbalizing what all the other mommies could observe for themselves. I was trying to see if I could get someone to complain with me to the director so I do not look like the load dissenter. But nope! Her DD wasn't going to suffer so no need for her to rock the boat!

NB: This is a complaint. If you would have reacted the same way as the mom I made uncomfortable, that's fine; just please don't reply and tell me as much. Right now it's just really pissing me off because she was totally indifferent to my DD's suffering.

[MamaMolly]

You never know. She may well agree with you, but handles things differently? If she's anything like me she might need to think it over before she take action. Or maybe she assumed your DD would be moving to the other class too, and was embarrassed? I don't know that I'd have known what to say in that situation.

Either way, I think you need to take action because your child is being negatively affected by the mom. I imagine my DD would be terrified in a similar situation. If the teacher has lost control (and it sounds like she has) I would ask the director to sit in on a class or two, so that she sees what is going on for herself and can take action if she feels the situation warrants it. (which I'm sure it does, but still. She'll see that for herself.)

Good luck.

[niccig]

Still talk to the director. I'm sure the teacher wants the situation changed, but doesn't want to confront the mother as she's scared the mother will react badly.

[ShanaMama]

Why can't they just insist that no parent interrupt the class? People are more hesitant to complain because of the SE issue but the bottom line is she shouldn't be interrupting the class (Aside from how sad it is that she's mistreating her own kids.). The director needs to know especially if the teacher isn't enforcing anything.
IIWY I'd be very annoyed, too.

[MMMommy]

That would bug the heck out of me! So rude to interrupt and disrupt the entire class. She certainly isn't helping her daughters any by acting like that.

[gatorsmom]

Right now it's just really pissing me off because she was totally indifferent to my DD's suffering.

I wouldn't assume that. I'm pretty assertive when it comes to certain things and I've had people respond the same way you did but then later found out that they are related to either the teacher or the owner of the gym or related to the mom causing the trouble! So they are stuck between a rock and hard place and just dont' know what to say. I've also had parents not respond and then I find out that they went directly to the person in charge and give them an earful. But maybe they didn't tell you they would do this because they weren't sure they'd have the time to talk to the director, or maybe they weren't sure which approach was best.

I've also been surprised when people I thought were totally indifferent to me were actually just shy or socially awkward and later on they tell me they agreed with me. And after getting to know them a bit, I realize that they are really nice people just very quiet until you get to know them. And some people who are quiet tend to be even more so around people like me who are outspoken and assertive. I think I make them nervous at first until they get to know me. :o

I have learned the hard way that you really never know what people are thinking when they are quiet. It's best just not to assume.

That being said, I'd totally talk to the director and let her know this is a problem for the entire class and this mother scares your daughter.

[California]

Your post breaks my heart a bit on behalf of those two little girls. They've got to be struggling with all these challenges in their lives. Their mom at least cares enough to show up consistently. But obviously she doesn't know how to behave with them. Those girls have got a tough road ahead of them. I don't blame the grandma at all for picking a supervised public place for visits! She may have thought this would be a good place to have her daughter see the girls, but limit her direct contact with them. Sorry your kid has to deal with this. I bet the teacher has a compassionate heart for the two daughters and would like to figure out a way to make it a better dance experience for them. Sounds like they can use all the support and kindness they can get.

[ha98ed14]

I know you are right, and under other circumstances I probably would have felt more compassion, but the image of this woman standing over the three girls (her two with mine stuck in the middle) yelling has been burned into my mind. I feel bad for all of them, but mine is mine. Ain't nobody gonna yell at mine like that but me! But you are right. I will send up some P&PTs for those girls. Thanks for the reminder.

[katydid1971]

I understand, I would be very upset if I was in your shoes. I feel badly for the girls but your daughter shouldn't be scared at an activity that you bring her to because she enjoys it. DS was in a class with two terribly behaved brothers who ruined the class for him. I was mad because I was spending hard earned money to have my son in a class that these two were running around like wild men the teacher did nothing about it and their Au Pair spent the whole class outside smoking. I ended up pulling him out of a class that he had previously enjoyed. Good luck.

[momm]

This makes me so sad for the little girls :(

I would speak to the director again, protecting your DD is most important right now.

[scrooks]

I would talk to the director again. It doesn't seem right that they let the mom disrupt the class like that. I would also see if the class is offered at another time, and maybe you could just switch into another class. I do feel bad for those little girls, they are in a very bad situation. I hope the whole situation didn't scare your DD too much.