Parental education on child sexual abuse

[mom2224]

I am looking for parental education on child sexual abuse. Can anyone recommend a resourceful book, website or even a BBB thread? Also, are there any comments or opinions on how best to handle educating children about this sensitive topic.

Thank you.

[Canna]

I found Protecting the Gift to be really helpful - interesting, with helpful practical recommendations and tips, not alarmist. It's not totally specific for sexual abuse, but you might find it helpful.

[sewarsh]

check out this book and then you can also see recommended books based on this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Right-Touch-Read-Aloud-Prevent-Collection/dp/0935699104/ref=cm_cr_pr_sims_t

i was goign to buy this book for my DD but wanted to actually check it out in person first before ordering which i haven't done yet.

[american_mama]

There have been some local showing of this film "Darkness to Light", which is being hosted by our PTO in April after a teacher and parent raved about it. I think the training program/discussion forum is called Stewards of Children. You can look for local showings in your state on the bottom right side of the page, although I notice that our PTO showing isn't there, so it's not complete.
http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6035035/k.8258/Prevent_Child_Sexual_Abuse.htm

[wendibird22]

I am reading Protecting the Gift right now and so far a very good resource. I bought DD1 this book http://www.amazon.com/Your-Belongs-Cornelia-Maude-Spelman/dp/0807594733/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1299854761&sr=1-2 which I think is an easy to follow message for the preschool-K age group that isn't alarmist, scary, or about strangers.

[infomama]

There are some good books on Amazon but at your dc's ages we just reinforced the following:

It is NEVER OK for anyone besides mom/dad/grandma/the doctor (when mom or dad are there) to 'be around' their private parts. (Wiping after the potty would be OK).

It's NEVER OK for them to touch anyone else's private parts.

It's always OK to tell mom/dad anything. We will NEVER be upset and we don't keep secrets. It's OK to say NO even to an adult.

http://www.goodtouchbadtouch.com/gtbt

[niccig]

There are some good books on Amazon but at your dc's ages we just reinforced the following:

It is NEVER OK for anyone besides mom/dad/grandma/the doctor (when mom or dad are there) to 'be around' their private parts. (Wiping after the potty would be OK).

It's NEVER OK for them to touch anyone else's private parts.

It's always OK to tell mom/dad anything. We will NEVER be upset and we don't keep secrets. It's OK to say NO even to an adult.

http://www.goodtouchbadtouch.com/gtbt

We do the above and have a couple of books like the "Your body belongs to you" linked above. DS can say No to a hug from us - he says "no, not now. Maybe later." I don't make him kiss/hug relatives - much to annoyance of my mother he feels that he should give her a hug/kiss every night when we visit. I let him give it when he wants to. She doesn't get it. Oh well.

[peanut520]

sorry i dont mean to hijack, but i have a question. we've gotten dd (2) into a habit of hugs and kisses (with relatives), and now i feel like i have done something wrong. how can i "untrain" her of this habit without it being negetive?

[niccig]

sorry i dont mean to hijack, but i have a question. we've gotten dd (2) into a habit of hugs and kisses (with relatives), and now i feel like i have done something wrong. how can i "untrain" her of this habit without it being negetive?

I just remember as a kid my parents saying go give so and so a hug goodbye - and you didn't want to, the person smelt, or it was just awkward. That and reading a book for kids about how their body is theirs and that it's OK to not want to give a hug right then. Of course it's OK...I don't go around hugging people if I don't want to.

I often ask DS for a hug and if he doesn't want to, that's OK. I say "Ok, maybe later." I do though expect him to give DH and I a hug goodbye in the morning. When we visit my mother, DS will hug her when we see her, and when we leave, but in between, if he doesn't want to hug her - and she does smell like cigarette smoke, then I'm OK with that. I do expect him to be polite and say " no thank you I don't want a hug right now. Maybe later on." It has caused some issues with my mother, who believes DS should do and say as he's told - well, he's not a performing pet. But that speaks to a bigger issue she and I have over parenting. DS freely gives hugs, a lot of hugs. It also says something that he will hug my cousins, my aunt, my dad, but he's not overly affectionate with my mother - and that's because she needs to get off his case over other things.

If you do want to address it, you could tell her that she doesn't have to give a hug if she doesn't want to. You could start with you and DH respecting boundaries if she says no she doesn't want a hug, and don't make her give one when leaving family. She needs to say goodbye and be polite, but you don't have to say "now give auntie Jo a hug and a kiss".

[peanut520]

I just remember as a kid my parents saying go give so and so a hug goodbye - and you didn't want to, the person smelt, or it was just awkward. That and reading a book for kids about how their body is theirs and that it's OK to not want to give a hug right then. Of course it's OK...I don't go around hugging people if I don't want to.

I often ask DS for a hug and if he doesn't want to, that's OK. I say "Ok, maybe later." I do though expect him to give DH and I a hug goodbye in the morning. When we visit my mother, DS will hug her when we see her, and when we leave, but in between, if he doesn't want to hug her - and she does smell like cigarette smoke, then I'm OK with that. I do expect him to be polite and say " no thank you I don't want a hug right now. Maybe later on." It has caused some issues with my mother, who believes DS should do and say as he's told - well, he's not a performing pet. But that speaks to a bigger issue she and I have over parenting. DS freely gives hugs, a lot of hugs. It also says something that he will hug my cousins, my aunt, my dad, but he's not overly affectionate with my mother - and that's because she needs to get off his case over other things.

If you do want to address it, you could tell her that she doesn't have to give a hug if she doesn't want to. You could start with you and DH respecting boundaries if she says no she doesn't want a hug, and don't make her give one when leaving family. She needs to say goodbye and be polite, but you don't have to say "now give auntie Jo a hug and a kiss".

thanks for the advice. i just get concerned when she is overly affectionate. if she says no to a hug or kiss we say okay and drop it, but she gets upset. i think that is just a 2 yo response.

[mom2224]

http://www.goodtouchbadtouch.com/gtbt

This website is a great starting place for me, thank you! With the staggering statistics I want to do all that I can to protect my children and those in my life without frightening them. I'm looking for that healthy balance and you all have helpful suggestions.

[niccig]

thanks for the advice. i just get concerned when she is overly affectionate. if she says no to a hug or kiss we say okay and drop it, but she gets upset. i think that is just a 2 yo response.

If she wants to give hugs, I think that's fine. I just remembering not wanting to give someone a hug and not feeling like I could say no, because our parents expected us to hug/kiss everyone goodbye. When I read in the book about it being OK to say No, it made sense to me to give DS that choice. And when he does give hugs, you know it's freely given.

Not everyone has same reaction as requiring hugs to relatives as I do, and that's fine too. I just didn't like it as a child, so don't make DS do it.

[justlearning]

This thread became heated and even removed at one point, but there was a lot of good info in it:

http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=378309

[sewarsh]

This thread became heated and even removed at one point, but there was a lot of good info in it:

http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=378309

wow. i just browsed that thread but saw a common theme....lots of BBBers on have been the victim of sexual abuse. I may have to do a poll on this...

[justlearning]

wow. i just browsed that thread but saw a common theme....lots of BBBers on have been the victim of sexual abuse. I may have to do a poll on this...

There already was the s/o poll right after the above thread. Here's the poll thread: http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=378439&highlight=molested+poll