This is totally inappropriate, isn't it?

[Melaine]

I think I know the answer to this already, but I'm asking anyway. May get long.

The girls are in my cousin's wedding. My parents didn't get an invitation when everyone else got them. I got our invite, my brothers both got theirs, my aunt got hers, my grandma got hers, great aunt got hers, all the same week. My parents still didn't have theirs, but we know it was a mistake because my cousin had called my mom and talked to her about the wedding. So, my aunt called and mentioned it, so a couple days later, they got an invitation.

The invitation DIDN'T contain an invitation to the rehearsal dinner. My family, my grandma, my aunt and her family all were invited to the rehearsal dinner. I can't imagine that she would have left out my parents when everyone else was included (My aunt is not a part of the ceremony in any way).

I've never heard of sending rehearsal dinner invites, I've just heard of calling and talking to those who would be invited. But my thought is that in the whole wedding hoopla that the second invite sent to my parents might have accidentally missed the rehearsal invitation it should have held.

So here is my question, my cousin just emailed me asking me stuff about the girls dresses, etc.

It's not ok for me to casually ask her if there was a mistake about this, is there?

It's just so awkward for all of us to be going up there together and then my poor parents have to like go eat mcdonalds or something. I mean, they are also driving my grandma who would otherwise not be able to get to the wedding at all. So what are they, going to drop Grandma off at rehearsal dinner and leave? See why this is weird? WWYD?

[crl]

Hmm. That is tough! Can you call and ask in a, they really don't mind if they aren't invited but just don't want to confuse things by not rsvping properly if they are kind of way?

Catherine

[twowhat?]

I'd totally ask. I would bet they just left out that sheet of paper with that info.

And if it WAS intentional - well, they knew it'd make them uncomfortable if it were brought up, right? :)

[ahisma]

In that instance, I'd totally ask. It may be awkward, but it's going to be even more awkward for them when they find out that your parents have dropped off grandma and gone to McDonalds.

[niccig]

I would ask. It seems very weird to me too. If you ask, it saves your mother from asking.

[elbenn]

I think you could bring it up in a round about way. Is the wedding in a different city than where your parents live? If so, maybe ask for suggestions on where they could dine? That way, they could either correct the mistake or if it wasn't a mistake, they could give suggestions on where to eat.

[MamaMolly]

I would ask. It seems very weird to me too. If you ask, it saves your mother from asking.

yep. In a case like this I think you ought to be the one to ask. Much better all the way around.

[Melaine]

Thanks guys. I do feel like it might be really awkward if it came down to the meal and my parents weren't there and then the bride might feel bad if they were meant to have been invited to it. This is a couple states away, otherwise I don't think they (my parents) would really care. I really do feel like it was an oversight, because it just seems weird to invite one aunt and not the other. In fact, my aunt is local, so they invited the local aunt and left out the out-of-towner, which seems even stranger.

I do like the wanting to RSVP properly point. My mom is incredibly careful about timely RSVP too.

[Melaine]

yep. In a case like this I think you ought to be the one to ask. Much better all the way around.

See, I know for a fact that my mom has no intention of asking. They will just go to McDonalds, I guarantee it!

[Globetrotter]

Definitely clarify with them. I would say that you completely understand that they are unable to invite everyone so it's no problem if they won't be able to accomodate them, but they needed to make other plans if that was the case. Do ask, though. It sounds like an oversight.

I lost a friendship because I failed to clarify an invitation (whether I was invited to a pricey but small graduation). I never got the invite but I had a babysitter lined up and everything since she had asked for my address to send the invite. I thought she hadn't meant to invite me and sent me the email by mistake (since I didn't really know her son and was surprised to be included in a small, intimate celebration for him) and I didn't want to make her feel bad by asking.

BIG mistake. I never heard from her again, and she ignored my calls as she was clearly pissed that I didn't show up. That was years ago and a totally different situation, but the point is I learned to clarify :)

[happymom]

Definitely clarify with them. I would say that you completely understand that they are unable to invite everyone so it's no problem if they won't be able to accomodate them, but they needed to make other plans if that was the case. Do ask, though. It sounds like an oversight.



:yeahthat:. That's a good way to say it, IMO.

[ett]

I would definitely ask for your mother because it does seem like it was an oversight.

[JoyNChrist]

I think you could bring it up in a round about way. Is the wedding in a different city than where your parents live? If so, maybe ask for suggestions on where they could dine? That way, they could either correct the mistake or if it wasn't a mistake, they could give suggestions on where to eat.

I like this idea.