im failing my toddler (when it comes to talking)

[eagle]

i need help. i think. well, maybe not. i just need to make more effort.

i dont think i talk enough to my baby. hes 17 months and i know that i dont talk to him.

its just hard for me. he doesnt say a word yet so its difficult for me to just keep blabbering. you know:

"uh-oh! you dropped that! do you need help? you got that?"

that type of thing. i see some other mothers in random places (like the allergy clinic i visit once a week) or at playgrounds and i feel like a total failure.

i think its my lack of talking that might be partially responsible for my baby not speaking a lick (not a single word yet)...

its not the end of the world but i really need to gear up i think.

just venting here.

anyone else find the constant talking hard?

[C99]

I think that is totally normal, especially with first children. I had a really hard time keeping up a monologue with my first child, who is now 8 and talks constantly! He only had a couple of words at 18 months; I think he really started talking around 20-22 months or so. So don't worry quite yet. I found that reading out loud or singing really helped because it came a bit more naturally than talking to a child constantly.

[blue]

anyone else find the constant talking hard?

Yes, absolutely. It has gotten easier with time for me (but It is still not natural for me, if that makes sense). One thing that helped me, was asking DS a question and waiting for a response, just politely smile at him until he did something (smile back, babble, drool, any response even if I had to wait 5 minutes). It helped me feel like I was talking to someone (not just out loud to myself) and I think it helped DS too.

You are not a failure :hug:. All kids learn to talk at different times (something I remind myself too with my DS).. Can you talk to your ped at the 18 month app about your concerns, or maybe make an app with EI (early intervention) if you are concerned?

[citymama]

I find reading to them really, really helps. They're hearing you talk, learning words and concepts, and repetition. It's easier for you as a parent - you're not having to maintain a constant patter of conversation.

DH was incredible in talking non-stop to DD1. I really couldn't sustain it. Then she started to speak, and then speak in sentences, and it was so rewarding to speak to her and have her talk back - I was hooked. Now I can't get in a word edgewise. I find that with DD2, we're both more exhausted and find it harder to keep chattering to her. Fortunately, her big sister talks to her a lot, and again, now that she is starting to speak, it is more interesting to talk to her and actually think she might repeat what you say. Stick with it - you have the right instinct (i.e. that it is important), and reading might be a good bridge until your toddler starts conversing more with you.

[amldaley]

ITA that reading helps, ALOT.

Instead of saying, "You dropped that." Try "Did you drop your spoon?" "Do you need help?" could become "Do you need Mommy to help you with that puzzle?"
Using the words for the objects help them learn the object as well as makes it more interesting for you.

We also sing, ALOT. We probably sing more than we read! This is a great CD set (only a few mildly annoying songs!) http://www.amazon.com/100-Toddler-Favorites-CD-Set/dp/B0007OP1BM/ref=sr_1_1?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1303121306&sr=1-1

At 17 months, DD busted out one day at daycare and sang Twinkle Twinkle start to finish and at 19 months or so, she was singing "Bringing Home a Bumble Bee". She sings CONSTANTLY now.

Try talking about what you are doing as you are doing it. Like a running narrative. "Mommy is washing the dishes. We have to wash the dishes to make them clean after we eat from them. We use soap and water to wash them and then I dry them with a towel. See? And then the plates go in this cupboard over here!"
It can feel excessive at times, but really does help them learn both the patterns of speech as well as expands their vocabulary.

That all said, some kids just learn later. I only had a handful of words until the summer I turned 3. I just grunted and pointed at stuff. I learned to read at 3 and my parents forced me to read out loud to get me to talk. And now no one can shut me up.

If you are really concerned, have you looked in to having an assessment done? Talk to your Dr about an early intervention assessment. Most states have public services that do them for free.

[amldaley]

I just thought of something else, too...

One of the things I found maddening at that age was that DD would master a word and I would be so proud! She would use it for a couple of weeks and them seemingly forget it. So she only had a handful of words at a time.

I guess that is the way their little brains work. They master a task and then download it in to their long term memory but they move on to master something else. They are working so hard on the next thing, that whatever they just mastered gets pushed to the abck until they need it later on.

[maestramommy]

I get you, Dora was a silent kid in the beginning. What I did was read to her because she loved books. That was the bulk of our conversation. We spent most of our day reading. I didn't know how to engage her in play and I didn't know how to do the kind of talking that comes naturally to many people. During her first session with her speech therapist, Dh and I were listening in, and said, "no wonder she doesn't talk. We are such dullards." The SLP was very cheery, playful, dynamic. We are NOT:p

Dora did eventually talk though, and when she did, her words were clear as anything.

[o_mom]

I found it hard as well. However, most kids will develop language just fine even without the constant stream of conversation. Any delay is not from being too quiet or anything else you did.

I would say with no words at all at 17 mos, you should contact early intervention to get an evaluation. You may find he has a language explosion soon, but if not, you will be on the way to getting him help.

[Mommy_Mea]

I found it hard as well, and felt so guilty when DS wasn't really talking at 18 months... 19 months... 20 months... But now you can't shut him up, and it is like a train gathering steam. The more words he develops, the more I talk with him, and it is a great cycle!

But even before that, I would try and get out and about, and have playdates. I found I interacted with him more when we were just staring at each other at home (I work very part time), and it was easier and more natural. I did read a lot of books at home, and DS is now totally obsessed with books.

[Veronica's Mommy]

OMG, I know how you feel.
My first child, when she was born, I talked to her so much. Frankly, I had to. I didn't work outside the home and was feeling very isolated, and I would have gone insane without anyone to talk to. Of course, she grew into a huge talker (honestly, she can hold a conversation better than a lot of adults I know) and talks non-stop. When DS was born, all I wanted was peace and quiet! So yeah, I know how you feel. :) I have to remind myself constantly.

[maestramommy]

Just wanted to add as reassurance that a lot of times kids do what they do no matter what YOU do. Arwyn started talking sooner, but still not enough so she still needed EI services and next fall she will be starting her 2nd year on an IEP because her intelligibility is so low.

Laurel was lucky to get fed, changed and held. If I said anything to her in the first year, it was, "Oh baby! Why are you crying? What's wrong?" :tongue5: Dora and Arwyn were finally talking more, but not to her so much. And where is she now? She's the model that finally talks on time and has picked up phrases by osmosis. Like, "I do it!", "here it is!", "Hi dog!". I know it's really her, because her personality is just DIFFERENT from the other two.

I did everything I could with all my kids, but in the end I am who I am, and talking to babies and toddlers in the way SLPs and preschool teachers suggest is not my strength. I'm used to older kids, and using one-two word sentences with that high enthusiastic voice is a real challenge.

I'm sure you are doing fine, and if your DC is a little late, or delayed, it's not your fault. :hug5:

[Smillow]

anyone else find the constant talking hard?

Oh yes! I fretted about this endlessly. DS didn't STTN until almost 2 & I was just so tired! I would get all tongue tied trying to think of something good to say and then I would get all self conscious and put way too much pressure on myself.

He is now 26 months and talks pretty well. I did start signing with him using Signing Time videos (started @ 15 months) and I think that has helped build his vocabulary.

Hang in there!

[Katigre]

If you are not by nature a 'talker' then it can be hard to keep up the running stream of narration that helps children acquire language skills. I agree with pp about reading aloud and singing - you can get cd's of kids songs and sing along with your toddler which is fun. Also, getting out with a friend and her child(ren) can help with the talking and interaction too. I found I interacted with my kids a lot more when we ran errands together b/c they were facing me in the cart at the store.

[nmosur]

The Speech School here has a "How to talk to a toddler" or "Mommy Talk" program. It is a four week program for the toddler and the mom/dad. Look into something like that. Sometimes I find that I have to be taught to do the simplest thing so I understand.

[mackmama]

I completely empathize with you. I am finding it very difficult to talk so much. I am a fairly quiet person, so I'm really trying to push myself to be more vocal. It's hard - especially when you're not getting anything back. I'm actually relieved to read this thread and know that others struggle with it, too.

[daisyd]

This is exactly me with DS. I felt so guilty when I saw other mom's who seemed more proficient at this. DS also had recurrent ear infections which affected his hearing so that didn't help either. Thankfully after EI we're in a better place now.

[hellokitty]

Well, my experience might make you feel better. I was a lot like you with DS1. I don't think I talked to him often enough. We read a lot to him, but I wasn't constantly jabbering on to him. He was what I would consider a child with borderline speech delay. He understood what I was saying, but it took forever for him to really talk and even when he started talking, *I* could understand him, but most ppl couldn't. DS2 (18 mo younger) was an EARLY talker and at the age of 5 is very good with manipulating his words. I didn't do ANYTHING special for him, he maybe caught on more with the household conversation. With DS3 I jabber to him all.day.long. His understanding is amazing, since an early age he's been able to follow my directions and he is like that with other ppl too and they are surprised at how well he can understand when ppl talk to him. HOWEVER, he barely talks. He's 21 months old and he says only a few words, and the words he does say are difficult to understand. He's had a completely opposite experience than DS1 in terms of exposure to language, but he's basically going down the same path as DS1 with his language skills. I am thinking that in the next few months he will probably have an explosion of word usage. If it weren't for my exp with DS1, I'd be worried, but having seen how long it took DS1 to talk, and now he doesn't shut up, DH and I aren't worried.

[mikala]

I understand and still feel awkward as I walk through Target narrating everything I see. I used to continue talking in the car and now often just turn on NPR ;) We both need a break after awhile.

Have you tried baby sign language at all? It's incredibly useful for pre-verbal kiddos and will help you both communicate. I found it became a lot easier to continue the dialogue with DS when he started signing back. He would sign "bird", "ball" or "car" and then I'd start talking about whatever was holding his interest. When he started saying words he often signed and said the word at the same time so it was a lot easier to understand him than mangled words alone.

The Baby Signing Times DVDs are awesome at teaching both you and your toddler signs simultaneously so you can reinforce them afterwards.

That said I'd also talk with your pediatrician to rule out any physical factors like hearing problems and to see if he's a good candidate for an early childhood eval since he seems to be a slow starter verbally.

Does he seem to hear you and respond when you talk? Can he follow simple commands like "bring me the ball"?

[doberbrat]

Another plug for reading to babies. And, IMO, it doesnt have to be "baby" books. Reading from a magazine, cookbook, novel, whatever counts to me. Kids will be more "interested" in kids books, so do throw a few in, but when they're non verbal, anything helps.

Also, if you struggle w/talking to him, try a few playdates w/another chatty mom.

We're also big believers in sign language. DH was lamenting today that Taggie, Daddy, That, Thank You all sound exactly alike alike. To listen to her, you'd think she's just babbling and get frustrated but since she signs, we know what she's saying and its easier to engage more with her.

[eagle]

wow! thank you all! i feel a lot better!

i really do... i have a lot of good ideas to follow up on here.

singing (i do have cds but gosh why havent i started playing them or learning the songs?), reading more (not nearly enough around here) and signing.

at our 18 month i will bring up a possible evaluation. or maybe ill actually just insist on it.

its true, im just NOT chatty by nature but ill make a bit of effort with my son...

thank you all for reassurances and ideas...

[eh613c]

It's hard at first because you feel ridiculous talking to yourself. But it gets easier after a while. How I started was just narrating everything what I was doing. For example, "Ok, mommy is now getting your solid food. We have squash, carrots, apples, and sweet potato? Which one do you want? What? You want sweet potato? That's sounds yummy."