For those who decided to become a SAHM...

[BigDog]

I recently returned to my full time job after 6mos of mat leave. And I hate it. I work from a home office, which you'd think would make working more enjoyable, but it doesn't. I totally hate my job. Plus, I still have to send DS1 (age 3) and DS2 (6mos) to daycare.

So I keep entertaining thoughts of becoming a SAHM. But I don't know if we'd be able to survive on DH's income alone. Can anyone offer any advice? How do I figure out if we'd be able to do it financially? We currently manage our money somewhat wisely I'd say, but we also allow ourselves weekly dinners out/takeout, new clothes/shoes/electronics/toys when we feel the need, etc. I feel we would have to cut back significantly... even, perhaps, giving up my iphone... which I would do in order to be home with my kids! Thanks in advance for any help!

[brittone2]

There have been some great threads on this in the past. I think I would start trying to live on one salary (banking yours) right now, and see how realistic that is. Obviously you'd also be cutting out daycare if you become a SAHM and may find you don't need as many quick dinners out, etc. once you get into your groove. I'd start banking as much of your salary as possible before making any decisions, and see how that goes. (realizing you'd also be saving daycare expenses and maybe some other expenses if you start SAH. See how close you can get to living on one salary in the meantime).

How recently did you return to your job? I think the transition is really, really tough on many moms, so I would hesitate to make a decision right now if you just recently transitioned back into the workplace. I sahm (started while pg for a few reasons) but many of the wahm/wohms here have suggested giving it some time on past threads.

eta: we live on one salary and can swing it, but I definitely don't spend a lot on shoes, clothes, electronics, going out to eat, etc. We also bought our house based off of just DH's salary, which helps. It can be more difficult if you buy a house based on being a 2 income family and then try to cut down to one income.

here are some relevant older threads:
http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=372302&highlight=sahm+money+saving
http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=363853&highlight=sahm+money+saving
http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=341733&highlight=sahm+money+saving
http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=298031&highlight=sahm+money+saving
http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=288719&highlight=sahm+money+saving

[Melaine]

For us, we just jumped in and did it from day one. I had originally planned to go back to work, but having twins totally changed that plan! We knew it would be a tight squeeze financially, but we have found it doable. For me, my income was NOT significant(about half of DH's), so getting quality childcare for two kids would have really cut into it. I like the idea of putting all of your income aside and living on one for awhile to test it.

[bostonsmama]

We've lived on 1 income for years. It just requires some creativity to live "like" you used to without spending what you used to. We go out to eat 2-3x/month and go affordable (taco shop, chinese take-out, Ruby's w/ a coupon or split an entree/do lunch at a nicer place). We don't have smart phones (we piggyback w/ my parents' plan for $10/month). We cancelled cable (and while we don't watch TV at all, almost every show is avail on Hulu, you can rent a series on Netflix or check videos out from the library). I think I look decently fashionable; I just shop the clearance of Banana Repub, Gap and Old Navy/Target. Splurge on the essentials (1 nice pair of jeans, a jacket, 2 bras), skimp on the non (ts, shoes, accessories) We're smart about our food: we coupon-clip, shop loss-leaders and marked-down meat, and buy bulk where we can. We also have a garden, which is super fun to share with children.

Also remember that you just returned to work. All my friends say that's the roughest time--so don't make your decision now. Wait a month and reassess. You can always live now like you don't have your income, put the money in savings, and see how it goes. If you can't swing it, don't like how it feels, or decide you enjoy your job, you'll just have some spare cash. If you do like it, all the better.

[lucybabymamma]

For us, we just jumped in and did it from day one. I had originally planned to go back to work, but having twins totally changed that plan! We knew it would be a tight squeeze financially, but we have found it doable. For me, my income was NOT significant(about half of DH's), so getting quality childcare for two kids would have really cut into it. I like the idea of putting all of your income aside and living on one for awhile to test it.

We did this when I was pregnant with DD1 and it helped us see we could do it (and save a bit for when I did stop working).
I think the other thing that helps is being opportunistic and picking up little "jobs" here and there to make a little extra cash -- reselling on ebay and at consignment stores, buying toys at garage sales (versus new), if the girls take little classes I buy them super-cheap off groupon deals, and I have a little part time job working at a nursery once a week, where I can take my DDs too.

I agree with splurging on essentials though -- I have found that paying a bit more for things both DDs can use (like shoes) means they will last longer and can be used again, and again (and then sometimes even resold)....

good luck!
PS Thanks brittone2 for the great links!

[BigDog]

Thanks, ladies, for your fantastic feedback! You've all given me some good tips and things to think about. In fact, I just got finished switching around some bank stuff, and am now going to call those pesky cable tv people. I'm motivated and determined to find ways to make this work. I will definitely be patient though and give it some time before making any decisions. Thanks for the support!

[boltfam]

You've already gotten some good advice, and I think brittone2's advice on trying to live on one income now (and banking yours) will give you a good idea if you can swing it now.

I became a sahm right after ds was born and we made changes (like no cable, piggybacking on my parents' cell phone plan, etc.) to make it work. When dd was born, we've made even more changes to continue to live off dh's income solely. I would have never thought when I was pg the first time that we would be living as cheaply as we do, but when we need to cut expenses, we find a way.

I do re-sell clothes at a consignment shop and do other things to contribute financially when I can.

[Melanie]

I would say put your entire paycheck into the bank and don't touch it for a couple of months. If you can survive, then you can do it. Since you already work from home I would imagine you won't realize some of the financial benefits of staying home vs. working (lunches out, large work wardrobe), but you will save on daycare! So actually, thinking of that, I would say put your paycheck in the bank to save, minus the daycare...reimburse the family budget for that to get a more accurate picture of what the monthly budget will look like.

[KrisM]

I agree about banking the 2nd check, if you can. If you do need it for daycare, that seems reasonable, since that would go away if you SAH. Also, you can estimate how much more DH would bring home with taxes only coming from his check. It might change from now.

[hellokitty]

We planned ahead. We bought our current house based only on DH's salary, even though I was working at the time, b/c we knew that when we had kids, I'd be a sahm. Now that the economy and housing market have tanked, we have been thankful that we bought a house below our budget. Had we bought a more expensive house, it would have been hit harder by the housing market (we're in a price bracket that has been a little bit more well insulated than the more expensive homes in our area which you can now get for 100K off). We've always been frugal, but I've recently gone more gung ho about couponing and I can completely see how some moms are able to save uber amounts of $ on their grocery/household items/health/beauty items. www.hip2save.com is my favorite couponing site and it will help you get started.

I think ppl's suggestions of doing a, "practice run" of banking your salary to see how you do on DH's salary alone is a good idea. I think it'll also force you to evaluate what, "fat" could be trimmed off of your household expenses.

[KrisM]

Other things to consider...

I am able to shop garage sales and mom2mom sales for the kids clothes and some toys. I only spend about $300/year on clothes for 3 kids.

My clothes are more casual than they were when I was working. I don't spend much on myself at all.

I have time to use coupons and shop 2 stores for groceries, so our grocery bill is about $550 for 5 of us.

Gaining time can save you money, I think.

[Melaine]

A couple of good points about extra money you can make and save as a SAHM. Like pp, I also sell a LOT of stuff on craigslist to supplement the girls' clothes and toys. We could easily keep them in clothes and essentials with just my CL money alone. I have also taken some small part time jobs, and I save a lot of money by shopping thrifts stores, yard sales, clearance racks. WOHMs that I know just can't logistically do a lot of that stuff.

[clc053103]

I went back to work 3 days a week after maternity leave, then down to 2, then quit when DS turned 3. I wouldn't change it for anything. While we did nothing to plan for the event, I am sure having a reduced income for 3 years helped us ease into it a bit.
The best things I did to help ease the burden of the lost income:
compared health insurance carefully - we changed to a plan with DH's company for all of us and saved $350 a month!
reviewed every bill- switched electric to budget billing which prevents any surprises, bundled cable/tv/internet provider, comparison shopped for lawn treatment and garbage, etc.
stopped buying books and went to the library. Saved about $100 a month, plus took DS to a free story hour to boot!
cut coupons and went to the cheaper grocery stores.
sold some stuff on ebay and craigs list (Admittedly, this was more for entertainment than profit, but I made about $500)
stopped buying premium denim- started buying Gap jeans and other "SAHM" garb, since I no longer needed to dress for my office, though the office was casual.

[SkyrMommy]

DH and I did a trial run of a year with focus on just his income. I was a teacher and was allowed one year of maternity leave which gave us the time to really asses both the financial and emotional decisions of having me at home. I stayed involved with a limited advisement role and was at school each week, and by the end of the year had decided that my family was best served with me at home.

Looking at my salary so much would have been taken up by daycare that it really wasn't worth it. Also I've rearranged things to work in my studio and with the limited income from that, buy myself a few toys and treats for all of us.

It works, but I really needed that year to put myself in order and take the time to judge if I was ready to be a SAHM or WOHM. It's different for each family, but take the time you need, don't rush. You've gotten some fantastic advice from PPs... good luck.

[BabbyO]

I don't mean to hijack, but I'm in a very similar situation (and taking notes on all the responses) except that I've been back at work for about 18 mo and I'm expecting #2.

My question is did any of you become a SAHM if your income was more than 50% of the total household income....more like 60% of the total income?

[KrisM]

I don't mean to hijack, but I'm in a very similar situation (and taking notes on all the responses) except that I've been back at work for about 18 mo and I'm expecting #2.

My question is did any of you become a SAHM if your income was more than 50% of the total household income....more like 60% of the total income?

I was 50%.

[Green22]

Prob not helpful, but I was in a similar situation - at home with one income but it was b/c I was laid off - and just could not make it work. I am now back to work.

We don't have a car payment, we rent, we have base phone plan, a basic cable/internet plan at 80 per month and I tried so hard to watch food costs (though DH did not IMO and it was frustrating). We do have student loans. I sold practically every nice thing I owned prior (some designer dresses, some designer handbags and shoes) - and used this money to buy a cameracorder, stroller.

DH is a teacher with a very modest salary, my old salary was about 65-70% of the income.

I literally stopped buying anything extra - all DD's clothes are from 2nd hand stores (though I did buy about 5-8 things from gap or gymbo sales). The last time I bought something was 4-5 months after giving birth when I still couldn't fit into my old clothes, and I spent about 60 bucks at Old Navy. We spent $75 on chirstmas total.

After about 8-9 months I realized I can't live like that anymore. It was just too hard for me - I was really depressed, really resentful that we couldn't afford to do things for DD, that we couldn't save for DD's future, and I couldn't make it work. I wish I could have because i love the idea of being at home with my girl.

My point is that I think it is a great idea to "try it on" - with the exception of DC costs, try and just live on DH's salary for a while before making the jump. It might be more do-able if your DH makes more of a livable wage than mine and if you don't live in an expensive area.

[BabbyO]

Prob not helpful, but I was in a similar situation - at home with one income but it was b/c I was laid off - and just could not make it work. I am now back to work.

We don't have a car payment, we rent, we have base phone plan, a basic cable/internet plan at 80 per month and I tried so hard to watch food costs (though DH did not IMO and it was frustrating). We do have student loans. I sold practically every nice thing I owned prior (some designer dresses, some designer handbags and shoes) - and used this money to buy a cameracorder, stroller.

DH is a teacher with a very modest salary, my old salary was about 65-70% of the income.

I literally stopped buying anything extra - all DD's clothes are from 2nd hand stores (though I did buy about 5-8 things from gap or gymbo sales). The last time I bought something was 4-5 months after giving birth when I still couldn't fit into my old clothes, and I spent about 60 bucks at Old Navy. We spent $75 on chirstmas total.

After about 8-9 months I realized I can't live like that anymore. It was just too hard for me - I was really depressed, really resentful that we couldn't afford to do things for DD, that we couldn't save for DD's future, and I couldn't make it work. I wish I could have because i love the idea of being at home with my girl.

My point is that I think it is a great idea to "try it on" - with the exception of DC costs, try and just live on DH's salary for a while before making the jump. It might be more do-able if your DH makes more of a livable wage than mine and if you don't live in an expensive area.

This is hugely helpful because I make about 60-65% of the total household income. We'd save some because I currently drive 80 mi/day, but I just don't know how we'd cut to 1 income. We just had major repairs needed by 1 of our cars (unexpected) and it happened to coincide with scheduled repairs for the other. Both are paid off and I know that we would have been in the hole if not for both of our incomes. We could cut in some areas...but I have a feeling that I'd be in a similar situation...we couldn't cut quite enough.

[MoJo]

I was almost exactly 50%. As a PP said, we bought our house based on one income instead of two, and that makes all the difference.

And, I'm still working very part time, about 8 hours per week. It's just enough to make ends meet. (My DH is a teacher, too). We also sell on eBay for fun and profit; it's a family project that works for us.

We don't mind shopping at thrift stores and often seem to get better quality stuff there than regular retail. We have several such stores in our area and shopping them is fun for the whole family in our family.

*I* feel like I'm depriving my kids more when I work too much than I feel I'm depriving them by giving them used clothes and toys.

[TxCat]

This is hugely helpful because I make about 60-65% of the total household income. We'd save some because I currently drive 80 mi/day, but I just don't know how we'd cut to 1 income. We just had major repairs needed by 1 of our cars (unexpected) and it happened to coincide with scheduled repairs for the other. Both are paid off and I know that we would have been in the hole if not for both of our incomes. We could cut in some areas...but I have a feeling that I'd be in a similar situation...we couldn't cut quite enough.

Right now, I'm 45% of the total income, but honestly, 66% of my pre-tax income is going to childcare. However, starting next year, my income will be about 80% of the total household income. When I was on extended, unpaid maternity leave, we tried living on just DH's income, and it was eye-opening to me just to see how much even small things that I took for granted with my job (like my health and dental insurance) made a difference in our overall budget. We could live on DH's salary alone if necessary, but I started to feel like I might be short-changing all of us (me, DD, DH) too much by doing that. In the end, I decided to find the most "family-friendly" job I could - that way I can still contribute to our family's financial well-being, and I'll maximize being home as much as I can. I wish I could be home full-time, but I don't think it really works for our family. Instead, I'll happily cut back on some professional goals but still earn enough to add to our financial security.