Just Curious on this beautiful Monday morn, WWYD?

[bisous]

This is my first poll. Hopefully this will work!

Everyone around me has different ideas about what they would do in my situation. I was just curious to hear YOUR opinions.

Let's see if this poll this works...

[bisous]

Here's the background.

We have 6 figures of school debt. DH makes pretty good money (slightly less than six figures) but we still struggle monthly to meet all of our obligations. Without the student loan repayments, we would be in a very different situation.

All around us our family has opinions about what we should do. My dad thinks I should work but I'm pg with #3, and homeschooling DS1 (and I love it). My mom wants me to move in with her and my step-dad. (They would actually love this--me not so much!). My MIL and SILs think that our kids need a yard and that we should suck it up and get a house. They recommend deferment or other options for student loans.

WWYD?

ETA: Regarding the house it would be RENTING. I don't know if I'll ever have the funds to buy a house here in So Cal!

[niccig]

The poll works, but that's a big question to consider without much background. I understand if you don't want to provide too much.

Staying with parents - out of the question - we would kill each other

Moving to small house and still have debt/no savings - sounds like over stretching yourself way more than I am comfortable with doing.

So, it's a toss up between staying in the apartment and less savings, or going back to work.

Now, I am back in school to go back to work when I'm done, and I want to do that. I want to work and it will help us be in a much better financial situation. But if it was go back to my old job, eeek...well, I'm not sure if I would be able to cope with that. If we had no choice, I absolutely would. Me working does ease pressure on DH - he does feel financial stress of being sole income.

So it would depend on what the work is?

[niccig]

Ok..with background info...I'm still torn...that's a lot of debt and I can see that 2nd income would knock that down.

Maybe a 3rd option - work until no debt and then don't work? And stay in apartment until school debt is gone?

Friends did this, she worked will kids young, then things financially improved and she's home with them in grade school, volunteers, take them everywhere.

But homeschooling is working for all of you.

Sigh...it's a tough spot.

ETA. I would not defer school loans unless you want to still be paying them when you retire!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I wouldn't buy a house- that should be off the table for now. Maybe renting a house with a yard would be a nice compromise though, provided it costs the same or less than your current rent.

We lived with family for 6m and it really worked out great. I wouldn't necessarily dismiss that idea. The thought of getting debt paid of faster and being more comfortable financially has a big appeal to me.

Beth

[karstmama]

i live with my mama now, for different reasons - my grandmama was living but had dementia when i moved in, and my son was medically very fragile. (she's passed away & he's very healthy now.)

it works well for us. mama tries very hard to respect my authority about my son & my life, and i don't expect her to drop everything to babysit. we have a written agreement.

so if there is the space and you wouldn't be all in one bedroom and you think your parents would both help you and butt out in all the right places, that's what i'd choose. if your parents say they would but you're not sure, give it a try with clear rules about who pays for what and who decides what, and be prepared to move to an apartment if your relationships are slipping.

who says it needs to be more than 2 years or nothing? give it a try and be willing to bail if need be.

[ezcc]

I voted stay in your apartment, but I would also consider moving in w/parents- I can see this working for me, but you would need to consider the relationship, amount of space to make sure it would work. I would not buy a house- I do not believe children "need a yard". That's what parks are for. I would not defer loans for this reason alone.

[randomkid]

That's a tough one. I think going back to work is likely not the best option, but it depends on what you do and what your income would be. Obviously, you couldn't work very long because you are pg. Also, you would have to have child care for your children unless both are school-aged, but you would likely have to give up homeschooling.

Why 2 years with your parents? Could you live with them for a year? I always swore that moving in with my parents would be my last option if I had problems, but I'm not above it. Maybe you could live with them a year, make a significant dent in the loans, then move back to an apt if necessary. Or, if it is going well, stay another year. I think it is very generous of your Mom to even consider letting a family of soon to be 5 move in with her.

The absolute last thing I would do would be to buy a house and have no money to put toward the loans. DH deferred his loans and it was a royal pain to be dealing with those loans 10 years after he had graduated. Don't listen to your ILs. There are plenty of kids who live in the city or in apartments and don't have yards. They can have a yard when they are older and your loans are paid off.

[alexmommy]

Ugh, debt is a PITA--we are working on DH's huge student loans. Depending on your relationship with your parents, living with them temporarily might work, as long as everyone knew it was temporary. In your shoes I'd still want to contribute something toward the household expenses, even have it in writing, so I didn't feel like a mooch. But it depends on the relationship--if either your mom or stepdad tends to be the least bit manipulative or overbearing then absolutely not. Also, would they have enough room for you and your family to have your own life, like a downstairs apartment with a separate entrance. Not sure I'd want to share a kitchen with my parents, let alone a bathroom.

I definitely wouldn't buy a house with the other debt you have. Rent one, maybe, if the cost was comparable to your current expenses and you are up to the pain of moving.

In any case I strongly recomment reading Dave Ramsey's book Total Money Makeover about how to get out of debt, excellent read.

[BabbyO]

I'm pretty sure I'd have to be in a do or die situation to move back in with my parents. We get along, but I'm too proud and would feel guilty, and like I was free loading. That said, it is a situation that works for some people and in your situation, I may consider it if all parties agree.

I would definitely NOT buy a house at this point. It seems like financially this would not be a sound decision. As for green/yard space...well that is what parks and playgrounds are for.

I might consider going back to work...or maybe getting a PT evening job (so you don't incur daycare/childcare expenses). This could help some...but I would use it for paying off debt...not for new debt.

I think your best bet is to stay in the apt and work toward paying off the school loans.

Defering loans just postpones the debt. I really don't think this is a great solution.

Just my 2 cents.

[daisymommy]

Well, I wouldn't buy the house. But I also wouldn't completely dismiss the idea of moving in with your family IF you really like each other and think you could get along okay, there would be enough space, you think you could all set boundaries, etc.

At one point when DH and I were really struggling--but didn't have children yet--we moved in with my parents for 2 years. Honestly? some of the best memories I have :) My DH grew up in a dysfunctional home, and he loved getting a do-over this time around. We were able to get out of debt and save up for a down payment on a small house.

[mmommy]

I wouldn't buy a house right now and create more debt and defer your already existing debt.

I wouldn't move in with my folks or my ILs, but maybe your family is sane. I would suggest only considering this if you're the only SAH (less time together = less time to get annoyed with one another) and if you can work out some "rules" before you move in that everyone agrees to adhere to, along with an intended move out date.

I'd go back to work IF it would pay more than I'd spend in childcare. But with 3 often it won't, and if it throws a wrench in your homeschooling plans it would only be worth it if you really enjoy your job.

I'd make sure to live in an apartment within walking distance to a great playground. That's our solution to not having a yard. With this option you also get out of worrying about yard care.:thumbsup:

[WolfpackMom]

I would both stay in the apartment, and get at least a part time job. The faster you pay things off, the faster you can move on to a house and staying at home full time like you want without the burden of massive debt. While I am close with my parents, I am a bit prideful and would do everything I possibley could to avoid having to move home. I would feel like moving home was taking a handout when I could just work to help offset the burden of bills and loan payments.

[hillview]

Well it depends. If you can cope with living with parents and stick with a budget and get the debt paid off that would be great. If however it puts additional undue pressure on your relationship with DH then I wouldn't. If that doesn't work I'd likely get a job for a fixed amount of time if you can get a job (tough market) -- but I'd want to know HOW long that would be and have a budget that takes it into account.
/hillary

[baileygirl]

I voted move in with your parents (for you). I didn't vote for stay in the apartment/save, because you indicated that you are having problems meeting monthly obligations now. If you don't think living with your parents is good, then I would stay in the apartment and at least work part-time.

[bisous]

Thanks for all the opinions, guys. Like I said, just curious today. ;)

The biggest point of clarification I should have made is that we could not presently BUY a house. We would be renters. In my area, we'd pay $1000 more per month to rent. That is a huge, huge, sum to me and I'm shocked my MIL could consider that!

As it is, I'm not sure if we'll EVER be able to buy here. With our current debt load that is only ever so slightly going away and high COL area we'll be lucky not to rent forever. :(

We've actually lived with my parents for a period of a year during school. It was actually fine, but honestly it is mostly a pride issue for me. I'm almost 35 and to live with my parents (who have a huge 6 bedroom home with five available bedrooms) just makes me feel badly about myself. That is huge for me.

I feel most comfortable with the most popular option right now. But things are TOUGH. We meet our obligations every month and can save, "a little" but heaven forbid one of our paid for cars finally dies. It will be tough.

[katydid1971]

I voted stay at your parents after reading the size of their home. My second choice would be stay in your apartment. I would not defer the student loan payments. They will only get bigger and there is nothing you can do to get rid of student loan payments except pay them. If you don't they will go after you big time. Good luck.

[AnnieW625]

I voted before I saw how big your parent's house is. I voted for you to go back to work, but like Nicci said it would depend on the job and whether or not going back to work is your goal. I personally believe that everyone needs their own space away from family, although I have known people pre kids who have lived with parents and it's worked out fine. One friend did live with in laws when they were having their house redone but they moved back into their house when their baby was a month or so old.

So if I could have two choices I would also vote for staying in the apartment. Good luck!

[Melaine]

I guess it's hard to say without knowing the ins and outs of the situation. For me, if we were in the position, I think we would consider moving in with my parents. As long as there is physically plenty of room, that would be a great option for us. My parents have mentioned that we could do so if DH wanted to get further education or something and quit his job. If you are homeschooling, I would do everything I could to preserve that success and not have to go back to work full time.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

I would probably move in with your parents and live frugally to establish a nest egg and reduce debt. It would make me nervous to have one person working and being so close to the edge. It seems like a lot of stress on the single earner.

I don't know what your earning potential is. Personally, I like working, but with 3 kids, it would really depend on salary/childcare costs as to if it would be worth it. If you have high earning potential, I would consider getting a job.

[kijip]

I would do a combo.

If you can get along with your mom and step-dad, I would move in with them. I would also commit yourselves to living on a small amount during that time I paying a rent sized or larger amount on your student debt each and every month. We have done multi-generational living (though in our case it was my dad who needed financial help and also medical support) and honestly, I am a fan. There can be huge benefits for all involved- you, your kids and your parents.

I would also look for a way to increase your income without adding a childcare expense. I don't see how working with 3 kids would be economical unless you have an earning potential that is pretty high. But that does not mean you could not pick up a couple of shifts doing something at hours of the day where your husband or a family member could watch the kids for a few hours.

Without a housing expense, you should be able to seriously reduce and eliminate the student debt in a couple of years and 6+ more months and you would have a tidy savings.

I would also see a financial adviser, make a budget and examine every outflow carefully. Make a budget- for food, transportation, clothing etc and stick to it. Make paying off debt and saving your hobby for the next few years. It will make a huge difference to your kids later- being able to help with college someday for example and having a nice retirement account so you are not dependent on them when you are older.

[Hippoharbor]

I have lived in a townhouse since DS was born and do not mind at all not having a yard. We still can ride bikes and scooters. We go to local playgrounds for other play. Better that way, b/c other kids around to play with.

[kristenk]

I voted that you should stay in your apartment, but I've changed my mind. If your parents' house is that big, there shouldn't be an issue of people squished together.

I think you should move in with your parents and focus on saving a LOT of money. Would either parent be at home during the day? Especially with a new baby coming, I think it would be a good thing.

It sounds as if your pride is the one thing getting in the way. It's not that you think you won't get along or you'll have problems. Simply pride. (Which is a big thing, of course). If you can deal with that issue, think of how much money you can save. I think it would be worth it and would ease a lot of stress. Don't think of it as a 2-year (or whatever) situation, though. If it doesn't work out, you can always go back to renting. Give it a chance, though.

[khm]

I dunno, that's a toughie.

I actually worry that the parents might find three kids in the house is more than they bargained for. I've seen grandparents look back with rose-colored glasses and forget how much WORK it is to have kids underfoot....

I also worry that these situations usually end up where the savings doesn't amount to what was planned, you really really need to be disciplined in "paying" into your savings.

But, I also know what it is like to live in such an insane COL area. I would not move to a more expensive rental house, a house will likely come with higher utilities, maintenance, etc. even as a rental. I would let the notion go that "kids need a yard", don't stress about that one whit.

I would be inclined to stay in the apartment, just because I'd be too worried about too much in living with the parents, but I do see how it might be a viable option with the right set of people. :)

[ha98ed14]

I don't see how you can go back to work with 3 kids. Whatever money you make would go straight to daycare/ afterschool care **UNLESS** your parents are willing to watch the kids and/or you too are a doctor/ lawyer/ 6-figure-maker.

If you can stomach moving in with your parents, do it. Presumably they have a yard. I'd only do it if the kids could have their own room and you, DH & baby bunk in together.

If you decide you can't handle moving in with your parents, I would consider moving to a cheaper apartment. You're homeschooling, so quality of the school district does not matter to you. If you could lower your rent, you'd have more money in your monthly budget without having to defer school loans.

Don't defer your loans and don't buy a house.

[MontrealMum]

Did I miss something in the OP...is the person who took out the loans still a student? You can't defer student loans unless you're a student at least p/t (there are some other reasons, but they're less common). Did you mean default instead, or are you talking about switching between different types of payment plans?

It doesn't sound like you'd be very happy living with your parents so I wouldn't consider that, and I'd also not consider renting a house for that much more money just because your ILs think that you should. What would you like to do? Where do you think your family would be happiest?

[niccig]

Make paying off debt and saving your hobby for the next few years. It will make a huge difference to your kids later- being able to help with college someday for example and having a nice retirement account so you are not dependent on them when you are older.

Katie has a point. Think of the gift you'll be giving your kids if you get debt free of school loans, and can help them with college costs, so hopefully they don't have as huge loans. Being financially independent in my retirement and DS's college fund is a huge motivator for me for saving.

Maybe it does call for drastic measures - moving in with parents, returning to work, even moving to cheaper COL. I think I would consider ALL options to give my kids the gift of financial security - note, I did grow up with periods of financial uncertainty, so I would do a lot of things to make that better for my kids...even moving in with my mother, and if you've read my frequent bitching posts, that is saying something!

[ha98ed14]

Did I miss something in the OP...is the person who took out the loans still a student? You can't defer student loans unless you're a student at least p/t (there are some other reasons, but they're less common). Did you mean default instead, or are you talking about switching between different types of payment plans?


Actually, you can. Ask me how I know. :D Depending on the loan type, you can defer for lack on income, or you can arrange to pay only the interest, or some other payment arrangement. I only deferred for 1 year when I prg with DD. I felt comfortable doing it because my debt is relatively small and my interest rate is less than 3%.

[MontrealMum]

Wow, I just checked the Stafford page and things have certainly changed since I had my exit interview. Back then you had limited opportunities for deferment if you weren't in school - IIRC it was 6 mos - and if you surpassed that you had to go into forbearance, which I think affects your credit score. I still don't think that you should defer as you only have 3 years to do that, and I honestly think that that option should be reserved for dire circumstances. I would continue to rent an appartment, unless being in a house is something that's important to YOU. Your posts suggest that it's more important to others than it is to you - which isn't a reason to overextend yourself financially IMHO.

[MoJo]

It sounds like it's your extended family that's not happy instead of you and your immediate family that's not happy. . . so I voted stay where you are and keep doing what you're doing.

There's no way I'd give up a happy homeschooling arrangement for work, and I wouldn't go back to work full time with a newborn unless I had no other options. And I know for sure that if DH and I moved in with either of our families, everyone would be miserable.

I agree with OP that your working part time/evenings/freelance etc might be an option to pay down debt faster. . . or your DH doing those things.

[MoJo]

We've actually lived with my parents for a period of a year during school. It was actually fine, but honestly it is mostly a pride issue for me. I'm almost 35 and to live with my parents (who have a huge 6 bedroom home with five available bedrooms) just makes me feel badly about myself. That is huge for me.



If you've done it, and it was fine, and they want you to do it again, that changes my answer.

If it's just you that makes you feel bad about yourself, and not THEM making you feel bad about it. . . well then, maybe two years of feeling bad is better than a lifetime of feeling bad and stressed and never quite getting where you want to be.