I wasn't nagging

[niccig]

I quickly sent DS an IM asking why the computer was left on - sometimes it's doing a backup or installing something and I wanted to check. DH said he forgot, which he often does. So I asked NICELY, if he could turn it off on days when I'm out of the house all day. It was said nicely, but I was in a rush..well DH gets all pissy at me, which then ends up with me being all pissy at him. He doesn't believe I wasn't nagging.

Whatever...I've got a glass of very good wine, will put DS to sleep in 10 mins and then go to sleep myself...I've been up late working and studying and I am just done. There's leftover TJs pizza from DS and my dinner...he can feed himself.

[liz]

Aww, sorry. I hate when things come out wrong. :hug: Talk it out this morning so your weekend starts out on the right foot.

[mariza]

I can sympathize, in fact we might be married to the same man!
I sent DH a text this morning asking him if he could go to the dump today (because my mom brought a whole chicken over last week that we never ate. I threw it in the trash this morning and didn't want it stinking up the kitchen all day) his reply was "what else that I do every weekend do you want me to do today" Grr...my response to that was not so nice :hopmad:
Hope your DHis in a better mood today and realizes it was a simple reminder.

[MamaSnoo]

We have this fight all. the. time. Hope today was better.

[gatorsmom]

Yep, I get that here too. I reply, "well if you would just remember to do it, i wouldn't have to nag." It's not as if he doesn't nag me about things that bother him.

I hope you get it smoothed out soon. :)

[hellokitty]

Yep, I get that here too. I reply, "well if you would just remember to do it, i wouldn't have to nag." It's not as if he doesn't nag me about things that bother him.

I hope you get it smoothed out soon. :)

I'm right there with all of you. Warning, huge vent ahead... DH and I are on day 3 of this. He had a hug hissy fit on Friday, b/c I complained that he didn't soak his dishes, told me to get off his case, and that I ruined his entire day by making a comment. He soaked a dish from the morning, but didn't soak one from overnight that I was irritated about, but he made it sound as if I should give him credit for soaking the morning dish, so I had no right to be annoyed with him! Basically, he's admitting that he's inconsistent, but taking no responsibility for it, but blaming ME for getting irritated by it.

And then today we got into a huge argument over $. He says I am nagging him over it, but he spent a very big chunk of $ w/o telling me and then spent days refusing to tell me what he bought. Turns out it was for @#$%$# stereo equipment. He already has THOUSANDS of dollars worth of stereo equipment, so right away I blew my top and what irritated me the most was that he refused to tell me what he spent it on. And I basically told him that now I can't trust him anymore, that he's going to spend this large of a chunk of $ on stupid stuff, and I feel like I'm going to feel as if he's hiding huge purchases from me (he has so much stereo equipment, that if he added more, I wouldn't notice). He basically told me off about how he can spend whatever he wants to spend and that he provides well for the family. I told him that we need to put more into savings and he just totally shut me down. We really DO need to put more away, it bothers me that I always want to save $ and he always wants to spend and while we do have some savings, it's definitely not enough if something bad happened, like if he lost his job (which he did TWICE our first yr of marriage, so this is why I am so paranoid). We had a huge fight and he stormed off upstairs and now I am stuck on the couch and have insomnia. Tomorrow is going to suck, b/c I don't even know if I can talk to him after some of the crap that went on tonight. He blames ME for putting him in a bad mood about nagging about things. I am pissed that I even HAVE to nag him about stupid things that he should already know to do and that he should have more responsibility for. It's a never-ending cycle, I'm so sick of it and feel like telling him to pack up and move back in with his mother if he isn't going to act like a teenager, not an adult. :angry-smiley-005:

[liz]

hellokitty, huge :grouphug:.

Money can be a huge stressor, esp if you cannot agree on how to spend it. Do you have a budget where there is money put aside for fun stuff/DH stuff/savings etc? Maybe that would help? I know it's not easy. I hope your day gets better.

[dotgirl]

He says I am nagging him over it, but he spent a very big chunk of $ w/o telling me and then spent days refusing to tell me what he bought. Turns out it was for @#$%$# stereo equipment. He already has THOUSANDS of dollars worth of stereo equipment, so right away I blew my top and what irritated me the most was that he refused to tell me what he spent it on. And I basically told him that now I can't trust him anymore, that he's going to spend this large of a chunk of $ on stupid stuff, and I feel like I'm going to feel as if he's hiding huge purchases from me (he has so much stereo equipment, that if he added more, I wouldn't notice). He basically told me off about how he can spend whatever he wants to spend and that he provides well for the family.

I had a friend whose husband did this - spent money in ways they didn't agree on, lied/covered it up, etc. They were verging on divorce, actually. She went to a counselor who told her it was "financial adultery". He's lying about what he's doing, what he's spending money on, etc. Once she framed it that way for him, it seemed to help. He didn't seem as ... cranky .. about it, though, as your DH.

[sste]

OP, hope this blows over soon. You might warn your DH (jokingly) that you know BB DHs who ended up perm. password-protected out of the home computer for this offense (this is true).

Hellokitty, what I find most upsetting about your story is that your DH seems to view the money as his money, I presume because he works in a paid capacity. Would it be OK for you to drop a thousand dollars this week on something without telling him? If large, unilateral discretionary purchases are the way you two want to handle money that is fine -- but it has to cut both ways IMO.

[dotgirl]

Hellokitty, what I find most upsetting about your story is that your DH seems to view the money as his money, I presume because he works in a paid capacity. Would it be OK for you to drop a thousand dollars this week on something without telling him? If large, unilateral discretionary purchases are the way you two want to handle money that is fine -- but it has to cut both ways IMO.

I would be very tempted to take $500 out of the account and put it under the mattress or something - and when he noticed, say, "Oh, just for things I need to run the household .. don't you worry about it, sweetie." Not sure he'd get the point, though.

[hellokitty]

OP, hope this blows over soon. You might warn your DH (jokingly) that you know BB DHs who ended up perm. password-protected out of the home computer for this offense (this is true).

Hellokitty, what I find most upsetting about your story is that your DH seems to view the money as his money, I presume because he works in a paid capacity. Would it be OK for you to drop a thousand dollars this week on something without telling him? If large, unilateral discretionary purchases are the way you two want to handle money that is fine -- but it has to cut both ways IMO.

Yeah, he does act like that, which is why I am pissed. He knows I would never drop that kind of $, so that's why he doesn't think anything of it. I should just squirrel money away. The only debt we have is our mortgage, we pay off our cc bill every month, so it's not like we are drowning in debt. However, I feel like he splurges way too much on himself, and it's not even an issue of it being unfair, b/c I don't get to do that. I really don't feel any need to blow $ like that, I just feel that in the long run, it's better for our family situation to save more, and he can't see beyond his own nose. We do save, but my feeling is that we should save more, and yes I am the planner type and he is the type who never plans anything and just flies by the seat of his pants.