how would you have handled this?

[zoestargrove]

I bought a groupon for a fencing program and saved over 70% of the 7 week program for my 7yo ds. I thought he would love it and he was excited about starting it.

Last week was the first class. The owner was a little quirky and not particularly warm and I found the instructor to be the same. My son was one of the youngest in class. The majority of students appeared to be in the 10-11yr range. He left that class, unsure and rated the experience 5 out of 10.

Last night was the second class. Dh brought them and I met them there about 20 minutes after class began because I was at work. My son was in a corner taking off his equipment and crying. Dh explained that he got overwhelmed, scared and had an anxiety attack when they were told to don equipment and begin sparring with a partner. The rest of the class carried on without him. The instructor obviously busy, but the owner was not and could have extended himself to help my son have a better experience. I tried a number of ways to make him feel comfortable and also encourage him to give it a try. It was pretty clear that pushing him was not going to lead to anything good, so we ended up leaving with about 10 minutes left to the class. On the way out I told the owner that I didn't think that this was going to work for us. He asked why and I said I think the experience was a little intimidating for him. He said that he doesn't recommend this to kids this young, but parents have pushed for it and since they will pay him than he does. This rubbed me the wrong way. I didn't ask for special permission and I assumed that a class that was advertised for 7-11 yo would be appropriate for all ages they advertised. My son is not a shy kid and his reaction to this class was very atypical for him.

sorry this is so long, but if you got this far. I have 2 questions.

1. Normally I would encourage we finish what we started and that was the stance I took after the first class, but after last night I just didn't see how this was going to end well (because I don't think the instructors have the capacity or desire to work with him). So, are we quitting here or are we just recognizing that this isn't a good fit? I hate to send a message that it's ok to quit when the going gets tough.

2. Would you ask and do I have any ground for asking for a refund?

Thank you, Kelly

[misshollygolightly]

No BTDT, but just wanted to say I'm so sorry--sounds like an awful experience for both you and DS! If I were in a similar situation, I'd go ahead and let DS quit. He sounds pretty miserable, he's tried more than one lesson, and the instructors aren't at all encouraging or supportive. I also think it would be fine to ask for a refund. If the class is advertised as being for 7-11 years, then the instructors should be prepared to work with and engage 7-11 year olds (and clearly they aren't). It would be different if you'd asked for special permission for your 7 yr old son to enter a class designed for, say, 9-11 year olds. But under the circumstances, I would think a refund would be very reasonable.

[Smillow]

I vote that you are recognizing that it isn't a good fit. I would cut my losses and ask about a refund, but not expect it.

[LMPC]

I agree that if the class was advertised for 7-11 yos that they should have been prepared for those ages. IMO it would be different if the instructor and owner were accommodating and your DS still wanted to quit. On principle I might ask for a refund...I might even approach Groupon in this case.

[BeachBum]

My perspective is a bit different, I want my kids to try a lot of things. If they don't like it or want to do it again, that's ok. I'm happy they gave it a shot. I've quit lots of things I've started, and I don't feel guilty about it.
It's one thing to "quit" when people are relying on you, but I don't see the harm in not finishing an activity that is supposed to be fun when it isn't.
I guess I'm saying I don't see fencing, or ballet, or golf as an "obligation" that needs to be fulfilled.
Now, I'm not saying we sign up for all the activities and go only once :), but if there is a real issue with going we don't.

As for the groupon issue, I can see wanting to express the feeling that they advertised that it was for X age and you were disappointed that they didn't seem more sensitive in working with younger kids.
But no I would not ask for a refund. Merchants participating in groupon only get 25% of the retail price anyway. I don't think that you can make the case that it was inappropriate...your kid just didn't take to it IYKWIM.

[BabbyO]

I agree with Misshollygolightly. I think you should cut your losses. I also think that it is reasonable to ask for a refund since the class was advertized in an age range that fit your child. However, I'd recommend asking for a refund (or use this as a bargaining chip) for the 5 classes your DS won't be attending. If the overall price for 7 classes was (for simple math's sake) $49. I'd ask for a refund of $35 for the 5 classes you won't be attending.

GL

[gatorsmom]

I vote that you are recognizing that it isn't a good fit. I would cut my losses and ask about a refund, but not expect it.
:yeahthat:

[zoestargrove]

Thank you everyone for your responses! I will stop second guessing myself. It really wasn't a good fit. That happens.

beachbum, your response in particular was helpful. I try to expose my children to lots of different experiences too. I think if I dug my heals in this time it would really give my son pause to try something new in the future. My intuition knew this, but your words breathed confidence in that decision. thanks (also I had no idea how groupon worked...so, if the groupon rate was $50 that means the retailer only received 12.50 for the 7 week program?)


My perspective is a bit different, I want my kids to try a lot of things. If they don't like it or want to do it again, that's ok. I'm happy they gave it a shot. I've quit lots of things I've started, and I don't feel guilty about it.
It's one thing to "quit" when people are relying on you, but I don't see the harm in not finishing an activity that is supposed to be fun when it isn't.
I guess I'm saying I don't see fencing, or ballet, or golf as an "obligation" that needs to be fulfilled.
Now, I'm not saying we sign up for all the activities and go only once :), but if there is a real issue with going we don't.

As for the groupon issue, I can see wanting to express the feeling that they advertised that it was for X age and you were disappointed that they didn't seem more sensitive in working with younger kids.
But no I would not ask for a refund. Merchants participating in groupon only get 25% of the retail price anyway. I don't think that you can make the case that it was inappropriate...your kid just didn't take to it IYKWIM.

I still don't know if I'll request a refund. I'll talk it over with dh tonight. If someone (owner or instructor) simply came over and made an effort to offer any encouragement or something I would have probably felt better about the over all situation in the first place. It was all just very weird.

thanks again, Kelly

[TwinFoxes]

I think you're doing the right thing. The owner doesn't sound like someone I'd want working with my kids.

Groupon has a pretty liberal money back guarantee. I think you should definitely ask for a refund. You go through them, not the retailer.

[Indianamom2]

Poor little guy...that sounds like it just was a bad fit.

I'm generally in the camp of "we finish what we start"...but I think this might be a good exception, particularly since you say this was a very atypical response.

I would probably be frustrated with the experience, but I don't think I'd ask for my money back, particularly since I was already paying less for the experience than usual. It wouldn't necessarily be wrong to ask for your money back, I just probably wouldn't in this case.

[zoestargrove]

ahh! good to know (for the future) about going through Groupon instead of retailer.

here is the catch. (I almost forgot about this.)

I missed the groupon deal by a day (long story) but dh emailed the owner to see if he would honor that special discount anyways and he did, so we paid the owner directly the groupon rate.

[jenfromnj]

As someone who was a competitive fencer for years (back in the day), I can absolutely understand why your DS would be uncomfortable or scared. I'm also generally in the "finish what we start" camp, but I would probably make an exception in this case.

Fencing is such a physical sport, and even though it's not a full contact sport in the way that, say, football is, it still involves a lot of contact and your opponent/sparring partner "coming at you" must be terrifying if you're 7 y/o and the other person is 11 (not sure if it was foil, epee, or sabre, but I can see them all being scary to varying degrees, especially with boys). And that's not to mention the odd feeling of all the equipment and especially the helmet (it took me awhile to get used to having my face covered in that way, and I was 14 when I started). Giving a bunch of elementary school aged kids weapons and expecting them to just start sparring without really close supervision, after 1 lesson, seems a bit crazy to me personally, but I know instructional methods do vary.

I agree with those who said it might be worthwhile to contact groupon and explain that it wasn't really age appropriate for DS, and see if they can give you a refund or at least some kind of credit.

[MamaMolly]

He said that he doesn't recommend this to kids this young, but parents have pushed for it and since they will pay him than he does. This rubbed me the wrong way. I didn't ask for special permission and I assumed that a class that was advertised for 7-11 yo would be appropriate for all ages they advertised.

What the owner said really, REALLY bugs me. It just seems greedy to respond to demand by creating the class but not prepare for it. What kind of instructor or school does that? It sounds like he didn't want it to work out in the first place. Talk about setting your kid up for failure!

I'd totally, totally ask for a refund of the classes not taken. If he accepted your offer at the Groupon rate he actually got more money from the transaction than he did from another Groupon customer.

Wash your hands of these people.

[MamaMolly]

here is the catch. (I almost forgot about this.)

I missed the groupon deal by a day (long story) but dh emailed the owner to see if he would honor that special discount anyways and he did, so we paid the owner directly the groupon rate.

A non-issue IMO. Ask for your money.

[TwinFoxes]

here is the catch. (I almost forgot about this.)

I missed the groupon deal by a day (long story) but dh emailed the owner to see if he would honor that special discount anyways and he did, so we paid the owner directly the groupon rate.

Ahhhh. Well, I don't think I'd ask for a refund then.

[TwinFoxes]

A non-issue IMO. Ask for your money.

This is interesting, because to me he was offering her a really great deal when he didn't have to. And since she/DH had the owner on the phone, they could have asked more questions, as opposed to just going by that crazy ad copy that Groupon posts. But hey, it can't hurt to ask.

[MamaMolly]

Oh, I don't expect she'll get her money back really. But I do think there is a message attached to asking for it. True, he didn't have to offer her a really great deal, but he also didn't have to offer a class for an age group he didn't want to accommodate. (as it sounds from the OP)