When you die, what do you want done with your remains?

[elektra]

For various reasons, this is on my mind. I want to be cremated. I would probably want my ashes scattered but I would not be picky at that point. And I am realizing I should have had an option for that, because I'm not quite in the "I'm dead, who cares" camp, but I sort of am as long as my body is cremated first. So I voted cremated- then scatter.

Also, do you and your DH have this all figured out? My DH refuses to discuss it.

[Melanie]

I picked the first cremation option, but I really don't care what is done with the ashes. I have a fear of being buried alive due to watching some creepy show when I was way too young to be watching it. ;) So I told Dh cremate me and I don't care what you do after that.

I forget what Dh wants. I'm such a bad wife. I think it's in our trust information though.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I've almost asked this before. I really, really, really don't want to get burned up. Even though I'll be dead that just scares the bejabbers out of me! I have made it clear to dh that I am anti-cremation. I told him what cemeteries I prefer as well. I just wanted my feelings to be known.

Dh won't talk about his preferences.

Beth

[sariana]

I voted I'm dead, Who cares, but I would want as much of my body used/donated in some way as possible. Organ donation, medical research, whatever else might benefit someone.

ETA: DH has a Jewish mother, so he is kind of against "altering" the body in any way. He would like to be buried in a particular military cemetery.

[cckwmh]

I voted i'm a vampire - but I think i want my remains composted and then given back to my family to use as compost in their gardens. DH thinks I am crazy and bursts out laughing every time this subject gets brought up.

[AshleyAnn]

I voted I'm dead, who cares?. Really I'm not that picky. I'd like to be scattered but there isn't anywhere special enough to me to pick as a "scatter me here" so its up to whomever is around when I go. I really would rather not sit in an urn (too wierd for me).

[sariana]

The state of CA has restrictions on where human ash remains can be placed. I assume other states may have regulations about this, too. Technically you can't use human ashes in your garden without permission from your county (though I'm sure people do--and who would know?).

[elektra]

I voted i'm a vampire - but I think i want my remains composted and then given back to my family to use as compost in their gardens. DH thinks I am crazy and bursts out laughing every time this subject gets brought up.

I didn't know composting was an option. What is done exactly?

[Pear]

I want to be cremated and have my ashes compressed into a diamond. DH has requests the same.

Ultimately what matters most to me is that I not be buried.

[jenfromnj]

I want to be buried, DH used to want to be interred in a mausoleum since that's what his family has done for a long time, but he's sort of wavering on that since he wants us to be "together", LOL.

I also wonder how many of us have plans for a final resting place/plan that are separate from our spouse/significant other? I may have to S/O another poll to ask that question, because now I'm curious.

[JBaxter]

I see someone mentioned this but http://www.lifegem.com/secondary/LGPrices2006.aspx is what Im doing with DH.

[elektra]

The gem thing seems kind of cool. Much less creepy than an urn of ashes IMO. If DH dies before we get around to discussing things, I would seriously consider making a ring out of him.

[gatorsmom]

As a Catholic I get 2 choices- be buried in holy ground or be cremated and ashes buried in holy ground. I'm leaning toward the first one.

I've actually considered buying our burial plots recently. I know which cemetary I want to be buried in and I've thought about getting the plots sooner rather than later just to have them ready.

[mommylamb]

ROTFLMAO... I read you, I'm Dead Who Cares option and almost choked laughing.

Cremated please.

[gatorsmom]

I see someone mentioned this but http://www.lifegem.com/secondary/LGPrices2006.aspx is what Im doing with DH.

That is pretty cool. The first thing I thought of, though, is I'd be afraid I'd lose the ring. Can you imagine how you'd feel saying, "oh my gosh, my mother just got lost in the plumbing!" Tombstones are harder to do that to. :ROTFLMAO:

[JBaxter]

That is pretty cool. The first thing I thought of, though, is I'd be afraid I'd lose the ring. Can you imagine how you'd feel saying, "oh my gosh, my mother just got lost in the plumbing!" Tombstones are harder to do that to. :ROTFLMAO:

AND you only need 8oz so the "bulk"of you could still be buried in holy ground

[scmama]

I'd like to be cremated. I just would not like to be sitting on the shelf or mantle in an urn. I still think of the scene in Meet the Fockers where the urn crashes down.... and yikes!

[thomma]

Even though I'll be dead that just scares the bejabbers out of me!

SnuggleBuggles...thank you for saying this. It's good to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. Dh looks at me like I'm nuts when I say it.

Kim
ds&dd - 7 3/4!

[gatorsmom]

AND you only need 8oz so the "bulk"of you could still be buried in holy ground

Oh, that is more like it. So, if one of my kids did lose me down the drain, they could still visit me at the cemetary. :p

[bubbaray]

I will be cremated OR ELSE I will come back and haunt DH. Not kidding. I don't care if he sprinkles the ashes, keeps them in an urn (to throw darts at), whatever.

I didn't vote b/c there really isn't an option for me -- cremated and don't care what else.

[wolverine2]

I'm in the don't care camp... I think it would probably depend on how old I was. Like if my kids would want to visit my grave, then I'd be happy to be buried (this is what historically has been done in my family). I'd be happy to be cremated, but for some reason DH isn't comfortable with this, so if I died first, I'm happy to do whatever works best for him.

I'd love to have no ecological impact though- if I could really choose, I'd choose an eco-burial (read about them once) in a forest.

[elektra]

As a Catholic I get 2 choices- be buried in holy ground or be cremated and ashes buried in holy ground. I'm leaning toward the first one.

I've actually considered buying our burial plots recently. I know which cemetary I want to be buried in and I've thought about getting the plots sooner rather than later just to have them ready.

Good to know, as DH is Catholic. So maybe he wouldn't be too keen on being turned into jewelry if he is supposed to be in the ground.

Yes, my dad is wanting to get all our plots or whatever sorted out like asap. He is sending me brochures and wanting me to figure things out.

[gatorsmom]

I picked the first cremation option, but I really don't care what is done with the ashes. I have a fear of being buried alive due to watching some creepy show when I was way too young to be watching it. ;) So I told Dh cremate me and I don't care what you do after that.

I forget what Dh wants. I'm such a bad wife. I think it's in our trust information though.

See and I heard this creapy story of how bodies being cremated let out shrieks and screams when they are in the incinerator. :47: And even though I know that is ridiculous, I have visions of being burnt alive. I'd rather be buried alive. Eventually you run out of air and fall asleep.

[cckwmh]

The composting isn't ashes, your body is actually allowed to decay in compost, along with other compostable material, and the compost is used on the site or can be returned to your family. I first learned about it in a graduate school course I had to take about death and dying. Then I read about it in this book, too.

http://www.maryroach.net/stiff.html

I have a bunch of stuff highlighted in the book for further research about it. I really should did it out so that I have something to backup my wishes with DH.

[veronica]

It sort of depends for me:

If I go young/soon and my children are very young, I'm choosing a burial. I think they it would make transition for them easier if they could have someone to say goodbye to.

If the children are grown, I have been leaning more toward cremation.

[SnuggleBuggles]

See and I heard this creapy story of how bodies being cremated let out shrieks and screams when they are in the incinerator. :47: And even though I know that is ridiculous, I have visions of being burnt alive. I'd rather be buried alive. Eventually you run out of air and fall asleep.

Exactly!!!

Beth

[elektra]

AND you only need 8oz so the "bulk"of you could still be buried in holy ground

Looks like the ring option is back on the table then!

[elektra]

It sort of depends for me:

If I go young/soon and my children are very young, I'm choosing a burial. I think they it would make transition for them easier if they could have someone to say goodbye to.

If the children are grown, I have been leaning more toward cremation.

Hmm, I can definitely see the logic in this.

[cvanbrunt]

Cremation. Then whatever with the ashes. Although I do think this is cool:

http://www.eternalreefs.com/

I'd be fine with a green burial as well. Just don't drain my fluids and pump chemicals in.

[bubbaray]

See and I heard this creapy story of how bodies being cremated let out shrieks and screams when they are in the incinerator. :47: And even though I know that is ridiculous, I have visions of being burnt alive. I'd rather be buried alive. Eventually you run out of air and fall asleep.


I'd rather be cremated because the thought of the worms in the ground (and being buried alive) just weirds me right out. Ewwwwww.

[ThreeofUs]

I want to be cremated and buried or otherwise have a "place". I thought I would have liked my ashes scattered, but having a place for my mom and dad really means something to me. I'd like my kids to have a place to visit me, like I visit where my mom and dad are.

[larig]

DH and I will be cremated, our ashes will be scattered together at the same spot we said our vows (outside in a park, near a river, in another country). We will leave specifics in our will with instructions (and obviously $$), for DS (only child) to do for us.

I will, however, also likely put a marker somewhere in a cemetery that my paternal family has used for generations (my grandparents through my great-great-great grandparents are buried there) and my grandparents actually were caretakers there. It is very small, in the middle of a bunch of farms, a pastoral setting. I want the marker there, because I'm a bit of an amateur genealogist and consider myself my family's next family historian (taking over from my awesome uncle, who really didn't leave a lot for me to discover!). Grave markers are important clues to people trying to unravel their family's past, so it seems a little weird for me to not leave one. YWIM?

So, yeah, short answer is cremated & scattered.

ETA: My DH's sister died as a young mother, and because of some bad choices didn't see much of the world, but she would have loved to. So, her parents have taken some of her ashes to lots of beautiful places that they knew she would have liked to see. I loved that. I think it helped them too.

[wendibird22]

I want to be cremated and a nice park bench donated to some lovely spot in my honor. I jokingly tell DH I want to become a park bench. I don't want to be buried and personally don't want family to feel compelled to visit "me" in the ground somewhere and as such a mobile, global society, I wouldn't want my children to feel guilty moving across country or across the world and leaving me behind in some cemetery they will never visit.

[Gena]

As a Catholic I get 2 choices- be buried in holy ground or be cremated and ashes buried in holy ground. .

:yeahthat:

Although lately I've become very interested in the idea of donating my body to a medical school or for other scientific research. So I need to look into the Catholic Church's rules on that.

[carolinamama]

I would like to be cremated and then my family can decide what to do with my remains. My mom's mom was cremated and then her remains were split between my grandfather and their 4 kids. I don't know what other people chose to do with them, but my mom planted a special tree and scattered the ashes at the base of the tree. I know that my mom looks at that tree frequently with fond memories of her mother and it is a beautiful blooming tree in the spring. I like the idea of giving my family the choice of how to create a memorial.

[cckwmh]

Although lately I've become very interested in the idea of donating my body to a medical school or for other scientific research. So I need to look into the Catholic Church's rules on that.[/QUOTE]

I know when I took gross anatomy, The remains were creamated and the families could get them back. I would think that if you were then buried you would be satisfying the rules.

my parents are catholic and my dad wants to be creamated and my mom wants to be buried. i know they spoke to their priest and he said if my Dad passed first, he could be creamated and then buried with my mom when she passed (so he wouldn't be buried right away).

[katydid1971]

I voted cremated and scattered but I really don't care what they do with my ashes. I really thing most everything associated with the funeral industry is a rip off. I also think its a waste of resources to make caskets and maintain centenaries. I also wouldn't care if my family gave my body to science. All of my grandparents were cremated, my one grandfather had his ashes sprinkled on every golf hole he ever got a hole in one on. He's sprinkled in 8 course in 3 states :thumbsup:. I don't know if the courses know he's there, my uncles just played a round and dropped a little of grandpa on the green when they got to the right hole:wink2:. He really loved golf.

[soontobe]

both dh and I will be buried.

just wondering-why do so many people not what to be buried?

[brittone2]

I'm in the I don't really care camp. I'd be fine with cremated/ashes scattered or wait to be "combined" with DH's ashes (or vice versa) and then scattered. Or a green burial or something else.

If my kids really want a place to "visit" that's something I'd consider, but I am not particularly attached to any one option.

eta: We've had several family members opt for donating their body to science. I did cadaver lab dissections in grad school so that's something I might consider, but haven't really felt compelled to do yet (I kind of wish I felt more compelled...).

[bubbaray]

why do so many people not what to be buried?


For me, two reasons -- it takes up valuable land that (IMO) could/should be put to better use and the whole fear of being buried. Then there is the worm/rotting issue (even if the body is preserved, its not forever, eventually there will be decomposition).

[boolady]

I have an absolute, overwhelming fear of being buried alive, so I'm going with cremation. If I'm screaming on my way into the oven, at least it will be over with quickly, or so I tell myself.

[egoldber]

I really don't care. I want to be an organ donor if I can.

[LMPC]

I voted for "I'm dead, who cares!" because that is really how I feel...but at the same time DH and I have talked about how I want as much of my body to go to organ donation and/or science. I felt this was really an important talk to have with him...since he might be the one making those decisions...and I have a living will. And my license says I am an organ donor. I absolutely do not want to be put in the ground.

[Smillow]

just wondering-why do so many people not want to be buried?

I am claustrophobic!

[eagle]

i prefer to be cremated and have the ashes disposed of in any way. whatever way. down the toilet, in the backyard, whatever.

id prefer not to take up space anywhere, like in a burial plot rotting away.

but really, i dont think ill care too much. ill be dead. if i end up rotting away, oh well.

it just doesnt matter too much.

i *will* try to set aside some $$ so that the whole process for whoever isnt a big deal.

[MoJo]

I don't care. DH has asked for a "pine box," which I assume to mean buried, but I don't think he really cares either.

[WolfpackMom]

I asked DH and his answer was "whatever's cheapest." But he also says his mom says he isn't "allowed" to be cremated because of something to do with Mormonism and the afterlife (DH is not a practicing Mormon).

I want to donate my organs and then be cremated, I dont have particular desire for my ashes to be in a specific place. If my children are young though like a pp mentioned, I can see how a burial might be desirable for a place for them - I like the park bench idea or tree idea much better though.

When my great aunt died we spread her ashes at a beach that we had a family reunion on every year (one of her wishes was for all of our family to all get together). It was really touching. Then we roasted marshmallows on the beach...as a teenager I realized we probably still had ashes on ours hands when we did that even after rinsing them in the ocean. Eek.

ETA: Does anyone worry about ashes getting mixed up or there being leftover ashes in the chamber and them getting added in with yours? Thats one thing I have wondered about.

[JoyNChrist]

I voted I don't care, but I sort of do. I want to be an organ donor (donate as much of me as possible), and then I can either be cremated or buried, BUT...

I DO NOT want to have an open casket funeral where everybody walks by and looks at my body. I find that so incredibly creepy. That's very much the norm here (it's odd for people to be cremated here) and it just totally skeeves me out. Everybody walking by and saying stuff like, "She looks so natural." And somebody has to pick out your clothes and everything.

Ew. Just no. No.

I've been VERY vocal about this to all of my family and friends. They better listen or I'm coming back to haunt them. ;)

[bigpassport]

In my religion, it is customary (but not mandated) to be buried, so I will probably be buried. DH feels much more strongly about being buried than I do. Honestly, I think its kinda creepy to be buried. I also think it's a waste of space and man-hours for maintenance of the cemetery.

[bigpassport]

i do not want to have an open casket funeral where everybody walks by and looks at my body. I find that so incredibly creepy. That's very much the norm here (it's odd for people to be cremated here) and it just totally skeeves me out. Everybody walking by and saying stuff like, "she looks so natural." and somebody has to pick out your clothes and everything.

Ew. Just no. No.

lol. Ita.

[arivecchi]

I cannot even think about this! It creeps me out!

[nmosur]

I used to say that I want my organs harvested and body donated to science. After they are done, I don't care if they turn me into ashes and flush me down the toilet. Now after having DD, I sort of feel like she should have a say. If Hindu customs are followed, then I would be cremated and my ashes will be mixed in a river (preferably the Ganges).

[MamaSnoo]

I voted for cremated and scatter ashes, but I think there needed to be an option for cremated and, then, who cares? There is nowhere specific I want to be scattered.

I'm dead. Please just put me somewhere convenient, without excessive ceremony. And I am with PP re: the open casket thing.....no way.

[gatorsmom]

The composting isn't ashes, your body is actually allowed to decay in compost, along with other compostable material, and the compost is used on the site or can be returned to your family. I first learned about it in a graduate school course I had to take about death and dying. Then I read about it in this book, too.

http://www.maryroach.net/stiff.html

I have a bunch of stuff highlighted in the book for further research about it. I really should did it out so that I have something to backup my wishes with DH.

Would this depend on what diseases and treatments you have before you die? For example, my dad is going through chemotherapy and will probably continue it until he dies in the next year or 2. There is NO WAY I would want to compost him in any garden plot where I might one day plant vegetables. His body will be filled with toxic chemicals. I also think of bioaccumulation of toxins in our tissues and frankly, even if he weren't on chemo, I still wouldn't want him (or any other American) fertilizing my garden.

[kijip]

just wondering-why do so many people not what to be buried?

Besides environmental/land use factors with embalming and burial of full remains, there is a huge cost differential. To cremate my mom, buy an urn and urn vault and bury that box approached several thousand dollars and we already owned the gravesite (a plot of 8 spots for cremated remains). Had we opted to buy a casket and bury her body, it would have been over $10,000. For many families, those costs are simply too much. And even though we could have paid that, I can hear my mother chiding me to spend that money on her grandkids education rather than a wooden box for her to rot in. She wanted to be cremated. I respected the church's instructions on cremation and buried rather than scattered or kept the ashes, but I can totally see a lot of people not easily affording the costs associated with funerals.

[Elilly]

I know this may sound odd but I guess it depends on when I die. I want whatever will bring my family the most peace. And that could change depending on when it happens.

[kijip]

Good to know, as DH is Catholic. So maybe he wouldn't be too keen on being turned into jewelry if he is supposed to be in the ground.

Yes, my dad is wanting to get all our plots or whatever sorted out like asap. He is sending me brochures and wanting me to figure things out.

The Catholic Church allows cremation now but they do consider that keeping all or part of the ashes, displaying them, scattering them etc to be unacceptable. The choices are cemetery or a Catholic crypt/mausoleum. Personally, and I am sure this is influenced by my Catholic background, I find keeping ashes or turning them into material objects to be disturbing. That said, I don't much care about what other people decide to do.

[kijip]

After your body is used for science, the university or research institute can arrange for you to be cremated and returned to your family for burial or scattering.

Having buried both my FIL and my mother while still in our 20s my husband and I firmly believe that funerals and ceremonies are for the living and not the dead. As such I want what my kids and family want. If they are comfortable donating my body to science, that is my preference. If it would cause any of them concern or discomfort to donate my body to science, then it is ok to not. If they need a funeral, they can have one. I certainly needed one after my mom died. She did not want a fuss but we had a church service and a graveside service and we buried her ashes. We had a huge wake. We needed what she would have called a fuss. Though part of what we needed to do was certainly guided by what we knew she wanted, especially on matters consistent with her religious beliefs. In my FILs case, we did make sure that we followed his basic written instructions- Catholic service, buried in a spot where family could be buried with him.

[boolady]

The Catholic Church allows cremation now but they do consider that keeping all or part of the ashes, displaying them, scattering them etc to be unacceptable. The choices are cemetery or a Catholic crypt/mausoleum. Personally, and I am sure this is influenced by my Catholic background, I find keeping ashes or turning them into material objects to be disturbing. That said, I don't much care about what other people decide to do.

Argh. This is does not surprise me-- this is what my MIL wanted--to be cremated and her ashes put into a mausoleum where some family members were interred. She was a very faithful Catholic, so now I understand why she wanted this. She specifically wanted to be cremated because she suffered from, and had been very disfigured by, scleroderma. Thus, even though she was beautiful in all of our minds, she did NOT want an open casket viewing.

Unfortunately, my FIL, who almost refused to have her cremated, even though DH, BIL, SIL and I kept pressing him because it's what she really, really wanted, (1) had an open casket viewing before she was cremated, and (2) has kept her ashes in a vase at their home.

I know this is a complete tangent, but it really drives home how you need to spell out what you want to as many people as possible. My FIL made her funeral into a complete spectacle that she never would have wanted and my DH finally threw his hands up and said that this is why they say that funerals are for the living, not the dead.

Now I find out that it's bad enough that he didn't honor her two most significant wishes, but that one of them was also a matter of faith for her. He should know this, too. Argh again. Sorry for the derailment, I am home alone (well, except for sleeping DD) and just needed to get that out.

[boolady]

Having buried both my FIL and my mother while still in our 20s my husband and I firmly believe that funerals and ceremonies are for the living and not the dead.

OK, I was seriously typing this exact phrase while you were. I'm glad (or sad) to find that others have realized this as well.

[Fairy]

I see someone mentioned this but http://www.lifegem.com/secondary/LGPrices2006.aspx is what Im doing with DH.

This is very very interesting. I'm creeped out by the concept of ashes in an urn. but this is really intriguing.

[Fairy]

I want my organs donated, and then I want to be buried. In no way do I want an open casket, Jews don't generally do that, anyway, but I really REALLY don't want that.

[Penny's Pappa]

I am an organ donor. When I pass, I want my viable organs harvested and the remains donated to science if possible. I'll be dead; my body will be of no use to me any longer so I can only hope that it would be of use to someone else.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk.

[sste]

We specified this in our wills - - we want the "shared" headstone with a side for each of us. I would prefer to be cremated but DH wants to return to the earth and I am willing to compromise. I also made clear in the will that we did not want chemicals or alot of money spent on anything - - costco casket here I come!

If one of us remarries well I am sorry the second spouse is going to need to set up camp next door or at our feet or something!

[tarahsolazy]

I want to donate my body to my med school, for gross anatomy lab. I found that experience very moving and educational, and would love to be a part of it for another generation of med students.

At our school, the remains are cremated at the end of the course, and returned to the families. We also had a memorial service for the people who were our cadavers.

If this idea creeped my kids out so much that they would be distressed over it, they can cremate me and do whatever with my ashes. I don't want to be embalmed and buried, though, and would prefer no open casket, although open caskets are the norm in my family/area.

[crl]

I am an organ donor. Otherwise I don't care. Whatever works for whoever survives me. And before we got married I made dh promise to get remarried, if I die first. It makes me sad to think of him alone.

Catherine

[scriptkitten]

Cremated and ashes spread at Barney's in NYC

[hellokitty]

I have always wanted to be cremated. I have no preference though about the ashes. I just want whatever is cheap and takes up the least amt of space. It is weird though, my mil is VERY, VERY particular about this. She has a burial plot (and bought burial plots for DH, bil, sil and myself, even though NONE of us wants to be stuck buried next to her and told her not to get it, she insists it is a very good plot, b/c it is on top of a hill, so she won't be downstream from the rest of the dead bodies, and yes these were her words) wants the nicest casket, probably wants us to spend a fortune on flowers, etc.. To me, this seems like such a huge waste of $. She is Catholic and says this is only way you can do it, so I can't wait to tell her that the Catholic church is now ok with cremation, just to throw her into a tizzy, lol.

[SpaceGal]

I just don't want to be buried to take up space in the ground...just cremation and scatter me...if someone wants to keep me then fine...but otherwise...dust to dust.

[blue]

When I die my preference is:
1) Take any organs that can be donated
2) Allow any family members that need/want to view my body for "closure" to do so. (I didn't have that option with a family member of mine that died and it made it more difficult for me, so I want to make sure to offer that)
3) Cremate me
4) Scatter my ashes

Oh course I will dead at that point, so it doesn't really matter to me anymore ;) (the list above is just my preference)

[elephantmeg]

I'd like to be cremated. Honestly I'm too cheap to want to pay money to be stuck in the ground. DH wants me burried so he can visit me. What I immagine will happen is he'll be burried and they can stick my ashes in the same plot. Good enough for me! If wishes were fishes I would love to be scattered at Lake Munkamba where we spent vacations growing up (Africa). Now that would be awesome.

The book Stiff mentioned earlier is a fascinating read. I'm a nursing supervisor and amongst other things deal with all the deaths that happen in my shift. Which means that over the last 36 hours I've dealt with 7 or 8 I think (not typical-it's been a busy couple day!). Out of all those only 1 was approved for donation (corneal)-there are a lot of restrictions-age, infection and drug use are the main ones that rule someone out for donation.

I don't think I'll be able to since I'm not able to be a blood donor (too long in Congo/Zaire). We also send bodies for science donation and just last week sent one for a Herreford?? heart study or something. Anyways they sent a pathologist to harvest the brain (at the funeral home!). For the anatomical donation you need to be approved ahead of time so if it's something you are interested in, go ahead and look into it now.

[ahrimie]

I voted cremated and scattered just because I don't want to waste any space with my corpse. But if my family wants to keep some for their sake, that's fine too.

My grandparents actually donated their bodies to a local, prestigious university (in Korea). After the research was done, they were cremated. They both died of cancer so they thought it would be helpful for others to see and learn.

[essnce629]

I want my body donated to science and I've told DBF and my mom this many times.

[katydid1971]

I'm impressed at how many want to donate their bodies to science. I have never known anyone IRL who did that.

[AnnieW625]

I voted undecided. DH and I have never talked about this, but in both of our families all of the family members we know of have had a traditional burial (non creamated) and are buried under ground or in a wall crypt.

We don't have grave sites, but I assume that if we stay in our area we'll be buried at the cemetery a few miles from our house. We'd have a Catholic service, and no open casket, if I wasn't cremated. Both DH and I know we are organ donors though, but other than that we don't really have any specifics.

[kijip]

For the anatomical donation you need to be approved ahead of time so if it's something you are interested in, go ahead and look into it now.

Very good reminder. We considered it for my mom, but we considered it too late to make it happen. She was interested and willing but we were so busy caring for her (she died of cancer) that we never got around to setting it up before she died. The deceased person has to consent before death so it's not something families can do after the fact.

[klwa]

I'm annoyed with DH over this now. :D

I've always thought I'd prefer the burial option, but my mom was cremated, then buried, and I think I like that idea. However, DH has decided he wants to be cremated & then have his ashes scattered at our college football stadium. :shake: I've explained to him that I've given enough of him to that durn stadium & I don't want to give that to them too! (DH was a student manager for the football team in school & continues to do game day work for them 12 years later.)

[VClute]

I voted i'm a vampire - but I think i want my remains composted and then given back to my family to use as compost in their gardens. DH thinks I am crazy and bursts out laughing every time this subject gets brought up.

Oh, my gosh! This is ME! I always tell my family to donate what they can, then put the rest through a wood-chipper and turn me into garden mulch!

[KHF]

I have an absolute, overwhelming fear of being buried alive, so I'm going with cremation. If I'm screaming on my way into the oven, at least it will be over with quickly, or so I tell myself.

:rotflmao: I haven't finished all of the responses yet, but this sums up my feelings so well I had to post! I had never really thought about cremation until DH and I did our will & trust and he said he wanted to be cremated. I've always been completely freaked by everything involving actual burials. I won't even go close to the casket at funerals. So cremation it is...after the organ harvest team has taken everything from me they could possibly use.

[egoldber]

For those who want to be organ donors, I just want to point out that many/most people who die of natural causes will not typically be able to be donate organs. Many more people can become cornea or tissue donors (e.g., skin, bone and heart valves).

http://www.donatelife.net/UnderstandingDonation/OrganDonation.php
http://www.donatelife.net/UnderstandingDonation/TissueDonation.php
http://www.donatelife.net/UnderstandingDonation/CorneaDonation.php

[KHF]

For those who want to be organ donors, I just want to point out that many/most people who die of natural causes will not typically be able to be donate organs. Many more people can become cornea or tissue donors (e.g., skin, bone and heart valves).

:yeahthat: I had to specify in the will & trust documents that they could harvest organs, skin, tissue, corneas...basically anything that was needed. The lawyer we used had a checklist!

[mikeys_mom]

DH and I will both be buried. Religiously that is the only option for us.

[Carrots]

I want to be cremated, but I don't know what to do after that. Can you split up the ashes and scatter some and bury some?

[Corie]

My husband told me to just dump his dead naked body out
in the woods somewhere and let the animals eat him.

He's serious too. He's of the mind that he's dead, so who cares?

Plus, DH is a big hunter so maybe this is his way of giving back
to all the animals that *he's* eaten. Who really knows???

I told him he's a FREAK!!!

[elephantmeg]

For those who want to be organ donors, I just want to point out that many/most people who die of natural causes will not typically be able to be donate organs. Many more people can become cornea or tissue donors (e.g., skin, bone and heart valves).

http://www.donatelife.net/UnderstandingDonation/OrganDonation.php
http://www.donatelife.net/UnderstandingDonation/TissueDonation.php
http://www.donatelife.net/UnderstandingDonation/CorneaDonation.php

exactly
the majority of what we see recovered (and we are not a tertiary care center so we don't generally have the trauma etc pts that are the majority of "living" donation-I've never done a recovery on a live donor in the 1.5 years I've done this job) is eyes/corneas, then some long bones, heart valves, skin.

[crl]

My husband told me to just dump his dead naked body out
in the woods somewhere and let the animals eat him.

He's serious too. He's of the mind that he's dead, so who cares?

Plus, DH is a big hunter so maybe this is his way of giving back
to all the animals that *he's* eaten. Who really knows???

I told him he's a FREAK!!!
My dh wants to be cremated and for me to scatter his ashes over a trout stream during a hatch. Not too different from your dh.

He is under strict instructions not to die before I do anyway.

Catherine

[Reyadawnbringer]

I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread at the base of a huge shady tree somewhere peaceful. I like the idea of having a beautiful blooming tree planted and my ashes being scattered there.

I also like the idea of ashes being scattered all over to various places that mattered to me. So I guess I am not too particular on that aspect.

I just really cannot abide such waste as an expensive casket and burial for me. I very much try to live my life with the least environmental impact possible, and while it is not perfectly green centered, I DO NOT want to advocate such waste on me when I am dead.

While this idea upsets my spouse now (he wants us to be buried by each other), I hope that in time he will come to understand that my final wishes are very much in line with the way I live my life now. I hope that when the time comes, our son (or children) will understand and respect my choice as well. I feel like with the way I live my life now, I would be a hypocrite to want such useless (and by useless I mean: not practical) excess after my death. Land is valuable and as our population grows it become even more valuable, such to the point that I would never want to take up even just a little bit of land to store my body away with the presumption that chemicals will stave off the natural forces of decay.

This is just me though, and I respect others choices.

[scrooks]

I am in the "I am terrified of being buried alive camp" but I am also freaked out about accidentally being burned alive. I probably lean toward cremation though.

[gatorsmom]

For those who want to be organ donors, I just want to point out that many/most people who die of natural causes will not typically be able to be donate organs. Many more people can become cornea or tissue donors (e.g., skin, bone and heart valves).

http://www.donatelife.net/UnderstandingDonation/OrganDonation.php
http://www.donatelife.net/UnderstandingDonation/TissueDonation.php
http://www.donatelife.net/UnderstandingDonation/CorneaDonation.php

I wanted to post this last night but ran out of time. I dont' have the statistics in front of me and don't have time to research them, but I always thought that the majority of people die of either heart disease or cancer. Aren't those in the top 5 of killers for American adults? And is it really possible for cancer victims to donate organs? Maybe heart attack victims can donate, not sure about that...

I hear a lot of people say they want to donate their organs but i think that given the statistics, a lot fewer peoples' bodies would be eligible despite their good intentions.

[egoldber]

It has to do with the fact that the blood must remaining pumping to the organs up until the time of retrieval. From the website I linked:


In order for a person to become an organ donor, blood and oxygen must flow through the organs until the time of recovery to ensure viability. This requires that a person die under circumstances that have resulted in an irreparable neurological injury, usually from massive trauma to the brain such as aneurysm, stroke or automobile accident.

This is not true for cornea or tissue donation. Most people can donate these things.

[tribe pride]

I'm fascinated by all of these responses!

I took a class in college, called "Landscape and American Culture," and in one part of it we talked about the history of the design and role of cemeteries and grave markers in the US, and what that says about changing attitudes toward death. One of my most memorable classes, actually. Anyway, as a result of that class, I have come to LOVE walking through graveyards, particularly old ones. We used to live in the Boston area, and I would frequently take long walks in some of the older cemeteries. I loved reading the headstones and trying to figure out the family histories of a small town, and reading the words that people chose to have inscribed on their headstones. I guess maybe that could sound a bit creepy, but I found it soothing and a wonderful time of reflection. As a Christian, I was encouraged by the Scripture verses found on headstones and the hope they professed in the afterlife. I felt like it was all a good reminder to me of my hope in the resurrection, and an encouragement to live my life in light of that. I think this is actually alluded to in the last Harry Potter book, where the bible verse written on Harry's parent's headstone says, "The last enemy to be defeated is death."

Anyway, that's a bit OT! To answer the original question, DH and I have actually talked about this a lot. Death is inevitable, so we figured we might as well talk about it. We want a traditional burial in a cemetery. In our opinions, it demonstrates a care and concern for the body that is mitigated with other forms of disposing of remains; it acknowledges that the human body is created in the image of God and thus, in some ways sacred and deserving of reverence. And ultimately, for us a traditional burial symbolizes our belief that, in the words of bible writers, our bodies are metaphorically "sleeping" while they lay in the ground, and that they will be resurrected and reunited with our spirits some day. Not that God can't do this with other forms of burial/disposal of remains, but I think that having a traditional burial helps to acknowledge this belief.

Sorry to get all theological on everyone! I totally get that others will disagree with my perspective, and that's fine with me. I just wanted to share my thoughts on the subject!

[elektra]

Re: the organ donation, you may not be able to donate your organs to save someone's life immediately ( ex. Donating your heart for a transplant) but you may still be able to donate to science. It is what my mom is planning to do with her brain. They have it all worked out.

[StantonHyde]

I voted cremated and then buried. My mom was cremated and my dad gave me some ashes. The rest he worked into her flower bed. Which is a really nice earth to earth idea except that when he sells the house, I can't exactly traipse through a stranger's garden. My grandma was cremated and buried. I find it very soothing to have a permanent place to go to "visit" my relatives. And, as a family historian, cemetery records are very key to keeping in touch with the past. I don't want to put my mom on the shelf, so to speak. So after my dad goes, I have decided that I will buy a space for my mom and have her ashes put there so that I have a place to go to "see" her. I think scattering and burying as a combo is a nice idea for those of us left behind.

[blue]

For those who want to be organ donors, I just want to point out that many/most people who die of natural causes will not typically be able to be donate organs. Many more people can become cornea or tissue donors (e.g., skin, bone and heart valves).

http://www.donatelife.net/UnderstandingDonation/OrganDonation.php
http://www.donatelife.net/UnderstandingDonation/TissueDonation.php
http://www.donatelife.net/UnderstandingDonation/CorneaDonation.php

:signthankspin: For the information

[tribe pride]

I voted cremated and then buried. My mom was cremated and my dad gave me some ashes. The rest he worked into her flower bed. Which is a really nice earth to earth idea except that when he sells the house, I can't exactly traipse through a stranger's garden. My grandma was cremated and buried. I find it very soothing to have a permanent place to go to "visit" my relatives. And, as a family historian, cemetery records are very key to keeping in touch with the past. I don't want to put my mom on the shelf, so to speak. So after my dad goes, I have decided that I will buy a space for my mom and have her ashes put there so that I have a place to go to "see" her. I think scattering and burying as a combo is a nice idea for those of us left behind.

:yeahthat: to the bolded part. That is a great point.

[Tanya]

It sort of depends for me:

If I go young/soon and my children are very young, I'm choosing a burial. I think they it would make transition for them easier if they could have someone to say goodbye to.

If the children are grown, I have been leaning more toward cremation.


That is a really good point. When our dog died, my kids really really really wanted to bury her and dh and I wanted to cremate her and scatter her ashes where she played frisbee. We ended up cremating her, but we scattered some ashes along her frisbee trail and then buried the remaining along with a frisbee, favorite toy and letters/pictures the kids had done. They do need their own closure too.

[dogmom]

I keep telling my DH that I want my remains buried in a shallow grave in the woods so the animals can dig me up and chew on my bones. He keeps telling be that he's glad statistically he is going to die before me because he doesn't want to get arrested. I'm going to hike the Napoli coast to dump his ashes in Kauai. I tell him he's trying to kill be because I'll be elderly and fall and break a hip.

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

I am going to be sprinkled in OSU stadium when they let the folks go onto the field for spring game.

[amandabea]

I voted I'm dead, Who cares, but I would want as much of my body used/donated in some way as possible. Organ donation, medical research, whatever else might benefit someone.

:yeahthat:

[Fairy]

So, no one wants to be frozen, eh?

[maestramommy]

Cremated, the ashes scattered at the top of Taquitz Rock in Idyllwild, CA.

If I die early, then I'd like my organs/etc. harvested first.

[Nooknookmom]

That is pretty cool. The first thing I thought of, though, is I'd be afraid I'd lose the ring. Can you imagine how you'd feel saying, "oh my gosh, my mother just got lost in the plumbing!" Tombstones are harder to do that to. :ROTFLMAO:

That was my first thought! I misplace everything, I'd feel soo bad!

[Nooknookmom]

I voted Who Cares, but if I actually think about it, I do NOT want to be in the cold suffocating ground. So cremate me & do with me what you will.

I really can't grasp the "spreading thing" like I
'

[Nooknookmom]

I voted Who Cares, but if I actually think about it, I do NOT want to be in the cold suffocating ground. So cremate me & do with me what you will.

As for the "spreading thing", like I'm gonna know where my ashes land, lol.

Guess its for the relatives to heal. Knowing my DD's...one of them will drop me!

[Green_Tea]

Cremated and ashes spread at Barney's in NYC

:hysterical:

I almost spit my tea out on the computer screen when I saw this! I'll be right there with you in the afterlife, scriptkitten!

:hysterical:

[JTsMom]

I voted I don't care, but I sort of do. I want to be an organ donor (donate as much of me as possible), and then I can either be cremated or buried, BUT...

I DO NOT want to have an open casket funeral where everybody walks by and looks at my body. I find that so incredibly creepy. That's very much the norm here (it's odd for people to be cremated here) and it just totally skeeves me out. Everybody walking by and saying stuff like, "She looks so natural." And somebody has to pick out your clothes and everything.

Ew. Just no. No.

I've been VERY vocal about this to all of my family and friends. They better listen or I'm coming back to haunt them. ;):yeahthat: Exactly! Everyone in my family does the whole open casket thing, and I find the whole thing so disturbing!

[Corie]

I have some very good friends in Rhode Island and their family
business is a funeral home.

Both the husband & wife said that they would NEVER be cremated
after seeing how it's done.

The husband and wife do not gross out easily. The husband is
also a firefighter and the wife is a nurse.

[hillview]

I went with who cares but likely cremation and not sure what to do then ...
/hillary

[kijip]

I have some very good friends in Rhode Island and their family
business is a funeral home.

Both the husband & wife said that they would NEVER be cremated
after seeing how it's done.

The husband and wife do not gross out easily. The husband is
also a firefighter and the wife is a nurse.

I observed the cremation process for my FIL- body in, wait most of the day, ashes out though I did not observe the ash being moved to the urn, as I understand it they process it to breakdown any remaining bone. Besides taking a long time where you wait, knowing that your loved one is gone and being cremated at that moment, I don't see what is gross about it. With my mother we saw her go in and then returned for the ashes later. It was not pretty watching the bodies go in, and I am sure what happens once the crematorium door is closed is not pretty either, but compared to embalming and then what happens inside the casket, I would call it even.

Anyone in the funeral home business has a SERIOUS economic disincentive to promote cremation. We used a non-profit cremation service to avoid the sales tactics we experienced when my FIL died. We had to have his body moved from one place to another because the people at the first place were so intent on changing our minds about cremation.

[Corie]

I observed the cremation process for my FIL- body in, wait, ashes out. Besides taking a long time where you wait, knowing that your loved one is gone and being cremated at that moment, I don't see what is gross about it. With my mother we saw her go in and then returned for the ashes later. It was not pretty watching the bodies go in, and I am sure what happens once the oven door is closed is not pretty either, but compared to embalming and then what happens inside the casket, I would call it even.

Anyone in the funeral home business has a SERIOUS economic disincentive to promote cremation. We used a non-profit cremation service to avoid the sales tactics we experienced when my FIL died. We had to have his body moved from one place to another because the people at the first place were so intent on changing our minds about cremation.


I probably shouldn't have said the word "gross". But they were really
turned off by the cremation process. I didn't ask for details.

Also, this wasn't a sales tactic that they were using on us. We were
just talking as friends.

[kijip]

I probably shouldn't have said the word "gross". But they were really
turned off by the cremation process. I didn't ask for details.

Also, this wasn't a sales tactic that they were using on us. We were
just talking as friends.

I am still pro philanthropy when talking to friends. Our careers shape our opinions. I am sure that they have an honest opinion, but it seems natural that they are not unbiased.

Basically no matter what happens to a body, it has the potential to gross people out, be that in the ground or via cremation.

[m448]

I need to have my eyes checked because I thought you said ramekins and not remains.

My dad says he want a mausoleum with a view and my mom says she doesn't care. I'm not sure yet.

[KLD313]

I too believe that funerals etc. are for the living. I was always grossed out by viewing a dead body and avoided it. When my grandfather died I had no choice but to go to his wake, I wouldn't have felt comfortable not going. He died of lung cancer and suffered, struggled to breathe in his last days and seeing him at peace helped me so much. I was able to go to the casket, I even touched him and I thought I would be seeing him dead in my mind forever but that memory faded, I'm able to remember him as he was.

Two years later my dad died tragically and we were never able to see him, not by choice, it just wasn't possible due to the circumstances of the way he died. I was so devastated by his death but, had we had the choice I would have preferred not to see him. So, I think it's hard to say what you want and what you don't because you just don't know until you're in the actual circumstance.

I want my DD to decide what to do with me when I go, whatever will make her comfortable and at peace.

[dcmom2b3]

I hadn't really thought about this, so I voted "Dead, who cares." But, with a bit of reflection I think that I want to be cremated and sprinkled around Harvey Nichols London, with a particularly generous deposit in the shoe and handbag departments.

[kijip]

I need to have my eyes checked because I thought you said ramekins and not remains.


Well, that is an easy question. When I die, assuming my children already own their own ramekins, I want my set of ramekins to be donated only to the very best Goodwill, with a decent view of the parking lot and a reasonably uncluttered, mostly dust free, eye level shelf, somewhere between the mismatched teacups and the stacks of salad bowls.

[elephantmeg]

well, that is an easy question. When i die, assuming my children already own their own ramekins, i want my set of ramekins to be donated only to the very best goodwill, with a decent view of the parking lot and a reasonably uncluttered, mostly dust free, eye level shelf, somewhere between the mismatched teacups and the stacks of salad bowls.

rotfl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!