Babysitter issues

[rachelh]

So DD who is almost 5 tells me a couple of days ago that the reason they couldn't go to the park was because "there was dog sh!t everywhere." When I told her we don't say that word and asked her where she heard it, she just kept saying "no where." When I asked her if she heard it from sitter, she said yes. I know she did not hear it in school or from me/DH. Needless to say, I am not happy.

I have had issues with other things she said in the past. Just a couple of examples that really bothered me. 1) She called people fat on a few occasions in front of DD. Once we were talking about one of DD teachers and she said, "the fat one?" 2) DD has a friend that stutters. DD used to always say "A has a speech problem." She would say this out of no where - it really bothered me and I told DD that. Her response was that babyistter says it all the time.

So, I am a very non confrontational type person and I don't know how to approach this. In general, I am happy with her. I know she takes care of the kids so I am not worried about that. Would something like this be grounds to fire her?

[mariza]

If you are happy with her otherwise, would just have a frank discussion with her. Tell her that you realize that she may not appreciate how much of what she says your DD absorbs. that you would appreciate her being more aware of how things that she says will be interpreted and repeated by your DD. Hopefully she will get a clue and begin to self censor. If not, then you should think about looking for someone new.

[katydid1971]

If it were me I would start looking for another sitter. How does she not know that Sh!t is not something you say in front of a 5 yo?!?!

[firemama]

I would also look for a new sitter. If that sounds like too much hassle, you could give her a warning. Tell her you don't want her using that language in front of your DD, and if it happens again, she's gone.

[ahisma]

It sounds like she isn't a great fit for your family values. I'd probably start looking around, unless you only used her very infrequently.

[wellyes]

You certainly could fire her, but I wouldn't. Just tell her. Give her a chance to clean up her act. Say "DC has repeated some phrases that she seems to have learned from you, like **** and fat. I don't like her hearing those terms. Please avoiding using curse words or negative words to describe people around her."

"Fat" isn't always an insult, some people embrace it as a word to describe themselves. And **** to describe exrement isn't always thought of as a swear word. Some people think 'poop' is a disgusting word, some people think saying "doggie doo-doo" is purile, there really isnt' a universal standard of what's appropriate. It sounds like she's more coarse than I choose to be but it's not evil, standards are different among different cultures / ages / etc. If you're happy with her, give her the respect of a chance to understand your wishes.

eta - the board censored me!

[cntrymoon2]

Ugh! I would fire her in a heartbeat. I don't think it matters if you bring up these 3 specific examples to her- it's obviously going to be a continued problem because she has a different value system as far as what's okay to say in front of children. Even if you got her to stop using S*&t and fat, what is she going to say next?

[crl]

I think this is tricky because different people consider different words acceptable. For example, we say fart. And you might object to that, which is fine. But we don't say fat or ****. So, I think if it is just a matter of language it may be difficult to find someone who mirrors exactly your language choices.

But this sounds a bit different. The apparently frequent commenting on a stutter seems not like a language issue but something else. And coupled with the apparent focus on fat, it seems like an issue with people who are different? That is more worrisome to me than the exact language. But maybe I'm reading in something that isn't there?

Catherine

[waitingforgrace]

I guess I'm pretty laid back because I wouldn't fire her off the bat. I would tell her your concerns and see what she says and if things change. I would also be careful to assume she isn't hearing this stuff at school or from other kids, it's possible. You can't control everything she hears so when she uses words you deem inappropriate make sure you explain to her why she shouldn't use it even though other people do.

[Reina]

As much as little kids are easily influenced by the adults around them, if in your situation, I would think my priorities over and act accordingly.
The "S" word or referring to someone's size as "Fat" are not top deterrents in my priority list when it comes to my son's care. If the caretaker/sitter takes good care of my child, puts my child's safety first, respects me (of course also DH), respects my house and rules, then a slip of the tongue (or occasional use) of some undesirable words would not bother me. I would mention to the caretaker that we don't use that language around children. But occasional use of colloquial language would not be grounds for me to think that he/she is not a fit care taker. Then again, I am very laid back about these things and occasionally blurt out "merde" (the S word in french) in front of my son and don't care...

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I guess I'm pretty laid back because I wouldn't fire her off the bat. I would tell her your concerns and see what she says and if things change. I would also be careful to assume she isn't hearing this stuff at school or from other kids, it's possible. You can't control everything she hears so when she uses words you deem inappropriate make sure you explain to her why she shouldn't use it even though other people do.

:yeahthat:

i agree with this. good, reliable sitters are hard to come by and so if she is otherwise really good with your DD i would definitely not jump to get rid of her. I would definitely give her a chance to correct her way of speaking around your DD. I agree with wellyes, there are often cultural differences on what terms are acceptable to say or not. I know i say words like "booty" in front of DS to refer to his bottom but i remember reading on here that some posters don't like their DC learning that word at all.

you also mentioned in OP that you know your DD didn't learn the swear words from school..i don't know how you can be so sure of that. As a kid my parents did not swear in English at all (they were immigrants, barely spoke the language) yet i remember learning all the swear words VERY early on from kids at school (and i went to private Catholic school and all that). it's really hard to control exactly what your kids are exposed to once they're in school, the most you can do is to explain why it's not appropriate to use certain words.