Help with age 2- book recommendations?

[catroddick]

Ok, Moms. I need serious help. My beautiful girl is now 25 months old, and over the past week has brought me to realize that I haven’t the faintest clue what the hell I am doing. She was such an easy baby, I though I had this “Mom thing” down pat. But 2 is a whole different deal. I knew it would not stay that easy. But wow, I’m clueless how to proceed.

DD is smart, and clearly has a hard-headed streak from both her parents. She is speaking very well. But a strong understanding of language it totally lost on a 2 year old in the middle of a tantrum. I am also stubborn, but I do manage to keep my cool. But I wonder if often times my stubbornness gets in the way of thinking up creative ways to deal with a situation. I used to be so good at derailing issues by distracting her, but either I’ve lost my touch, or she’s lost the ability to be distracted. Today’s 25 minute screaming tantrum because I pushed up her sleeves before she washed her hands is more that I know how to deal with.

I need ideas and insight. I would love your book recommendations. I haven’t followed a “program” up until now, because she’s been such a breeze. But if anyone has a recommendation, I would really appreciate it. I’ve got a gift card to Borders that will hopefully help me survive this….

[jenfromnj]

I know exactly how you feel--my son just turned 2 last week, but for the past few months he's been an absolute handful and has mastered the art of the full on, dramatic temper tantrum, complete with wild flailing and protests at maximum volume. It has made for some interesting times at the playground, Gymboree class, Target, and the grocery store. :) DS has always been a bit high maintenance, but was much more easygoing until about the beginning of the year. A few people we spend a good deal of time with (like my sister and BFF) have even commented that they've never seen him act the way he's been acting lately.

I used to try to redirect him (giving him his favorite toys, for example) but then I realized that it seemed like offering him things he really likes when he's acting that way was sort of reinforcing his tantrum-y behavior. So now I've just been trying to ignore his tantrums (to the extent possible, easier of course to really ignore him at home when he's not near anything breakable etc. But even if we're out, I don't really acknowledge the tantrum beyond telling him that we don't act that way, I just kind of let him get past it and go on with what we were doing. I have no idea if that's the "official" right thing to do, but it seems to be helping a little--I know with DS, at least, it's a power struggle, so I'm trying to minimize the amount of power the tantrums give him.

As for books, I just ordered 1-2-3 Magic at the suggestion of a few friends with kids older than DS. I haven't actually started yet so I can't really speak from personal experience, but wanted to chime in since we're in the same boat--so even though I don't really have any advice, you have my sympathy! They weren't kidding about the Terrible Twos, were they?

[lalasmama]

My two favorite books:

The Portable Pediatrician. It has a "your child at -- age", which was a little story about what to expect at that age. It was so nice to see what "should" be happening soon. Was so sad when DD outgrew the book!

Ames has a series of books called "Your --- Year Old". They are GREAT. They are usually a quick read (and a good laugh, as they show the 70s in all it's groovy fashion). I managed to read each whole book during 2-3 naptimes, sometimes less. They talk about expected emotional, social, physical development. They don't talk down to the parent, or to the child. Unfortunately, they aren't in print any longer, however, I think you can still get used copies on Amazon. I find them often at Goodwill or Value Village, and pick up whatever ages they have that are beyond where we are.

[sunshine873]

No book advice (although I'll keep watching this post because we're there too.) But one thing we've done during tantrums that has worked somewhat: We pretend that we can't find her. We start asking each other, "Where is DD? I don't know, I can't find her! DD! DD where are you?" DH says that she's not acting like herself, so that's why we can't see her. Then when she calms down, we pipe in with "Oh, there you are! Hi DD, we couldn't find you!"

I don't know if it's appropriate or not, but it seems to be one of the few things that can pull her out of a tantrum.

[Ceepa]

Sometimes a big tantrum at two just has to run its course. You can't defuse it and it'll frustrate all parties to try. There is no danger of long-term damage if you make sure DD is safe (not in a hazardous place) and let her cry or rage. And often crying about mommy pushing up sleeves is not about the sleeves being pushed up. She just as easily could have cried because you asked her to hand you the ballpoint pen she found or made her stop trying to climb the coffee table or put her water in the red sippy cup instead of the yellow one.

Once she calms down offer her some quiet time (snuggle, book, quiet talking) to reconnect.

At that age I found it helpful to incorporate more choices into the day ("Red shirt or white?" "Brown Bear, Brown Bear or Very Hungry Caterpillar?" "Read on the floor or the chair?") It gives them a sense of control.