Strange question...just curious

[BabbyO]

So I just posted in the "Who's expecting" post and realized something. I said I'm due with #2 in Sept...which is true...sort of....

Anyway, I had a baby when I was 18 and gave him up for adoption (to a family member who couldn't have children after 3 or 4 miscarriages). Anyway, I am in touch with him (mostly for birthdays, Christmas, and Mother's Day) but he lives out of state and we only see each other 1/year at most. I've been his "other mom" since he was about 5 yo but his PARENTS are and always have been his adoptive parents.

DS (to my DH and I) was born in 2009.

We are expecting another in Sept. 2011.

If you were in my shoes, would you say this is #2 or #3? I'm conflicted....I guess I usually say #2, but then sometimes I feel guilty like I'm not acknowledging my first born.

[sste]

I think you need to give yourself permission to be compassionate to yourself. If saying three is going to open up a line of questions that is painful or uncomfortable to you, then say "two." The number you use in conversation won't have any bearing on the way things are in your heart.

[Snow mom]

I agree with sste. You should do whatever is comfortable for you acknowledging that strangers often ask questions that they really shouldn't. If saying #3 is going to open up a line of questions that you don't want to answer or just don't feel like answering in the moment (does the person at the supermarket really need to know everything?) then say #2. If you feel like sharing your story then say #3. It's fine to have different answers for different people.

[AnnieW625]

:yeahthat:

My DD2 is always going to be my third pregnancy, but I have never called her DC3 (we didn't know the sex of pregnancy #2) IRL esp. with people whom I didn't know or have any strong connection to me when I was pregnant with baby #2 I don't discuss that baby at all; it's just easier for me that way. I just don't want all of the questions or people feeling sorry for me and such. If I were in your shoes I might be a little more open about it but again I would definitely pick and chose who I told.

[BabbyO]

I think you need to give yourself permission to be compassionate to yourself. If saying three is going to open up a line of questions that is painful or uncomfortable to you, then say "two." The number you use in conversation won't have any bearing on the way things are in your heart.

Thanks...I'm pretty open about the situation, and rarely experience discomfort in talking about it. If anything it's more a time thing. My first born is 16...and I see him but once a year....so he's just a bit farther from my day to day thoughts than the second.

I'm probably a bit more aware of it right now because (a) hormones do funny things to me (b) my first born and his mom were in town and visited last month.

If anything, I find it harder when talking to people who do know the situation (family and close friends). Are they going to think I'm being insensitive if I exclude my first born when referring to the # of kids I have?

I'm not stressing out over this...just curious what an outsiders perspective is?

[Gena]

As an adult adoptee I will say that I always appreciate it when my birthmother remembers me. My adoptive parents are my Mom and Dad, but the fact of the matter is that my life history does not start with them.

But I also agree with this:


I think you need to give yourself permission to be compassionate to yourself. If saying three is going to open up a line of questions that is painful or uncomfortable to you, then say "two." The number you use in conversation won't have any bearing on the way things are in your heart.