If you are a SAHM with a nanny/babysitter...

[Mommy_Again]

what does your day look like? I just had my 3rd DC last week and am feeling overwhelmed. Newborn - piece of cake. 7 year old - not a problem. 16.5 month old - OMG. She's into everything, has selective listening skills, and is already flinging herself on the ground in protest when I try to redirect her.

I've been going back and forth on getting some help, but I'm trying to wrap my head around how I'd actually structure things. Mornings are relatively manageable - DH takes DS to school, and DD1 goes down for a nap still pretty early - between 10 and 11. If I have an appointment or need to run an errand, my MIL is great about helping out.

Afternoons are what kill me, so I'm thinking of having someone come at least 3 days a week to stay with DD1 while I pick up DS from school and run any errands with him (I'd take the newborn with me), and help to entertain DD1 while I did homework, prepped dinner, an extra set of eyes and hands to play outside, etc.

Just curious how others have organized their days. I'm not interested in negative comments about having help as a SAHM - I've read that thread already, lol. My "supermom" self says I should be able to handle it all myself, but I know I'd be a better wife and happier, calmer person with a little assistance. So any words of support from others who have BTDT would be awesome.

Also - do you pay your help every day, every week, every month?

[elephantmeg]

I would totally do it! You have a NB! You may not need help forever but I'll bet the transition will go better for all of you to have some help. No BTDT just hugs and congrats on your new bundle!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

first off, don't feel bad about wanting/needing help! i am a SAHM and only have one kid so far and at one point (shortly after i found out i was pregnant with #2) i found myself so overwhelmed that i was begging my DH to let me get help with DS. and it wasn't that my DS was difficult, it was that i just needed some time to get things done without a baby underfoot, and yes, i knew i'd be a better/happier mom with a break every now and then.

anyway, we have a nanny come two afternoons a week (four hours each time so 8 hours total). we pay her weekly. she is a part-time college student who works for other families as well, and has nannied for years..we found her through a friend. she charges $12/hr, which seemed reasonable to us since she has a lot of experience etc and she plays so well with DS.

when the nanny is watching my son, i'll take the time to either take a shower, go grocery shopping, or prep/cook dinner, etc. i also try to schedule my doctor/OB appointments so they coincide when the nanny is here, since taking DS to my doctor's appt is pretty difficult at this point. anyway the afternoons are good bc then i can make dinner towards the end and have leftovers for for the next day or two, so that i don't have to cook again until next time the nanny is here.

anyway, our nanny has been with us for almost 6 months, and it's been sooo helpful. DS totally loves her. am so glad we decided on getting help, esp now that we will soon have two. in the beginning my DH was reluctant to hire a sitter but now he is totally thankful for it. we too were sometimes getting negative comments from family members about getting a sitter (e.g. "we didn't leave you with anyone but family and we did just fine") but i honestly didn't care..my sanity was more important.

[gatorsmom]

I'm a SAHM and have had a full time nanny since I was pregnant with the twins. I had a 4 yo and 2 yo, at the time, and having her allowed me to be on bedrest, which helped me tremendously. After the twins were born, we kind of established a schedule and routine and she and I would take turns taking the boys to their activities and picking them up or staying home with the twins. As you said, I could have been supermom and dragged the twins in their carseats to every activity or pick up, but I think they turned out happier as a result of being able to stay home and play with the nanny instead of being in the car all the time.

Now we've moved and I'm looking for another nanny. But I do have a regular schedule set up- one that works for us. In fact, I just posted about it here not long ago so I'll see if I can find that link for you.

I am a big admirer of any mom who knows when she could use some help and is not afraid to ask for it. If you think your family could benefit from having a nanny help out, then I say go for it. If you choose a good one, she can really enrich your children's lives!

Here's the link to the thread with our schedule. http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=386638&highlight=nanny+schedule+routine

Feel free to pm me if you have any other questions!

[carolinamama]

I applaud you for considering help. Do not worry that you are a sahm - kids are hard and busy. I think that you have to figure out what you need in a sitter/nanny and go from there. The proposed structure that you listed sounds like it may really work for you. Life is hard enough and I would totally hire a sitter in your situation.

When DD is born in July, we are planning to hire someone to help out and then stay on 2 1/2 days per week. I will be at work the 2 full days but not the half day. I plan to volunteer at DS1's school, run errands, or get whatever done that I can't do with kids. DS1 goes to kindergarten, DS2 will go to preschool the 3 mornings when I am NOT at work, and DD will be home with the nanny or me. So what I am saying is that we are structuring things so that I will have plenty of time without all 3 kids or even without my toddler. It is for my sanity and my family's well-being depends on my mental health :). I hope my situation helps you feel better about hiring someone even if you are home or spending time with a kid one-on-one.

[newg]

I don't have any help....but one of my mommy friends has a baby sitter come over once/twice a week to play with the kiddos so she can clean/run errands/relax for a few hours in the afternoon.
She figured it was cheaper than hiring a cleaning lady or a therapist!

[edurnemk]

but I know I'd be a better wife and happier, calmer person with a little assistance.


And this is all that matters! I only have one DC, but where I live now (abroad) everyone has help (SAHM's included). In fact I'm the freak because I only have a maid come in 3 times a week instead of having a live-in maid and/or nanny. But frankly if I had a 16 month old and a newborn, let alone another older child, I'd have full-time help! That's a tough age.

Most of my mom friends with 2 or more children, have the nanny take care of the younger child, while they take the eldest to his various activities, or when they have to run errands, they leave all their kids with the nanny. I think having someone come 3 afternoons a week sounds very reasonable.

[maestramommy]

LOL, I got a sitter after #3 was born too. I started out with the sitter coming twice a week for 3 hours each afternoon. It gradually increased to about 12 hours a week. One of those days is for me to go to a rehearsal, and another was added so I could get some alone time with Arwyn, who was getting lost in the shuffle. I would always pay the sitter at the end of each week.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. My sitter was not working out, so at the moment I have 3 sitters coming regularly to fill 3 slots a week. I do occasionally have extra sitter time, like this afternoon, because I had a doc appt scheduled last month that I couldn't move around. Since they only come once a week I pay them each time.

Next year I am faced with the possibility of having a sitter 4 days a week, because I have to pick up Dora and Arwyn from school SMACK in the middle of Laurel's naptime. I almost feel guilty for hoping Arwyn qualifies for IEP again, just so I can beg for her to take the bus. Then Dora can take the regular school bus as well, and I can use the sitters less, and for more useful purposes.

[marit]

I'm a SAHM mom without help, but if I could, I would get it with zero guild. Zilch, nada, none. Seriously, there was a thread about that???

Anywho, it sounds like you know more or less what you need. You need her while picking up DS and a few extra hours for errands. Sounds very reasonable. Consider maybe running errands before school pick up? this way you one one less child in tow.

Once you start yo can tweak the hours here and there until you reach your optimum combination. I think you should pay either once a week or once a month. This is something to be discussed with the person before starting.

[fumofu]

Congratulations on your new addition! No BTDT, but I also would definitely hire help, especially with DD2 being a newborn.

If we could afford it, I would definitely hire help to do housework so I can play more with DS. And I only have one!

[elektra]

I'm not a SAHM but when I was still on maternity leave for DS, I still had our nanny come about 3 days a week to mostly help with DD who had just turned two.
I know some people do it, but I am not sure I would have survived without the help. I think having someone in the afternoon is a great idea. Those afternoons, waiting for DH to get home, always seemed to drag on forever!

[veronica]

OP, do it. It will help you tremendously. The logistics of removing a child from a carseat , just to get another to their destination , are such a pain at the stage you are in. My Dad used to drive to my house in the morning (7 minute drive), in the winter, and stay with DS , while I took DD to preschool (10 minute drive for me). it was such a help in the winter.



OMG, this will almost be me below!!! Twins will arrive when DD will be 5.5 and DS almost 4. Luckily, my mom offered to take a leave for several weeks during that time. Then, I plan to use DH's boss' daughter as a mommy's helper in the summer (she is 12 but older DC's love her). In the fall, DD will enter full day kindy, and DS will be on the same bus but for half day preK. I hope that gives me enough time to juggle all the kids in the fall!!

I'm a SAHM and have had a full time nanny since I was pregnant with the twins. I had a 4 yo and 2 yo, at the time, and having her allowed me to be on bedrest, which helped me tremendously. After the twins were born, we kind of established a schedule and routine and she and I would take turns taking the boys to their activities and picking them up or staying home with the twins. As you said, I could have been supermom and dragged the twins in their carseats to every activity or pick up, but I think they turned out happier as a result of being able to stay home and play with the nanny instead of being in the car all the time.

Now we've moved and I'm looking for another nanny. But I do have a regular schedule set up- one that works for us. In fact, I just posted about it here not long ago so I'll see if I can find that link for you.

I am a big admirer of any mom who knows when she could use some help and is not afraid to ask for it. If you think your family could benefit from having a nanny help out, then I say go for it. If you choose a good one, she can really enrich your children's lives!

Here's the link to the thread with our schedule. http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=386638&highlight=nanny+schedule+routine

Feel free to pm me if you have any other questions!

[crl]

I would absolutely hire help. And I would want what you describe, which is someone to help with the late afternoon, early evening stuff. That is when my energy is the lowest, yet the kids can be at their neediest. I would want someone to come in time to watch the two youngest while I picked up the oldest and got dinner on the table. And maybe to then keep the oldest company and watch the newborn while I got the middle one to bed (assuming dh isn't home for that part of the day.)

Catherine

[cuca_]

I have a babysitter/housekeeper who comes in every day. She comes in the mornings and stays with DD while I take DS to school. Having a babysitter has allowed my younger kids to have regular schedules that are not interrupted by the older kids' schedules. When she is here I run errands, attend meetings, take kids to appts., volunteer at schools, go to the gym (trying to do this more often) etc... She watches the kids, but also does cleaning.

As my kids continue to get older, I think I will need her less in the am and more in the afternoon. Since you have a 7 year old, what you are contemplating is probably going to better meet your needs. I now avoid after school activities when I can, because there is no way that I'm dragging all 4 kids with me. My babysitter does stays late a couple of days a week, but I have been thinking of maybe making this a permanent change next year (having her come in later and leave later).

[ShanaMama]

First of all, congrats! I would look at this as a short term issue. You may need long term help, & there is no shame at all, but right now DD is probably adjusting to the baby. If anything, in your situation I'd try to get help with the newborn so I could focus on the toddler. Your newborn doesn't care who changes her or holds her, but DD surely wants Mommy.

[WatchingThemGrow]

I had someone come help me with the hardest parts of my day when #3 was born. Basically 11-1 - lunch and going down to nap. Doing once a month cooking meant that "dinner prep" was super easy and didn't require more than a few minutes that I could actually muster up. Granted, we didn't have homework, but just evening crazies... DH adjusted things so that he could be home at 5.

I hired a mother's helper to stay with the napping boys while I take DD to ballet/run and errand each week, and I hired a housecleaner every 2 weeks. Granted, I could hire the sitter so I could clean the house myself, but she does a much better job and is more efficient, and I'd be exhausted cleaning that long THEN taking care of kids. Just figure out where your priority times are and try it out!

[DrSally]

It's so hard to have a newborn with a younger toddler. When DD was born, DS was 2.5. I can't imagine how much harder it would've been if he had been younger. 16.5 months is a really tough age to juggle the demands of a newborn with. They're mobile, but don't have the self control or self-entertainment skills yet. I would totally get someone to help out. If I had it to do over again, I would get a mother's helper for when DD was a newborn. I fell DS was cooped up too much and could've used more attention/activity.

[Purple18]

OP, do it. It will help you tremendously. The logistics of removing a child from a carseat , just to get another to their destination , are such a pain at the stage you are in. My Dad used to drive to my house in the morning (7 minute drive), in the winter, and stay with DS , while I took DD to preschool (10 minute drive for me). it was such a help in the winter.



OMG, this will almost be me below!!! Twins will arrive when DD will be 5.5 and DS almost 4. Luckily, my mom offered to take a leave for several weeks during that time. Then, I plan to use DH's boss' daughter as a mommy's helper in the summer (she is 12 but older DC's love her). In the fall, DD will enter full day kindy, and DS will be on the same bus but for half day preK. I hope that gives me enough time to juggle all the kids in the fall!!



Veronica and GatorsMom - this is me too - I will have an almost 5YO and a 2YO when the twins arrive and I'm on bedrest now. I just got a FT nanny and am wondering what it will be like between the time the twins arrive and when I go back to work PT. I'm so glad to hear I'm not alone and that it's totally worth it!! Thank you!

To the OP - Do it!!! Things are evolving with the nanny around and me around and we're working out a "schedule" mostly driven by me, but she definitely offers respectful suggestions and it's been a great collaboration so far (and my boys love her). Keeping my fingers crossed that it will continue. We have had good communication about what goes on when I'm not there (I try not to hover the to allow her to establish a good relationship with my kids so they respect her when discipline/limits are needed). Good luck to you!

[Beth24]

I know I have a strange age split, but i have help in the afternoons through dinner time so I don't have to drag my baby with me to pick up my older kids and take them to all their activities. I spend all morning and early afternoon with my baby and then have the afternoons after school just for my older kids. If I need to go to a meeting or appointment in the mornings my mom helps me out sometimes. It makes everyone much happier! I think you are definitely on the right track!