What would be your "oldest age" for TTC?

[Toba]

I've been on medicine for quite a while now that is Class D (birth defects) so I was trying -- very, very hard -- to give up having a second DC. It took us a long time to have DS (with fertility treatments and all) and we never planned on just having one. I would LOVE one more ... my heart aches for it.

While at my doctor's office the other day (who is the one that has me on this medication), I came right out and explained that I wanted another baby so badly. She said that she would be more than willing to put me on a different type of med (one that is safe for pregnancy) and we would go from there. It will take many months to wean off the current medicine. I just turned 40 (DH is 40 also), so I would at best be 41 but more likely 42 when giving birth.

What is your absolute limit in age for TTC? I would be considered high risk anyway and would have a perinatologist along with my OB/GYN. But I'm still scared about going on this roller coaster again.

[maydaymommy]

42 for me. That gives me a couple years, but not much. My plan had been to have my kids at 36, 38, and 40 - but I would need to be ready for having another NOW and I'm just not there.

And I think about this nearly everyday.
Like you, if I were to TTC there would be a period of time beforehand during which I'd have to go off some medicine and adjust to others. Wish it were easier, but it's not.

[JBaxter]

I was 41.5 when i had Jack. He was hands down my easiest pregnancy. i would say 42-43 would be my safe zone but even now 9 im almost 44 feel great am healthy so if one would happen i wouldnt feel concerned. ( now lets hope DH's vasectomy holds)

[SnuggleBuggles]

In theory I'd still be willing till my early 40's if I was in your shoes. As it is for me, I wouldn't want to do it much past 35 just because of our age when the child grew up. I don't think that should be a deterrent for anyone else though, just my logic.

Very best of luck to you!!

Beth

[BabbyO]

Well, 2 months ago I'd have said I'd consider it into my 40's depending on circumstances. However, this PG is kicking my a$$ at 34 so I'm sorta re-thinking that.

Trust your judgement...you know what's best for you. If you are yearning for another DC that badly...the rewards probably outweight the drawbacks significantly.

[hillview]

My DH is 10 years older than I am so that greatly impacts our decision.
/hillary

[Octobermommy]

I set 32 as my cut off but just because I started in my mid twenties. It has more to do with the age I will be when the child is out of the house and the difference in ages of any future child and the children I already have. Although if i would have started ten years later then I wouldn't have a problem having a child at 42.

[HIU8]

My cutoff is 43. I was 34 with DS and 37 with DD. We wanted to have another by the time I was 40 (DH at 47) but it's not going to happen. However, for me, I would have gone beyond 40 to 43 as I had said.

[WolfpackMom]

In theory I'd still be willing till my early 40's if I was in your shoes. As it is for me, I wouldn't want to do it much past 35 just because of our age when the child grew up. I don't think that should be a deterrent for anyone else though, just my logic.

Very best of luck to you!!

Beth

:yeahthat: I had my first at 26, and would like to time things about for 2-3 kids about 2.5-3 years apart each. But I have PCOS so its not like I can plan for an exact gap between kids and that will factor into any future decisions about age. For now my cut off is 35, in your shoes I would go for it despite being past 40.

[pinkmomagain]

I'm turning 44 soon and I'm done having kids. But was open to the idea up until I was 42. That being said, if I had a different set of circumstances/challenges I would be open to getting pregnant at any age if I wanted another child.

[mumofboys]

I was 44 when DS#3 was born. Best pregnancy and delivery a woman could hope for, but I have zero desire to walk that path again. If we hadn't been successful (we had a M/C the year before #3 was conceived) I think we would have kept trying for 1 more year but not past that.

[Fairy]

It really depends on so many factors. For me, I do not want to be elderly when my child is 40. If I got pregnant in my 40's, then ok, but as for actively trying, 39 was my conceptual cutoff.

[ThreeofUs]

LOL, my "too old" was 40, until I had a baby at 42! A lot of my colleagues say that womens' bodies are significantly better now at getting pregnant, staying pregnant, and producing offspring without any significant disabilities.

I have friends who had their babies at 45 and 47. So go for it!

[Ceepa]

Where does your DH stand on the issue? There are more women having healthy babies at older ages, taking individual medical histories into account, of course, but only you and DH can decide whether it is the right step for your family.

Personally, I wouldn't have a baby into my 40s because I grew up as the child of a later-in-life parent and have faced circumstances and carried an emotional burden a lot longer than my peers because of it.

Good luck with your decision.

[scrooks]

For me it was 35 but that is only because DH's upper limit for himself was 40 (I will turn 35 about 8 months before he turns 40). Otherwise I would say 40ish. I know lots of moms who have babies around 40 or in their early 40s.

[wimama]

I would say my limit would be 42 or 43.

That said I am pretty sure we will be done after this baby. I will be 39 and DH will be 43 when this baby is born. Both DH and I knew we wanted at least two children. We went back and forth for a while on the right time to try for #2. We finally listened to our hearts and started TTC. DS will be 5 when this baby is born and we are in agreement we are done at two children.

How does your DH feel about TTC again? I think if both your and your DH's hearts are telling you to TTC a second, you should listen to your heart and go for it. But, also it sounds like you will have to go through a lot to TTC, only you can decide if you are willing to try again. Good luck in making your decision.

[Tanya]

I don't think there is a number.

I wouldn't have thought I would have kids this late, but that's how it worked out. I struggled with infertility for all of mine. We decided to go for a 3rd and when it didn't work with the same treatments as the 1st and 2nd, we thought we'd quit before going through IVF. However, when faced with actually giving up on another baby, we decided to do IVF anyway and I ended up pregnant with twins. It was my hardest pregnancy, but I think it had more to do with being twins than my age.

So, I don't think you can just pick an age. You have to decide how important another baby is and how far you'll go and be able to change your mind if it's going to tear you apart...either way.

[schrocat]

I had my third child at 36 and first child at 31 and my pregnancies got progressively harder with each one. If we were to try for a fourth child, which we're not, I think my upper limit would be 38.

[Indianamom2]

I think this is a really tough question to answer for someone else.

For me personally, I think I would, in theory at least, be comfortable up to the age of 35-37. I don't like the risks of birth defects/genetic issues going up as I age, but perhaps even more problematic for me is the idea of being quite old when my kids are still living at home.

I had a roomate in college who was an "Oops" baby, and when she was entering college, her dad was almost 70. She has struggled with a lot of issues because of her parents' ages all her life and in many ways it hasn't been fair to her. My SIL is also an "oops" baby and still living at home (though that's a bit of a different tale to tell) and her parents are both right around 60. I know they want to be able to take off and vacation and be retired, but they just haven't been able to yet, and now they're taking care of their own parents as well, so there has literally been no break for them where they could just be a couple.

So I guess, since we started fairly young, I'm inclined to be done having kids pretty young as well, but that's just how I feel. There isn't really a right or wrong answer here, I suppose.

[sste]

My personal upper limit is 40, maybe 41. I have watched my SIL go through five miscarriages, including one toward the end of the second trimester. I know alot of happy, problem-free stories too but the reality is that your risks go up - - of miscarriage, of having a child with disabilities, of delivery complications. I (personally) am not one of those people that sails through personal crises - - a late miscarriage or a stillborn is something that would change and mark me for life. So, I am very wary of that risk.

That said, on the other end of the scale, if it is absolutely top priority to you then maybe you are willing to take on more risk for the "return." :)

[MelissaTC]

DH and I both felt like 35 was probably our limit. I am turning 36, he 37. We had to use ART to conceive M when I was in my mid 20's. I have a history of miscarriages as well so I am not really open to doing any of it again, hence our adoption journey. Having said that, we haven't taken any permanent measures to ensure that we won't have another pregnancy but will do so when DH is 40.

Of course, this is such a personal issue. Do what you all feel is best. Only you know your life, ykwim? Wishing you all the best.

[Globetrotter]

My friend had her second baby around 43, so I guess it's doable.

She does say that she gets very tired and that she shouldn't have waited, but at that point it would have taken years to adopt #2 so they opted TTC instead. Her oldest is 11, so there is quite a gap between them, but she really wanted to provide a sibling for her.

Nowadays I see a lot of older parents around here, so it's not as unusual as in years past.

[Elilly]

My personal age would be 34, but I married at 25. All that said, I think this is more about what is right for you and your family :)

[momof2girls]

My personal limit would have been 35. I am 36 now and am just too tired to even think about a baby! I was done at 30 though by choice.

[crl]

I don't think there is a number.

I wouldn't have thought I would have kids this late, but that's how it worked out. I struggled with infertility for all of mine. We decided to go for a 3rd and when it didn't work with the same treatments as the 1st and 2nd, we thought we'd quit before going through IVF. However, when faced with actually giving up on another baby, we decided to do IVF anyway and I ended up pregnant with twins. It was my hardest pregnancy, but I think it had more to do with being twins than my age.

So, I don't think you can just pick an age. You have to decide how important another baby is and how far you'll go and be able to change your mind if it's going to tear you apart...either way.


This resonated with me. I intended to have my kids in my late twenties or early thirties. But we had fertility issues and ended up adopting. DS came home home when I was 34. We adopted dd last year after a really long, hard road to our second adoption. She came home days before I turned 40. I am pretty sure we are done now, but if we were still at just one child, I think we would still be pursuing adoption, at least for a couple more years. I know adoption is different in terms of medical risks than pregnancy, but I think my feelings would be very similar.

Catherine

[Beth24]

I just had my 4th at age 45...I thought I was done at 37 but we lost one our children almost 3 years ago and having another just seemed like the right thing to do. All the PP's have identified valid concerns and issues things to think about, but I truly believe that it comes down to you and what your heart/gut tells you.are there issues having a baby later in life? Yes, but there are always issues with having kids, and you just make the choice to accept and deal with them if that is what is right for you and your family. Best of luck to you!!

[Carrots]

I don't think there is a number.

So, I don't think you can just pick an age. You have to decide how important another baby is and how far you'll go and be able to change your mind if it's going to tear you apart...either way.

I agree. I'm a fertility patient too and I don't know if I will ever feel comfortable saying I am "too old"..... even when I am 80 years old! I am 35 and now have 2 girls. Although I can't say I am ready to have another child, I am also not ready to say that I have "resolved" my intertility.

[kijip]

In theory I'd still be willing till my early 40's if I was in your shoes. As it is for me, I wouldn't want to do it much past 35 just because of our age when the child grew up. I don't think that should be a deterrent for anyone else though, just my logic.

Very best of luck to you!!

Beth

I agree with Beth, for you:

-wanting another child
-being 40 already

I would say somewhere in early 40s.

For me? I am done and 30 is my upper number because of the fact we had kids early, in our 20s. I relish the fact that my youngest will be 18 when I am 46.

[brgnmom]

I don't think that there should be a cut-off, but I'd probably say my early-mid 40s, depending on the circumstances.

My friend just gave birth to her second DC at 40.5 yrs old and based upon her l&d story, she had a much shorter and easier labor than I did w/ my second child even though I'm nine years younger.

OP, best wishes. :heartbeat:

[Nooknookmom]

Well, I have said my whole life that I would not have a child at or after 40. My Mom was 40 and my Dad 49 when I was born. My Dad died when I was 2 and my Mom was quite a bit older so I always worried about her.

Now I worry constantly about my Mom and her getting older and my kids not having time with her :(.

That said, I had DD2 at 36 1/2 so now I'm 40 with an almost 4 yo., not far off from my 40 cutoff, lol.

I doubt we will have more, I would love to have a boy, but it doesn't seem to be in the cards at this moment. Even now, my sensibilities say that for "me" 41-42 is just too old.

I live with the fear of something happening to me and my littlest one being without a parent.

Suppose it comes from my own situation & the fact that so many women around me that are around my age becoming seriously ill (cancers, etc.).

[MamaSnoo]

I agree. I'm a fertility patient too and I don't know if I will ever feel comfortable saying I am "too old"..... even when I am 80 years old! I am 35 and now have 2 girls. Although I can't say I am ready to have another child, I am also not ready to say that I have "resolved" my intertility.

Interesting topic for your 1000th post, Kristen!

As for me....35 was always my limit before we got started. DD was born when I was 31, so I thought I would just get it done. However, DH has been pushing things back a little, so I might be 36 if we are successful for number 2. It is a totally personal thing, though, so I do not think my feelings on it should have any impact on anyone else's choices. I also imagine that lots of moms/dads change their perspective on this over time.

[jk3]

There's definitely no right answer to this question. For me, 35 was my limit but we had lots of issues getting pregnant and maintaining pregnancies. It's difficult to set a limit for ither people since there are so many factors. Some 30 year old are not in great shape while the opposite may be true for some in their forties.

[sste]

You know, I wanted to add a few things to my prior post.

1. Maybe part of my negativity (for me) about having babies too far past 40 is that TTC can be emotionally and mentally draining and put you in a mode where you are so focused on this goal in the future (conception that is) and not enjoying the present. And too far past 40 your odds of a successful outcome in exchange for that sacrifice shrink dramatically. I kind of see where the poster is going with no age is "too old" per se. But, watching my SIL - - the one with the multiple miscarriages in her forties - - has been eye-opening. The quest to get pregnant has completely over-run her life. Her finances are a wreck from fertility treatments. Her husband recently walked out--with her quest for fertility and the associated stress being a huge factor. And she will be 45 in six months. With five miscarriages and after TTC for four years straight. Obviously, not my place to say this to her, but in her case I think it WOULD be much better to reconcile herself to inability to have biological children and to move on with an alternative plan be it with or without children. Because her odds are so very slim and the costs, both monetary and personal, of this path have been devastating to her.
OP - -not saying this applies to you, you are much younger . . . just something I have thought about for myself in terms of how much I throw myself into TTC and how it impacts my life in the present.

2. OP, there are counselors that specialize in fertility specifically. It is a big decision and you may feel better if you go to a few sesssions, discuss pros/cons, your situation and feelings, etc.

[Multimama]

I have been thinking about this a lot lately because we would like to TTC #2, but I know almost everyone we know will think it is the wrong decision for us. Before I had kids I was sure I did *not* want kids after 35. Now that limit is gone for me. What is the limit? I feel like it would completely depends on the circumstances, but what I've been thinking lately is that if you feel strongly that TTC is right for you then it probably is. As others have said, it is always a leap into the unknown to TTC and to have a child. You never know what is going to happen. If it feels like the right direction for you and your family then go for it. Take it one step at a time and see where it leads.

[mommylamb]

I'm 35 now, and I'd like to get pregnant with a second this year and then be done. For me, I'd probably say up until 40, but DH is almost 8 years older than I am, and in his mind it's a now or never thing because he feels like he's getting too old to wait much longer. Obviously, if we had an oops pregnancy, that's another story. But, I think after I have a second one, DH is going to go get snipped.

[JoyNChrist]

DH and I always said 32 was our cutoff (so I guess 29 for me, since he's 3 years older than I am). If you have a kid at 32, they graduate when you're 50. Seemed good to us. BUT we married at 20 and 23, and had DS1 at 21/24, so our experience is well outside the norm for this board.

It's a moot point now anyway, because I'm not going through fertility hell again. I'm 25, DH will be 29 this year, and we're done (barring any kind of "oops").

[giavila]

My personal number was 35, but DH and I were both 25 when we got married and had DD1 at 28, DD2 at 30 and DD3 at 33. If fertility issues would have come in to play or anything else that would of delayed starting a family I'm pretty sure I would of changed that number to 40.

[kerridean]

My cut off was 35. I had my 2nd DD at 33. DH had a vasectomy after DD2 and we are done.

[Puddy73]

I've always had 38 in my head, for no tangible reason, but if it just happened after that I'd be okay. My sister was an "oops" baby. My Mom was 43 and I was in college. It was physically hard on my Mom and also hard mentally to start all over again, but she and my sister have a great relationship.

[NancyJ_redo]

I haven't read any other replies, but wanted to respond since I'm probably on the older (oldest?) end of the spectrum. For me there was no particular age cutoff, it was just a matter of determining when we felt we were done having kids but keeping my age in mind as we were going through the process.

I didn't have my first until I was 36 so we started later than most. We ended up having 3 kids and I had my last at 42, and now we are done, done, done! My sisters started and stopped having kids even later than that, and I live in an area where people tend to have kids later in life after college, grad school, etc., so having young kids at my age is pretty much the norm around here.

[lhafer]

32 has always been my cut point. Being a nurse, I know a little more than I care to about health, pregnancy, fertility, etc. And despite what doctors tell people, a woman's body begins the decline regarding fertility at age 32.

We got marrieda t 19 (me)/20 (DH). First child at 28 for me, second child at 32. And we are done.