What should I tell DS when he is, um, pleasuring himself?

[wencit]

I can NOT believe I am thinking about this subject already! I thought I had AT LEAST 8-10 more years before I had to deal with this! I feel so unprepared.

DS1 turns 5 next month. Due to the logistics of our small house, he is currently co-sleeping with me. A couple weeks ago, I awoke to an odd sensation of the bed shaking, and when I opened an eye to take a look, I saw that DS1 was pleasuring himself on the bed. :eek: I immediately shut my eye and pretended I was sleeping, but OMG, that was so uncomfortable for me! It happened a few more times in the morning, but each time, I just pretended to be sleeping.

However, it has now progressed to the point where DS1 will openly do it everywhere else in the house -- on the couch, on the living room floor, etc. He even proudly points it out to me and says, "Look, Mommy, I'm sleeping on my penis! It feels like it's tickling my penis!" I am embarrassed and amused at the same time.

Now, I THINK that this is normal for an almost 5-year-old boy (right?). What do I tell him when he does it in random places in the house? I don't think I want him doing it just anywhere. Even more tricky, what should I say to DS1 (if anything), when I wake up in the morning to find him doing it in the bed? Should I just pretend to be sleeping as I have been doing? DS2 sleeps in the only other bedroom in the house, so it's not like I can tell DS1 to do that kind of thing in his own bed.

Please keep in mind that DS1 is very, very, very sensitive, so I don't want to embarrass him or make him feel like he did anything wrong. I just need to find the words to gently redirect him to do it in a more appropriate place, wherever that may be.

Thank you!

[LadyPeter]

Since he's open about it with you, can you respond (nicely, with a smile) that touching himself is private and he should be sure there aren't other people around? I do think this is very normal for his age, and I agree you don't want to embarrass him...but maybe you could work it into your other conversations about manners, politeness, etc?

[brittone2]

Totally normal. Just set appropriate boundaries for it. You can tell him you know it feels good and it is okay to do, but he has to do it in private.

[shawnandangel]

Can you suggest to him that he go to the bathroom when he's in the mood to "tickle" himself?

[HIU8]

We took it a step further and told DS private meant his bedroom or the bathroom with the door closed. So far so good.

[JBaxter]

Totally normal. Just set appropriate boundaries for it. You can tell him you know it feels good and it is okay to do, but he has to do it in private.

That is our approach if you would like to touch your penis you can do it in the bathroom or in your bedroom. Please close the door because its a private thing to do.

[Raidra]

We just tell the boys that they should do that in private. Lachlann started doing it especially early, so I don't remember exactly what we said, but I'm sure it was along the lines of, "I know that's fun, and it's okay to do it, but you should really be by yourself." He has his own bed so that's where we pointed him.

If he likes to lie on his stomach, then I don't really see how the bathroom would work for him. Personally, it would creep me out a little to send him to my bed.. is there any way you can give him a nook in the other bedroom? Even if he just has one of those little foam fold out couches, or a few pillows, or whatever.

[daisymommy]

And fwiw...as a former preschool/daycare teacher I can tell you that girls do this too as children ;) Yeah, that was interesting having that conversation with them!

[klwa]

That is our approach if you would like to touch your penis you can do it in the bathroom or in your bedroom. Please close the door because its a private thing to do.

:yeahthat:
The cosleeping thing makes it more difficult since his room is where he is, but explaining that that is a private thing & he should wait until he's alone should work. (And yes, I have to have that conversation once a day with DS.)

[vonfirmath]

Can you suggest to him that he go to the bathroom when he's in the mood to "tickle" himself?

My parents used to tell me "Your room or the bathroom only" Since he does not have his own room, I'd suggest it is a bathroom activity only.

[Jo..]

We co-sleep too (kids ages 2.5 and 4.5) and if I woke up and DS was touching his penis, he would be kicked out so fast his head would spin. :ROTFLMAO:

I am trying to carefully raise a normal boy and to NOT teach him that his penis (or sex) are dirty. But we talk ALL. THE. TIME. about how he is only allowed to touch his penis in private, and private means a closed door with no other people around. If he wants to touch it, great. Go do it in the bathroom.

Usually he is too lazy to be bothered.

It would flip my sh*t out if I woke up to DS touching himself in my bed. That, I could not handle gracefully. I think I would confront him about it not being a private space and therefore TOTALLY inappropriate.

[malphy]

I have no advice I am just glad i have a girl right now!

[g-mama]

My parents used to tell me "Your room or the bathroom only" Since he does not have his own room, I'd suggest it is a bathroom activity only.

Wait a sec....are you saying that as a girl, growing up, your parents told you to touch your genitals in private? Am I reading that right?

I have three sons and none of them have ever "pleasured themselves" in my presence. I have definitely walked in on them handling it in the bathtub in a playful way, laughing with their brothers, but that's about it. I would probably not react well if they were actually laying next to me in bed working it. They would get kicked out of my bed real fast.

[jenstring95]

I have no advice I am just glad i have a girl right now!

One of my best friends has a daughter (now 5) that used to do it all the time. She started younger than 1, and I'm not sure if/when she stopped. She would brace herself against the strap in the high chair, whatever - and pretty much zone out. She was told to go in her room and went willingly. So it's certainly not just a boy thing! ;)

[JBaxter]

Wait a sec....are you saying that as a girl, growing up, your parents told you to touch your genitals in private? Am I reading that right?

I have three sons and none of them have ever "pleasured themselves" in my presence. I have definitely walked in on them handling it in the bathtub in a playful way, laughing with their brothers, but that's about it. I would probably not react well if they were actually laying next to me in bed working it. They would get kicked out of my bed real fast.

I think what she is saying her son does not have his own bedroom because they co sleep so the bathroom is the only place he can be private

[LadyPeter]

Oh, girls do it all the time. I know when I was 6-7 I got the "in your room only" instructions. :-)

[malphy]

Lol, I know girls do it, too. I just feel it would be an easier conversation for me to have since I have the same "equipment".

So far she has not found the zone yet. Thank goodness.

I have to say I would be really freaked out if it was done in my bed with me in it.

[Twoboos]

Um, girls definitely do it. (Or, I have future "dancers" on my hands, LOL.)

DD1 went through a phase. DD2 went through a MAJOR phase. We always said privately in your room.

Once we were on vaca with a bunch of my family, and DD2 came out of her room drenched in sweat, with her cheeks bright red. Clearly she had been entertaining herself. OMG, we were all dying laughing and wondering if she needed a cigarette, LOL!! :hysterical:

[cindys]

I dont recall having this issue with my 19yr old at a young age but he made up for it when at around 15 he charged $500 in porn on cable!

I know my almost 5yr old will have his hands in his pants sometimes but I dont think he is "pleasuring" himself...I dont ask...Maybe I should...

And the baby will just say sometimes that his "weewee" hurts and I will look and it will be at attention...

Cindy
Mama to 3 boys...19, 4 & 2 :heartbeat::heartbeat::heartbeat:

[wencit]

I think what she is saying her son does not have his own bedroom because they co sleep so the bathroom is the only place he can be private Yes, that's exactly what I meant -- thanks, Jeana. :) We are trying to get out of this tiny place as soon as possible so that everyone can have their own rooms, but in the meantime, we are stuck with the situation we have now. I think the next time I wake up to DS1 entertaining himself, I'm going to tell him to go downstairs and do it in private in the living room -- at least no one will be in there!


Once we were on vaca with a bunch of my family, and DD2 came out of her room drenched in sweat, with her cheeks bright red. Clearly she had been entertaining herself. OMG, we were all dying laughing and wondering if she needed a cigarette, LOL!! :hysterical: I literally laughed out loud when I read this. Soooo funny!

[Twoboos]

I literally laughed out loud when I read this. Soooo funny!

If you want more laughs here y'go. Dd2 also had an encounter with Tad, the Leapfrog frog. One of the big ones. That sings the alphabet. So she was mauling him at her DCP's house, as Tad sang, "M says mmmmm! M says Mmmmm!" The dcp could barely get out the story when I picked Dd up, and then we could not stop laughing.

Yah.

[g-mama]

I just tell my boys to take their hands out of their pants. But again, I've never seen them doing anything that looks like they are pleasuring themselves.

[boolady]

Wait a sec....are you saying that as a girl, growing up, your parents told you to touch your genitals in private? Am I reading that right?

Why wouldn't you be reading it right?

[mom2binsd]

If you want more laughs here y'go. Dd2 also had an encounter with Tad, the Leapfrog frog. One of the big ones. That sings the alphabet. So she was mauling him at her DCP's house, as Tad sang, "M says mmmmm! M says Mmmmm!" The dcp could barely get out the story when I picked Dd up, and then we could not stop laughing.

Yah.


We had a similar experience but DS was humping a Dora doll and each time set off her singing "it's great to be a big sister"....um not so much honey!

DS continues to drop down and do the "hookey pookey" as my MIL has named it.....he seems to prefer the hard floor and the coffee table, we have encouraged him to do it in private, but I think he figures he's alone when he's doing it (usually nobody is in the same room as him when he starts) so he figures he's in "private" and quite honestly when he gets the urge he doesn't think to go all the way upstairs to his room. He will be 5 next month and we are increasingly trying to get him to go to his room.

[g-mama]

Why wouldn't you be reading it right?

Because, in a million years, I cannot imagine, as a little girl, hearing my parents telling me that if I'm going to masturbate, I should go do it privately. Perhaps I guess I grew up in a very conservative household, but it didn't seem like it.

[kellij]

My son never really has done this (6 now), but my DD was constantly touching herself. It doesn't help that she always runs around naked. I think she was around 3 when she did this the most. We just said if you want to touch yourself, that's fine, but just go to your bedroom or the bathroom. So sometimes she'd hop up and run off to the bathroom. I haven't seen her do it in a really long time though. It's like she gets it's not socially acceptable in public now. Plus, she wears clothes more so that helps.

[elephantmeg]

this is so funny because DS just told me that he lost his blanket one day this week at naptime. When I asked him why he told me he had his hands down his pants. Here we go..

[BeachBum]

I don't mean to take this to way TMI....but the kids are touching until completion? Or just casually rubbing? or furiously rubbing, but there is no orgasm?

I really didn't know about this and need to be a bit more prepared.

[g-mama]

I don't mean to take this to way TMI....but the kids are touching until completion? Or just casually rubbing? or furiously rubbing, but there is no orgasm?



Wow...is that even possible at such a young age? Please tell me no.

[LadyPeter]

I know it's possible for girls...no idea about boys. Apparently I have a very short time to figure it out! Oh well. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, provided it was a. Not in public and b. Not in my bed!

[wencit]

I don't mean to take this to way TMI....but the kids are touching until completion? Or just casually rubbing? or furiously rubbing, but there is no orgasm?I can't speak for anyone else's kids, but DS1 likes to lie on his stomach and casually "dry hump." No orgasms. It's more in a "this feels good" kind of way, rather than a "I need to take myself to completion" kind of way. Other parents might have different experiences, though.

[SnuggleBuggles]

My first thought is he needs his own bed. I'm not anti-cosleeping but I think there is a time when people might do better with their own space and this is one of them. :)

Beth

[vonfirmath]

Wait a sec....are you saying that as a girl, growing up, your parents told you to touch your genitals in private? Am I reading that right?

Yes. That that sort of action was something done in private -- which meant my bedroom by myself or in the bathroom

And yes, my family was very conservative.

I think it was very good advice and will be using it as my kids grow up.

[vonfirmath]

Because, in a million years, I cannot imagine, as a little girl, hearing my parents telling me that if I'm going to masturbate, I should go do it privately. Perhaps I guess I grew up in a very conservative household, but it didn't seem like it.

My house was very conservative too. I'm not sure they used the word masturbate, they said "If you are going to do that" (what I was doing quite a bit) "Then this is where you need to do it"

I think they tried a few other approaches over the years and settled on this one. and it is the one that worked out the best overall.