Let's talk about.. little white lies (or big fat ones)

[momm]

So I know people of different thought schools, who say that little white lies are necessary to maintain a relationship, and those who believe in truth, no matter how hurtful

Where do you fall? Poll coming up!

[SnuggleBuggles]

It's funny because the other day ds1 and I were talking about the gray hairs I have (just a few but all annoying) and age. What he said was a bit too honest. :) I suggested that perhaps he could have told a white lie on that one. He was totally not ok with that idea! A lie is a lie to him. Me? I'm ok with a few here and there though I tend to follow the "if I don't have anything nice to say, don't say it" motto rather than lie.

Beth

[crl]

Hmm, I'm pretty good at saying something true, but not blunt, if that makes sense. Also dh would never ask me, "does this dress make me look fat" or any male equivalent. ;). Neither of us puts the other on the spot that way.

That said, I am sure that at some point in the last 15 years I have told dh a white lie or two.

And I have definitely told ds more than a few white lies. (Yes, I was listening to the story you told me, that is a beautiful card you made for me, etc.). I strive for the nicest version of the truth instead (I really like the colors you used) but some days my head hurts and a white lie is the best I can do.

Catherine

[MoJo]

Hmm, I'm pretty good at saying something true, but not blunt, if that makes sense. . . . I strive for the nicest version of the truth instead (I really like the colors you used)

I'm with Catherine on this one. And all my immediate family members seem to realize when I dodge a question because the truth would hurt. . . so they benefit from the truth without my saying it.

[Raidra]

I only rarely lie, and when I do, it's the tiny little lie to spare someone's feelings. Most often, though, I avoid saying anything at all if I can't be honest.

[SnuggleBuggles]

And I have definitely told ds more than a few white lies. (Yes, I was listening to the story you told me, that is a beautiful card you made for me, etc.). I strive for the nicest version of the truth instead (I really like the colors you used) but some days my head hurts and a white lie is the best I can do.

Catherine

There should be another category for parent lies. I have done the above. Also, I have told both kids, "oh, I'm sorry, we can't go there today because it's closed.". I don't really feel that bad about it because they move on quickly.

Beth

[wellyes]

I am a harsh and judgemental person at times, and I have to remind myself to not hold DH to a ridiculous standard that even I don't always achieve. So that is sort of lying, in a sense, that I don't always convey exactly what pops into my head. But if that is lying, it makes me a better person I think.

[hellokitty]

This depends. If someone asks me an opinion about something and I know the truth will hurt them, I usually try to change the subject or sometimes I just get quiet.

However, I have to admit that I lie to my parents and in laws all of the time. Basically, they are nosy and preachy, so when they start getting on our case about stuff, I just lie to get them off my back. This is a defense mechanism, and the ONLY way to deal with the in laws and parents. Not to justify it, but my brothers and DH and bil all have to do it too. Our parents are relentless and if they know the truth, and don't like it, they will NOT stop bugging you about it. As in they will keep calling several times a day over it and act psycho. So, sadly we feel that we can't tell them the truth. It isn't so much lying to be honest, but we just basically don't tell them any info. So, my mom will dig at me for info about my brothers and even though I know info, I'll just tell her that I don't know anything.

I don't lie much to my kids, I'm actually pretty blunt to them. Sometimes I'll say something to deter them off of a question, esp if it is something that I know is above their heads. However, I usually am pretty straightforward with them.

[kijip]

Love the Lego master, Lego apprentice and Lego eater signature, hellokitty. I have a Lego master and a Lego destroyer here. Downside of a 5.5 year age difference. :hysterical:

[Indianamom2]

Hmm, I'm pretty good at saying something true, but not blunt, if that makes sense. Also dh would never ask me, "does this dress make me look fat" or any male equivalent. ;). Neither of us puts the other on the spot that way.

That said, I am sure that at some point in the last 15 years I have told dh a white lie or two.

And I have definitely told ds more than a few white lies. (Yes, I was listening to the story you told me, that is a beautiful card you made for me, etc.). I strive for the nicest version of the truth instead (I really like the colors you used) but some days my head hurts and a white lie is the best I can do.

Catherine

:yeahthat: This is pretty much what I try to do. I try to be honest, but there are times when I tactfully doge the truth to spare feelings on issues where no one will be hurt either way.

[hellokitty]

Love the Lego master, Lego apprentice and Lego eater signature, hellokitty. I have a Lego master and a Lego destroyer here. Downside of a 5.5 year age difference. :hysterical:

Thanks! Yeah, it is hard when there is a big age gap. I'm so tired of keeping after the older ones to keep their stuff where it belongs!

[sarahsthreads]

There should be another category for parent lies. I have done the above. Also, I have told both kids, "oh, I'm sorry, we can't go there today because it's closed.". I don't really feel that bad about it because they move on quickly.

Yeah, parent lies are different. I had my kids believing up until very recently that only DH could replace batteries in toys. DD1 finally called me on it - she wanted to know why I couldn't get a screwdriver from my own tool kit and do it myself. Of course, since DH steals things from my tool kit and never puts them back, I can sometimes honestly answer that I can't find my screwdrivers! And I might have said once or twice that there was a AA battery shortage (it was reported in the newspaper, don't you know?) and we couldn't possibly get any more at the store until the companies that make them made more... ;)

But with DH, I strive for the truth, though I'm sure in our 12 years of marriage I've said a few little white lies to spare his feelings. He doesn't usually put me on the spot like that, though.

I'm freer with the little white lies in my job - when someone comes up to you gushing over how much they love a particular color of yarn, and asks if it looks good with their skin tone, you can't really answer "well, it's a really pretty color, but it makes you look like death warmed over," can you? Or they'll bring you two colors and ask which looks better, and "neither" is not really an appropriate response, either. I try to tactfully suggest alternatives, but it doesn't always work, so I generally fall back on, "color choices are such a *personal* thing, there's a mirror on the back wall, why don't you see which *you* think looks better?"

Sarah :)

[wimama]

I only rarely lie, and when I do, it's the tiny little lie to spare someone's feelings. Most often, though, I avoid saying anything at all if I can't be honest.

:yeahthat: I try to say nothing if I can't be honest. Or if it will spare someones feeling I will consider a little white lie. But, I am guilty of few parent lies. Like if once you have eaten enough snap peas you will be able to snap. No exactly a lie. The kid will eventually learn how to snap his fingers, and in the mean time he will have eaten his snap peas.;)

[salsah]

interesting that you posted this, i was just thinking about posting the same thing.

the closer i am to someone, the more likely i am to tell the truth. it all depends on the situation and the person.

i'm all about telling white lies to avoid hurting someone's feelings. but whenever possible, i try to just say what ever good things i can and leave out the bad stuff (rather than make stuff up or really lie).

however i like when people tell me the truth.

bigger lies, i don't do it. but sometimes i wonder if my white lies get too big. where is the line? sometimes i may say something to someone thinking that it is a white lies, but then wonder if i was just saying it to not make myself look bad. or i wonder if i should have just said the truth nicely because the white lie was a bit of a stretch.

[JElaineB]

I tend to do more lies of omission, but not on anything major. For example, DH doesn't like DS playing video games so much, but sometimes I buy new games for him (and me :)) on the sly. One actual lie recently was that my sister bought DS Band Hero for his birthday, when actually I bought it. I did tell my sister, though, she was cool with it!