wwy have done in this situation? (added post 29)

[brgnmom]

DH and I went out to dinner earlier tonight w/ the kids at a casual restaurant. At the table next to us, there was an older couple (maybe in their late 40s or 50s) without kids. The older man accidentally bumped into DS while he was walking to the bathroom I presume. On his way back to the table, the man brought back a cup w/ a lid (the cup was from the restaurant's open bar/counter) and said it was for my DS. I thought it was a friendly (yet unexpected) gesture, and my DH opened the cup to find gummy bears inside. Quickly, DH sealed the lid before DS could see what was inside the cup.

After the couple left, my DH and I ended up throwing out the cup w/ gummy bears inside... while the older man appeared nice, we didn't want our DS to learn that it was alright to accept random gifts or edible treats from strangers. I thought it was slightly odd that the man filled a cup from the restaurant with gummy bears on a whim and left it on our table. He actually didn't say anything to DS & prior to his friendly gesture, my DH and I didn't have a conversation w/ the couple.

If you were in my situation, how do you think you would have reacted? The situation just rubbed me in an odd way - my mommy instinct suddenly went on high alert, and usually I'm pretty mellow about things.

[citymama]

I'd have done the same thing.

[MoJo]

I thought it was slightly odd that the man filled a cup from the restaurant with gummy bears on a whim and left it on our table.

I agree. We've had people buy us or DD dessert b/c DD was so well behaved. . . but we would have thrown out the gummy bears too.

[liz]

No doubt, we would have done the same thing.

My DH is a germ-a-phobe and would have wondered if the guy washed his hands (esp if he came from the bathroom!), lol

[TwinFoxes]

While I'm sure the guy was just being nice, I would have tossed them too. A similar thing happened to us. But someone gave the girls a peanut butter granola bar at Costco. How odd is that? Who gives strange kids peanuts? And they were only about 1-1/2 at the time, so I just said oh, no thanks, choking hazard. I don't know if this guy opened a box in his cart, or just had one on him.

[Melaine]

We have had this happen several times, random people at stores giving DDs candy. If it is sealed, I usually let them have it, but in that case, no, I wouldn't have. Regardless, I wish people wouldn't do it.

[SnuggleBuggles]

While I'm sure the guy was just being nice, I would have tossed them too. A similar thing happened to us. But someone gave the girls a peanut butter granola bar at Costco. How odd is that? Who gives strange kids peanuts? And they were only about 1-1/2 at the time, so I just said oh, no thanks, choking hazard. I don't know if this guy opened a box in his cart, or just had one on him.

Weird. But, if you didn't have kids would you 1. be good at guessing ages? 2. know about choking hazards? 3. know about how prevalent peanut allergies are? I know I'd have been bad with #1 and still am. :) And 2 and 3? I just would plead ignorance- not something I'd need to know about.

I always discretely toss candies the kids have gotten too.

Beth

[ThreeofUs]

Erm, that's strange. I would have done the same thing.

[momm]

I would've done what you did - but I don't think it's strange

Remember that they grew up in a time where a box was considered a car seat, or infants even rode in their moms laps. What I'm saying is, we now, are so conscious about safety and such, but they were pretty lax about it. It probably never even struck him as dangerous

I have a 65 year old lady friend, who gave my infant son a teddy bear from Christmas Tree Shops - def not meant for babies but I accepted it and kept it on our bookshelf. No way is my kid going near a bear that came from there, cannot be washed, and is not passed safety checks for infants.
But she simply didn't know. that's it, not weird.

[lhafer]

I would've done what you did - but I don't think it's strange

Remember that they grew up in a time where a box was considered a car seat, or infants even rode in their moms laps. What I'm saying is, we now, are so conscious about safety and such, but they were pretty lax about it. It probably never even struck him as dangerous

I have a 65 year old lady friend, who gave my infant son a teddy bear from Christmas Tree Shops - def not meant for babies but I accepted it and kept it on our bookshelf. No way is my kid going near a bear that came from there, cannot be washed, and is not passed safety checks for infants.
But she simply didn't know. that's it, not weird.

I disagree with this.

The teddy bear came from a someone you knew. Okay, she's older, doesn't remember or know about appropriate things for small children. She gets a pass because you KNEW her.

The OP didn't know this couple or this man. There was no interaction with them or him prior to him giving their child a cup of gummy bears. That's weird IMO.

[snowbunnies300]

Ok, maybe I am sensative today;) but the "older couple (maybe in their late 40s or 50s)" struck me. DH is in his late 40's and I am very close to that same decade. I don't consider either of us and "older couple". I guess on a date night I'll have to loudly talk about our young kids (7, 5, 3) so that we aren't considered over the hill.

I would have thanked him for the treat but would not have eaten it either. I can totally see my dad doing the very same thinking he was doing the right thing. It was just a different time and place when they grew up. Doesn't make them weird or wrong.

[Melaine]

Ok, maybe I am sensative today;) but the "older couple (maybe in their late 40s or 50s)" struck me. DH is in his late 40's and I am very close to that same decade. I don't consider either of us and "older couple". I guess on a date night I'll have to loudly talk about our young kids (7, 5, 3) so that we aren't considered over the hill.

I would have thanked him for the treat but would not have eaten it either. I can totally see my dad doing the very same thinking he was doing the right thing. It was just a different time and place when they grew up. Doesn't make them weird or wrong.

I consider 70's-80's an older couple...and they have better excuses for giving candy and stuff like that. 40's and 50's should know better than to give candy to strange kids, if you ask me. My eyes missed the ages in the OP and I was picturing a great-grandparent age, which is the age range that has given my kids candy in the past.

[Pennylane]

Ok, maybe I am sensative today;) but the "older couple (maybe in their late 40s or 50s)" struck me. DH is in his late 40's and I am very close to that same decade. I don't consider either of us and "older couple". I guess on a date night I'll have to loudly talk about our young kids (7, 5, 3) so that we aren't considered over the hill.



Lol! I was thinking the same thing!! People in their 40's are now considered an "older couple". Crap :)

I would have thrown them away too. Really sweet gesture, but unless it was in a sealed package I wouldn't feed it to my child.

Ann

[annex]

Could they have been from a gumball-type machine at the front of the restaurant? Maybe the guy got a cup from the restaurant and plunked a bunch of quarters in to fill the cup up from the machine.

[buddyleebaby]

I honestly could see myself going either way on this one.
I would have thanked him and if my dc had caught sight of what was in the cup I probably would have let him have a couple.
If not, I would have thanked him, set the cup to the side, and later thrown it away, as you did.

I remember very clearly going on vacation with my parents and having a couple of ladies stop us to ask if we wanted one of those bags of roasted nuts they sell, because they had bought too many. I looked at my mom because I knew I could not accept gifts from strangers and she told me it was ok, she was with me and the ladies were just being nice. It made my day. Seriously. So much that I remember it to this day.

In my husband's culture, I had to learn very quickly to say "no thank you" and stand by it because EVERYONE wants to feed my children. They feel very strongly about it.

In your case, I really truly do not think there would be any risk of him having tampered with the gummy bears and certainly not any more risk of germs than anywhere else in the restaurant. The guy behind the bar probably filled it up. But, my kids don't really need gummi bears anyway and I am a huge believer in following *your* mommy sensor. :hug:

[momm]

I think here, "older" wll be defined by how old your kids are :) Not by how old they are! I don't think 40-50 is old either, but they were obviously out of touch with dangers of open packets etc. and how they will be perceived.

lhafer - there was interaction. The gentleman bumped into OP's DS and it was his way of apologizing.

I totally agree about throwing the gummy bears away, but I think he just meant it as a nice gesture.

[ECMom]

This was a random act of kindness in my book. I would have said thank you and discarded them since they were not sealed.

[DietCokeLover]

Ok, maybe I am sensative today;) but the "older couple (maybe in their late 40s or 50s)" struck me.

Lol, yes this got me too. I am 40 and DH is older than me. And I certainly hope in just a few short years we will not be considered an "older couple"!

But, all that aside, I think it was probably just a nice gesture. I would have said thank you and then I would have thrown it out. We don't let our kids eat candy anyway, but no matter what, I would have thrown it out.

[Ceepa]

I would have thanked the gentleman for his kind gesture and then left them on the table uneaten when it was time to leave the restaurant.

[JBaxter]

Well I'm what you consider an "older couple" I'm almost 44.

I would have thanked him and probably tossed them after we left.

[edurnemk]

I would've tossed them, too. Better safe than sorry.

[AnnieW625]

I would done the exact same thing.

[s7714]

I would have tossed the candy.

[JenChem]

I agree I would have thanked him and then tossed them.

When DS was about 6mo we were in a WalMart and an older man (I won't hazard a guess at his age but older than DH and me) gave us a $2 bill for him... how random is that. We still have it and we're not sure if we're supposed to do something with it.

[karstmama]

i have some of those random things (like $2 bills or kennedy half dollars or what have you) that i just put in his piggy bank for later.

i'd likely have tossed the gummi bears, too, but agree he was likely just trying to be nice.

[Globetrotter]

When the kids were little, especially when traveling in other countries, we have had people give them candy, etc... If it's normal in the culture, I just smile, take it and quietly toss it, and my kids know not to take something from a stranger. They are just trying to be nice, after all, and I prefer that to an annoying glare any day :) However, I have been known to say that they don't eat hard candy.

I think you did the right thing (and guess I'm on the verge of being an older mom :tongue5:).

eTA: I forgot.. we have also had people give them very small amounts of money, which I obviously don't throw away.

[ohsara430]

I wouldn't have given them to DD either.

The man was just being nice, I'm sure he didn't intend to make you uncomfortable. I always try to make a conscious effort to recognize someone's kindness towards me/us even if the gesture itself is not something I like or approve of. For instance, DD and I were at Panera and an older woman (over 70) offered to watch DD while I went to get my food. I was surprised by her offer and I realize she meant well but I would never leave DD while I walked out of eyesight like that. Nevertheless I thanked her for her thoughtfulness and appreciate that she even offered to help.

[kozachka]

I would've done what you did - but I don't think it's strange.

:yeahthat: Not strange in my book. The guy was just trying to be nice IMO.

[brgnmom]

I think here, "older" wll be defined by how old your kids are :) Not by how old they are! I don't think 40-50 is old either, but they were obviously out of touch with dangers of open packets etc. and how they will be perceived.

lhafer - there was interaction. The gentleman bumped into OP's DS and it was his way of apologizing.

I totally agree about throwing the gummy bears away, but I think he just meant it as a nice gesture.

:yeahthat: thank you momm - I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend anyone by stating that the couple was older. I probably should have just made reference to the man appearing in his late-40s or 50s. He's much younger than my mom who is in her early 60s.

The cup w/ lid was from the counter where the restaurant had the soda machine. The gummy bears were not from the restaurant b/c there was no candy machine there.

* I'm revising this to add that I do think the man's gesture was friendly (random act of kindness) and while we thanked him, I wonder whether we should have accepted the cup w/ gummy bears in the first place rather than let him know that DS probably shouldn't eat them. Also I didn't want to set a precedence that it's alright to accept edible treats from strangers (DS has recurrent eczema and we have a family history of food allergies on my side of the family). I was hospitalized overnight from eating contaminated take-out food when I was 1-month postpartum w/ DS, and so I've been pretty cautious about this type of issue.

[JustMe]

[QUOTE=brgnmom;3055347* I'm revising this to add that I do think the man's gesture was friendly (random act of kindness) and while we thanked him, I wonder whether we should have accepted the cup w/ gummy bears in the first place rather than let him know that DS probably shouldn't eat them. Also I didn't want to set a precedence that it's alright to accept edible treats from strangers (DS has recurrent eczema and we have a family history of food allergies on my side of the family). I was hospitalized overnight from eating contaminated take-out food when I was 1-month postpartum w/ DS, and so I've been pretty cautious about this type of issue.[/QUOTE]


I also think you did exactly the right thing. I am not sure why you wonder about not acepting the gummy bears/letting the man know ds shouldn't eat them? Honestly, I cant imagine a good reason for needing to tell the man that ds couldnt have them. I think it was good he gave them to you in a covered container, I might have felt differently if he handed them to you in a way that ds could see. In any case, I think since the chances are he was trying to be kind, smiling and saying thank you while not giving ds the gummy bears was the ay to go.

[Melanie]

I'd have done the same. Shown your child to be polite to kind gestures of others but we don't eat random food from strangers.

[dec756]

some people are so freaking strange....

why do they think this is accecptable behavior?!?!

[MWmom]

OP I agree that it is odd and would have done exactly what you did. Although the food allergies are a concern for your family. There is no need to tell him your son probably couldn't eat it. The way you handled it allowed him to feel good. Chances are he walked away thinking he brightened someone's day. And that is also a good lesson for your son.

I think it is unfortunate that we are distrusting of kindness. It is sad that sometimes we find an act of kindness unaccecptable behavior.

I do it too. When DD was 6mo we made a trip to the grocery. I was struggling to clean the cart, put the cart cover on, hold her and the multitude of bags. An older woman offered to hold DD while I got situated. I couldn't do it. I was so shocked at the thought of a stranger holding my baby I couldn't see the offer to help.

[gatorsmom]

I would have thanked the man warmly, given the chance, commented on how kind that was and then as soon as he was gone, discreetly tossed the gummy bears because of the sugar (and hygiene question).

[gatorsmom]

some people are so freaking strange....

why do they think this is accecptable behavior?!?!

What was wrong with the man's behavior? He was simply trying to be kind, it seems.

What is wrong with our society that we are so unwilling to give others the benefit of the doubt? I suspect this is why people don't bother being kind and polite to strangers anymore. But, of course, then we bitch about that too. :shake:

[rlu]

The way you handled it allowed him to feel good. Chances are he walked away thinking he brightened someone's day. And that is also a good lesson for your son.

I think it is unfortunate that we are distrusting of kindness. It is sad that sometimes we find an act of kindness unaccecptable behavior.


I don't think giving a treat is really that odd. They could be grandparents, or a couple unable to have children, or childless by choice, or received a good turn and were "paying it forward" or were having a bad day and the kid made them smile, whatever. The only odd thing is that the gummie bears apparently didn't come from the restaurant. With that, I would have dumped them discretely after the couple left. However, I am a believer of mommy radar and something set OP's off.