What to do for a "No Present" party?

[Jrwusch]

We were invited to a toddler's birthday party next month, and were asked not to bring any presents. So...what would you do? I obviously don't want to go against the parents' wishes, but going to a party without bringing anything just seems kind of rude. Does that mean cash/giftcard is the only way to go? Maybe a "coupon" for babysitting or something like that? And, honestly, if you have hosted a "no present" party, did you really expect your guests not to bring anything?

Thanks in advance for any advice!

[Dr C]

I am considering hosting a "no present party" this year though am not sure how to talk 5 y.o. DS into it, LOL!!
In any case, if I say no presents, I mean no presents are expected. I think if one person brought a gift that would make other guests feel like they maybe should have brought something too.
I'd probably bring a card.

[katydid1971]

A nice card and well wishes are all you need to bring. As a parent who throws "no Present" parties I REALLY don't want ANYTHING!!!!! My house has way too much stuff now, she probalby feels the same way.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I always bring a card and slip some stickers in there or something. Musical cards are super fun for this though some toddlers (like mine!) are afraid of them.

I really feel awkward showing up empty handed so the card at least makes me feel better about their request.

Beth

[94bruin]

I always state no gifts for my parties and the request is routinely ignored. I honestly do NOT want gifts because we just have too many toys already.

Usually, the ones that honor my request are the ones that throw no gift parties themselves.

However, for DD1's 6th birthday party, I probably won't make that request.

[KpbS]

I vote for a card with stickers. I always have my DC make their friends cards for their presents (for traditional and "no present" parties).

[Jrwusch]

I know I sound like an insecure second-guessing over-analyzing mess, but here's the kicker...normally I would not think twice about just bringing a card or even a giftcard. But...they gave us $ for our DC's birthyday, so I feel kind of uncool not giving them anything (yes yes, I know they may not want anything, but still...), and I would feel quite silly giving them a giftcard of equal value of what they gave us. *SIGH*

What would you do??

[Jrwusch]

Oh, and for those of you that throw no gift parties: do you mean no gift whatsoever or no physical actual gift, but cash/giftcard welcome? :)

[misshollygolightly]

I'd bring a card and a mylar helium balloon (our dollar tree sells them--always a hit with toddlers!)

[SnuggleBuggles]

I know I sound like an insecure second-guessing over-analyzing mess, but here's the kicker...normally I would not think twice about just bringing a card or even a giftcard. But...they gave us $ for our DC's birthyday, so I feel kind of uncool not giving them anything (yes yes, I know they may not want anything, but still...), and I would feel quite silly giving them a giftcard of equal value of what they gave us. *SIGH*

What would you do??

Honestly, dynamics like that are one reason I really dislike no gift parties. What if I really want to get you a gift (for whatever reason)? If I do I feel like a heel for not listening to your request. But, for someone who loves to buy gifts and usually has something she's excited about giving I get bugged. I say slip a gift card in the card. They can do whatever they want with it. You won't be showing up with a big, obvious present and make other guests feel bad. I'm sure the no-gift party throwers dislike that suggestion but I'll stick by it. :)

Beth

[SnuggleBuggles]

Oh, and for those of you that throw no gift parties: do you mean no gift whatsoever or no physical actual gift, but cash/giftcard welcome? :)

Again, chiming in but I am 99% sure that it means no nothing. They only want the gift of your presence.

Beth

[crl]

When I say no gift I mean no gift--no gift card, no money, no nothing. Homemade cards are nice if you don't want to go empty handed, (And no one has brought a gift to my no gift parties.)

Catherine

[Jrwusch]

Thanks for all your input! I feel a bit calmer now :)

I like giving gifts...but the gift-giving dynamics drive me nuts sometimes.

[Globetrotter]

If your chid is old enough, have them make a card, or buy a card to take. that's all you need to do! (seriously)

[TwinFoxes]

I've never been invited to a no gift party, but I would feel fine showing up gift free. I'd assume my friends weren't trying to psyche me out, and take them at their word. :)

The fact that your friends gave your DD cash for her bday makes me think they're just not into gift exchanges.

[Canna]

Yes, we've had a no present party - we expected no presents and most people didn't bring any. I would suggest bringing a birthday card, maybe with drawing from your child inside (if child is old enough to draw) and that is all. DEFINITELY no gift cards, etc!

[ahisma]

I usually bring a card and some certificates for ice cream at our local ice cream shop. No gift to clutter, the kids love it, and now awkwardness when it winds up being a present party and you were the only one why just brought a card.

I used to just bring a card, but faced the embarrassment of being empty handed at present opening time (yes, at a no present party) one too many times.

[fortato]

I am the worst when it comes to "No Gift" parties.... I still want the child to have SOMETHING... so I give a book, or passes to a museum or playspace...
Something that doesn't take up room, but is still nice to have.

[sidmand]

I finally realized that this is much like the Love Languages...some people's language is gifts and they don't feel right not bringing a gift and more than that, they WANT to bring a gift because that's how they celebrate. But that's more about *you* than about *them*—IYKWIM?

Although I'll fully admit that a) I hate to go empty-handed to anything and it drives DH nuts; b) I've hosted no-gifts parties myself and really and truly meant no gifts whatsoever; c) my "Love Language" IS material gifts so this makes no sense at all

And I finally came to the conclusion that it causes more worry and anxiety for the guests and to just suck it up and take the gifts. I often end up donating them all though and I hate to do that, but I haven't come up with a better solution.

But I loved the guest who brought a huge balloon and a card (and was really the only person who didn't bring any other gift). I did not open gifts at the party (I don't anyway but didn't want to make anyone feel bad, especially if they followed what I had asked!).

[SnuggleBuggles]

I am the worst when it comes to "No Gift" parties.... I still want the child to have SOMETHING... so I give a book, or passes to a museum or playspace...
Something that doesn't take up room, but is still nice to have.

See, that makes sense to me. Aren't most of the no-gift party givers going that route because they don't want more stuff cluttering up their house? That logic is what I hear on here most of the time.

Beth

[egoldber]

Sometimes. Sometimes not. I think the real issue is more the Love Languages thing though. Some people really and truly don't want, don't like, don't need gifts. See them as an unwelcome and an intrusion. :eek: They love the party and the celebration and it is really and truly enough.

But even as someone who loves no gift parties, I have given up on them because I have finally realized that for many, the act of giving the gift is really important to them. So I suck it up and deal.

[toby]

I usually bring a card and some certificates for ice cream at our local ice cream shop. No gift to clutter, the kids love it, and now awkwardness when it winds up being a present party and you were the only one why just brought a card.

I used to just bring a card, but faced the embarrassment of being empty handed at present opening time (yes, at a no present party) one too many times.

I am open mouthed that at a "no present party" there would be a public gift opening time...that doesn't seem right.

[ilfaith]

I am open mouthed that at a "no present party" there would be a public gift opening time...that doesn't seem right.

Exactly. Way to make everyone who obeyed the request feel awkward.

Last July I threw a pool party. Two of my boys have birthdays in June, one in August. Nowhere in the invitation did I mention it was a birthday party. I simply called it a "summer celebration." Just about everyone brought gifts anyway. A few years ago I stated in the invitation that guests' "presence was present enough"...everyone still brought gifts. I've given up.

[logan's mom]

We've been invited to a birthday party but asked to bring a donation to the Children's hospital instead of a gift. I think it's a great idea. This child was born premature and sent several weeks in the NICU so it's his parent's way of being thankful for the support they got. I am thinking of doing something similar for DS's party is August but having donations go to a local organization that provides birthday gifts for children in local homeless shelters.

[moosemama]

I think a card alone is fine but if you want something else, you could make a charitable donation in the child's name. Our local zoo has a program where you can "adopt" an animal. You get an adoption certificate which you could give to the child. WWF has a similar program: http://www.worldwildlife.org/ogc/species_category.cfm

[bisous]

Cards are great. I didn't catch the ages of your DC but if older, they can make a picture for the birthday child. It shows effort, love and thought and then your hands aren't empty. :)

[Pinky]

I think they really mean no gifts... with that being said, if you really want to give something I liked a previous posters idea to put in a GC for ice cream or tickets to the zoo in the card. Just something small, but most importantly it's not taking up space in their house. I also like the idea of a donation in the child's name.

[vonfirmath]

See, that makes sense to me. Aren't most of the no-gift party givers going that route because they don't want more stuff cluttering up their house? That logic is what I hear on here most of the time.

Beth

I also hear folks wanting to go no-gift in RL because they want to invite folks to the party but not have them thinking that they are "gift grubbing" -- they want to invite them because they really want them there, that's all.

[TwinFoxes]

I am open mouthed that at a "no present party" there would be a public gift opening time...that doesn't seem right.

I'm with you. Way to not be a good host.

[AnnieW625]

bring a card that the child made. I have never done a no gift party for my DD1, but we have been invited to them and we just bring a card. I however have never been to a no gift party where people haven't brought gifts and those gifts haven't been returned to the original owner.

[kwc]

Reflecting a previous thread, this is very regional.

Here (and even more when we still lived in the city), no-gift parties are very common, especially for younger kids. It may also be the circles we were running in, but often we went (and threw) fairly large parties (15-25 kids plus parents and sibs) outside of the home.
Most folks live in fairly modest sized homes and as many of the families are pretty well off, the kids have a ton of things already. Some families will have a book exchange instead. Of the 10 or so parties we've thrown, only the last party for my DD (who turned 7) had gifts, and I'm not sure we'll do it again.

Most guests bring a card (homemade if the kids are old enough) though a few will bring gifts.
Out of 40 or so non-family kid birthday parties I've been to, I've only seen gifts opened at the party once... and it was awkward as it was not handled well by the kid or parents.

For us, some if it is that we don't want more stuff, but some of it is that we just want to be able to invite and see everyone as we rarely invite people over otherwise. And when you throw a large party, that would be a ton of gifts... which might look like gift-grubbing.... and is an overwhelming amount of thank you cards for my kids to write (and they write each one). They get a lot of presents from family and, when they have so many presents, it does seem to make each one less special.

When we attend no-gift parties, we bring a homemade card, _sometimes_ with some stickers or a silly band or a japanese erasers attached. Often (not always) someone will bring a gift but I try to "follow directions" and won't be made to feel bad by those who don't. ;)

And to the OP, I don't think you need to put in a giftcard or cash because they did for you... I still bring presents to parties that are not "no gift" but don't expect them to bring one to our "no present" party!

[Melanie]

I'd bring a card. If you must - a balloon?

[JoyNChrist]

Reflecting a previous thread, this is very regional.


Definitely. I've NEVER received an invitation to a no-gift party. Everyone I know IRL has gift parties (sometimes they invite a lot of people, sometimes it's a smaller gathering) and the child opens the gifts at the party. I've never even considered doing it differently, and I think my family/friends would think me strange if I did.

But I do agree with the idea that if they've asked for no gifts, you shouldn't bring a gift. A card, and maybe a balloon if you must, will be fine.

[shishamo]

I have done many no gift parties when my kids are younger, and no gifts really means no gifts. A handmade card from your child would be lovely :-)

[Uno-Mom]

I got intrigued by the other recent thread because I'd never heard of no-gift parties. I really love the idea. I think we're going that way once Sprog gets a bit older.

But like I said in that other thread, I wouldn't just make it "no gift" without giving guests a concrete replacement. I'd request instead of gifts they bring a contribution for a group collage ... or a small toy to donate to our local shelter ... or a picture/card/note for my child's scrapbook.

And sending out invites, I might put: "Please, no gifts. Really, we mean it. We'd like to do ________ instead." Because I know the concept would be new and strange to people in our area. I think that's more courteous.

[AnnieW625]

When I say no gift I mean no gift--no gift card, no money, no nothing. Homemade cards are nice if you don't want to go empty handed, (And no one has brought a gift to my no gift parties.)

Catherine

This is very true in Northern California. People actually oblige. We did no gifts for my dad's 60th birthday and two people brought strictly gag gifts. No one else brought anything but a card.

[Jrwusch]

Ooh, I really like some of the ideas of...instead of bringing gifts, do this instead. I may have to steal one or two of them! :)

[SpaceGal]

I would do a card and maybe bring something like say desssert, dip or cookies...etc.

[ncat]

We did a no gift party for DD's 1st birthday. Our reasons were that we were moving across the country a few days after the party and we really didn't have room for any extra stuff and that we really wanted all of our friends to come and not worry about having to buy a present. About 2/3 of the guests complied with our request for no gifts. We did get gift cards, books, a bottle of wine, and a few other small gifts.
I have avoided hosting parties for either DC after that because I don't know what we would do with gifts from a large group. We limited DD's 6th birthday invites and she still got a ridiculous number of gifts AND I felt guilty that she had to leave so many of her friends and classmates out.

[MamaSnoo]

Thanks for some of the suggestions for hosts....

DDs party is coming up, and due to all the controversy around this "issue" (ah-hem), I did not specify on our evite. In our circles, gifts vs no-gifts are about 50/50, which makes it a little hard to know what to do. And ppl here do come to no gift parties with big showy gifts. Makes you feel a little bad about the homemade card you worked on with your 2 year old.

I do not really want all those gifts. DD at her current age is terrible at gifts (it took greater than 1 week to open Christmas, DH and I had to finish the job, and DD cried whenever we told her it was time to open. She just wanted to play with what was already open. She is currently claiming that the two wrapped BD gifts in the dining room are for her horse "Charlie.")

I had been reluctant to say "no gifts" because I know some gifty ppl do not like it, despite my advice in the prior thread to do what makes you most comfortable and do not worry about pleasing others.

But, now I feel empowered, I am off to adjust my evite to request a photo or drawing or similar for DD scrapbook. Very cute idea!

[sadie427]

I hope that no one throws a "no gifts" party assuming people will bring gift cards or cash instead. I think that would be incredibly tacky. I have had a "no gifts please" toddler birthday party and really meant it. I don't think there needs to be any replacement for the gift but I agree that bringing a drawing or photo for a scrapbook is a fun idea. I also wouldn't personally ask for charity donations for a birthday party these days, because I think people's budgets are so tight that it's more of an imposition than a gift (I can bring a $7 lego set or book to a kid's birthday party, but wouldn't give a $7 donation to a charity.)

[Uno-Mom]

Ooh ooh - I just had an idea. Feel free to steal. :)

Do an ice cream sundae party and ask everybody to bring one topping. Sugar shock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But fun to do once.