How do you do it all?

[Octobermommy]

I can't keep up, I just can't. I was working about 20 hours a week with childcare about 10 of those hours. I had a housecleaner come every week or two. I was drowning in stuff to do. I am finishing up the work assignment now and hopefully in the next month or so I can tie up all the loose ends and can be done.

Even without having work to do I can not keep up with the cooking, cleaning, make the house a home stuff. I have three kids including a baby who still nurses several times a night and needs me to lay down with him to nap. I know how bad this is and we will be working on it shortly. He almost always wants me to hold him and doesn't play by himself or with his siblings for long. I can maybe get 10-15 minutes to sweep up and do a few dishes but that is it.

My family are big "not put things back where they go" people. I am trying with oldest and middle to do this but I am tired and have to put the baby down at night so I don't stay up to clean up at night.

I don't want to spend my weekends cleaning and putting things up which is what I am currently doing. It seems like I am always nagging my oldest to put things up.

HELP! I don't need perfection at all but how do you get things done?

[mariza]

First of all, it sounds like you are doing the most important things (being there for your kids) so give your yourself some credit! I try to do little bits here and there just to stay on top of things. I keep Clorox wipes in the kitchen and bathrooms at all times. When I'm brushing my teeth I wipe up the bathroom to keep it fresh. (I know Clorox wipes are not great environmentally speaking but I cannot give them up!)
I do a little laundry every day or every other so I don't get buried. For example, I put in a load in the morning before work have DH put it in the dryer when he gets home. By the time I get home, it's dry so I fold. Then I might throw on another load right before bed and when I wake up I put those in the dryer. I don't iron though, that's where I draw the line. If DH wants pressed clothes, it's all on him. Kids have lots of bins for toys and clothes and do an ok job of keeping up but they need lots of prompting. I'm not saying my house is the cleanest or most organized but we have kids, it should be lived in. As long as the big things are under control I'm ok with a little clutter. I tend to get anxiety over disorganization and messes but have been working really hard to get over it. My brother once told me "your inbox will never be empty". This resonated with me for some reason so I try to spend less time cleaning and more time enjoying the kids. Don't worry you can clean when they are teenagers :)

[PMJ]

I feel ya!

there is never enough time.. This is what I TRY TO DO:

1) Do a little each day (does not work that well!) But we try :)

2) Try not to get too worked up about it..very hard!

3) Breathe and hope when they are 18, you'll have a clean house !

4) Try to prioritize. Can DH help? ( Mine doesn't at all).

Sometimes things don't get done (cooking, cleaning) and you just hope the next day it will. That's all you can hope for. I also am good about making lists each day so I know what I need to get done. That way I'm focused.

Sorry, this I'm rambling... and all over the place.

[ShanaMama]

Well, my very long post just flew away into cyberspace but the gist of it was you can't do it all. Get more help. Can DH help more at home? If there is any way you can get the housecleaner once or even twice a week, I say go for it. The way I see it, anything I can outsource, I do. Cleaning can be done by someone other than me. Parenting can't. (I still spend way too much time cleaning, but I *need* it to be clean or I can't function.)

[Jacksmommy2b]

Have you tried wearing the baby? Mine will nurse and conk out in my wrap (FWCC for anyone curious) and I'll get a whole nap's worth of time to get stuff done. I'll also toss him on my back and have two free hands. Baby wearing has really saved my sanity with a baby that wants to be held.

I also try to keep a schedule. Laundry every other day, bathrooms on Saturday, shopping on Wednesday, etc. The beauty of the schedule is that I don't stress stuff on the off days. If the kitchen is a wreck I know I'll scrub it down Thursday. Breaking it down makes the same mess seem more manageable. DH and I straighten up everything on the weekends so during the week we just try to keep up with it.

I also can't recommend 'minute to win it' enough. Let your kids watch a few episodes, and they'll due almost anything with a microwave timer. ;)

[niccig]

You can't do it all.
What is DH doing to help?

I would also be in triage mode - do what must be done and leave others things for later when you can do more. If that means the house isn't perfectly decorated, then so be it.

I would try one small thing - a 15 min pick up at end of the day with your older two DC and DH. DS (in K) and I just did one and got the family room/his room looking mostly decent. The kitchen will wait until after bed time and I'll do the dining room table tomorrow....for now, it's good enough.

[wellyes]

I just don't worry too much about the housecleaning. The "Song for a Fifth Child" poem really got to me:

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.


Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
and out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
but I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).


The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

[LarsMal]

I, too, am a Clorox wipes fan. If I can't clean it with a Clorox wipe, it rarely gets cleaned!

I don't work, but I still can't do it all. I told DH that I am a SAHM, not a housekeeper. The kids come first and everything else gets done when I can get to it. I try to keep the house presentable, but "cleaning" is always last on my list. I usually fold laundry at night in front of the TV.

I hate clutter! Everything in our house has a place- it's just not always there! BUT, when I do have a few minutes I just move from room to room and put things away. I'm still working on getting the kids to help. DH will help clean on the weekends, but he doesn't like to do it either!

Cooking...ugh...that's all I can say about that!!

I just do what I can and try not to stress about it.

[Clarity]

My husband helps. A lot. We do have a housekeeper that comes every couple of weeks. My house is typically pretty neat but not always clean, kwim? I don't worry about the last time I dusted, or scrubbed the toilets. I keep things picked up and put away so that there isn't clutter. Dh keeps the kitchen neat everyday - I cook, he keeps it clean. I couldn't do it without him.

[gatorsmom]

Your kids are just at a hard age. It won't be long before your Kindergartner is a 1st graderand will be absolutely able to pick up his toys and put his clothes in the hamper without asking. Toddlers can't pickup after themselves well. But ours are great at making messes. And it's so hard keeping up with a toddler and infant. It's very hard. As they get older, they'll get easier. But yours are at a hard age right now.

Get the housecleaner back. Take other short cuts like using paper plates and bowls. When you cook, make enough for a couple of meals and freeze some or make enough for a couple days' leftovers. Empower your Kindergartner as much as possible. Keep cups out so he can help hiimself to water when he wants. Keep a snack drawer in the fridge so he can help himself to a cheese stick, yogurt stick or fresh fruit when he wants. Reward him for cleaning up after himself. Cut LOTS of corners, try to keep your house and yourself as organized as possible, and get as much help as you can afford. And then don't beat yourself up for the stuff that still doesn't get done.

[JoyNChrist]

I've just quit caring. I mean that completely seriously. I am such a perfectionist, and I HATE asking for help. After the babies arrived, I almost drove myself to a mental breakdown trying to do it all. And I've finally admitted that I just can't. I have two infants. A preschooler. A house to keep up and a husband who works too much. A small business. Something's gotta give.

So my house is pretty messy, except when the cleaner comes once a week.

We never have the laundry folded or put away. It's piled clean in baskets, and we just pull it out of there.

I scaled way way WAY back on my side business. It'll be there when I can get back to it.

I asked two different family members to take the babies one morning each a week while DS1 is in preschool. I should use that time to do grocery shopping, housework, etc. Half the time I use it to sleep.

DS1 watches too much TV. I figure he'll turn out all right anyway.

I made DH take over our bill paying and budgeting. Having that responsibility off my shoulders is wonderful.

I gave up all but one of my volunteer commitments (I stayed on my Relay for Life team, but I'm not as heavily involved in the fundraising as I was). We never make it to church. I should feel bad about that, but I don't really.

When I cook, it's super easy meals. When I don't, I don't beat myself up about ordering takeout or fixing sandwiches. We'll live.

We never entertain. If our friends don't understand how hectic our life is right now, they're not really friends.

I guess what I'm saying is that I really had to lower my standards and realize that this is just a season in my life, and I'll get through it and things will get back to normal (maybe a new kind of normal, but still more routine). And until then, we'll coast, and we'll survive, and the world will keep turning. Nobody in the family is happy if I'm an exhausted, irritable mess.

[Octobermommy]

Thanks everyone, I feel a little better. My "baby" is over 1 yr old now ( should change my siggy, my "toddler" just turned 3), I definitley need to get my slings out again. Thanks for that recommendation! He used to live in the pikkolo but I haven't used any lately.


I can't stay on top of anything and it is driving me crazy.

My dh is really great with the kids but picking up is not his "thing".

I have so much clutter and toys that I am trying to get rid of. I have told my oldest that if it doesn't have a place to go it is going in the garbage or to other kids that don't have many toys. Then the waterworks start. She is a "collector".

Thanks again for your help, I just need to realize it won't ever be done and get over it.

[gatorsmom]

I have so much clutter and toys that I am trying to get rid of. I have told my oldest that if it doesn't have a place to go it is going in the garbage or to other kids that don't have many toys. Then the waterworks start. She is a "collector".



My kids get upset when I threaten this too. They are definitely collectors. They start melting down so I remind them that if they'd put their toys away, nothing will go to Goodwill. Then I start out helping them but let them do the rest. If they leave any on the floor, I ask them if it's something they want me to toss. Then they hurry back to clean it all up.

[Uno-Mom]

Sounds like your DH is a pretty great dad. Have you two really chatted about this? My DH and I share things around the house but what totally saved us from resentment (mine, b/cause I am a tidier and he *isn't*) was to talk about it.

We decided silly little things like that I wouldn't be annoyed about doing all the dishes if he get Sprog's tomorrow daycare lunch together every night. I wouldn't feel annoyed about always doing the budget forms if he'd always take the baby for a walk while I did it - giving me peace, quiet and some extra moments with my coffee!

[artvandalay]

OP our kids are close in age (I have a Kindergartner, a 4 year old and an 8 month old). It is hard. I don't strive for perfection, if I did, I'd go insane. The main areas I always have to have clean is the kitchen, diningroom, familyroom and downstairs bathroom, because they get used constantly, and that's what people see if I have company. The rest just gets done when I have time/when baby is napping. On Saturday morning I have my H watch the kids, and I dust & vacuum the bedrooms and change sheets.

I did make a schedule for myself once (Bathrooms on Monday, Laundry on Tuesday, etc.) but couldn't stick with it because what if I was busy on Monday? Sick on Tuesday? I didnt like being on a schedule.

Each night after dinner, we have clean up time. You can try putting on some fun music that they like so the kids have fun. At the moment my boys really like a Red Hot Chili Peppers Song - that "Way-Oh"one, so I'll use that tonight. The kids put everything away (even the baby's toys).

You mentioned you need to declutter toys - I personally feel like this would really make a big difference. We collect so many toys from birthdays, xmas, etc. and so much of it doesn't get played with, gets broken, parts missing. I personally LOVE decluttering. I think it's because my mother always wants to save everything (she's not as bad as a pack rat - but she's pretty bad).

Whenever I declutter I always feel so much better... you need to get your DD on board with making piles like they do on those TV shows: Keep pile, Donate pile, Garbage pile.

What I've done is waited until my boys are in school, and gone through the toys so I didn't have to deal with any drama. I would never give anything away that was special to them, and you know what gets played with and what doesn't.

ETA: I have a hard time with finding time to cook dinner... this is probably where I struggle most. Lately it's been whatever is super fast/easy. I should start using my crockpot more, I think

Hang in there!