Jewish mamas: Help with etiquette question for naming ceremony

[MamaSnoo]

I have been invited to a co-workers simchat bat for her new daughter. I would love to attend and celebrate with her and her partner, but I have not been to one of these events before.

I had 3 questions:

1. DH will be out of town, so DD (3 yo) and I will be on our own. I emailed the host to see if it is ok to bring DD, but wanted to know your impartial opinions as well.....for instance, if the BBB mamas say it is unusual or not done, I would not bring her, even if the host says it is ok.

2. Do people bring baby gifts to these? Are there specific types of gifts would be appropriate/inappropriate?

3. What should I expect to happen at the ceremony? I would like to tell DD in advance so she knows what is going on (and me too!)


The couple is not very conservative, and it appears that many ppl who are of other faiths are invited as well, but I still would like to know what is going on and show respect for the moms' faith and culture.

TIA!

[candaceb]

We are reform, and on the reform end of reform, so YMMV if the family is more religious, but here is my perspective.

There were a bunch of kids at DS's naming (we did not do a bris, just a naming) and it was fun to have them there. We wouldn't have wanted anyone to get a sitter or leave kids with a parent at home.

We received a few gifts. Most of the people there had been to my shower or had sent a gift when DS was born. I didn't expect gifts but was happy to receive the ones we did. We just received this book for DS and I was thinking it would be a perfect gift for a naming:
http://www.amazon.com/Abraham-Alphabet-Sleeping-Alphabets-Cultures/dp/1585363227/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1302039966&sr=1-1

At DS's naming, the rabbi said a few things about the naming ceremony, and then had us talk about the names we chose and the people who he was named for. There were a few prayers and 2 readings. The rabbi told a story too but I don't remember it... The whole thing was about 15 minutes. After the ceremony, we had "high tea".

[mikeys_mom]

Most of the simchat bat's that I have been to were either orthodox or conservative, so traditions may vary considerably.

1 - In general, kids are welcome at most of these types of events. Unless they specifically request no kids, or if it is in the evening, we bring our kids to baby namings and brises. There were tons of kids at the naming for all of my DD's.

2 - Any typical baby shower type gift is fine. Many people have a tradition to not buy much before the baby is born. We got lots of clothes and toys for DD's.

3 - Is the ceremony in a synagogue or somewhere else? Is it on a Saturday? Depending on time and place, ceremony can be different. If you provide a bit more detail, I can probably give you more info on what to expect.

HTH. Feel free to ask any other questions.

[swissair81]

Most of the simchat bat's that I have been to were either orthodox or conservative, so traditions may vary considerably.

Is a simchat bat a kiddush? Or is it a Sephardi thing? I'm feeling slightly ignorant here.

We had a kiddush for each of my girls on Saturday after synagogue and a bris and shalom zachor (party in the parents' home on the first friday night after the birth) for DS. Kids were welcome at all of them. We are Orthodox, so people brought presents or food for the party on Friday. Not sure on the ceremony though.

[ShanaMama]

Is a simchat bat a kiddush? Or is it a Sephardi thing? I'm feeling slightly ignorant here.

We had a kiddush for each of my girls on Saturday after synagogue and a bris and shalom zachor (party in the parents' home on the first friday night after the birth) for DS. Kids were welcome at all of them. We are Orthodox, so people brought presents or food for the party on Friday. Not sure on the ceremony though.

I think Simchat Bat is more common in Reform & Conservative circles. I've never heard of anyone Orthodox making one but I've been to one or two. It is a naming ceremony & celebration of the baby. Essentially a weekday kiddush.
To answer the OP, kids are definitely welcome. It's a family affair.
I would agree that any baby gift is fine. I would probably bring clothing but you can bring your go to baby gift.
I'll have to leave question number three to those who have been to more than I have. I would think they name the baby (this probably involves the Rabbi & parents) & then basically socialize. There will definitely be food. :D
As you can see, there are huge variations in practice within Jewish circles, so if you really want to be sure you might want to ask a common friend, if you have one.

[HIU8]

When we had the simchat bat for DD we were called to the torah for an aliyah on Shabbat. After the aliyah the naming took place (a little prayer, stating DD's hebrew name, the origin of her name and then it was over. We did have a buffet kiddish afterwards with family.

[erosenst]

As you can see, traditions vary considerably. As background, we are Reform Jews, and had DD's naming/simchat bat at home...5 months after she was born as we were waiting for some out-of-town family to be available. (Insert fainting noises from some of the Orthodox mamas here...my now-Conservative SIL's weren't happy about the timing or location either. Traditionally, it's within a week, and at the synagogue, although Reform Jews frequently vary from both and our rabbi was totally fine with how we did it.)

* If the ceremony is part of a Shabbat/Sabbath service, you'll need to check with the customs there - most, but not all, will welcome young kids.

* If you've already given a baby gift, nothing additional is needed/expected. If not, your usual baby gift would be nice.

* Again, depends on the custom. It might be a brief portion of the otherwise-normal Shabbat service. If so, the parents and baby will be called to the bimah (altar) and blessed by the Rabbi. If it's at home, likely a few prayers and some explanation of the name. Or some combination of the above. If a lot of people from other faiths are invited, there will likely be a little more explanation of the traditions and customs. There will almost definitely be food served. Depending on time of day - brunch, lunch, or at a minimum a 'reception' - cookies and fruit kind of thing.

[mikeys_mom]

Is a simchat bat a kiddush? Or is it a Sephardi thing? I'm feeling slightly ignorant here.

We had a kiddush for each of my girls on Saturday after synagogue and a bris and shalom zachor (party in the parents' home on the first friday night after the birth) for DS. Kids were welcome at all of them. We are Orthodox, so people brought presents or food for the party on Friday. Not sure on the ceremony though.

I have been to 2 styles of Orthodox simchat bat;

1) On the Friday night after the baby was born. It was similar to a shalom zachar, but the mother had actually done a lot of research on the origins of a shalom zachar and apparantly at some point in ancient Jewish tradition, a similar welcoming tradition was held for girls as well. I have only been to a couple like this and it was in a bit of a unique community - certainly would not be the norm here in Toronto, which tends to be very conservative (with a small c).

2) It is basically a welcoming party for the baby. No real religious significance. I have been to a few in people's homes, where they make a speech about the origin of the name, then have food, of course. I have also been to some in shul, where it is basically a kiddush. No naming ceremony because the baby was named on the first opportunity for a Torah reading after the birth but often it is the first time the mother comes to shul and says Gomel and there will be a speech about the baby's name by the father.


When we had the simchat bat for DD we were called to the torah for an aliyah on Shabbat. After the aliyah the naming took place (a little prayer, stating DD's hebrew name, the origin of her name and then it was over. We did have a buffet kiddish afterwards with family.

The Conservative ones I attended were very similar to this. They had the regular Shabbat service and the Hebrew naming was done at that time. Then a speech by the Rabbi and the father and/or mother, the conclusion of the Shabbat service and a kiddush afterwards.

I think that because there is really no formal ceremony required for girls, the term Simchat Bat has evolved recently and there are many variations.

For our girls, we just named them on Shabbat and had a kiddush afterwards. DS never got a shalom zachar because he was born the day before Yom Kippur, which fell on a Shabbat that year.

[HIU8]

That is how I was named--on the Shabbat after I was born my father took me to shul and I was named. My mother was not even there. It was an orthodox shul. No kiddish sponsored by my parents afterwards or anything.

Also, for my DD we did wait until she was 6 months old. My grandmother died when DD was 9 days old (we knew she was dying and decided to wait b/c we knew we would be having a funeral right at the same time). But it's not like a bris that needs to be 8 days afterwards. There is a lot of leeway with girls--if anything is done at all. We did it partly to honor DD and partly as a part of the healing process after the death of my grandmother.