When did you talk to your DD about the menstrual cycle?

[marit]

DD is 8. She accidentally saw me put in a tampon yesterday (I wasn't aware she was there, and looking...). She asked why am I putting a "candle" in my vagina... I told her I'll explain later. I know, bad answer.

I haven't had that talk yet, because I think the idea of "bleeding" from your vagina is going to freak her out, big time.

So, at what age do you explain it and what exactly do you say?

Thanks!!!

[momof2girls]

My DD is also 8 and has seen tampons at the store. I have told her it is something for grown ups. If she asks any more I think I will explain it a bit more ot her without too much detail like how it is a monthly thing that all women get and how it is natural. I don't plan on getting into te sex part.

[infomama]

Now. My best friend from high school got her period when she was nine (ugh). I got mine at 11.

[Pennylane]

Same thing happened with my 9 year old. She walked in the bathroom while I was putting in a tampon. So we sat down and talked about it. I didn't get too specific, she wasn't all that interested to be honest. But I know all the questions will be coming soon.

Anyone have any good book suggestions on dealing with these type of questions??

Ann

[soon2b4]

I got that kind of question from DD1 at about 3.
I explained that a woman's body gets ready for a baby to grow every month. If a baby is not going to grow, then the extra part that is there for it comes out so it can start over fresh. She has been pretty satisfied with that, so far, but I know I will need to expand on it later. Since your DD is older, you may need to go into more...
We have a speaker in this area - Mary Flo Ridley - who advocates for naming everything correctly and explaining things in an age appropriate manner directly. Her point is that you want the information to come from you, in the manner you want them to hear it. And, that you want to be their first choice of sources when they have questions.

Made sense to me...
Good Luck!

ETA: Now that we are pregnant - she had some very direct questions about how DD2 "got in there." She wanted to know how Daddy's seed parts got through my belly button so they could mix with Mommy's egg. So, we needed to talk about how things fit together. I am sure I was really red explaining, but I was glad my voice stayed calm and that I was somewhat prepared.

[infomama]

Not sure if you need a book....the great and powerful interweb has lots of tips/pics. I'm on my phone so I can't link.

[jren]

DD is 7 and I've answered any questions she's had. She has the book by AG, All About You, which we sat down together with and went through the sections she wanted to know more about. She asks questions regularly. She already has some signs, and had been seeing an endocrinologist, so I felt we needed to be a little more proactive in explaining what was going on. She'll likely go through puberty a few years earlier than her peers.

[Clarity]

DD is 8. She accidentally saw me put in a tampon yesterday (I wasn't aware she was there, and looking...). She asked why am I putting a "candle" in my vagina... I told her I'll explain later. I know, bad answer.

I haven't had that talk yet, because I think the idea of "bleeding" from your vagina is going to freak her out, big time.

So, at what age do you explain it and what exactly do you say?

Thanks!!!


She's 4 and she knows that women have a menstrual cycle and that it helps keep our insides "clean" so that women can make babies. That's enough for now. :)

[cuca_]

Just a couple of days ago DD2 (age 5) came out of my bathroom with a wrapped tampon and asked what it was. It totally caught me off guard. I explained in very general terms. Basically I told her that female teenagers and grownups have a cycle every month and they use tampons during part of the cycle. She must have been expecting something more exciting because she totally lost interest and that is as far as I got. This thread is reminding me that I need to be better prepared when the questions come up again!

[StantonHyde]

Try the Planned Parenthood website--they have lots of age appropriate videos and media references. They have a great one called Growing Up Comes first but it just goes through the basic maturation changes--so too advanced for what your daughter wants without being specific enough to periods!!! But it will have good book references.

I think the basics of the uterus gets ready for a baby and if there isn''t a baby, it has to clean out that bed and make a new one. If blood freaks her out, let her know that most of it isn't really blood. And that it only lasts a couple of days and it doesn't hurt like when you get a cut.

[BeachBum]

LOL I have a son who is five. He saw tampons in my the bathroom, which sparked some questions. He has younger brothers, so he already knew that babies grew in my uterus, and I had extra blood that went through the ambilical cord...I just told him something along the lines of since I wasn't pregnant, I didn't need the extra blood so it came out.
He seemed satisfied and totally ok with that explanation.
I would just rather my kids get the "science" explanation little by little so it isn't shocking. I remember being freaked out by the "now -you- are -old -enough- for -the- big -reveal" technique and hope to find something different for my kids.

[megs4413]

Like you, DD found me in th bathroom. I think she was 4. I told her it was a woman's body getting ready for a baby. If you weren't going to a have a baby, it cleaned itself out once a month. I explained to her that one day her body would start the same process.

It went over very well. She is looking forward to one day having her period, which I sort of chuckle at, but it's better than being deathly afraid of it like I was as a kid.

[MamaMolly]

My mom only spoke of a menstrual cycle in euphamisims. And tampons were for 'ladies who'd had babies only'. Ignorant, much? Poor puritanical mom.

Contrast that with the time when I was a teenager I babysat a 4 year old girl, and one day I wanted to close the bathroom door to keep her out. When she asked why I told her I needed privacy, and she said 'oh, do you need to change your pad?' :eek:

So I guess that planted the seed for me to be very open in front of my girls. I am pretty blase about changing my pad in front of them, and talk about why it is necessary. I don't use tampons regularly except when going swimming (thanks mom!) so that particular issue hasn't come up. But it is very important to me that my girls are informed about this, and don't freak out.

[Globetrotter]

I firmly believe in using these teachable moments, dispensing a little information at a time :) When my kids saw my "diapers", I casually told them about periods. DS was probably around 5 or 6 at the time (but he has always been wise beyond his years, so not the typical five year old) and dd was around 8.

All I said is that mommys get a little bleeding every month, but it's normal, it doesn't hurt (well, technically, the bleeding part doesn't hurt :) no point getting into the nasty stuff!) and it's a good thing because it helps us have a baby when we are ready for that. I don't remember the exact word, but that was the gist of it, and I left it at that. I add on details from time to time, when I think the time is right. I didn't know what my period was when I got it, and I was determined that my kids would grow thinking it's just a normal part of life and not something to fear or dread.

YMMV, but that worked for us!

ETA: And yes, I did also tell ds as he was there when my "diapers" were discovered, but even otherwise I would have eventually told him also about periods, just as a part of human physiology!

[wendmatt]

DD is 8.5 and I've told her about periods. Apparently the average age is between 9-11 to get your period now, so I didn't want her to start bleeding one day and be terrified something was wrong. I dont have a period any more so I couldn't show her my pads or anything. I bought her the book "The care and Keeping of you". It's an American Girl book and talks about everything growing up (recommended on here of course!).
Unfortunately, there is a pic of how to insert a tampon and it freaked her out a bit! Gosh, it's so hard to know how much to tell and how much to keep them innocent. She seems so young but lots of girls in 3rd grade get their period and at least half of 4th grade already have it (according to a teacher friend) and I want her to be somewhat ready.
She's in 2nd right now.

[Cuckoomamma]

I agree with MamaMolly. I have two girls, 9.5 and 5.5. I've always talked about menstrual cycles and babies with them. DD1 learned about it when I got pregnant w/dd2 when she was 3. We've also had lots of miscarriages which I've lost here at home.

I remember when dd1 was 2.5 I m/c here and MIL came over to play with her at one point. dd saw a drop of blood on the floor and asked what it was. MIL told her it was ketchup. I saw in dd's eyes that she knew it wasn't ketchup and this was one of those moments I'd blow if I didn't talk with her. Just explained again about the menstrual cycle and how this baby no longer needed the nourishment from the blood. I always referrred to it as changing the sheets for the next baby, that we'd want a nice clean bed for the next baby. If there's no baby that month, we just remake the bed for the next possible baby.

I've always been very open about discussing how babies are made and neither of them has asked exactly how the sperm and the egg get together. I did buy them each one of those "It's not the stork" books - It's so amazing or something. There's one for younger and older kids, so I'm sure they know.

I think things are only scary when there are secrets about them or you've never been exposed to them.

She'll get the information from someone, and wouldn't you rather it be from you first?

[elektra]

I haven't been able to avoid it, so DD already knows about tampons and periods in a general way. She is always barging in on me in the bathroom and we often share a bathroom stall in public, so I felt like there were times where there was no getting around it.
I think I just said that ladies have to use tampons once a month and that she would learn more about it when she got older. Luckily she didn't seem to freak out or anything.

[Globetrotter]

This reminds me.. the other day ds was outside a public bathroom stall while I was changing my pad and he loudly asked me, "Mommy, are you changing your diaper?" :rotflmao:

[ladysoapmaker]

DD#1 and I had a brief discussion a few months ago because she was freaking out that I was bleeding. (I love my drama queen). DH had to calm her down then she and I talked about it.

I'm sure we'll have more conversations down the road.

Jen

[mom2binsd]

My DD is almost 8, she recently started to develop breast buds (I thought it was a cyst...duh) and this led to discussions about changing bodies etc.

ON the advice of ladies here I ordered the Care and Keeping of You, a book by American girl with all types of healthcare/grooming information put forth in a very appropriate manner.

DD loved the book and of course looked ahead and wanted to know all about "THE PERIOD", so she is well versed and surprisingly not freaked out. She even asked what I use, and I am a DIVA cup user I explained about it, but that she wouldn't be getting a DIVA cup.....

[maestramommy]

Well, the girls always come in while I'm using the bathroom, so they've already seen me changing pads and tampons for a year now, at least. Dora was the first to ask what it was. I said it was blood, and of course she wanted to know why I was bleeding. So I said I was having my period. So now that's what she and Arwyn know. They haven't asked any further, so I haven't volunteered, but every month when she sees it she says, "are you having your period?" :tongue5:

She knows it doesn't hurt, and that it's not an owie.

[Katigre]

My own growing up experience was that periods were not something new I had to be told, it was something I knew about as a normal part of being a woman from an early age. In our own family, toddlerhood (for both DS and DD) is when they learned about monthly bleeding. Both kids know that girls start having blood when they're older (I say about 13 when DD asks when she will have it). Both kids know what my pads and diva cup are (DD is allowed to watch me put it in since she's young, DS is not). They view my period each month as a normal part of life that is somewhat interesting and not at all scary (I made sure to mention that it doesn't hurt, it's just mommy's body saying that there isn't a baby to need that extra blood to grow strong, so my body gets rid of it. I talked a bit about how there is an egg involved that makes a baby.

It's not taboo, it's not been awkward, and i'm glad that it's been covered as 'normal part of life' now when they're young enough not to know any differently b/c I imagine I would feel much different about this when they're at a feeling awkward about bodies stage of development.

[Note: They do not know about sex]