I Do Not Like It, Sam I Am!

[Raidra]

I do not like it that my mother is addicted to prescription pain meds. I do not like that since her complications following gastric bypass 2+ years ago, she has been a mess in all senses of the word. Her personality has completely changed, and not for the better.

I do not like that she has lost her third job in two years, and that I will be stuck with her at home during the days again (we all live together). I do not like it that my dad had to take a new job for which he has to travel 5 days out of 7. I do not like it that when he's not around to 'help' her manage her pain meds, she runs out three or four days early (out of seven days worth of pills). I do not like it that when my dad suggested I manage her pain meds this week, it turned out to be a complete sham - I say "No, it's not time for another pill," she calls him and bitches, and he calls me and tells me to give her one.

I do not like that she pisses and moans about how horrible her life has been the past two years, yet makes zero effort to work toward fixing things. I do not like how she whines that she has no money, then goes out and buys scratch tickets with her last few dollars.. and then my dad feels humiliated when he has to ask me for money.. which I have to give him in cash, so she can't access it. I do not like it that my dad will not put his foot down with her. And I can't believe he hasn't left her yet.

[misshollygolightly]

Ugh, what an awful situation! :hug:

[TwinFoxes]

That's a lot of really hard stuff. :hug:

[MMEand1]

So sorry you are dealing with this {{{HUGS}}}

[citymama]

That sounds very very rough. Hugs. I hope things improve w your mom.

[Green22]

Oh that is so hard for everyone involved. I am really sorry. Big hugs your way.

The scratch-ticket thing really got me. I feel like I see that a lot - people buying them when they really appear not to have a whole lot of extra income. What do I know, I shouldn't judge - but it is something that I have seen and felt sad about.

[larig]

awww, big hugs. I'm sorry you have so much to deal with.

[Staraglimmer]

:grouphug: I'm sorry that you are going through this. I hope things get better for everyone soon. :hug:

[carolinamama]

:hug: That's a really hard place for you. Sorry you are having to deal with this.

[liz]

I am so sorry you have to deal with all of this. It sounds really difficult. :hug:

[kozachka]

:grouphug:

[MamaMolly]

Oh big, big hugs. Can you talk to her doctor about the meds? I don't think your dad is in a position to help her or you right now. From what you said, it sounds like your dad is an enabler, he just can't stop himself I guess. I'm so, so sorry. It sounds really hard.

[VClute]

Wow. I couldn't read and not reply. This is the B*tching post, but this is more than a b*tch or whine. This is a serious problem and I hope you can find some help for you and your dad as well as your mom.

BTW, it is well-documented that gastric bypass correction of a food addiction can lead to addictive behaviors in other areas...

[elephantmeg]

wow, that sounds so hard. I'm not sure I could handle that. Hugs to you all

[Raidra]

BTW, it is well-documented that gastric bypass correction of a food addiction can lead to addictive behaviors in other areas...

YES. I told her this when she was considering it. I also warned her about all the possible complications. She refused to hear any of it.

The last two days were a little better, but last night was worse. Her job situation is still up in the air and she's trying to use her pain meds to ease her anxiety. It's difficult because she wants the pills to sleep, and needs to sleep to go to work, but if she takes too many, she'll run out before she can get a refill.

She gets very nasty when we try to tell her she can't have more pills.. not as much to me, but with my dad in particular. He just doesn't want to deal with it.. I think he's taking the approach that he can't *make* her quit. We had a talk with her the other night that was more productive than similar talks in the past.. mainly tell her how mean she's become over the past two years. I've always hesitated to tell her that I'm surprised my dad hasn't left her yet, but it came out. I hope she understands how much she's damaging her relationships with her family members. She commented at one point that it's no wonder my sister moved across the country, and while I didn't have the heart to confirm that's why she moved, I certainly didn't deny it either.

Hopefully in the next few weeks they're going to do a few more scopes to make sure her health issues have resolved and there's no physiological reason for the pain, and then get her in to see a specialist who can prescribe a medication that eases the withdrawal symptoms.

Thanks for all the support, guys. :)

[StantonHyde]

Is she willing to consider detox? Does she have insurance that will cover it? Where I work, we do detox as an inpatient--if all goes well it takes 2-4 days. Then the patients transition to a residential program or to Intensive Outpatient Therapy, which is from 6-9pm 4 nights a week. That lasts for 10 weeks. It takes someone an AVERAGE of 3 tries through rehab for it to work.

And, you are right--you can't make her do anything. I honestly wonder why you have to control her meds. Let her have them. Seriously. Then she will hit bottom faster and will have to face consequences. Enabling her does not help her.

Do you have an Al Anon chapter near you? You really need some support. You are in an icky situation and you need help. For me, it would rub off on my ability to be a mom--especially if I was homeschooling. (which I think you do, but I could be quite mistaken!!)

Big hugs to you--you really need them. YOu need help. She needs to agree to get help. You need to stop helping her so that she can bottom out and get help. sigh. I am sorry. It is a really tough situation. :hug::hug:

[kijip]

A big :yeahthat: at stantonhyde. You and your dad can't manage her meds for her. You should not be in that position. She will reach the tipping point for realizing she needs help much faster if you don't prop her up.

[Melanie]

I'm sorry. That is so much to deal with on a daily basis.

[Raidra]

Is she willing to consider detox? Does she have insurance that will cover it? Where I work, we do detox as an inpatient--if all goes well it takes 2-4 days. Then the patients transition to a residential program or to Intensive Outpatient Therapy, which is from 6-9pm 4 nights a week. That lasts for 10 weeks. It takes someone an AVERAGE of 3 tries through rehab for it to work.

And, you are right--you can't make her do anything. I honestly wonder why you have to control her meds. Let her have them. Seriously. Then she will hit bottom faster and will have to face consequences. Enabling her does not help her.

Do you have an Al Anon chapter near you? You really need some support. You are in an icky situation and you need help. For me, it would rub off on my ability to be a mom--especially if I was homeschooling. (which I think you do, but I could be quite mistaken!!)

Big hugs to you--you really need them. YOu need help. She needs to agree to get help. You need to stop helping her so that she can bottom out and get help. sigh. I am sorry. It is a really tough situation. :hug::hug:

The problem with letting her do whatever she wants with her meds is that she needs to try to hold down a job so she can have health insurance. Aside from the pain med addiction, she's on several other medications (thyroid, blood pressure, ulcer, etc). My dad got laid off in the fall and while he's working right now, it's sort of a temporary contract thing and he's not eligible for benefits. So if she gets a week's worth of pills, she wouldn't be able to function at work on Thursday and Friday and would end up in the ER on Saturday. Since her surgery and the subsequent complications, her life has really been in a downward spiral, the main event losing her job, where she had worked for 20 years. That's led to financial issues for my parents, which my husband and I can't make up for, which is leading to us losing our house (they own the house that we all live in).

We've been dealing with this for so long that while it is stressful, it's thankfully not impacting other areas of my life (like my parenting, or my relationship with my husband).

[StantonHyde]

ugh--talk about between a rock and a hard place. yeah, at this point, you are just trying to keep the basics going. Again--big hugs.