Do you use an etiquette book?

[elektra]

If not, how do you know about all these rules for parties and RSVP's and such?

I must admit that I have learned quite a bit about proper manners and what is expected at parties and such from these boards. How do you all know what is proper by current US/N. American standards?
My mother just did not teach me some of these things and I realize I have probably been pissing people off for years, unbeknownst to me.

I never really did thank you notes until I became a part of DH's family. They do thank you notes for everything, even when both the gift giver and gift receiver are present for the opening of the gift. I have since discovered (thanks BBB!) that this is a bit overkill and that it's really only required if the gift giver is not present at the time of the opening, although it's still nice to send the thank you.
It does make complete sense but it just wasn't on my radar.

And favors given at the end of parties- I just had never thought of that until I started going to kids' parties myself.

I'm sure I could find a website that has all these things listed but everyone here just seems to know them already.

I always thought I was generally a thoughtful and nice person, but apparently I am also clueless and a bit trashy. :18: (me eating my own snacks at the movies. loudly. while talking. ;))

[WatchingThemGrow]

My DSM gave me Miss Manners (http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=miss+manners&x=0&y=0) books years ago. Guess I was in your camp enough to warrant them. I need to order the one about domestic tranquility!!!!

I remember reading them as a teen going, "OH! That's good to know!"

[TwinFoxes]

My grandmother had a lot of old books, and a couple were etiquette books from the 1930s. I used to love reading them, it was like reading F. Scott Fitzgerald or something, all lavish parties and train rides, and ladies meeting gentlemen. Some stuff was funny, but a lot still holds true. Plus, my mom and grandmother would correct us (one of the few things they saw eye to eye on, this was my dad's mother). When my brother was in second grade and I was in first we'd walk to school together, and my grandmother would remind him he had to walk closest to the curb. Well, years later when DH and I were dating I noticed he always purposefully walked on the curb side. I thought it was so charming. :loveeyes:

I think Miss Manners' style of writing is funny, she's fun to read.

[SnuggleBuggles]

No, I either read here or I pay attention to what other people do- specifically the ones I know are polite and well mannered. :)

Beth

[maestramommy]

Not yet per se, but I did get Dh Emily Post's original illustrated book of etiquette for his bday (his request!). It's updated with a section on cyber etiquette. He read an article on a visit to the Post museum, which has family members as guides, and their principle on etiquette impressed him.

I'm sure we'll use it here and there in the future.

[wellyes]

I think every new parent is a bit surprised by the goody bag thing. It's not something that we recall from our own childhoods.

[ThreeofUs]

The Judith Martin (Miss Manners) book is good,

http://www.amazon.com/Manners-Excruciatingly-Correct-Behavior-Freshly/dp/0393058743

The Post book was considered the standard where I grew up, but who cares?

[elliput]

Both Emily Post (http://www.emilypost.com/) and Miss Manners Judith Martins (http://www.missmanners.com/) have websites now. I look things up there when I have an etiquette question.

[3blackcats]

I am a nerd who loves etiquette stuff. It amazes my DH with the things I come up with. I should get the books just to read for fun :)

[BabyMine]

I like to hear about etiquette but I don't always follow it. I am a big believer that birthday invitations need to have gift ideas on them. It makes my life easier when I ask my son and he says " I don't know".

I didn't think goody bags were part of birthday etiquette.

[MamaMolly]

I really like my Emily Post book. I bought it before my wedding because my mom wasn't especially helpful, though I doubt she'd remember it that way. I've found it to be really useful, and kind of fun to read.

[Corie]

I grew up this way. My Dad is HUGE into manners as were his
Mom & Dad (my grandparents).

I remember waiting to say grace until my brother removed his
baseball hat. Lots of things like this in our house growing up.

I feel like I know a lot of manner etiquette just from my own
family. I will check online for things that I'm not sure about.
Sometimes, I just go with my gut instinct. I do have a Miss Manners
etiquette book and a book of manners by Letitia Baldridge.
(Letitia Baldridge was the White House Social Secretary to Jacqueline Kennedy.)

My kids also have great manners and I get complimented on
them all the time. This is extremely important to me.

[AnnieW625]

I read the Miss Manners wedding etitquette book and just about busted a gut, it was soo funny.

I don't own an ettiquette book for everything else, but my mom is pretty up on ettiquette and we always gave away little favors at parties.

I do thank you notes too; my grandma who never sends them is a stickler about wanting them though.

I do take my own popcorn and treats to the movies though.

[BabbyO]

I'm sure I make Emily Post roll in her grave at things I do or don't do. I generally try to be polite and nice and use my please's & thank you's and only give advice when asked for or with the disclaimer that people can take it or leave it.

I try to pay attention to the intention rather than the execution and I hope others do the same for me!

I tend to get a little impatient with people who get overly caught up in manners and proper behavior and totally miss the point. DH's family can be this way...and it just comes across as fake not genuine, which is a total turn off to me. I like real people who try real hard to be good.

[Corie]

Well, years later when DH and I were dating I noticed he always purposefully walked on the curb side. I thought it was so charming. :loveeyes:




My husband does this too.

(DH did not get any manners etiquette from his family. His manners
are done purely by his instincts which are always spot-on.)

[crl]

Mom is pretty into etiquette. Raised that way and then an Army officer's wife, so I was raised with thank you notes and rsvping and all that. But I do need an etiquette book! I had one when I got married, but it has disappeared since and I need one for things like how far in advance to send birthday invites and how to address envelopes to judges and so on. I couldn't possibly know or remember all that stuff!

So now I am going to read this thread to see if any are recommended. :loveeyes:

Catherine

[longtallsally05]

I like my Emily Post book for general questions, but I REALLY like my How To Say It book, which gives guidance on writing letters of all kinds. I find it very useful for writing thank you notes, which tend to all sound the same after a while unless I use the book for inspiration. I have an earlier edition, but here is the link at Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/How-Say-Third-Sentences-Paragraphs/dp/0735204373/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1299266433&sr=1-1

Totally worth the $!