Eating out with a group and splitting the check?

[ohsara430]

So I'm just curious how others here do things when eating out with a group. Say you and DH/SO go out to eat with a few other couples (say 6-8 people total), how do split the check? Do you add the tip to the total and split equally? Do you split it by who got what?

I'm curious because DH and I like to go out with other couples but it always turns into a really expensive outing for us because others decide they want appetizers, 2 or 3 drinks, dessert, etc. DH & I normally don't get these things when we go out to eat so while we don't necessarily mind splitting the check it just gets really $$ for us since we don't get the drinks or dessert or whatever.

[tmahanes]

We always just say who is on what check and simply pay and tip for what we order.

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[LD92599]

I'm with you - we tend to order on the lower side, and somehow end up paying alot more than we should have, which over time sure adds up. When it's a MNO it's always been pay as you go, which is how it should be, esp for those that don't drink, eat dessert, or just want a bowl of soup, etc.

Granted if you're dining out alot w/ the same family and maybe order approximately the same then it's easier to just split it. We try to ask for separate checks.

For tipping, we do it based on what we've ordered.

[KrisM]

We either get separate checks or pay what we owe for what we ordered. I do the same when out with my friends. I can't imagine just splitting the bill when people order different things.

[okinawama]

When we go out as couples we usually always split by couple, but when my husband goes out with friends (which can be pretty frequently) they ALWAYS split the check equally. It can end up being *unfair* (for lack of a better word), but that's how they always do it.

[ellies mom]

When I go out for my monthly dinner with my friends we always ask for separate checks. Most of us are paying with bank cards so it is easier that way. We've never had a problem.

[ohsara430]

Thanks everyone! It would certainly be our preference to ask for separate checks but we feel like sour grapes then when others say "oh we can just split the check" or when the waitress doesn't ask how your table wants the check. Oh sure we can, since now I'm paying for your 3rd adult beverage and chocolate lava cake.....grrr. Hmm, maybe DH and I are just push-overs on this issue and should "insist" on separating the check.

[tmahanes]

If we were not drinking and all that I would definately be telling the wait staff "we are separate"

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[SnuggleBuggles]

Asking for separate checks, when possible, is my go-to strategy. Otherwise we pay for what we ordered. No one whips out a calculator but we get really close. I'd hate to pay for someone's drinks, apps and dessert is I didn't order those. A podcast I like, Modern Manners, just covered this. Basically you just need to have the discussion about the bill at the start of the dinner. One quote from it was, "hey, can you give pay my car loan this month? no? well, I did give you a ride here tonight so you should split that payment with me." It was something like that...it was absurd and it can get the point across in a funny way. Take a listen if you are interested.

Don't be a pushover. :)

BEth

[TwinFoxes]

It depends. If we all order roughly the same amount we split it. If someone has ordered a more expensive dinner/drinks/etc we pay what we owe (in our circle the couple that ordered more volunteers to pay more, it's never uncomfortable). I can't remember doing separate checks, except for business meals, ever.

[DrSally]

We just suck it up and split the check evenly.

ETA: we are not appetizer/alcohol drinkers

[baymom]

When we go out as couples with friends (which lately has been very rarely) we generally just split by couples and this generally ends up being expensive for us, since we are vegetarian and our entrees are less then the non-veg ones. But, it feels the most comfortable. When I go out with girlfriends, we generally pay for what we ordered and split the tip accordingly.

[geochick]

Separate checks, always...or bring cash to throw in for your portion...

[Melaine]

There was a Friends about his.
I think this is a regional thing, I've never heard of splitting the check evenly in my area. Although, part of that may be that we don't ever go to expensive restaurants. Still, waiters can give you separate checks, there is no way I want to pay for someone else's binge. On other hand, I would be uncomfortable if I was getting a pricier meal for someone else to be paying for it.

[momm]

On other hand, I would be uncomfortable if I was getting a pricier meal for someone else to be paying for it.

You would think, right, that people would be this considerate? But nooooooooooo! I used to go out to dinners from work and I'd stopped drinking while we were TTC. They would order drinks, apps, and never blink an eyelid about splitting the check. *even when we'd decided beforehand to just pay for what you ordered*
grr. sometimes it's tough I know to lay down the law at the end of a dinner when everyone's having fun. Still unfair.

[infomama]

Separate checks.

[wellyes]

I think this is a regional thing, I've never heard of splitting the check evenly in my area. Although, part of that may be that we don't ever go to expensive restaurants. Still, waiters can give you separate checks, there is no way I want to pay for someone else's binge. On other hand, I would be uncomfortable if I was getting a pricier meal for someone else to be paying for it.

The problem with everyone paying their own portion of a shared check is the awkward 10 minutes as each person looks at the bill and does his own version of the math. Then hand over the cash to the designated person. But most people don't carry around the correct change. And inevitably someone pays just for their food and drink, skipping tax and tip, so someone else quietly puts in an extra $10. It's just a PITB and that's why I'm a fan of splitting evenly, if you can't do separate checks.

[Penny's Pappa]

We do separate checks. If there are shared appetizers, couples pick them up as they see fit. Sometimes we pay for one, sometimes we don't. I don't worry either way since I like to think it all evens out in the wash anyway.

[vludmilla]

The problem with everyone paying their own portion of a shared check is the awkward 10 minutes as each person looks at the bill and does his own version of the math. Then hand over the cash to the designated person. But most people don't carry around the correct change. And inevitably someone pays just for their food and drink, skipping tax and tip, so someone else quietly puts in an extra $10. It's just a PITB and that's why I'm a fan of splitting evenly, if you can't do separate checks.

I agree. There are restaurants around here where you can't just get separate checks. It is more work for the waitstaff and not all will do it. I used to get annoyed by the spliiting the check but then I just decided to have a glass of wine and order an appetizer if that is what everyone else is doing. I suppose if I was on a super tight budget this would be a problem but then maybe I would just stay home to save money. The convention around here is to split the check.

[AnnieW625]

I agree. There are restaurants around here where you can't just get separate checks. It is more work for the waitstaff and not all will do it. I used to get annoyed by the spliiting the check but then I just decided to have a glass of wine and order an appetizer if that is what everyone else is doing. I suppose if I was on a super tight budget this would be a problem but then maybe I would just stay home to save money. The convention around here is to split the check.

:yeahthat:It is very regional I guess because it's quite common here just to split the check. I usually don't have a problem with it and sometimes those who order more alcohol always put in extra. There is one restaurant in particular that we've gone to for work stuff and my $10 to $12 entree ends up becoming a $20 entree for lunch which just bothers me to no end, but my solution is that since it's not a required lunch I just don't go when people go there anymore. I always bring my bank or charge card and honestly there have been a few times where I have paid less because everyone else just put in cash like a $20 when the total was only $17; so yeah it's not technically ethical, but when the ring leader says put the remainder on the credit card then that's their fault for not telling the wait staff put $__.__ on the credit card. Just saying;)

[liamsmom]

The problem with everyone paying their own portion of a shared check is the awkward 10 minutes as each person looks at the bill and does his own version of the math. Then hand over the cash to the designated person. But most people don't carry around the correct change. And inevitably someone pays just for their food and drink, skipping tax and tip, so someone else quietly puts in an extra $10. It's just a PITB and that's why I'm a fan of splitting evenly, if you can't do separate checks.

:yeahthat: I have often suspected that splitting the check had more to do with avoiding math than be a free-loading cheapskate. That said, I only tend to split the check when it's one-on-one--often with my BFF. It's far more equal and we've usually been eating the same number of courses, drinks, coffee and dessert.

If we're out and splitting the check with a large group of people, then we round up the total bill to include the tip and then split evenly. (But someone else has suggested that we split things up that way.)

[Green_Tea]

The problem with everyone paying their own portion of a shared check is the awkward 10 minutes as each person looks at the bill and does his own version of the math. Then hand over the cash to the designated person. But most people don't carry around the correct change. And inevitably someone pays just for their food and drink, skipping tax and tip, so someone else quietly puts in an extra $10. It's just a PITB and that's why I'm a fan of splitting evenly, if you can't do separate checks.

I totally agree.

We always split the check evenly, regardless of what everyone ordered. We don't eat out with friends frequently (maybe once a month or every six weeks) and it just doesn't seem like something to split hairs over. I chalk it up to being part of the cost of a night out with friends.

We also sometimes take turns footing the entire bill if we're out with just one other couple (or if I'm out with a friend) - we went out with another couple a few weeks ago, and they treated. We'll return the favor next time.

[L'sMommy]

We've done it both ways - equally split the check and get separate checks for each couple. Depends on how well we know the couples and how often we got out with them. DH and I get drinks but no apps, while other couples get no drinks but they do get apps. No one ever gets dessert. So we feel it evens out most of the time.

ETA: also, if we are out with just one other couple that we know really well and hang out a lot, we take turns picking up the entire bill. It's not uncomfortable at all. That said, DH is extremely generous when it comes to going out with friends so he has NO issue treating friends/family (which we do quite frequently) or chipping in extra if we got more food/drinks than the other couple.

[egoldber]

I hate going out to eat with a group at sit down restaurants because of this. There's really just no way to do it gracefully. We recently had a huge "incident" at work regarding a lunch out and the bill paying process being seen as unfair. It was ugly and has created ill will between 2 co-workers. The difference was over $2 which seems ludicrous, but OTOH, I think the real problem was that the chosen restaurant was seen as too expensive for many of the attendees. But they also never said anything, so the organizer felt put out and on the spot when people started complaining (in the restaurant) about the food prices and then when the bill came and the organizer wanted to split it evenly, some people got really upset.

The problem with appetizers is they generally are ordered "for the table". If it were up to me, I'd never order an appetizer, but many people like them, so I think this is why they generally get spread around. And alcohol can be a big issue, because drinks are expensive and many people avoid them for various reasons.

[ohsara430]

It's really interesting to hear everyone's opinions. We have split the check evenly before when we've gone out with another couple who are great friends but it's also to a fancy pizza place where we buy a big pizza and split it. Makes sense to split the bill evenly.

This just came up because we moved and our new neighbors asked us out to eat. We went with 2 other couples and they ordered appetizers and multiple drinks AND dessert. DH & I didn't order any of it and didn't want any of it. I'm sure they split the bill in thirds because it was easier but it just stings a little when you're paying $30 or more than what you actually ordered. It was nice to get to know the neighbors a little bit better but we probably won't go out to dinner with them again.

[AshleyAnn]

Its pretty standard here that when a waitress sees multiple couples/adults dining together they ask at the begining of the meal if we'd like seperate tickets and keep track of who ordered what right from the start. Splitting it evenly is really uncommon here. I can't imagine trying to split it after the bill comes.

We regularly go for pizza with a few other couples. Typically each couple orders a pizza and shares it with everyone at the table. We still do seperate tickets because a few people don't drink at all and a few others drink very heavily. It just keeps the drama to a minimum.

We frequently go to bars with our friends. Its customary in our group to buy a round of drinks/shots for everyone then someone else pick up the next round. It balances out in the end as if everyone had paid for thier own drinks but it just seems more fun to give/recieve.

[crayonblue]

This is always a sticky situation.

Years ago, I went out to dinner with some of DH's co-workers (long story as to why I was there and DH was not!) and ordered a salad (what I usually order). Most everyone else ordered apps, main course, dessert and multiple drinks. There was one other young couple there (sitting next to me) who also just ordered one dish each. When the bill came and the drinkers decided we should all split the bill evenly, I didn't say anything but I was feeling a little sick. The young couple was not happy either and the husband actually said, "OK, I'm paying your part" and wouldn't let me pay. He thought it was ridiculous that I was going to be stuck with $50 when I got a $10 salad and water!

Anyway, after that, I decided I would never put anyone in that position, to the best of my ability. It just sucks. Especially if the person who ordered the salad and water can't actually afford to split every one else's big dinner/drinks/etc.

[Pinky]

We also sometimes take turns footing the entire bill if we're out with just one other couple (or if I'm out with a friend) - we went out with another couple a few weeks ago, and they treated. We'll return the favor next time.

When my best friend and I eat out we take turns like this paying for the whole check. Sometimes we go to pricier places but it all evens out in the end. Sometimes she pays more and sometimes I do, no big deal.

With that being said, if I'm out with a group we almost always ask for separate checks. I almost always speak my mind in these kind of situations and would never let myself get stuck paying for someone elses pricey meal. :) And the thing that stinks about figuring out what everybody owes is that someone always ends up not paying enough and someone else gets stuck with the extra.

[Fairy]

Haven't read thru, but we just split it equal ways, unless there is alcohol. We just assume we r having a night out, and that means all parts of a meal. We prepare to do that regardless what we eat. Dividing by couple always seems like qibbling over not too much $. If I eat $10 less than u, it'll come out in the wash next time. Now if u get crab legs or lobster, that's like alcohol. But I really dant deal with the pay by meal then split tax and tip stuff. Just split it and be done with it.

[Fairy]

It's really interesting to hear everyone's opinions. We have split the check evenly before when we've gone out with another couple who are great friends but it's also to a fancy pizza place where we buy a big pizza and split it. Makes sense to split the bill evenly.

This just came up because we moved and our new neighbors asked us out to eat. We went with 2 other couples and they ordered appetizers and multiple drinks AND dessert. DH & I didn't order any of it and didn't want any of it. I'm sure they split the bill in thirds because it was easier but it just stings a little when you're paying $30 or more than what you actually ordered. It was nice to get to know the neighbors a little bit better but we probably won't go out to dinner with them again.

I think as soon as things are ordered that u don't want, u have to speak up. Or assume that u r going to partake and get your perceived moneys worth.

[MontrealMum]

I agree with others that this may be regional. Back home in the Midwest it's very common to just split the check or take turns paying if it's someone you eat out with frequently. But here in Montreal even when you're a huge party of 10 or something, they will do separate checks no problem. In fact, it's ususally assumed by waitstaff that they're doing separate checks and sometimes they don't even ask, they just give out the separate bills to each diner at the table.

[niccig]

We normally split the check. We go out with some friends, so 2 couples and we often get 2 appetizers for the table to share, own entree, 1 or 2 bottles of wine or we bring wine and pay the corkage fee. Rarely dessert or we all agree to get 1 or 2 desserts and share. These are all very good friends.

We have another family we go out with and they have 2 kids and we have one. They say they should pay more as one extra kid's meal. Seeing that their kids are our god-daughters a kid's meal is $5-7 around here, we always say no and just split it evenly, it's what an extra $3.50 for us. Even when the kids are adults, I can't see us having them paying more, as their kids are very close to us.

What I need to watch are the family style places like Chinese or Indian or Sushi. DH's eyes are bigger than his stomach and he'll order 2 or 3 things, that then added to everything else is way too much food. I need to remind him next time to hold back on the amount of food, as I don't think everyone wants to pay that much nor wants a doggy bag for later.

If I go out with a group of mum friends, it is either separate checks, or we all work out what we have. One friend will even go through and say "you owed this much" if the bill doesn't work out.

[LexyLou]

We usually just divide by the number of couples and split but if someone comes who doesn't drink the wine or order appetizers/desserts, we'll usually say something like put in $20 less or something.

[klwa]

We generally ask at the beginning that the checks be seperated. If it's the rare occasion where the waitstaff is unable to do that, we split the check by what everyone ordered.

[pomegranate]

I always just ask to take a peek at the check soon after it gets to the table. Then I quickly add up in my head the amount we ordered, add tax and tip and then whip out my cash and say, "Well, here's our share." I found it's also easier if you have exact cash. And you gotta do this before someone says "Let's just split the check." However, if you've been dining out regularly with a group and you've always been splitting the check equally, then it's going to be a little weird the first time you either just pony up your share or ask for a separate bill. Good luck!

[3blackcats]

Depends on who we are out with. If there is not separate cheques then we pay for what we order, tip on what we order unless it has been added b/c of the size of party. We just write the names on the credit cards on the back of the cheque and how much we owe.

[Fairy]

I always just ask to take a peek at the check soon after it gets to the table. Then I quickly add up in my head the amount we ordered, add tax and tip and then whip out my cash and say, "Well, here's our share." I found it's also easier if you have exact cash. And you gotta do this before someone says "Let's just split the check." However, if you've been dining out regularly with a group and you've always been splitting the check equally, then it's going to be a little weird the first time you either just pony up your share or ask for a separate bill. Good luck!

Yes, and this is how people get shorted. Your version of what you owe may be different of what everyone else thinks you owe. Not singling you out specifically, but exemplifying this approach as for me having been a problem. For me, ten or twenty bucks difference when you're regularly hanging with these people is splitting hairs and beign petty, as it will all come out in the wash after multiple meals.

[weech]

We eat out with the same group of neighbors pretty regularly (8-10 of us) and we always just split the check evenly by couple. I'd never even think to say "well, we didn't want any appetizers, so here's our share."

Now if it was people we didn't know well or there was a massive discrepancy in what we ordered (ie someone ordered a $90 steak and most entrees were $25), I'd probably give only my share... but amongst friends, we split evenly.

[arivecchi]

I always split the check. Yes, it's not always fair, but I just cannot fathom arguing with friends/acquaintances over this. I think if someone feels strongly about this, the solution is to ask for a separate check at the beginning of the meal.

[lil_acorn]

we just split by # of families or # of couples.

[ellies mom]

Yes, and this is how people get shorted. Your version of what you owe may be different of what everyone else thinks you owe. Not singling you out specifically, but exemplifying this approach as for me having been a problem. For me, ten or twenty bucks difference when you're regularly hanging with these people is splitting hairs and beign petty, as it will all come out in the wash after multiple meals.

I disagree. If everyone was just ordering food or drinking the same amounts of the same sort of drinks I could see that being the case but when some people are drinking and some people aren't, it is simply going to be unfair to the person not drinking to split the check evenly. I eat out with the same group of women every a month. One woman never orders drinks, ever. Three women always order drinks, usually the very expensive mixed drinks and sometimes more than one. The other three may or may not order a single drink. For the woman, who never orders a drink, it is never going to come out in the wash. She will be shorted every single time. For those of us that occasionally order a single beer, we will usually be short as well. Not to mention the fact that I usually have a strict "I can only spend X amount" period and I'm very careful to make sure my meal comes under that amount. I can't afford to subsidize Mary's two $7 drinks while I'm drinking water with lemon.

[sste]

We always split the check. I must say though that we tend to eat out with friends who are similar to us in ordering . . . and that we probably eat out much less in groups than we would if the practice here was to divide the checks.

DH and I will order 1-2 drinks between us or less and usually one of those is a beer. I don't want to get to the "splitting hairs" point, I agree with that, but on a few occasions we have gone out with friends who order 2-3 ten dollar cocktails EACH and want multiple appetizers and multiple desserts to share. And that does get a little painful . . . so we try to eat out with those friends less frequently or steer those gatherings to cheap places *with* pitchers of alcohol. Pitchers are key in this situation. :)

[ohsara430]

I just wanted to clarify that I'm not mad or bitter at the group we went to dinner with. I'm a little annoyed but nothing I'm real worried about. I've split checks before and also divided it up. It can certainly get complicated to divide it all up by who ate what but I am at a minimum accustomed to the person who orders 3-4 drinks and dessert (for themselves) when no one else has to offer to chip in a bit more to cover those things. It would just never cross my mind to order a $10 dessert for myself and expect the group to pay for it.

Maybe I'm really just irked that the group said the restaurant was great but we thought it was mediocre at best :ROTFLMAO:

[Fairy]

I just want to clarify,myself, my original reply to this thread I excluded drinks. I don't exclude appetizers, and I guess dessert is iffy, but $10 divided by 3 couples who didn't eat it is a big who cares for me. Then again, I would never order a dessert unless others did, too, so ... But, anyway, drinks are always excluded in every situation, each ones pays for their own there.

[elektra]

I usually get one check and then everyone puts in what they think they owe. Often it's just split evenly, like if everyone is drinking.
However, DH and I went out with BIL and SIL last week and they do not drink. I, however, ordered a drink at the bar beforehand as well as a bottle of wine that DH and I split. We offered to pay more than half- it only seemed fair.

[R2sweetboys]

We typically do separate checks or pay for what we ordered plus tip. When we have split the check evenly in the past, I tend to be more concerned that others may be paying too much. I'd rather pay a little more myself I guess. OP, in your situation however, I would also be annoyed. That's a big discrepancy in what you your DH ordered as opposed to everyone else. I honestly can't believe no one said "Hey, you guys didn't order any drinks/apps/dessert so we'll throw in X much more $." That's just rude to me.