We’ve created a bed monster – please help!

[JanBaby]

For several reasons we decided to start to transition DD into a big girl bed (she turned 2 in January). We bought the bed about three weeks ago and it was our plan to start with naps and then gradually work her into overnight over the course of several months. Of course, once she saw the bed she wanted NOTHING to do with the crib anymore and out the window flew our plans for a slow transition. Nothing has changed with our bedtime routine, which starts about 8:00 with a bath, teeth brushing and books except that now we read to her in her full sized bed instead of a chair by her crib.

While in her crib, she had no problems going to sleep awake at 8:30, work up at night maybe once or twice/week and went back to sleep pretty quickly after someone went into her room and laid her back down (like 15 seconds tops). She did wake up early most mornings (5 – 6) and could only go back to sleep if she was laying with someone (usually in a rocker in her room). No big deal because it gave us an extra hour of sleep if we needed it.

Now, we read to her in bed and have to stay in there until she falls asleep, which could take 15 – 30 minutes or even longer. She generally wakes up twice and comes into our room. We walk her back and she goes right back into bed but again has to have someone there while she falls asleep. She wakes up a final time early like she used to do in her crib and will go back to sleep until around 7:00 as long as we are there with her. Same deal with naps – read books and then stay there until she falls asleep but she does sleep around two hours without waking up.

I know the answer is probably to gate her in and let her cry it out from the get go – which we tried initially but decided to forgo to give her time to get adjusted to the bed and new room. I’m not overly concerned with her waking up a few times and needing to be walked back to her bedroom but I think our staying there with her is making it worse. I started to talk to her this morning about how pretty soon Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to stay in her bed and no surprise, she didn’t care much for that option.

So, sorry this is so long but I’m hoping for any BTDT and success stories about your transition. Or maybe instead of cold turkey we should start with a more gradual approach? TIA for any help you can give.

[ahrimie]

OH mama, I'm SO there with you! My DD was a VERY good sleeper in a crib. Literally, she slept for most of the day... until she learned to jump out of it! At 2.5, we moved her to a twin bed and since then it's been touch and go. She comes out of her room a lot at night even if we get her to stay asleep for awhile by herself.

Is a big girl bed a twin or a toddler bed? I asked my ped friend and she said a twin is probably too big for even DD's age. But we already bought it and we don't have a convertible bed so I bought a rail instead. Or, make the space smaller so she feels like it's crib in terms of space.

If you had always left the room BEFORE she fell asleep, I would start doing that again. I've read that at night, you have to just put them back in their bed with minimal contact. No talking or hugging or anything else. You just put them back. Most likely, they'll cry.. maybe a lot. And you might have to do this many many times a night. I think it 10 times once. I just guarded her door and put her back. I think we need a gate though... my plan doesn't always work because I'm too tired to put her back.

Good Luck though... and hopefully some other mamas who have BTDT can chime in!

[khalloc]

Well I think part of your problem is that she is so young. We just moved DS to a twin bed he was 2 years 9 months. He started getting out for a few nights. We left the crib in the room as a "threat". If he got out more than 3 times we told him we were using the crib instead of the bed. We'd stick him in there, he'd cry for a few minutes, but after that he would stay in his room/bed and not get up. We were able to take the crib down. But we still use it as a verbal threat. LOL. He doesnt get out of bed anymore. We give him a sippy cup of water, a flashlight and he has some matchbox cars to play with.

Another good thing is those doorknob locks/covers. Both my kids hated those that you only had to put them on their doors for a few minutes and then they would promise to stay in their rooms.

[JanBaby]

OH mama, I'm SO there with you! My DD was a VERY good sleeper in a crib. Literally, she slept for most of the day... until she learned to jump out of it! At 2.5, we moved her to a twin bed and since then it's been touch and go. She comes out of her room a lot at night even if we get her to stay asleep for awhile by herself.

Is a big girl bed a twin or a toddler bed? I asked my ped friend and she said a twin is probably too big for even DD's age. But we already bought it and we don't have a convertible bed so I bought a rail instead. Or, make the space smaller so she feels like it's crib in terms of space.

If you had always left the room BEFORE she fell asleep, I would start doing that again. I've read that at night, you have to just put them back in their bed with minimal contact. No talking or hugging or anything else. You just put them back. Most likely, they'll cry.. maybe a lot. And you might have to do this many many times a night. I think it 10 times once. I just guarded her door and put her back. I think we need a gate though... my plan doesn't always work because I'm too tired to put her back.

Good Luck though... and hopefully some other mamas who have BTDT can chime in!

She's actually in a full sized bed but it's pretty cozy (head/footboards, pushed against the wall and a rail on the other side). She seems to like the extra space but who knows, maybe that's a factor.

When we first moved her into the bed, we tried to leave the room before she fell asleep but she cried at the door for an hour. We aren't opposed to cry it out -- we did that when she was in the crib a few times - but it felt like she just needed some time to adjust to the bed and new room so we let it go. I think we'll just need to try it again and use a gate so she doesn't feel complete locked in (maybe this is really to make me feel better - LOL).

Thanks and good luck to you as well! Maybe it's just one of those things that takes time.

[JanBaby]

Well I think part of your problem is that she is so young. We just moved DS to a twin bed he was 2 years 9 months. He started getting out for a few nights. We left the crib in the room as a "threat". If he got out more than 3 times we told him we were using the crib instead of the bed. We'd stick him in there, he'd cry for a few minutes, but after that he would stay in his room/bed and not get up. We were able to take the crib down. But we still use it as a verbal threat. LOL. He doesnt get out of bed anymore. We give him a sippy cup of water, a flashlight and he has some matchbox cars to play with.

Another good thing is those doorknob locks/covers. Both my kids hated those that you only had to put them on their doors for a few minutes and then they would promise to stay in their rooms.

I agree about her being so young and I think that's why I'm not taking such a hard approach to it. We initially used the crib as a threat (i.e. do you want to go back into the crib? No. Then you need to say in the bed) but it didn't do any good. Maybe now that she's more adjusted we can use it again.

Thanks for the tips!

[JBaxter]

Jack was 2 in October and there is NO WAY we are taking his crib down yet. I would say put her back in the crib.

[AnnieW625]

If she is not climbing out of the crib then yeah put her back in there for at least her naps.

We moved DD1 at 2 yrs. and 3 mos because she was climbing out of the crib and wouldn't sleep there. Naps, and nights were hard for about two weeks, and even though it's been 2/1/2 yrs. DH will often fall asleep with her, but most nights she stays in bed all night.

We did the gate on the door for a while, like a good year and it worked out well for us too. The initial couple of weeks were hard, but if it's been 2 months it's probably not the right time to move her.

[Mikey0709]

We are still in a crib at 3 1/2. The side goes up when it's bedtime - then after he falls asleep it gets lowered in case he needs to go to the bathroom. This is working for us now.... the bed lasted 3 days and we went back to the crib....for ALL of our sanity. He even knows he can climb out - but as long as he's ok with the crib, we're keeping it up.

[hillview]

We did a phase out of the laying down next to you (we are still going through it). We wait til DS2 is almost asleep -- breathing is regular and then say to him that we have to go clean our room. Sometimes he complains but we try to make sure we leave the room while he is still awake. It is slow going but working. We didn't want to do the CIO with him.
/hillary

[JanBaby]

We did a phase out of the laying down next to you (we are still going through it). We wait til DS2 is almost asleep -- breathing is regular and then say to him that we have to go clean our room. Sometimes he complains but we try to make sure we leave the room while he is still awake. It is slow going but working. We didn't want to do the CIO with him.
/hillary

This is exactly our plan. Thanks for the feedback. It's only been two weeks in the bed so I'm thinking we just need to be a little more stringent about leaving while she's still awake (which is hard because most of the time we fall asleep too).

[jenfromnj]

No advice, but I just wanted to chime in with sympathy since we're in a similar boat. DS is 23 months, but recently decided that he would immediately (like, within 30 seconds) climb out of his crib every single time we put him in there. He seemed to hate being in his crib, so we converted it into a bed. He loves hanging out there, but when it comes time to actually sleep, things are dicey. We're also trying the approach of laying with him to settle in, I'm hoping that it will just take some more time (we've also had the big bed for 2 weeks), mama needs some uninterrupted sleep.