I hate Mother's Day

[DebbieJ]

I hate being forced to celebrate a woman who has brought more pain than joy to my life.

I hate being let down once again when I find that my DH has done very little to celebrate me or to help our two sons celebrate me. We don't have any money to spend on gifts this month and I'm sure he won't be creative enough to have them make something.

I hate that the one mother figure that I want to celebrate with doesn't love me back the way I love her and that our "obligations" to our own respective families make sharing the day together impossible. She has her own kids, and I get that, but I would really rather be part of her family than my own biological family. Being on the fringes really hurts sometimes. Today is one of those days.

I'm really not looking forward to this weekend. Ugh!

(I guess I'm all worked up after picking out Mother's Day cards this morning. Very hard to pick a card for people you don't care about.)

[crl]

I am so sorry. I bet your boys would like to make you a sweet card.

Catherine

[elektra]

So sorry. Different holidays can really bring up all kinds of emotions. Mother's Day isn't exactly pleasant for me either. :(
I bought myself Tina Fey's "Bossypants" book and told DH he could give it to me. I am actually not disappointed this year since I know I am getting something I will like! ;)

[arivecchi]

Debbie, I am so sorry to hear that. :hug:

Can you just ask DH to take care of the kids and plan some fun outings by yourself or with friends?

[sste]

Debbie, holidays can be hard. :(

Personally, I have become very tight with the florist in my mother's town. Sixty bucks each year, florist writes a simple note, and it is done! We have some geographic distance but no way would I spend mother's day with her. That is a very special holiday to me with my own little family.

As for your DH, can you tell him outright that you want a special, lovely family day not a gift? I told my DH this year that I don't want a gift, I am starting to feel trapped by all our family's "stuff," but that I would love an outing. I think he is planning a picnic at an arboreteum nearby but all will be revealed! Anyway, maybe your DH feels like if he can't afford a killer gift he should just try to gloss over it. I would inform him otherwise asap, OP!!

[marie]

I loathe card shopping for my mother. Every card I read I thought "really?! there is someone who can send this with all sincerity?" ugh. The whole time I'm thinking "if I don't send her a card - and it can't be a funny card, must be an 'appropriate' card according to her - she would be totally bent out of shape in a passive aggressive way. unconditional love my foot". do i sound bitter? yes, yes I do.

you are not alone.

[hellokitty]

Deb, I'm sorry that it's like that. I can relate to the part about celebrating ppl who have brought more pain than joy. I hope your DH will try to do something special. My DH always buys me something, when I would rather he just give me a day, "off." So. even if $ is tight, I hope you can get some time to yourself.

[liz]

Sorry this holiday is stressful for you :hug:

I agree with PP. Figure out something that you want (time to yourself, something new for yourself, day out with your family) and tell DH.
Take charge and hopefully the day will be better for you.

[Carrots]

:hug::hug:

[DebbieJ]

Sorry this holiday is stressful for you :hug:

I agree with PP. Figure out something that you want (time to yourself, something new for yourself, day out with your family) and tell DH.
Take charge and hopefully the day will be better for you.

I take charge ALL.THE.TIME. Would be nice for someone to take care of me for once.

Maybe I'll just set my expectations low and I'll be pleasantly surprised.

[KpbS]

Thinking of you :grouphug:

Maybe get your DC to "remind" DH about this Sunday and something special for Mom?

[vludmilla]

I'm sorry. I do understand not feeling the MD love with your own mother. I hope your DH pulls it together for you.

[Momof3Labs]

:hug5::hug5:

Looks like this year, I'm getting served with divorce papers for Mother's Day. Only because I'm still waiting to meet with my new attorney next week, or it would already be done (by me).

That is more than I got last year. All I asked for last year was to sleep in that morning, but it didn't happen for months.

[LBW]

:hug::hug::hug::hug: to all of us with lame husbands/partners.

I've given up hoping for good holidays/birthdays/anniversaries. I've been doing things for myself instead. Yes, it's not the same, but it's better than HOPING this will be the year...and always being disappointed.

For Mother's Day this year I bought myself a Bernina sewing machine off craigslist (huge deal!), am taking myself out to the semiannual VNA rummage sale, and am picking up my foster puppy on Saturday! Yes, I'd prefer a husband who cares and puts in the effort, but I don't have that, so I do what I can.

Lori - will be thinking of you.

[DebbieJ]

:hug5::hug5:

Looks like this year, I'm getting served with divorce papers for Mother's Day. Only because I'm still waiting to meet with my new attorney next week, or it would already be done (by me).

That is more than I got last year. All I asked for last year was to sleep in that morning, but it didn't happen for months.

Thought you had an appointment? Did you get my email? Been thinking of you lots. :hug: :hug: :hug:

I ask to sleep in every Saturday and he does let me, but then wakes me up in a panic because he needs something or B needs to be somewhere. Like last Saturday and the stupid baseball opening day parade. But most of the time it's not worth the hassle because I wake up and have to clean up the mess they've been making all morning.

[liz]

I take charge ALL.THE.TIME. Would be nice for someone to take care of me for once.

Maybe I'll just set my expectations low and I'll be pleasantly surprised.

oh. sorry if my post offended you. I intended for the post to be supportive.

To clarify, I didn't mean you should plan your own mother's day. I just meant picking something that would make you happy and asking for something specific, and then let him do the legwork to make it happen. Sometimes if I don't spell it out for DH, he will happily do nothing.

[mommylamb]

I'm so sorry. It kind of stinks that Hallmark can do this to folks.

[Momof3Labs]

Thought you had an appointment? Did you get my email? Been thinking of you lots. :hug: :hug: :hug:

I ask to sleep in every Saturday and he does let me, but then wakes me up in a panic because he needs something or B needs to be somewhere. Like last Saturday and the stupid baseball opening day parade. But most of the time it's not worth the hassle because I wake up and have to clean up the mess they've been making all morning.

Had to change it due to some work travel this week. Yesterday was pretty bad but today is better.

I hear you on this issue, I really do.

[kedss]

hugs! I'm not a big fan either-

[MoJo]

Debbie, I hope it goes better than you expect. I KNOW you're tired of taking charge, but I wonder about either directly telling your husband that you'd like the boys (I assume mostly the oldest) to make you something OR asking your oldest to make something. I know by the time I was 6 or 8, I enjoyed figuring out what I wanted to make for people.

Have you reminded him this weekend is Mother's Day, and does he know you'd like to celebrate? Mine is terrible about dates (he actually apologized for missing M day two weeks ago, because he saw eBay's "I love Mom" logo and thought he missed it) and needs the reminder.

I accidentally solved this for myself this year. I took my daughters with me to get a card for my mom. My almost three year old picked out a card she liked for my mom . . . and then pointed out another card she liked for herself. I asked if she wanted to get it for me, and she did. Then, we were looking at jewelry. . . . and she volunteered that she wanted to get a necklace for me. It was a $5 cheap necklace, but I bought it and it means the world to me. It's not what I want for Mother's Day (I personally LOVE the surprise aspect), but it's SO much better than what I would have gotten otherwise. And I figure part of it is teaching my children how to do things my husband won't or can't.

And I think you should plan something with your friend for the near future to look forward to.

:hug: for you and Lori.

[fortato]

I'm sorry Debbie- Mother's day is a bull**** holiday anyway. The only ones who really do anything for it is US. If it truly was a day for Mothers, we'd get what we deserved with out having to remind people. Like free shipping, and a free coffee, and ear plugs, we should get earplugs.

Hugs.

[niccig]

Can the kids get in on on this? I know it's not the same as DH doing it, but the kids can make it happen.

I know my father was clueless - gave my mother a forklift for Christmas to move heavy items in their business as she had just had hernia surgery. Such a romantic man. As we got older, we would tell Dad to take us shopping for mum - initially she got things that we wanted eg. ice cream maker, milkshake maker, ice cone maker - you get the picture...but as we got older, we got better too. Now if mum gets a nice, thoughtful gift from Dad, she asks him which one of use helped out.

[DebbieJ]

I'm sorry Debbie- Mother's day is a bull**** holiday anyway. The only ones who really do anything for it is US. If it truly was a day for Mothers, we'd get what we deserved with out having to remind people. Like free shipping, and a free coffee, and ear plugs, we should get earplugs.

Hugs.

Preach it, sista!!!!

Tonight I'm going to get a free Chick-Fil-A sandwich and go pay my therapist to listen to me, so at least there is something good going on.

[DebbieJ]

I hear you on this issue, I really do.

Oh, I know you do.

Maybe after we're done with the family obligations on Sunday we should finish the day with margaritas????

[DebbieJ]

oh. sorry if my post offended you. I intended for the post to be supportive.

To clarify, I didn't mean you should plan your own mother's day. I just meant picking something that would make you happy and asking for something specific, and then let him do the legwork to make it happen. Sometimes if I don't spell it out for DH, he will happily do nothing.

No offense taken. No worries.

[sste]

Debbie, I think you are experiencing "mother loss" - - this is somewhat of a day of bereavement for you. Your own mother is arguably worse than dead to you and the other woman you mentioned sounds like a wonderful relationship in many ways but a painful one too.

Maybe you can start this year with something small as a "tradition" with your own family. Like maybe your kids can each give you an "OJ toast" at breakfast and say something they love about you or appreciate. If your DH is planning-impaired, then building in a very easy but lovely tradition helps him to be successful. You can also build on it year to year - - next year set up your oj toast PLUS something else you think they can handle.

And, of course treat yourself! I was considering my post in the what do you want for mother's day thread and how what I wanted was some of our wedding and family photos framed . . . well that niggling thought somehow resulted in my driving to a very upscale, artsy frame place and spending, well quite a sum, on some custom framing of a few favorite blow-ups. :) I had to text my DH that I, uh, really, really meant it when I told him not to buy me anything. Anyway, I think some splurge is in order for you!

[Momof3Labs]

Oh, I know you do.

Maybe after we're done with the family obligations on Sunday we should finish the day with margaritas????

I wish. I'm on my own with the kids that day, so not going anywhere that evening!

[DebbieJ]

I wish. I'm on my own with the kids that day, so not going anywhere that evening!

Ooh, then I might just be forced to bring you some! :54:

:bouncy: <----- how did I miss this smiley before? I love it!

[DebbieJ]

I sent DH a link to that cute tote bag idea that was posted and handed him a coupon to Michael's. I hope that was enough. I will be working Saturday night so maybe they'll do a little shopping and crafting.

My birthday is also coming up, so DH was asking about that too since the gift budget is limited at the moment. My birthday falls on Memorial Day this year so he will be home that day. I told him we should pack a lunch and all go to the zoo together since we very rarely do anything together all four of us. We have a zoo membership so the cost will be $0. PERFECT! Now I hope he follows through.

[liz]

I sent DH a link to that cute tote bag idea that was posted and handed him a coupon to Michael's. I hope that was enough. I will be working Saturday night so maybe they'll do a little shopping and crafting.

My birthday is also coming up, so DH was asking about that too since the gift budget is limited at the moment. My birthday falls on Memorial Day this year so he will be home that day. I told him we should pack a lunch and all go to the zoo together since we very rarely do anything together all four of us. We have a zoo membership so the cost will be $0. PERFECT! Now I hope he follows through.

Good for you! Keep us updated and let us know how it went.

[DebbieJ]

Good for you! Keep us updated and let us know how it went.

This morning, DH mentioned skipping church, sleeping in tomorrow, and then taking the day to study for his upcoming exam. Ugh. He is totally clueless and either has no idea or keeps forgetting that tomorrow is Mother's Day.

Low expectations. Low expectations. Low expectations. (keep repeating....)

[kedss]

phooey on him :(

[artvandalay]

This morning, DH mentioned skipping church, sleeping in tomorrow, and then taking the day to study for his upcoming exam. Ugh. He is totally clueless and either has no idea or keeps forgetting that tomorrow is Mother's Day.

Low expectations. Low expectations. Low expectations. (keep repeating....)

Maybe he is just saying that to throw you off? I"m really sorry. I hope your day tomorrow is a good one. How could he possibly forget tomorrow is MD? It's all over the place. I hope he comes through for you.

[hellokitty]

This morning, DH mentioned skipping church, sleeping in tomorrow, and then taking the day to study for his upcoming exam. Ugh. He is totally clueless and either has no idea or keeps forgetting that tomorrow is Mother's Day.

Low expectations. Low expectations. Low expectations. (keep repeating....)

I would just put my foot down if I were you and tell him that you need time off for MD and he can study in the evening after the kids go to bed.

[artvandalay]

I would just put my foot down if I were you and tell him that you need time off for MD and he can study in the evening after the kids go to bed.

Good idea. If he flakes tomorrow, then you get the day off. Just leave... go anywhere... bookstore, pedicure, exercise, etc. It's one day. He can deal with the kids.

[liz]

I would just put my foot down if I were you and tell him that you need time off for MD and he can study in the evening after the kids go to bed.

:yeahthat: ITA!

[larig]

Definitely take the day off!!

[ThreeofUs]

Deb, I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. :hug: Hope you have a good day!