Do you think people like you?

[ha98ed14]

Not your BFFs. I mean people you know peripherally, meet casually, friends of friends, even people here or on another online community you participate in.

How likable do you think you are?

Poll coming.

[smiles33]

LOL. I think of myself as the "liked by many, but best friends with no one but DH" type of girl. I'm generally very friendly and cheerful, know almost everyone in the building on a personal basis, say hello to a million people, but really only spend meaningful time with my family.

[mommylamb]

I think I'm pretty likable. Or at least I hope so. I have been really lucky to have stumbled onto a lot of wonderful friends IRL in pretty much every period of my life, and of course here :waving4:. In every job I've ever had, my likability is something supervisors have commented on during almost every review I've ever had. Which, in my line of work (government relations) is really important.

Now, I know there are exceptions. There are a few people here on BBB who have made it very clear that they do not care for me at all. Whatever. No skin off my nose. Most of the folks here are awesome.

[rin]

I don't think too many people DISlike me, but I have a difficult time navigating social situations and I think I often come across as stand-offish or aloof, largely because I just have no idea how to naturally engage with people. I do have a core group of fabulous, close friends who I've had since in one case preschool, the others middle school, but I don't tend to have an easy time making new friends, particularly of the casual friend sort. I seem to pick up about one close, good friend a decade or so, but don't really have a lot of casual acquaintances who we interact with socially. (Part of this, of course, is that my husband is even more hermit-like than I am, and loathes parties and dinner engagements, so we very rarely interact socially as a couple except with people he already knows well.)

Of course, there are definitely a handful of people who I think strongly dislike me, so . . . I voted that people can "take me or leave me", since I don't think I have super strong social skills but I also don't think I'm a social pariah.

[smiles33]

In every job I've ever had, my likability is something supervisors have commented on during almost every review I've ever had. Which, in my line of work (government relations) is really important.


Yup, I would say that all the gov't relations folks I encountered in my past job were very socially savvy. I can schmooze a ballroom full of strangers but I don't enjoy it like some of the gov't relations folks seemed to do. I would find doing that regularly to be exhausting and that is partly why I left my nonprofit as I was sick of attending events and putting in the face time.

[pinkmomagain]

I voted pickle relish.

I think for the most part, I'm pretty likable on the surface to those who meet me. I'm really not a fighter and I let alot of things go. If an acquaintance says something I don't agree with, I generally do not "get into it" ...it's usually not so important to me.

That said, I'm sure sometimes I say things that rub people the wrong way. Also, I tend to be a bit introverted which some people may take negatively. Also, because I'm introverted, it takes a long time for me to warm up with people and I have just a few closer friends.

On here, my impression is that most people don't have a strong opinion either way about me.

[elektra]

I think I am likeable, yes. :)

[niccig]

Yes and No.
I talk to much, and I know some people find it annoying. Close friends are fine with it, but in other social settings, I do try to rein it in...but sometimes my brain just isn't hooked into my mouth..

[Pennylane]

I think I am likeable. I am pretty easy going in relationships and am a firm believer in "To each their own".

Although the older I get, the less tolerant of people I am becoming. I have really shaved down the group of people that I spend time with. If any of that makes sense??


Ann

[mommylamb]

I think I am likeable, yes. :)

I agree :love5:.

[sste]

I do think people like me - - I have a kind of high-strung charm and I mean well unto others. My DH and I have talked about this a little because DH is more outgoing than me, has a better "EQ", is more athletic, (a hair!) better-looking and when we met in college he had a larger friend census. I tend toward being a little shy and things fly out of my mouth that I wish I could retract and if I am not careful I have a tendency just in talking about my (intense) self to stress others out about their kids, choices, etc. But, despite those failings, over the years what DH and I have both observed is that for friendships time, commitment, loyalty, and generosity win out in the end. Even with people that aren't BFFs but are colleagues or acquaintances.

I consider myself the friendship Turtle!

[elektra]

I agree :love5:.

;)
Right back atcha!

[elektra]

I do think people like me - - I have a kind of high-strung charm and I mean well unto others. My DH and I have talked about this a little because DH is more outgoing than me, has a better "EQ", is more athletic, (a hair!) better-looking and when we met in college he had a larger friend census. I tend toward being a little shy and things fly out of my mouth that I wish I could retract and if I am not careful I have a tendency just in talking about my (intense) self to stress others out about their kids, choices, etc. But, despite those failings, over the years what DH and I have both observed is that for friendships time, commitment, loyalty, and generosity win out in the end. Even with people that aren't BFFs but are colleagues or acquaintances.

I consider myself the friendship Turtle!

You are charming sste!

[egoldber]

I do think people like me - - I have a kind of high-strung charm and I mean well unto others. My DH and I have talked about this a little because DH is more outgoing than me, has a better "EQ", is more athletic, (a hair!) better-looking and when we met in college he had a larger friend census. I tend toward being a little shy and things fly out of my mouth that I wish I could retract and if I am not careful I have a tendency just in talking about my (intense) self to stress others out about their kids, choices, etc. But, despite those failings, over the years what DH and I have both observed is that for friendships time, commitment, loyalty, and generosity win out in the end. Even with people that aren't BFFs but are colleagues or acquaintances.

I consider myself the friendship Turtle!

LOL! I think you're my twin. :)

[lizzywednesday]

I think, for the most part, I am likable ... BUT I have a very small social circle because, like several PPs have mentioned, I just don't have very good social skills.

I'm more myself online, if that makes sense, and I do try to tread lightly because I know I can come off poorly in type. And my social awkwardness in person sometimes comes off as rudeness; I don't mean it that way. (I just have a hard time relaxing around people in general and women in particular; this is my own problem. I only have a handful of very close friends and the other people I associate with are simply acquaintances I've accrued over my lifetime. My husband sometimes thinks this makes me deficient in some way, but, honestly, I only have so much time or patience!)

So... I voted "take me or leave me."

[elektra]

I think I am likeable. I am pretty easy going in relationships and am a firm believer in "To each their own".

Although the older I get, the less tolerant of people I am becoming. I have really shaved down the group of people that I spend time with. If any of that makes sense??


Ann

Makes perfect sense to me. I think I am also easy going in general which I think makes me more likeable.
However, I also imagine I may also be becoming less likable as I get older too because I really do just try and not waste my time or emotional energy on people who are not positive for me in some way, shape or form, and therefore there might be folks who feel snubbed and think I am not likable.

[minnie-zb]

I think people like me. I do think my friend skills are rusty. I haven't had a close friend in my immediate area in a few years. People seem to be happy to talk and laugh with me when we are in social settings or out and about, but I never seem to be able to get past the surface. My neighbors recently told me they always find me to be smiling and laughing, which I think is a good thing...I would like to find a good friend who lives close vs. long distance.

[crl]

I went with they could take me or leave me.

I'm reasonably good at social skills and when I was a lawyer one of my strengths was client management (lol). In fact one of my favorite compliments ever from a client was that I could say no in a way that made him want to come back and ask me again on the next project. And people that know me fairly well mostly like me.

But I think to casual acquaintances I come across as a bit distant. And although I enjoy socializing in smaller settings, I am not one of those people who thrives on working a room.

Catherine

[TwinFoxes]

I think I'm pretty likable. Or at least I hope so. I have been really lucky to have stumbled onto a lot of wonderful friends IRL in pretty much every period of my life, and of course here :waving4:. In every job I've ever had, my likability is something supervisors have commented on during almost every review I've ever had. Which, in my line of work (government relations) is really important.

Now, I know there are exceptions. There are a few people here on BBB who have made it very clear that they do not care for me at all. Whatever. No skin off my nose. Most of the folks here are awesome.

I totally could have written this, except I'm not in government relations. I'm lucky to have good friends, bosses have commented on my likability (I honestly think I got my last job because I was more personable than my closest competition) and other than a few people who clearly don't care for me on the board, I think most people seem to at least tolerate me.

I didn't vote though, because "what's not to like" doesn't seem quite right...I'm sure there's plenty not to like! ;)

[BabyBearsMom]

I think I am likeable. I have a fair number of friends IRL and my coworkers seem to like me a lot. I am very friendly/out-going, and DH is very reserved. But I am a little bit more petty and have a shorter temper, whereas DH is a better long term friend (loyal, always kind and sympathetic etc). We joke that I bring people in as friends but he keeps them there. I think I get along pretty well with almost everyone here on the BBB :waving4:, or at least I haven't notice anyone throwing me under the bus. I do try to bite my tongue on the high drama threads though, so that could be why.

Then again, maybe I am unlikeable and oblivious to it?

[BabyH]

I think I'm likeable... with a sidecar of "Unlikable" at times.

I'm very friendly, loyal and outgoing, but I'm also intensely protective of myself and my friends. Sometimes this can lead to me being too assertive for some, but I'm not too concerned with it. In regards to DH, I'm way more direct (whether it's dealing with customer service issues or just picking what's for dinner) but I can also see where people would think that makes me high strung or high maintenance.

I have a very loving heart, and I always mean well.

[mommylamb]

Yup, I would say that all the gov't relations folks I encountered in my past job were very socially savvy. I can schmooze a ballroom full of strangers but I don't enjoy it like some of the gov't relations folks seemed to do. I would find doing that regularly to be exhausting and that is partly why I left my nonprofit as I was sick of attending events and putting in the face time.

Ugh... there are times when I just hate those functions/events. I know I have to be "on" for them. And I am. But, I sometimes really have to force it. I'm a closet introvert who has lots of practice at faking extrovert tendencies. Schmoozing is a big part of my job, so I have to. I've definitely gotten better at it over the years. I can have an elevator conversation on pretty much any topic. But some work functions can be brutally painful, especially when I'm walking into an event where I barely know anyone and have to sit down next to someone and just start talking.

[ellies mom]

Yes and No.
I talk to much, and I know some people find it annoying. Close friends are fine with it, but in other social settings, I do try to rein it in...but sometimes my brain just isn't hooked into my mouth..

That is kind of me too.

[fortato]

I think I'm a likable person... IN person. It's hard to really know someone online.

Sometimes I find myself wondering what some of you think of me... I know I have perceptions of you...

[ha98ed14]

I think I'm a likable person... IN person. It's hard to really know someone online.

Sometimes I find myself wondering what some of you think of me... I know I have perceptions of you...

Ooo, Now there's an idea... Time for another poll!

[mezzona]

i'm very opinionated, so i try to keep to myself. it's the hardest thing to keep my mouth shut sometimes. or keep my foot out of my mouth. so i thought people generally didnt like me, but then i've had a couple surprise parties thrown for me and everyone i knew and even acquaintances showed up. so... cant really know. now i just give ppl the benefit of the doubt and stay open to people unless they specifically show adverse reaction to me.:p

[elektra]

I think I'm a likable person... IN person. It's hard to really know someone online.

Sometimes I find myself wondering what some of you think of me... I know I have perceptions of you...

I agree that someone's online persona could be very different from what they are like IRL.
And I think that many people who chose "take me or leave me" or even "pariah" are probably very likable by some people and very unlikeable by others.

I also have perceptions.....
However, on the boards, those perceptions are only based on what people are typing out of course. In person there are so many other factors at play. My guess is that the people I find "unlikeable" or "likeable" online would not always be the same people I found likeable IRL.

[twowhat?]

I think I'm likeable enough in the sense that I don't ever cause conflict but I think that people could either take me or leave me:) I'm not particularly interesting. I'm not entertaining. I suck at making conversation. In fact, I think I am boring. The most interesting thing about me is the twins:)

[BabyBearsMom]

I think I'm a likable person... IN person. It's hard to really know someone online.

Sometimes I find myself wondering what some of you think of me... I know I have perceptions of you...

I wonder that too. In fact, this thread is making me paranoid. I feel like I could be that pathetic person who thinks she is cool but no one else does. Like in Diary of a Wimpy Kid. The kid thinks he is so pretty popular but really isn't.

[Pennylane]

However, I also imagine I may also be becoming less likable as I get older too because I really do just try and not waste my time or emotional energy on people who are not positive for me in some way, shape or form, and therefore there might be folks who feel snubbed and think I am not likable.


Exactly what I was trying to say!

Ann

[jgenie]

I think I'm likeable enough in the sense that I don't ever cause conflict but I think that people could either take me or leave me:) I'm not particularly interesting. I'm not entertaining. I suck at making conversation. In fact, I think I am boring. The most interesting thing about me is the twins:)

This is me - without the twins ;)!

[gatorsmom]

At our other house I felt like chopped liver. After moving down here, I have been invited to lunch and out on "girls' night out" already and we haven't even been here 4 months! Maybe I'm just the flavor of the month in this little town, but I have to admit I'm feeling like I have some friends!

[BabyBearsMom]

At our other house I felt like chopped liver. After moving down here, I have been invited to lunch and out on "girls' night out" already and we haven't even been here 4 months! Maybe I'm just the flavor of the month in this little town, but I have to admit I'm feeling like I have some friends!

FWIW, I always love to read your posts, so you aren't chopped liver here either :thumbsup:

[cindys]

I voted take me or leave me....

I am not the type of person that is comfortable around people I dont know....So, to alot of people I come off as stuck-up or snotty....

I try really hard to work on that because even going to read to my DS pre-k class rattles me, the thought of having to talk in front of people makes me jitter and sweat :( ... But, online, I can talk your ear off!

Now, once you get to know me and I am comfortable I am very witty and am great at one line zingers....I love to laugh and be with people who are the same but it takes a while for me to feel comfortable.

DH is a social butterfly and extremely comfortable around new people so he has been great about getting me to join a book club and us to join a dinner club etc...

We have met some of our closest friends that way.

Cindy
Mama to 3 boys...19, 4 & 2 :heartbeat::heartbeat::heartbeat:

[arivecchi]

I chose take me or leave me.

I think my friends like me a lot, but I also think I am hard to get close to IRL and can be stand-offish. I tend to like or dislike people right away and it probably shows, so I am certain there are people who probably don't appreciate my vibe.

I also wonder whether the online personas match the IRL personas.

Everyone I have met so far that I liked on BBB has pretty much been the way I thought they would be.

[MomToOne]

I am not, no. I am like the Shirley McClaine character in Steel Magnolias. The people that get me, get me and find me a funny and valuable friend but most don't.

[BabyBearsMom]

I chose take me or leave me.

I think my friends like me a lot, but I also think I am hard to get close to IRL and can be stand-offish. I tend to like or dislike people right away and it probably shows, so I am certain there are people who probably don't appreciate my vibe.

I also wonder whether the online personas match the IRL personas.

Everyone I have met so far that I liked on BBB has pretty much been the way I thought they would be.

Well, I don't know you IRL, but I don't think you are take me or leave me. I always think of you as like the super cool popular girl of the BBB :ROTFLMAO:. Everyone on the board knows who you are, and you have all the cool strollers (kind of like the girl in high school who has a convertible).

[g-mama]

Yes, IRL people do like me. I don't have a single person who I have a grudge/conflict/falling out with. I make friends easily and am very comfortable socially.

Online? Not nearly as much. I don't spend as much time trying to make sure I come across politely here as I do IRL.

[weech]

I voted they could take me or leave me.

I'm extremely socially awkward, to be quite honest. I'm terrible at small talk, I hate talking about the weather and I never know what to say to people I don't know well. If you can get past that, I think I'm pretty awesome with people I know.

[arivecchi]

Well, I don't know you IRL, but I don't think you are take me or leave me. I always think of you as like the super cool popular girl of the BBB :ROTFLMAO:. Everyone on the board knows who you are, and you have all the cool strollers (kind of like the girl in high school who has a convertible).
That is extremely kind of you to say, but trust me, plenty of people here don't like me and that is ok (just as IRL). We are all pretty opinionated here and I think people tend to flock to those with similar views/lifestyles. :)

[gatorsmom]

FWIW, I always love to read your posts, so you aren't chopped liver here either :thumbsup:

thank you! That was very sweet of you and you made my day!

[AnnieW625]

I think I am likable, but I actually voted for the second option because I can be a bit opinionated and or some people just don't get my humor. I also think I can come across as a bit geeky.

[arivecchi]

LOL! I think you're my twin. :)Now that I think about it, you ARE long-lost twins. I love the way you both analyze everything so well and maintain a positive outlook. :thumbsup:

[boolady]

But I think to casual acquaintances I come across as a bit distant. And although I enjoy socializing in smaller settings, I am not one of those people who thrives on working a room.

Catherine



I think my friends like me a lot, but I also think I am hard to get close to IRL and can be stand-offish. I tend to like or dislike people right away and it probably shows, so I am certain there are people who probably don't appreciate my vibe.

I voted take me or leave me, because I think I'm a combination of the two quotes above. I am incredibly loyal and would do anything for my family and close friends, but I've always been a handful of close friends kind of gal, not someone with a huge social circle. I need a while to get to know people, really can't stand people who are fake nice, and if you don't like me for whatever reason...that's fine with me. We'll deal with each other in whatever capacity we need to and move on.

Our present neighborhood has been great for me, though, in that I've made some really nice friends in some of our awesome neighbors, who seem to like me and to invite us to things.

On the other hand, I am absolutely the way arrivecchi describes, especially at work. When I came back to work after maternity leave, I was promoted within a week when someone who had been in the office for 19 years unexpectedly abruptly left. I know (because others have told me) that there were hard feelings from people how had been in the office longer who felt that I didn't deserve the promotion. My office still has a lot of "good old boys" vibe to it, and the fact that I was the youngest person ever made a supervisor and the first female apparently didn't rub some people the right way. I think the last four years have changed a lot of those feelings, because I've done a good job. Nevertheless, I'm sure some of the good old boys still don't think I was the right choice and don't go out of their way to be nice to me.

I think because I'm very analytical and don't walk around with a grin on my face all of the time, people think I'm intense. People have told me that they think I'm intense, and are surprised when they get to know me that I've got a good sense of humor (or so I'm told). The people I supervise and I always get along really well, because we get to know each other better. And, I have two really good friends at work who have gotten closer over the last 8 years and I would trust with anything. I think my issue is more perception than reality, though I definitely know who I like and who I don't. And I'm not a good faker. :bag

[Corie]

You know, for the most part, people really like me. (except for
a group of BBB women who find me too risque with my threads!)

I talk to everyone, wherever I am. It doesn't matter if you are
5 years old or 95 years old. Doesn't matter if you are the President
or the janitor. Doesn't matter if you are gay or straight. Doesn't
matter if you only have one tooth in your entire mouth. It simply
does not matter to me. I will engage you in a great conversation.
I enjoy meeting new people.

I've been told by many people that I smile a lot. :D People
like smilers.

[WolfpackMom]

I think so, I hate to say it like "what's not to love?" because it makes me sound like Im in love with myself. ;) IRL most people seem to like me, I socialize easily and my grandmother and aunt are always commenting about how I am very conscious of other people's feelings etc. At work I do know that some people find me intimidating. I have had issues at work where some dudes feel threatened by me when I know more than them or when they give me tons of $*%& trying to manipulate situations when they are on a power trip and I dont take it. I can come across as a bit of a hard ass when it comes to people trying to jerk me around at work.

[ha98ed14]

You know, for the most part, people really like me. (except for
a group of BBB women who find me too risque with my threads!)


You don't know, they may secretly like you; the're just not ready to acknowledge their own risque desires... ;)

[sste]

You know, for the most part, people really like me. (except for
a group of BBB women who find me too risque with my threads!)

I talk to everyone, wherever I am. It doesn't matter if you are
5 years old or 95 years old. Doesn't matter if you are the President
or the janitor. Doesn't matter if you are gay or straight. Doesn't
matter if you only have one tooth in your entire mouth. It simply
does not matter to me. I will engage you in a great conversation.
I enjoy meeting new people.

I've been told by many people that I smile a lot. :D People
like smilers.

Corie, that is an incredible gift. There are so few people that have this. I have one friend who is like this IRL and, for me, being around her is like traveling to Mars! She draws all of these people into her orbit, going to the post office or to get coffee is a major adventure with her because she (and me because I am along for the ride) meets people everywhere! I so admire this. Part of it is sociability but part of it is also a strong life force. :)

[mezzona]

Corie, that is an incredible gift. There are so few people that have this. I have one friend who is like this IRL and, for me, being around her is like traveling to Mars! She draws all of these people into her orbit, going to the post office or to get coffee is a major adventure with her because she (and me because I am along for the ride) meets people everywhere! I so admire this. Part of it is sociability but part of it is also a strong life force. :)

i totally agree. i have a friend like that and i love being around her.

[larig]

I said take me or leave me. I'm very opinionated (usually THINK that the opinion is backed by sound reasoning, research or evidence) and outspoken. I'm WAY more diplomatic than I could be (DH is horrible and could never be involved in the civil discussions we have here--he's a hot head.) But, I will bend over backward to help you if I can. I can pretend that I'm an outgoing person, but I'm really painfully shy. Even on the BBB I type up so many posts that I eventually just delete.

When someone reaches out to me through a PM on the BBB I'm over the moon. It kind of makes you feel like you matter and fit in here. Thanks to those of you who have!

[wellyes]

Funny that this post came out the same day as the David Brooks column about American overconfidence:
College students today are much more likely to agree with statements such as “I am easy to like” than college students 30 years ago. In the 1950s, 12 percent of high school seniors said they were a “very important person.” By the ’90s, 80 percent said they believed that they were.

However, I, myself, am indeed a very important person!! :loveeyes:

[TwinFoxes]

I always think of you as like the super cool popular girl of the BBB :ROTFLMAO:. Everyone on the board knows who you are, and you have all the cool strollers (kind of like the girl in high school who has a convertible).

Hee hee, that is a perfect description! :)

[bostonsmama]

I guess I'm like my dad; people either love me or dislike me (although I don't attract much hate). No one seems to be ambivalent about me. ;)

[larig]

Well, I don't know you IRL, but I don't think you are take me or leave me. I always think of you as like the super cool popular girl of the BBB :ROTFLMAO:. Everyone on the board knows who you are, and you have all the cool strollers (kind of like the girl in high school who has a convertible).

another :yeahthat:
a girl who is popular, because she's nice and sweet though, not like Mean Girls or Heathers popular.

[cindys]

"I talk to everyone, wherever I am. It doesn't matter if you are
5 years old or 95 years old. Doesn't matter if you are the President
or the janitor. Doesn't matter if you are gay or straight. Doesn't
matter if you only have one tooth in your entire mouth. It simply
does not matter to me. I will engage you in a great conversation.
I enjoy meeting new people.

I've been told by many people that I smile a lot. :D People
like smilers."

This is how I want to be in my next life :)

Cindy
Mama to 3 boys...19, 4 & 2 :heartbeat::heartbeat::heartbeat:

[maestramommy]

I would say most people do, but some probably find me annoying for one reason or another:p

[KpbS]

I think people could take me or leave me--for the most part.

I know I come across as over-analytical and to some probably a know-it-all but actually I am opinionated and have a lot of genuine interests in various topics. I tend to be quirky though conversationally b/c I hate small talk and am pretty shy. I feel no desire to be the popular girl--I just like to have a couple of close friends. I don't have a lot of people who I have much in common with though. I am more liberal and "crunchy" than a lot of people in my social circle but wouldn't be considered to be particularly so here. I guess I'm an odd bird :)

[Jo..]

Nope. I voted #3.

They think I am a snob. But I am really just extremely socially awkward until I know someone pretty well, so I am quiet, withdrawn, and I guess anti-social.

I hate smilers. They confuse me. ;)

[MommyofAmaya]

I'm only sociable after I've had a few drinks (pre-kids happy hour queen) So, as that rarely happens anymore, I voted take me or leave me... probably leans towards leave.

[KHF]

I hate smilers. They confuse me. ;)

This had me :rotflmao: I'm totally confused by the people that just walk around smiling at nothing. I smile *at* things, people, whatever. I have a neutral face until something/someone causes a response.

I voted I'm a take me or leave me kind of girl. I tend towards snark and sarcasm IRL and that puts some people off. I also have a filtering problem. Things that pop into my head, tend to fly out of my mouth.

[daisymommy]

Well, my DH always says that I am a lovable, likable, friendly person, but that I judge myself too harshly and don't give myself enough credit.

I on the other hand know that I take things too personally, and often think people don't like me :o. I grew up in a family where you don't say anything to rock the boat, nothing controversial, nothing that would make people *not* like you. So being here, on the BBB, has been both challenging and liberating at the same time. It has been cathartic to be able to open my mouth and speak for once! But that also means I lie awake at night sometimes and fear that everyone hates my guts and wishes I would just go away because of something I said.

In real life I tend to keep my mouth shut on anything controversial, just smile, go with the flow, make pleasant conversation, because I want to be liked. But I fear that may make be uninteresting.

Whew, I feel bare now :shy:.

[arivecchi]

Thank you for all the kind words!

You guys made my day! :)

[YouAreTheFocus]

In general I tend to think people don't like me, which probably ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy. But in all honesty, my husband and I have made one friend in the 10 yrs we have lived here, so I guess we must be #3s!

ETA: daisymommy I share a lot of the same feelings you expressed.

[ha98ed14]

I wonder that too. In fact, this thread is making me paranoid. I feel like I could be that pathetic person who thinks she is cool but no one else does. Like in Diary of a Wimpy Kid. The kid thinks he is so pretty popular but really isn't.

Well, if it makes you feel better, I posted a poll where I asked people if they liked me, and no one has voted "you suck!" yet. I am much more liked than I thought I was! Now, not too many people have responded to the thread itself, because then they would have to go on record as liking me ;) but secretly, I'm not that bad!

[brittone2]

Considering I'm probably one of the few posters who has experienced the honor of having threads started about how much I'm disliked/hated, I have my haters :wink2: and probably plenty of them.

I'm drawn to the more controversial topics here, just because I enjoy the discussion and often times they include topics that are the most interesting to me. I'd like to think I make an effort to still be kind/sensitive even on those hot-topic threads. I've sometimes failed in that department and I when I unintentionally offend someone, I do feel awful about it and think about it for days. I'd like to think I generally try to be kind to everyone. (eta: I think that is true of most people on this board, thankfully! That's what makes it a wonderful place)

IRL I'm an introvert, and prefer having a few really close friends to a ton of people that I'm just socially friendly with. I am actually pretty quiet about my opinions IRL, and won't usually share unless someone asks me directly how I feel about X topic. THat's one reason I think online personas don't always match up with "real life" personalities. I'm not shy about talking politics, etc. with close friends with similar views (or DH) but I won't go out of my way to talk about controversial topics with people in general (unless I know we have that common ground).

I type annoyingly long posts (like this one). :bag

eta: I also do not own birkenstocks, and do not dress or look like a hippie earth goddess type LOL. I figure people always picture me like that though :ROTFLMAO:

[kijip]

People seem to like me enough to keep asking me back so that is something. I am known for being a good networker and a good friend. I get invited to all sorts of stuff. So I assume that means I am pretty likable all told.

That said, there are definite (small) number of people I meet and we are just instantly like oil and water. I have to guard against being too quick to judge both myself and others. I am sure those folks can't stand me, but the feeling is mutual so there you go.

[daisymommy]

Beth~ when I grow up I want to be like you :wink2:. You have a way of explaining your point of view without stepping on other people, just very nice and matter of factly...I need to learn how to do that better. I also appreciate that you know who you are and seem comfortable in your own skin and don't feel the need to jump into every conversation to prove yourself.

Katie~ I know we don't always agree on certain subjects, but I want you to know that I think you are an amazing, giving, kind, wise, person, and I think you're making the world a better place. :)

[brittone2]

Beth, when I grow up I want to be like you :wink2:. You have a way of explaining your point of view without stepping on other people, just very nice and matter of factly...I need to learn how to do that better. I also appreciate that you know who you are and seem comfortable in your own skin and don't feel the need to jump into every conversation to prove yourself.
I've jumped into way too many conversations where I should have kept my mouth shut. See post count as exhibit A.

[Jo..]

I've jumped into way too many conversations where I should have kept my mouth shut. See post count as exhibit A.


No freaking way. You guys have a FAN CLUB!

[liz]

I think people like me. I try to have a positive attitude and I like to think people like that trait. I work in an environment that can be toxic (people complaining about others behind their back/gossiping). It took me years to toughen my skin, and now I know how to deal with people like that (and get along with them, even if secretly I don't like them). As a result, I try to stay away from hot-button topics, unless I feel I have something worth saying.

Overall, I feel inconsequential on this board, and yet I really enjoy reading posts, giving any advice I can or my opinion on different subjects.

[dec756]

i really don't care its kinda here nor there but i have decided to act less selfish lately and perhaps this has something to do with that. regardless i am happy whether people like me or not.

[Moneypenny]

I am typically well liked, although I'm not sure why. I don't generally like people in return very much, but I must put on a good act, lol!

Hmmm, that makes me sound like a mean old curmudgeon! I'm quite nice actually, I'm just very introverted so I find people exhausting.

[elektra]

I am typically well liked, although I'm not sure why. I don't generally like people in return very much, but I must put on a good act, lol!

Hmmm, that makes me sound like a mean old curmudgeon! I'm quite nice actually, I'm just very introverted so I find people exhausting.

Haha! This sounds like my DH. His social skills are just fine but he likes to keep to himself mostly, and he finds conversation exhausting. And for whatever reason, he easily earns people's trust and he is the person they often go to with their secrets. He is a good secret keeper- he has no desire to gossip. He says it can be a lot of pressure though!

[DietCokeLover]

Overall, I feel inconsequential on this board, and yet I really enjoy reading posts, giving any advice I can or my opinion on different subjects.

I feel this way some too. In some ways it doesn't bother me and in some I feel like a middle schooler who wants to be able to hang with the popular girls. 

but, IRL, I do generally think I am likeable. I have long lasting deep friendships and that is important to me. I can be a bit reserved at first, but once the initial awkward getting to know you phase is over, the shyness dissipates.

[Corie]

i totally agree. i have a friend like that and i love being around her.


It drives my husband completely insane!!! He always asks me,
"Do you have to talk to EVERYONE?"

And my son will ask, "Did you know that person?"

Nope, just being friendly! :D

[american_mama]

Here, I think people like me and in many other environments. But in my larger neighborhood, most people walk to pick up their kids after school and stay and play on the playground afterwards. I feel like a large contingent of people there don't like me, although I like all of them, so it hurts a bit. I just tried calling a bunch of them this week to see if someone could pick up my girls from school because DS was very sick and I didn't want to wake him, and the end result is that I felt very un-liked, for both rational and irrational reasons. I was just saying that to DH this afternoon.

[kijip]

Oh wait, I was talking IRL. Here? Do people like me here? Well, I know some people really dislike me. But I also know other people like me.

Like Beth, I have posted a lot. When you say a lot, especially in a space that is all words and not in the context of the whole person, you leave open huge window on who you are and how you think, the good and often the bad.

I recall a thread that went to a string of a fair number of people openly applauding someone for flaming me. Based in large part on my opinion of RVSPs and the Duggars IIRC. Ironically, the OP has later reached out and said her opinion has totally changed.

I get a lot of PMs saying thank you for various posts and what strikes me is that they don't seem to come from people who all agree with me on controversial issues. I seem to be able to connect with people across differences. But I am brash, I write fast and I don't care about being popular more than I care about sticking to my values. So I get how I annoy people. In some cases, I am sorry but in others it's kinda what you see is what you get. I am am who I am.

Also, I have been here a long time. I have also matured a lot in those years, given that I was 23 when I started posting and I am 30 now. I think I have softened up my writing here a bit.

[kijip]

Considering I'm probably one of the few posters who has experienced the honor of having threads started about how much I'm disliked/hated, I have my haters

We should have a secret handshake or a special button for this club.

[fivi2]

meh - I don't think most people like me. I am somewhat shy and stand-offish. I also used to hear that I was too argumentative. I would debate things and apparently come off as very intense. So I have tried to stop doing that, but end up being afraid to express my opinion, so seem bland and not the sort people seek out. I don't have a great social situation detector.

But after a couple of beers, I seem to be much more likeable ;) Doesn't help much these days, but it used to!

[Green_Tea]

We should have a secret handshake or a special button for this club.

Agreed. Let's work on that.

[liamsmom]

This has been an interesting thread. I think IRL I'm pretty likable. I'm friendly, open-minded, and low-drama. I'm rather quiet, but I enjoy hearing what others have to say. I'm not afraid to share my own opinion either. There are most definitely people who don't like me, but I tend to think they don't like a lot of people.

I don't care for my online personality at all. I'm funnier in real life, but I can't get my sense of humor to translate in my writing.

[mackmama]

I marked take me or leave me. I think I come across as a bit aloof until you get to know me. I am loyal to a fault to those closest to me - I guess I just don't let that many people in to that inner circle. I am usually people's confidante.

[niccig]

Well, if it makes you feel better, I posted a poll where I asked people if they liked me, and no one has voted "you suck!" yet. I am much more liked than I thought I was! Now, not too many people have responded to the thread itself, because then they would have to go on record as liking me ;) but secretly, I'm not that bad!

Where's that thread, I haven't seen it to post. You know I like ya!

[lmh2402]

take or leave it

IRL, i have a very hard time making new friends/am extremely shy & awkward in social situations.

having DS threw me into a tailspin b/c i HAD to get out of the house and meet people b/c i was going insane sitting at home. and so i did go out. and meet people. and i sweated through it all and came out alive. i am still no better at meeting new people though. i have made several most decent connections in recent years. but none that i would call close or lifelong. my best friends in real life, outside of my family, are friends i've had for 10+ years.

here, i don't think there is really much of an opinion about me one way or another. i shy away from controversial threads b/c i'm just not one for confrontation. i try to be supportive when others are seeking comfort, or advice that i actually feel *qualified* to offer. other than that, i really don't weigh in.

ETA: i will also always partake in "silly" or "just for fun" threads b/c why not...there is nothing scary about those, right?

[DrSally]

So, are we talking about IRL or here, or both?

I'm an introvert at heart, but have worked hard on consciously putting myself out there, and that has been received quite well IRL. It used to take a long time to get to know me, and I tend to build few, but deep friendships (like a true introvert).

Having moved around a lot in my adulthood, I've learned how to make different levels of friends and how to do so more quickly. So, I do think that people tend to like me. I've worked hard at putting my "friendly" vibes out there and risking what happens. I also have worked hard at just talking--not everything has to be deep and meaningful. Sometimes it helps to just start talking about anything to make a connection. People appreciate that. A warm, genuine smile goes a long way too. Yes, I know many people do this intuitively, but it's something I've learned to do b/c I'm a very reserved person at heart.

People IRL have commented that I'm "the nicest person they know", so I think I may even be too nice--you know, pathological niceness :ROTFLMAO:
But, that's the way I am and it tends to make people happy. Standing up for myself is another thing.

I have no idea how I'm perceived here, but in general, I think it's positive. I can't believe how time has crept up and I've moved from being a lurker to a serious poster.

[g-mama]

I thought the question was intended to be about IRL.

If the question is referring to here on BBB? The answer is definitely take me or leave me, with some haters thrown in.

[elephantmeg]

the people at work seem to like me and I have some friends on the periphery but when it came time to list a group of people I'd want to invite for my 30th b-day party it was very hard and then when half of them cancelled at the last minute and left me with the 4 of us, my FIL, a friend of DH's (and mine now) and his GF (first time meeting her) and her son and our good friends and their son I was pretty depressed. The friend I threw a 30th b-day party for a few years previously (which cost over $100 and was for 50+ people and DD was an infant) did not bother to come-cancelled at the last minute. I think I'm likable but I'm an intervert and working full time with 2 kids has really stretched me and its been hard to fit friends in. Most of them also have small kids and the one who doesn't lives 30ish min away.

[niccig]

the people at work seem to like me and I have some friends on the periphery but when it came time to list a group of people I'd want to invite for my 30th b-day party it was very hard and then when half of them cancelled at the last minute and left me with the 4 of us, my FIL, a friend of DH's (and mine now) and his GF (first time meeting her) and her son and our good friends and their son I was pretty depressed. The friend I threw a 30th b-day party for a few years previously (which cost over $100 and was for 50+ people and DD was an infant) did not bother to come-cancelled at the last minute. I think I'm likable but I'm an intervert and working full time with 2 kids has really stretched me and its been hard to fit friends in. Most of them also have small kids and the one who doesn't lives 30ish min away.

Ok..those friends suck. I have a friend's party this weekend that we can not go to, and I RSVPed that ..if you RSVP you go, if you have to cancel it has to be for something major IMO.

[ha98ed14]

Ok..those friends suck.

:yeahthat: x 1000. I wouldn't even call them friends anymore. Unless they were having their appendix out, there's no excuse.

[lmh2402]

the people at work seem to like me and I have some friends on the periphery but when it came time to list a group of people I'd want to invite for my 30th b-day party it was very hard and then when half of them cancelled at the last minute and left me with the 4 of us, my FIL, a friend of DH's (and mine now) and his GF (first time meeting her) and her son and our good friends and their son I was pretty depressed. The friend I threw a 30th b-day party for a few years previously (which cost over $100 and was for 50+ people and DD was an infant) did not bother to come-cancelled at the last minute. I think I'm likable but I'm an intervert and working full time with 2 kids has really stretched me and its been hard to fit friends in. Most of them also have small kids and the one who doesn't lives 30ish min away.

that really sucks. :hug: i'm so sorry your friends didn't show for your party.

[arivecchi]

the people at work seem to like me and I have some friends on the periphery but when it came time to list a group of people I'd want to invite for my 30th b-day party it was very hard and then when half of them cancelled at the last minute and left me with the 4 of us, my FIL, a friend of DH's (and mine now) and his GF (first time meeting her) and her son and our good friends and their son I was pretty depressed. The friend I threw a 30th b-day party for a few years previously (which cost over $100 and was for 50+ people and DD was an infant) did not bother to come-cancelled at the last minute. I think I'm likable but I'm an intervert and working full time with 2 kids has really stretched me and its been hard to fit friends in. Most of them also have small kids and the one who doesn't lives 30ish min away.Boo on them. :thumbsdown:

[niccig]

This thread has been interesting to read. And it's a little wake up call to me to reach out to a couple of people I know that are not as sociable, maybe because they are shy or introverted or whatever word you want to use.

A mother at DS's school asked about a playdate with DS, and we don't have an afternoon free because of my classes, and I think I was a little dismissive with her. I didn't mean to be, I did say that maybe a weekend, but I don't want her to think I'm brushing her off - I'll follow up with an email to set something up. She isn't one of the popular mums, I don't think I'm one either, but I am a little more hooked into the parent circle at school.

ETA. sent the email and I'm sure we can get together with the kids over Spring Break. I also asked about us having tea - we've done that before, but I've been too busy..we'll see if we can find a morning when I'm not rushing off to something. I'm not blowing her off because I don't like her, I've just gotten busy. Being busier had gotten in the way of some friendships as I don't see them as often.

[DrSally]

Yep. I see mom's that are like how I used to be and I feel for them. You know they prob do want to make friends, but it's hard b/c they're so reserved, so you don't see that desire on the surface.

[bubbaray]

IRL, I used to be very popular/well liked when I was younger. Now, not so much. Part of that is age and not caring. Another part is the inevitable change brought about by my profession. I am quite shy by nature, moreso now as a mom because I'm almost a decade older than most moms I meet IRL.

Here, I don't think I'm liked much at all. Its hard to read tone in posts and I think I come across differently than I would IRL.

[mctlaw]

I am the type to have a very small group of good core friends. I am naturally shy and I don't really like small talk, though I can fake it to a certain extent. This may sound weird but I have different personas that I use for work since I am accustomed to putting on shows, so to speak. Maybe since I do this for work so much, I find it a bit exhausting in real life, I don't know. I am not the type to be good at striking up a conversations with a total stranger. It takes me some time to reach a comfort level to share really personal things, typically. So it is possible my shy reads as standoffish. But if you get to know me, I am generous, I am not judgmental at all and my close friends consist of all different types of people.

As for "popularity" here, I don't have enough posts on this board yet to be of much consequence. I tend to watch out for people that I feel share similarities to me, like the other lawyer mamas on this board. And I met my first BBB member yesterday and I thought she was super nice.:)

[Clarity]

Not your BFFs. I mean people you know peripherally, meet casually, friends of friends, even people here or on another online community you participate in.

How likable do you think you are?

Poll coming.

Depends on the person. To some people I am very kind/thoughtful/engaging, etc. Other people? I'm not. :wink2:

[ha98ed14]

Here, I don't think I'm liked much at all. Its hard to read tone in posts and I think I come across differently than I would IRL.

Are you kidding? You are the voice of reality! You say the hard things that people don't want to hear, but that makes you an even more valuable part of the community!

Plus you're Canadian, and everyone likes Canadians ;)

[MMMommy]

I think my posts are always too long winded and wordy. Zzzzzzz. I'm sure people start to nod off after my first 100 sentences.... And on top of that, I always have some kind of typo that requires me to edit and correct my post. So I am the too wordy, droning poster who always edits her posts.

[jent]

Voted take me or leave me. I think of myself as a generally "nice" person, but I tend to be pretty reserved IRL, and as a consequence I seem to have a lot of friendly acquaintances but not many close friends. Not sure if some of that is just the stage of life we're at, or the community we live in though-- DH and I have been pondering this a lot lately. During our past stages-- college, med school, residency-- we never had trouble making close friends. But since we've moved here & I started my first "real" job, we haven't really clicked with anyone.

I think I've been kind of the same on these boards-- I'm not a hugely frequent poster & so I don't think my personality comes across so much. As far as the controversial threads, I'm more interested in reading them & seeing different points of view, so I often read through without commenting. Also, usually by the time I read through a controversial thread, it seems that someone has already written what I would say, probably better than I would have said it. And there's only so many times you can pull out the :yeahthat:.

[KpbS]

I am really surprised at how many people here (bbb, not irl) think that others do not like them. I can only think of 1/2 posters that rub me the wrong way b/c they are super negative/critical. Most everyone is awesome :love-retry:

[kijip]

I am really surprised at how many people here (bbb, not irl) think that others do not like them. I can only think of 1/2 posters that rub me the wrong way b/c they are super negative/critical. Most everyone is awesome :love-retry:

Only 1/2? :tongue5: Seems like a lot. Did you mean 1 or 2?

[KpbS]

Only 1/2? :tongue5: Seems like a lot. Did you mean 1 or 2?

Lol, yes just one or two total :)

[elliput]

eta: I also do not own birkenstocks, and do not dress or look like a hippie earth goddess type LOL. I figure people always picture me like that though :ROTFLMAO:
:dizzy: WHAT?!?!?!?! This.can.not.be! My image of you is completely shattered. Completely, I say. I'm devastated.









:duck::hysterical:

[ha98ed14]

I think I'm likeable... with a sidecar of "Unlikable" at times.

I'm very friendly, loyal and outgoing, but I'm also intensely protective of myself and my friends. Sometimes this can lead to me being too assertive for some, but I'm not too concerned with it. In regards to DH, I'm way more direct (whether it's dealing with customer service issues or just picking what's for dinner) but I can also see where people would think that makes me high strung or high maintenance.

I have a very loving heart, and I always mean well.

This describes me (and DH) to a T.

[MontrealMum]

But I am brash, I write fast and I don't care about being popular more than I care about sticking to my values. So I get how I annoy people. In some cases, I am sorry but in others it's kinda what you see is what you get. I am am who I am.

I voted you can take or leave me, and the above is why. Although I try to be diplomatic - and SSTE is my model for that :) - I know I don't frequently succeed. I have my opinions, and I am not ashamed of them. When I was younger I was very concerned, as many women are, about pleasing people. Since having DS I've realized that it's much more important to be true to myself. If that means that some people don't like me, and I'm sure they don't, I'm OK with that. I still have lots of friends, and I'd rather have friends that like me for me. I also have the problem of being too wordy, and that's not likely to change either.



Here, I don't think I'm liked much at all. Its hard to read tone in posts and I think I come across differently than I would IRL.

You know I love you, right? You're like the cool big sister that I always wanted growing up :D And I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way.

ha98ed14: you know we're on for coffee if we ever find ourselves on the same coast, much less the same time zone, right?

[ha98ed14]

You know I love you, right? You're like the cool big sister that I always wanted growing up :D And I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way.

ha98ed14: you know we're on for coffee if we ever find ourselves on the same coast, much less the same time zone, right?

That's exactly what I told Melissa! She's the one who's gonna tell it like it is! And as soon as I am not flat-on-my-@ss-broke, I am coming to Montreal!

[gatorsmom]

Here, I don't think I'm liked much at all. Its hard to read tone in posts and I think I come across differently than I would IRL.


You are kidding, right? It's true you don't sugar coat your opinions and maybe some sensitive posters like advice handed to them on kid-gloves. But Melissa, you are one of the most thoughtful people on this board. I can think of numerous times that you have typed out very detailed replies to mine and other members questions in an effort to help. You have seriously saved me so much time and effort trying to rearrange 4 Marathon carseats in my minivan, giving lots of advice when i couldnt get the dang Radian to fit FF, giving me lists of steroids that might help Sisi's psoriasis, detailed advice about asthma tests, food allergy info, etc. You ALWAYS respond to requests for mojo. You always give congratulations or sympathies when one of those threads comes up. and you rarely get involved in heated discussions. We would really be lost without you here. I'm sure in real life you are a loyal, dependable friend.

[Pyrodjm]

Yes and No.
I talk to much, and I know some people find it annoying. Close friends are fine with it, but in other social settings, I do try to rein it in...but sometimes my brain just isn't hooked into my mouth..

This is me exactly.

[g-mama]

This thread has taken the turn of a popularity contest. A lot of people say they don't really think people here like them - not a word is said. Then a few people say the same thing and gets loads of positive feedback:

"we love you! you're the coolest! you're the best! are you crazy, girlfriend???? we can't live without you!"

I can recall a few other times, too, where people have put their negative self-thoughts out there and were flooded with warm fuzzies and adulation, and others ignored.

Perhaps this is why some people feel unliked here?

[weech]

This thread has taken the turn of a popularity contest. A lot of people say they don't really think people here like them - not a word is said. Then a few people say the same thing and gets loads of positive feedback:

"we love you! you're the coolest! you're the best! are you crazy, girlfriend???? we can't live without you!"

I can recall a few other times, too, where people have put their negative self-thoughts out there and were flooded with warm fuzzies and adulation, and others ignored.

Perhaps this is why some people feel unliked here?

Well said!

[ha98ed14]

This thread has taken the turn of a popularity contest. A lot of people say they don't really think people here like them - not a word is said. Then a few people say the same thing and gets loads of positive feedback:

"we love you! you're the coolest! you're the best! are you crazy, girlfriend???? we can't live without you!"

I can recall a few other times, too, where people have put their negative self-thoughts out there and were flooded with warm fuzzies and adulation, and others ignored.

Perhaps this is why some people feel unliked here?

I started the thread, and I didn't mean it to take a turn that way. I told Melissa that I valued her opinions and contributions to the community because Melissa is someone who does not "sugarcoat" her opinions, as Lisa said. If anyone wants to know how liked or unliked they are, they should ask. ;) (If people can like me, they can probably like almost anyone. Have you listened to me lately? I've been complaining non-stop about how the economy is affecting my family and how much I dislike conservatives.)

But my point is that just because I called out to Melissa does not mean I like other people less. It meant, in this case, that people who are not great optimists, happy-shiny (sorry Melissa, I just don't see you as a shiny happy sort) are sometimes harder to have warm-fuzzies for, but that doesn't mean they aren't awesome people. Read the posts (by equally awesome people!) that say that people like them because they have a positive outlook, cheerful disposition, are always smiling. I've never met Melissa IRL, but I kinda doubt this describes her. It doesn't describe me either!

Anyway, sometimes us "sour grapes" are prone to not feel the love. That's all it was. One sour grape to another. :grouphug: to everyone. This place is an awesome community and we all have a part in making it that way, sour grapes and all! The "rotten apples" don't linger long; we are a great group! :thumbsup:

[gatorsmom]

This thread has taken the turn of a popularity contest. A lot of people say they don't really think people here like them - not a word is said. Then a few people say the same thing and gets loads of positive feedback:

"we love you! you're the coolest! you're the best! are you crazy, girlfriend???? we can't live without you!"

I can recall a few other times, too, where people have put their negative self-thoughts out there and were flooded with warm fuzzies and adulation, and others ignored.

Perhaps this is why some people feel unliked here?

Are you referring to my post? I have been coming here off and on for the past few days sometimes only for a minute or two, sometimes longer. I happened to see Melissa's post and felt she needed to know how much I appreciated everything she has done for me and others. I don't see how my support of Melissa automatically means other posters are unliked? Would my post have been more acceptable if I comforted EVERY poster who said they felt unliked? Would it have felt ok to you then?

The fact is that my post was about Melissa only. Please don't read anything else into it.

And for the record, I'm sorry that anyone here feels unliked. When opinions and ideas are posted in an effort to help and support others, there is no reason for any member to feel that way. Jmho

[ha98ed14]

Would my post have been more acceptable if I comforted EVERY poster who said they felt unliked? Would it have felt ok to you then?


Said gently: I understand why she said what she said. Everyone wants to be special to someone. We all want to belong. That's just natural. Please don't let us argue about this. If we're gonna argue, lets do it about politics! ;)

[g-mama]

Are you referring to my post? I have been coming here off and on for the past few days sometimes only for a minute or two, sometimes longer. I happened to see Melissa's post and felt she needed to know how much I appreciated everything she has done for me and others. I don't see how my support of Melissa automatically means other posters are unliked? Would my post have been more acceptable if I comforted EVERY poster who said they felt unliked? Would it have felt ok to you then?

The fact is that my post was about Melissa only. Please don't read anything else into it.

And for the record, I'm sorry that anyone here feels unliked. When opinions and ideas are posted in an effort to help and support others, there is no reason for any member to feel that way. Jmho

Was I talking just about your post? No, of course not. There were others besides you that said similar things, and not just to Melissa. I don't know why you would think I was just referring to yours. She's not the only one who said it, and yours wasn't the only one responding to it.

There are posters who have a "posse" of people who will always jump in and reassure them that they are A-OK, jump to their defense when things are not going well for them in a thread, etc. and there are many more that do not. This, I think, contributes to those who do not have that feeling unliked.

[momof2girls]

People can take me or leave me. My closest friends are very extroverted and therefore people initially take to them very easily. I, on the other hand, take a bit longer to warm up to new people so I think in comparison I am not as well liked as they are.
However, I noticed in the past few yrs those extroverted friends start to come off as self-centered after a while and it does wear out those other mutual friends in the long term.
I am a very good listening to my friends which they seem to love but then they often tell me I do not share as much with them (hard to do when they do all the talking!)

[goldenpig]

It seems like most people here say they're more introverted in real life than here. I think that includes me. I am pretty quiet in group situations, but better one on one. I am friendly, but was never popular or the life of the party.

As for here, I like pretty much everyone one here, unless you don't like me! ;) I try to be helpful in my posts. I wish I knew what people think of me sometimes. But I am not gutsy enough to ask. One time people started piling on me in a thread and I wanted to slink away for a while. :sulkoff:

[gatorsmom]

Was I talking just about your post? No, of course not. There were others besides you that said similar things, and not just to Melissa. I don't know why you would think I was just referring to yours. She's not the only one who said it, and yours wasn't the only one responding to it.

There are posters who have a "posse" of people who will always jump in and reassure them that they are A-OK, jump to their defense when things are not going well for them in a thread, etc. and there are many more that do not. This, I think, contributes to those who do not have that feeling unliked.

I think it's sad that we can't compliment posters without other posters complaining about it.

[egoldber]

I totally get what g-mama means. When you have (I am making these numbers up) 10 posters say they don't think people here like them and 2 get effusive "We love yous!" and the other 8 don't, then if I were one of the 8 I would be hurt.

And I don't think that makes them super sensitive in any way.

[gatorsmom]

I totally get what g-mama means. When you have (I am making these numbers up) 10 posters say they don't think people here like them and 2 get effusive "We love yous!" and the other 8 don't, then if I were one of the 8 I would be hurt.

And I don't think that makes them super sensitive in any way.

I guess if we were sitting in someone's living room over coffee and we were talking this way, yeah, I'd totally understand that there would be some hurt feelings. But as I said before, I jump in here for a minute at a time, sometimes for 30 minutes. As it happened, I didn't read the other responses. I posted mine then saw Melissa's and wanted to respond to it. I have nothing against anyone here. It's just the nature of a message board. I just felt a need to let Melissa know how surprised I was that she felt that way. I think it's just the nature of a message board. You can't assume that the people who don't compliment you dislike you or even have any opinion about you at all.

Would everyone have felt better if I hadn't said something positive to Melissa?

[egoldber]

I believe that g-mama was making a general observation, not singling out any particular poster. I know that I was.

[Globetrotter]

I have always been good about making friends IRL and social interaction is like oxygen for me (and I've been blessed to live in an area where it's VERY easy to meet that need). I don't think this is true online but I think it's because I meet that need IRL. However, I have made a couple of very good friends online (one back in the day of email mailing lists :)).

[fortato]

OK... you guys have to stop... I'm getting a headache from rolling my eyes.

It was a simple question, then someone said something nice to someone else...then someone got their panties in a wad and a pissing contest happened.

We get it. You can't be nice to one person without other people getting upset.

NEXT.

[gatorsmom]

However, I have made a couple of very good friends online (one back in the day of email mailing lists :)).

Did the BBB have email mailing lists once upon a time? I dont' remember that at all.

[hellokitty]

IRL, I think I am generally pretty likable. I do admit, that until I know ppl better, I do NOT venture into any controversial topics, like polictics, parenting/mommy-war topics (ie: FF vs BF, AP vs. non-AP, etc.), religion, etc.. I am an introvert by nature and was extremely shy as a child, and didn't come out of my shell until college. So, I have had to force myself to put on my, "social face" when I need to. It used to be really hard to do, but it has become easier and more natural now after a few yrs. I do have times though, where I can be a hermit and just not really want to socialize much with anybody. So, sometimes my social activity comes in bursts and then when I go through periods where I'm feeling stressed or overwhelmed, I tend to withdraw and my friends IRL will wonder what I have been up to, since they haven't seen me in weeks. However, I have NEVER been one of those popular ppl. I feel like I am actually more of a loner. I have friends, but have very rarely had a, "best" friend. I get along with everyone, I have a big social circle, with some friends who I am more tight knit with than others, but still, the closest thing to a BFF would be my DH. I know some of you are probably rolling your eyes at how corny it sounds, but DH and I get along pretty well for the most part and we goof off and poke fun at one another all of the time. I feel like he is one of the few ppl who I can totally let my hair down and not worry about being judged.

As for how likable I am here on BBB. I know that some ppl here like me. However, I have always had a vibe that some ppl find me incredibly annoying. I do tend to drone on in my posts and sometimes my opinions are in the minority, so I am not always one that goes with the flow. That's ok, it's not high school, I don't need to gain everyone's approval to feel good about myself. My opinions may be different, but they aren't any more or less important than anyone else's opinion. I realize that you're never going to make everyone happy all of the time, someone's always going to be unhappy about something or another. And I realize that sometimes there are ppl that you just don't have enough in common with to be friends with. Just recently on another parenting board, there was a mom who posted a thread that just rubbed me the wrong way and make me feel prickly. When I read her sig, I KNEW that I could probably never read anything that she wrote w/o getting that prickly feeling. I ended up just blocking her posts. It's rare that I run into anyone like that, but yes I admit that there are ppl out there where I know right away that we just aren't going to get along and I just stay away from them.

[Globetrotter]

Did the BBB have email mailing lists once upon a time? I dont' remember that at all.

No, this was a special interest forum :) That friend became one of my dearest friends (still is!).

I have made a couple of good friends from the BBB, also!

[Jo..]

I think it's sad that we can't compliment posters without other posters complaining about it.


I agree. Wow. I'm shocked at the size of the chips on some shoulders.

If you have something nice to say to someone, say it. If not, no harm. I stated that I am not well-liked and no one jumped in and patted my back. I am good with that, and wouldn't even consider getting offended that others got reassurance and I did not.

Sheesh.

[Uno-Mom]

A couple observations about perceived popularity here:

1. Time of day. There's the time zone thing, and the schedule thing. I think it really matters what time of day you happen to post most often ... that influences which people see it and how many people see it. Also whether the more fuzzy people see it. KWIM?

(for example, I can lurk but not log in during my work hours. There are OFTEN threads I want to join but by the time I'm home, Sprog's asleep, etc, they're way old and I feel bad bumping them.)

2. People vary on whether they chime in the "congrats" or "wow - that sucks, sending sympathy" comments. I often feel full of sympathy for somebody, or want to say "YAAAY" for them ... but I don't have anything besides that to say and I'm not always inclined to add a one-word post. Does that makes sense?

ok, that was my random observations. :)

[Uno-Mom]

If you have something nice to say to someone, say it. If not, no harm. I stated that I am not well-liked and no one jumped in and patted my back. I am good with that, and wouldn't even consider getting offended that others got reassurance and I did not.

Sheesh.

pat pat. :) (I know you weren't fishing but I just couldn't resist.)

[truly scrumptious]

I think I am generally likable IRL.

It never occurred to me to wonder whether I was liked on this board. It is not that I don't care, but I just assumed that it is hard for enough people on the board to get to know me through my random posts. I think there are some posters on this board (the more frequent posters, usually) whose personality really comes through, and maybe one can make a judgment about whether one likes them. But I assume the vast majority are like me and have much more to them IRL than can be easily seen on the board, so I can't comment to their likability.

HOWEVER, I am regularly blown away by the supportive comments I get (both from regular posters and complete strangers to me) on this board, in the form of useful advice or positive thoughts, whenever I ask for help. THAT IS THE GREATEST IMPACT THIS BOARD HAS FOR ME. So thank you ALL for contributing to that - it makes no difference to me whether you can charm a crowd or not, if you can reach out to offer support to someone when they need it.

[Globetrotter]

But I assume the vast majority are like me and have much more to them IRL than can be easily seen on the board, so I can't comment to their likability.

HOWEVER, I am regularly blown away by the supportive comments I get (both from regular posters and complete strangers to me) on this board, in the form of useful advice or positive thoughts, whenever I ask for help. THAT IS THE GREATEST IMPACT THIS BOARD HAS FOR ME. So thank you ALL for contributing to that - it makes no difference to me whether you can charm a crowd or not, if you can reach out to offer support to someone when they need it.

:yeahthat: Well said! I am very different IRL as I tend to be guarded here, due to privacy concerns, and I have been changed in so many ways by this board by the positive comments and advice (well, dh may disagree about the "bargains" :p).

[larig]

I want to mention g-mama's post, not to stir up things, but maybe to illustrate how things can happen...

I just now almost posted a Yeahthat to someone, but I'd only read into the thread part-way. (I do that all the time, I have to say something before I let others finish talking.) I just get too excited and have to reply. I am also a very non-linear thinker, so I dive into the middle sometimes, because I can't remember what page I had been on so I skip ahead. Sometimes someone sees a post, and take time to compose a response to it. Maybe while the person was writing several others posted negative sentiments, but those get skipped. I think, for example, during our heated political discussions often great posts get ignored entirely because people are taking time to compose their responses. I started writing this 15 mintutes ago already, so I wonder how many people have posted in the interim? YKWIM?

Anyway, something told me to go ahead and read the rest. I'm glad I did, because I would still yeahthat gatorsmom's post about bubbaray, but I'd also add that after reading I can't think of ANY of you who thought maybe you weren't liked on these boards that I don't like. I'm an outspoken liberal (ETA: and crass) on the boards but, I still get excellent advice about vitamins and food and deals and toys and...from everyone across the spectrum. It's like giving a speech at the academy awards--you want to say thanks to everyone, but you sometimes get nervous and mess it up.

I'm sad that so many people don't feel validated. So, please know that "you've got a friend in me."

And, I do wear birkenstocks. I have some on now, with smartwool socks and a lands end cardi. (but I also have magenta hair).

[minnie-zb]

deleted

[g-mama]

I agree. Wow. I'm shocked at the size of the chips on some shoulders.

If you have something nice to say to someone, say it. If not, no harm. I stated that I am not well-liked and no one jumped in and patted my back. I am good with that, and wouldn't even consider getting offended that others got reassurance and I did not.

Sheesh.

I was not personally offended. I don't feel unliked here, so I was not looking for reassurance. I was highlighting the differences I see and how one could feel left out.

Certain people may feel they are unliked because they say caustic, snippy, immature, shoot-from-the-hip things to other people - sometimes not publicly but in private messages - and then when they say they feel that way, others will jump to their defense and reassure them that they really like them. Those are most likely not the people who they are referring to when they say people don't like them.

[Jo..]

pat pat. :) (I know you weren't fishing but I just couldn't resist.)


LMAO. Ahhhhh. That felt good.

[Jo..]

I was not personally offended. I don't feel unliked here, so I was not looking for reassurance. I was highlighting the differences I see and how one could feel left out.

Certain people may feel they are unliked because they say caustic, snippy, immature, shoot-from-the-hip things to other people - sometimes not publicly but in private messages - and then when they say they feel that way, others will jump to their defense and reassure them that they really like them. Those are most likely not the people who they are referring to when they say people don't like them.


I do not feel unliked here either. I was responding to the original question which seemed to me to refer to people IRL.

Here, I have lots of friends and try to be helpful. I am caustic and snippy to the very few people whose posts are argumentative and defensive and rub me the wrong way.

[denna]

I think I come off pretty much the same online as I do in person. Though maybe a little more "messy" or "scattered" online as I am usually on my iPhone and tend to not worry about spelling errors, etc. And rarely proof read or re-read before I post or email.

I voted #2. I am very quiet and not very personable at first meeting...Im leary of others and really need to know someone before I become talkative and outgoing. I never overshare and rarely share personal details (esp online) just because it takes while to feel like I can open up. Im always worried about what others are thinking, or how they'll take what I say that I never want to come off as "whiny" or "needy" or "bitchy" so I generally keep a lot to myself.

Ive been told by many of my friends and acquaintenances that when they first met me they thought I was a B**** but once they got to know me they feel they were totally wrong. Really Im very thoughtful, loyal and kind and a great listener and confidant. It just takes a little while for that side to show.

[nicepersonfl]

To people who don't know me well, I can come across as blunt, standoffish, or straightforward.

People either like me or they don't. I'm not mean...I try to be friendly, but I don't have time in my life for kissing butt either.

While I want people to like me, in the end I really don't care too much. I have a core group of people to "get" me...that's enough.

[TwoBees]

I voted pickle relish. I don't think I'm a pariah, but no, I don't think people often like me. I'm loud-mouthed, strong-willed, and have an opinion. People don't always like that.

[klwa]

I guess it seems to me that people like me peripherally, but not enough to ever really want to get to know better. They like the outside okay, but don't want to know what's inside of it.

[amandabea]

I think I'm likeable, but I think very few people would say they know me well. I can give people the impression that I'm self confident, but on the inside I'm quite insecure. I wish that I had an easier time making real friends, but overall I'm very friendly with strangers and I think that makes me likable.

[amandabea]

everyone likes Canadians ;)
This made me laugh bc I think it's so true! Plus bubbaray is very likable IMO.

[Puddy73]

I voted pickle relish.

I think for the most part, I'm pretty likable on the surface to those who meet me. I'm really not a fighter and I let alot of things go. If an acquaintance says something I don't agree with, I generally do not "get into it" ...it's usually not so important to me.

That said, I'm sure sometimes I say things that rub people the wrong way. Also, I tend to be a bit introverted which some people may take negatively. Also, because I'm introverted, it takes a long time for me to warm up with people and I have just a few closer friends.

On here, my impression is that most people don't have a strong opinion either way about me.

:yeahthat: Pretty much describes me to a "T." DC and DH are all loud and opinionated so I'm usually the quiet one in the background.