poll: do you regularly read your DH/SO's email, or check his phones?

[AnnieW625]

I think I read an email of DH's once when he left his email open. I have never once read or felt the need like I need to check his email on a regular basis. Same thing with his phone. I have only checked his dumb phone for messages when I have had to use the phone when my phone has been dead. I have used his smart phone for work to browse the internet on a few times, but it's mainly been to find a place to eat on yelp or using google.

On the flip side I don't think DH has ever read my email or I don't think he knows the v/m password to my dumb phone.

So WHYD?

[mezzona]

same as you. we know each others pwds and are open but we dont feel like we need to check up on each other.

[smiles33]

Nope, I don't. I have had to log into his spam email account before because our bank account's automated emails used to go there (and he never checks). I finally switched it over to my spam account when I realized I missed an online bill reminder because he didn't read his email.

[elektra]

I set up DH's email account for him so he knows I know the password. I have checked it a few times but only when he has asked me to or if I need to access an email from someone- basically not on the sly.
He doesn't know my password though and I would not want him reading my email.

[WolfpackMom]

Ive looked on his phone before like looking on his facebook to see whats going on with other people, we have the same friends on there. Always in front of him though and not in an effort to find signs of deception or anything like that. Honestly if he was being sneaky with texts or anything like that, he would probably be intelligent enough to delete them so I couldnt see them if I tried!

[JoyNChrist]

I check DH's e-mail about once a week when I'm balancing our checkbook to make sure he doesn't have any iTunes or PayPal receipts he forgot to tell me about. But I don't read anything else, and I've never felt a need to check his calls/texts, Facebook, or anything like that. We know each other's passwords for everything, but as far as I know he doesn't check up on me either.

[lmh2402]

i have checked both.

i never used to. then we had an incident. a very, very ugly incident that nearly ended our marriage.

and i was SHOCKED. i actually am feeling sick writing this b/c i never realize how much i suppress to this day about what happened.

these days i don't check often. maybe every few months.

but yes, i have. and i do.

and i REALLY wish i never had a reason to have started. or to keep doing it.

[dowlinal]

I do, but not because I'm looking for anything. If his phone rings or beeps and I'm near it, I pick it up to see if it's important enough to go find him. His work texts overtime and if he wants it he needs to respond ASAP. With his e-mail, I'll go into his account if I'm looking for certain things. He gets the town notices sent to him and some of the rec league stuff. He could care less. What's funny is that I don't like him going into my accounts. I spent a few years in a really bad relationship where my privacy was always violated and every little thing was misconstrued as me being unfaithful. My DH is a sweetheart and doesn't have a jealous bone in his body, but I still can't stand anyone looking at my stuff.

[boolady]

No, I don't. We have a joint personal email address, always have. He does have his work email, but I have no way of accessing that at home. He has sent about 5 texts in his life, almost all of them to me, and he'd gladly let me look at his phone if I wanted to.

[JBaxter]

I dont but I can. I have no reason.

[Kymberley]

Yep, but because he asks me to. When he was gone for a month, he had no access to anything, email or phone. I kept track of both and told him when I saw him if anything came up such as job offers or whatnot. We also share an itunes account, so whatever one of us purchases something, it shows up on the others phone as well. I don't check his texts or recent calls or anything like that though. Not my business.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I could as I know the passwords (not that he couldn't set up separate accounts if he really wanted to though- anyone can figure out yahoo mail and such) but feel no reason to.

In college I was a snoop and totally overreacted about something and learned my lesson.

Beth

[TwinFoxes]

Never to check up on him, only for innocuous reasons. We both know each others' passwords, in fact I just told him my new one last night.

I can't think of many more things as soul sucking as feeling I had to sneak around and read DHs emails/texts.

[bnme]

I do, but not to snoop. We have one shared email address (also have individuals) and I open all of his mail because it is usually something I need to take care of. But he know about it. I also play with his phone and will answer it. But again, this is all out in the open.

[Meatball Mommie]

I could but I wouldn't, nor do I see the need to.

I've checked email at his request or forwarded travel arrangements or practice schedules if I needed them, but I never bothered to look at anything else. He leaves it open on his computer at work and we work together, so I don't think he's trying to hide anything either ;) (at least not on that account!) At home our joint email account is easily accessible (neither of us have to enter a password to view message) but everyone knows I'm the one who reads the messages, so it's mostly for me and he rarely looks at it. I wouldn't care if he did, but he doesn't anyway.

Voice mail messages would be trickier - I don't know his pin and he doesn't know mine. I think we could probably guess each others, but we never saw a reason to exchange #s. I hardly get any and his are all work related.

[crayonblue]

Nope. I wouldn't want him snooping around in my email so I don't check his.

[niccig]

No, DH leaves himself loged into his personal email so it always comes up when I start the browser, I can see the inbox in the google home page, so I can see who it's from/subject. Most of it is about his fantasy football. I don't have access to his work email, I know the password, but not how to get to it from home.

I should actually check his messages for information from his family - he's hopeless about telling me things. MIL has finally worked out that she has to tell me herself as DH never passes information on.

[elliput]

We both know each others passwords for email, voicemail, etc. There have been times when we have needed to check the others messages for something important. At this point in our relationship, I would be really surprised if he started hiding things from me as he too honest.

[LMPC]

same as you. we know each others pwds and are open but we dont feel like we need to check up on each other.
Yep, that's me too.

[FTMLuc]

very rarely, but not to snoop, only if I need to get info that was sent to him or access it for him, all with full disclosure. We know each other's passwords, but I don't feel the need to check on him, and I am pretty sure he feels the same about me. At least I never suspected him of snooping on me.

[lmh2402]

I can't think of many more things as soul sucking as feeling I had to sneak around and read DHs emails/texts.

yes, this a good way to put it

it was soul-sucking. it was a many, many thing sucking time in my life.

i can say with 1000% certainty, i never. in ten million years. ever. ever. ever. saw it (what happened) coming. i seriously was shocked. i literally went into a state of shock.

and no matter what happens now. i will never be able to have certainty and comfort. 100% trust.

i check so infrequently now. but still, check i do. and check i always will. glug. glug. glug. a little of my soul down the drain each time.

i'm so glad everyone responding to this poll has feelings of trust and certainty in fidelity and honesty. it really makes me happy b/c only after i lost it did i realize how precious it was. i tell my sister that all the time. it's like not appreciating how GOOD it feels to not have a pain in your big toe...KWIM? only when you have excruciating pain that is hindering your ability to walk, do you realize that you take for granted that most days your toe does not hurt.

anyway, i hope all you guys give your SO an extra hug and kiss today - you both deserve it for being good to one another.

[carolinamama]

No - I can't say I really read any of DH's emails unless he shows it to me as in "look at what xyz said" or a picture etc. I do use his smart phone sometimes if I want to make a quick call and his cell is sitting on the counter right next to me and mine is upstairs or in my car. So I guess I could flip through his emails and texts but I don't really feel the need. I don't think he pays any attention to mine either.

[gatorsmom]

same as you. we know each others pwds and are open but we dont feel like we need to check up on each other.


:yeahthat: And i don't want to. He never gets email from our old friends. His emails are all about boring work stuff. blah.

[Snow mom]

I don't read DH's e-mail, but I do occasionally log into his account to access things I need (like he has a shutterfly account that is actually my second shutterfly account.) He knows I know his password and doesn't seem concerned about it. He doesn't actually know my password, mainly because it's more complex and he never remembers what it is.

[kedss]

nope, DH has never read mine nor have I read his, unless one of us asks the other to check an email when we are away from the computer. :) We have our own cell phones/phone numbers and never check each other's phone. never had a reason to-

[Carrots]

Bahahahaha! I would be bored to tears if I ever read his email or phone messages because it is all about Fantasy Football/Baseball/Basketball/Hockey (and most recently, Cricket) trades.

[catpagmo]

No, but I wish I would have. DH and I are divorcing due to an affair and a baby that he hid from me for two years. Once I became suspicious, I checked his phone, and sure enough, it was all there. I never had reason to suspect him for anything, and never checked his phone, or email. There's not a day that goes by now without me wondering what would have happened if I would have checked it sooner.

[ilfaith]

Ooops. Voted wrong. Read "nosy" as "never." That's what happens when I don't wear my glasses.

I don't check DH's email or phone history...never have.

[vludmilla]

I know his password but I don't check it; there is no reason for me to do that. There were a couple of times that I needed to get into his email years ago but he knew all about it at the time. He does not know my password.

[Melanie]

No I don't, but if I ever thought I had a reason to be nosey I wouldn't hesitate.

[sste]

Well, I try not to read his personal emails but DH has given me full access to all of his email, accounts, passwords, etc. . . . I frequently have to go on to retrieve things, deal with business or household things that are in his name, return emails he has failed to return about plans or trips, etc. I can usually find what I am looking for right away but occasionally I have opened the wrong thing and seen part of something personal. Trust me, DH likes the system as is!

[crl]

I don't check his phone or emails at all, except that once or twice he has specifically asked me to look something up for him. I'm sure I could as he often leaves accounts hanging open and I could almost certainly guess passwords, or really, I think I just know what he uses.

Catherine

[niccig]

There's not a day that goes by now without me wondering what would have happened if I would have checked it sooner.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[hez]

At home it's like one communal email pile-- we both have access to read each other's, and it's really no big deal. Neither of us is very good about checking home email, so it's probably best we take turns paying attention to the home accounts.

I don't, however, read his work email and I don't listen to his cell phone msgs. He doesn't bother with mine, either.

[BayGirl2]

No. And we both get a bit annoyed if the other reads over our shoulder while we're surfing the web. I guess we do have access to each others personal email accounts, but it's never even occurred to me to check his, and I just trust that he isn't checking mine. We are close, but I am fairly independent and so his he.

Slightly off topic: I've never really understood the "joint" personal email thing, when a couple shares an email address. This always gives me the impression that they are not really using email, or that they started trying to figure out the online thing in 1994 and never changed it. My email is probably my primary way of communicating with the outside world so I can't imagine sharing that. Not that I have anything to hide, it just feels crowded to share. That's just me, to each her own.

For those PP's who mentioned how your trust was violated, my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how painful that is, and I hope its something you are able to work through. Thanks for the reminder to appreciate what we do have, while we have it.

[Clarity]

i have checked both.

i never used to. then we had an incident. a very, very ugly incident that nearly ended our marriage.

and i was SHOCKED. i actually am feeling sick writing this b/c i never realize how much i suppress to this day about what happened.

these days i don't check often. maybe every few months.

but yes, i have. and i do.

and i REALLY wish i never had a reason to have started. or to keep doing it.

:yeahthat: We're 2 1/2 years removed from our "incident" so I don't check his email as frequently as I used to but I do and I will. I have nothing to hide and he's free to look at my email as well (although I don't think that he does.)

[brgnmom]

no, I don't read my DH's personal email or check his cell phone. DH and I have 'ancient' phones - nothing fancy. We do have access to each other's accounts, and friends and family contact us on either one of our accounts. I will usually respond back (like for evites, social events, etc) b/c DH leaves those types of things up to me.

[o_mom]

Slightly off topic: I've never really understood the "joint" personal email thing, when a couple shares an email address. This always gives me the impression that they are not really using email, or that they started trying to figure out the online thing in 1994 and never changed it. My email is probably my primary way of communicating with the outside world so I can't imagine sharing that. Not that I have anything to hide, it just feels crowded to share. That's just me, to each her own.



LOL. We have a shared account. DH is awful about checking the home e-mail, and also has several friends that don't understand why he doesn't want their joke du jour sent to his work address. So, we have a joint account that I mainly manage and let him know when something important comes.

...and yes, we were online for years before 1994. ;)

[o_mom]

I didn't vote because none of them seem to fit. Like a PP, we have a shared home e-mail account. DH has work e-mail that I obviously don't see and I have quite a few spam/anonymous accounts that I use to sign up for things. He could probably figure them out if he wanted, though, and I wouldn't think twice about him looking at them. I don't make a habit of checking his texts or anything, but if his cell rings and I'm closest, I'll check it and he does the same with mine. It's not so much a matter of "It's my right to" or "only if I'm suspicious" as much as it's just the kind of relationship we have where most everything is shared and neither of us feels that strongly about keeping those things to ourselves.

[Corie]

No, I don't check his email/phone. Although I could. But I don't.

[momm]

Meh.
I would if there were anything interesting to read :p He gets like five emails a week, and it's about school. Or a LinkedIn request. hehe.

Mine is always signed in on our home computer. After pregnancy and the baby, there are hardly any emails in mine either.

Such is our social life ;p

But yes, we could both check if we wanted to. But neither does.

[peacemeal41]

Yeah, I do. Not questioning his fidelity, but more out of curiosity. Getting info out of him is like pulling teeth.

He doesn't get many emails, but sometimes I'll find out about a seminar he has to attend. It's good for me to know that information so I can let my boss know in advance that I need to work from home those days.

Nothing more than that. After reading this thread, I DO need to go home and let him know how much I love him.

[MoJo]

I didn't vote because none of them seem to fit. Like a PP, we have a shared home e-mail account. DH has work e-mail that I obviously don't see and I have quite a few spam/anonymous accounts that I use to sign up for things. He could probably figure them out if he wanted, though, and I wouldn't think twice about him looking at them. I don't make a habit of checking his texts or anything, but if his cell rings and I'm closest, I'll check it and he does the same with mine. It's not so much a matter of "It's my right to" or "only if I'm suspicious" as much as it's just the kind of relationship we have where most everything is shared and neither of us feels that strongly about keeping those things to ourselves.

:yeahthat: except we have separate, but always open, home e-mail accounts, and he's the one who has more anonymous-type accounts (with passwords all saved on the computer) for blogging etc.

[kijip]

Hell to the no.

Seriously, I think we would both be very hurt if the other felt a need to snoop in our stuff. There is no way, in the context of our relationship, that would feel like a good marriage to either of us. That said, sometimes we will ask the other to get into our email or whatnot (I am driving and I need him to check an email to remind me of the address or he has his hands full and asks me to check his phone messages for him) but neither of us would ever just look on our own.

[MrsMcGwire]

yes, this a good way to put it

it was soul-sucking. it was a many, many thing sucking time in my life.

i can say with 1000% certainty, i never. in ten million years. ever. ever. ever. saw it (what happened) coming. i seriously was shocked. i literally went into a state of shock.

and no matter what happens now. i will never be able to have certainty and comfort. 100% trust.

i check so infrequently now. but still, check i do. and check i always will. glug. glug. glug. a little of my soul down the drain each time.

i'm so glad everyone responding to this poll has feelings of trust and certainty in fidelity and honesty. it really makes me happy b/c only after i lost it did i realize how precious it was. i tell my sister that all the time. it's like not appreciating how GOOD it feels to not have a pain in your big toe...KWIM? only when you have excruciating pain that is hindering your ability to walk, do you realize that you take for granted that most days your toe does not hurt.

anyway, i hope all you guys give your SO an extra hug and kiss today - you both deserve it for being good to one another.

Agreed. I'm jealous of the people that have complete trust.

[lizzywednesday]

Nope.

We also don't share a phone or computer.

However, he's been known to post-stalk me when I'm posting here.

It bothers me because I think of the BBB as a place he's got no interest in, so I'm often using it as a place to vent or ask questions that I'm not ready to articulate to him. Also, I don't post-stalk him at the other websites where he posts, so I think he should cut me some slack.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

Slightly off topic: I've never really understood the "joint" personal email thing, when a couple shares an email address. This always gives me the impression that they are not really using email, or that they started trying to figure out the online thing in 1994 and never changed it. My email is probably my primary way of communicating with the outside world so I can't imagine sharing that. Not that I have anything to hide, it just feels crowded to share. That's just me, to each her own.


:hysterical:

I don't really undertand not having a joint email. We use it for the neighborhood email list, the class email list (why would only one parent get emails about the kid's class?), soccer team email, joint invitations, etc. It seems strange for one parent to manage everything kid related. :p

We also have multiple individual accounts. We check them all instantly on our phones, only the shared do we both check, so it's no big deal. We also have our work emails, but we keep those for work.

To the OP, no I never check my DH's email accounts or texts, or whatever. I agree with whomever said they were probably boring.

[liamsmom]

Never. Honestly, his PC contains so much stuff for work and is passcode protected to the point that I'd never get access to the "good" stuff. Which would be incredibly boring anyway. And I doubt DH would ever snoop through my stuff. Even when he helps me out with a computer issue, he makes me enter my password privately.

We've started a separate, joint Gmail account--mostly to create a household calendar. I do want to start using it for our bills so we're both on the same page about things. And if something terrible were to happen to me, at least I'll have the peace of mind that DH will be able to pay the electric bill.

[Ceepa]

Absolutely not. There is no need on either side. If we want to share something we just forward it or tell each other.

[Globetrotter]

nope, and I hope he wouldn't read mine! (though our old contacts were hooked up to my outlook emails, so has probably seen at least the titles!)