Do you think this is a reasonable request?

[bisous]

Sigh. DH and I really do not see eye to eye on how to spend our weekends.

He likes to sleep in and I like to get up early and start getting to work!! Our kids aren't super early birds but they do get up before DH and it is always me that is watching and caring for them AND working around the house.

I resent it. While my rational brain knows that DH works very hard during the week and I can see how as a WOHD he likes a lazy morning. I get lots of those as a homeschooling SAHM! But on the other hand, I'd like to have SOME say in what goes on on the weekends!

Do you think it would be reasonable to let him sleep in as late as he wants but at say noon or so, it is his turn to take over for a few hours while I run some childless errands (maybe even something for fun!) And then as a corollary to that, is it fair to request that he actually DO something with the kids? Ideal would be if he took them to the park or someplace fun and exciting. He likes to be home on his weekends as well and sometimes does fun/creative games with them but I'd love for them to have some active time together.

Is that asking too much?

Be honest!

[jenfromnj]

I don't think it's unreasonable at all! I think it would be great for him to spend some quality time doing fun things with your kids.

Could you maybe come up with a compromise--say, he has to get up on Saturday but can sleep in on Sunday? And I think the noon "deadline" is perfectly fair.

[Octobermommy]

What about letting him sleep in one weekend day? Noon is very very generous imo. That day, after lunch, I think it would be a great idea if he took the kids for 2 hours or so out of the house as "daddy" time. Sounds very reasonable to me.

[bisous]

Thanks for the opinions! Yeah, I suppose there ARE two weekends, right? Seriously, though, I'm going to see if he'll take the kids somewhere fun and active. That would make me REALLY happy!!

[wellyes]

In your shoes I'd insist on:
- one day a weekend,he sleeps in as late as he wants, but you get the afternoon off
- the other day, everyone wakes up and you have a family-centered day

DH loves, loves, loves to sleep in. I let him, once in a while. Just like he lets me, once in a while (when I'm under the weather, usually). But parents with awake kids in the house generally don't have the luxury of lounging in bed alone for hours and hours.

BUT: I wouldn't determine how he spends his afternoon with the kids. Not your problem. Unless he regularly does stuff that messes up their schedules (like hours of tv, missed meals, etc) and that's just really bad form and you should tell him so.

[bisous]

Wellyes, that sounds like a great proposal. BUT I have to say that if DH just plugs the kids into the TV I'd rather watch them than go out. Seriously. Part of my issue is that I'm an apartment dweller and if the kids just stay in the house all day on Saturday that is just depressing to me.

The only other way that my fulfillments are required is if I take the kids some place in the morning before DH gets up but honestly, I spend a good deal of time during the week "enriching" them and I'd rather get stuff done. I'm wondering if it is reasonable to ask him to do something that I don't want to do (take the kids out) in exchange for letting him sleep in.

Does that make sense?

[egoldber]

No way, no how did DH sleep in until noon on weekends when I was a SAHM. He's not in college, he's a dad. Sorry, JMO. Nine is the time when I used to tell my kids "Time to go up and wake Daddy!" But generally he was up before then.

If you don't want him just turning on the TV, how about having him take them to an activity? Swim lessons, a movie, the park, a sport, a class, etc.

[Twoboos]

No way, no how did DH sleep in until noon on weekends when I was a SAHM. He's not in college, he's a dad. Sorry, JMO. Nine is the time when I used to tell my kids "Time to go up and wake Daddy!" But generally he was up before then.



:yeahthat: Seriously, this would not fly at our house. Never noon. Not to mention my DDs would not have it!! They'd be all over him to play!

[sewarsh]

Okay, so a couple things I noticed about your post....

#1 - Your DH sleeps until NOON!!!??! or BEYOND THAT?!? Are you KIDDING ME? I couldn't sleep till noon if you held a gun to my head. I mean, some days I would like to, but its just not physcially possible.

#2 - I think you each should take a weekend morning. In other words, you let him do what he wants until a said time on Saturday and then on Sunday you get to do what you want until that same time.

Good luck.

[TwinFoxes]

OK, wait, I read it as he slept in, but then at noon she wanted him to take the kids...but if he's sleeping until noon that is BEYOND ridiculous. In an apartment? Are you tiptoeing around all day to not wake him up? Yikes.

Anyway, I think it's reasonable that he watches the kids after a lackadaisical morning. And I'd be really against him sleeping in BOTH days (although...I sleep in on both weekend days, but that's until 7:30 at the latest! Noon is cuh-razy.)

I do agree with PP, unless he's parking them in front of the TV, I wouldn't micromanage how he spends his time. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing crafts or whatever.

[fedoragirl]

My DH is like that sometimes. However, I get up early every.single. morning. So, I am sure to wake him up by 9 am at the very latest. He takes over then. I do resent that I can't sleep late at times, but I also remember that he puts DD to bed every night (since I got pregnant), except for bath nights.
We spend our weekends together because I HATE letting the morning hours wile away in sleep. It's the only time DD is the most active.

[niccig]

No way, no how did DH sleep in until noon on weekends when I was a SAHM. He's not in college, he's a dad. Sorry, JMO. Nine is the time when I used to tell my kids "Time to go up and wake Daddy!" But generally he was up before then.
.

:yeahthat: Nine is our time too. In our house, I am the one sleeping in, I am just not a morning person. 9am is absolute latest. But I am trying to get up earlier..as when we're out the door earlier, we get so much more done. DH is a WOHD and can work crazy schedule...this week he's home 10pm or later...he'll sleep in tomorrow..but again, not past 9am.

Now that I'm back in school and have to study on weekends, DH and I talk about the plans and work out the times of who is on shift and who is off shift. Some weekends one of us will do more or less depending on what's going on. eg. I have an exam the next week or he has to work during the weekends.

My problem with your set up, is that you have the kids all week as homeschool and then all weekend again. Not only are you not getting a break, the kids aren't getting time with their Dad.

[ohsara430]

I think it's completely reasonable to ask your DH to take the kids for a few hours on a weekend afternoon. I don't think you should tell him how to spend the time though. I think if you tell him what to do with the kids or tell him he has to do A or B then he will not want to do it and will resent you for it.

Basically, absolutely reasonable to expect him to be responsible for the kids for a few hours, not reasonable to mandate how he spends the time.

[wellyes]

Would he really consistently plug them in front of the TV? That'd just be crappy parenting. And he'd know it.

If Saturday afternoons are his solo time with the kids - he might surprise you in what they end up doing. It might start out being too boring but eventually he'll come up with stuff. And it will be, in the long run, very special for the kids.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I've accepted that dh just needs some time in the morning. He can sleep in till 10 and then waking him is fair game (I frequently send the kids to get him then ;)). I wake up at 8 so it's not like I've been up for hours. I do get annoyed that even if he is up at 10 he is a lump till about noon. After that though he rocks. Why stress about the mornings, is what I have been thinking lately.

I think your plan sounds really good though. Worth a try at least!

Beth

[Corie]

Noon is very very generous imo.




I think noon is extremely generous as well. That would not go
over very well in my house. I would not let my husband sleep
that late NOR would I ever expect to sleep that late myself!!

But that is just my opinion!

[StantonHyde]

My DH works nights every other weekend. He really is set up to be a night owl and that's just the way he is. He works day shifts during the week but he is exhausted by it when he gets home. So on the weekends he doesn't work, he sleeps till 12. I am not a SAHM and I WOHM only 2 days a week and kids are in school so my set up is different. I take the kids out and do activities with them in the mornings, then we come home, eat lunch, watch some TV. By 12, DH is fair game for the kids.

When he does get up, I have to make it clear to HIM and the kids that I am not in charge--DAddy is in charge. If I want him to take them out of the house (because DH would be happy to sit and watch TV) I have to announce that there is an afternoon activity and he is taking them. He cannot figure out activities on his own. (Before I married DH, he was very honest that he had "slug like tendencies which, if left unfettered, would blossom". Seriously, if I am not the cruise director, the 3 of them would be sitting in their pjs, watching Star Trek, and eating take out pizza. (DH's response is "you say that like its a bad thing") Once I have stuff set up, he does take them and they have a great time. But he literally cannot do it by himself. I have tried for 8 years......

I am a morning person and my kids get up around 7 so it really isn't hard for me. On the weekends, I will get up, get their superfast breakfasts and go back to bed till 8. I get them dressed and out the door by myself every day. Just the way it is. (I know plenty of SAHMs who have this scenario)

So you kind of have to work with what you have got here--and be very clear about your expectations. Good luck.

[eh613c]

I don't think it's asking for too much! Your DH should be spending some quality time with DCs anyway. Plus, you need some alone time....whether your running some errands or just relaxing for just 10 minutes!

[bisous]

Okay after reading these replies I am feeling way justified! :)

I like the idea of sending DH on a prearranged activity for the afternoon. At the very least, I'll tell the kids what they'll be doing. DH won't be able to weasel his way out then, lol. Rebecca (StantonHyde) your DH and mine sound very similar! He'd LOVE a Star Wars/pizza fest!

He honestly rarely sleeps till noon. But 11 is common. He sleeps like a LOG. I can come in, wake him up in the morning, walk out and he'll still sleep for a couple of hours.

We're dealing with a lot of issues. DH has ADHD which he currently does nothing to treat. He has terrible insomnia that gives him OFTEN less than 5 hours of sleep a night. He's hard to live with and he doesn't do much besides work (and that he does exceptionally well). He's also a very compassionate, fun, great Dad! I do shoulder a pretty heavy burden but thankfully I've arranged for support in a lot of different ways and am generally happy with my life. I do get resentful though on Saturdays so I'm trying to deal and I think this may work.

Right now, I just don't have the skill set to address all of my issues with DH (or to address his or OUR issues) and I don't have the patience or wisdom. I'm trying to deal with one issue at a time and just get better and better. :)