WWYD? 4YO DD told me if I didn't give her toy backs she'd...

[sewarsh]

...""draw a picture of her shooting me".

Umm....okay.

This is my 4.5 YO DD who is completely non-violent.
We have no toy guns/swords, etc. in the house.
I don't think she's been exposed to any TV shows with guns in them.

I asked her how she would know how to draw a picture like that and she said 2 boys in her Pre-K class draw pictures of shooting people.

I then told her guns were very, very bad and if you shoot someone with a gun, you kill them and they go to heaven and you'll never see them again and would she want me to go to heaven and never me again. Of course she felt bad and I dropped it....didn't want to make a huge deal out of it.

How would you handle it with DD?

And also, should I speak to the Pre-K teachers about this? I don't know how practical it is to watch over every kid all the time especially when they are probably playing nicely at the art center, but it bothers me that she was exposed to this there. Am I overreacting? Is this just life and I have to get used to the fact that she's going to be exposed to things like this?

Clearly this is a big deal (or maybe it isn't and I'm making it one) so want to go about it the right way.

Thanks for your advice.

[todzwife]

I would LOVE to hear what people have to say about this because I'm dealing with something similar w/ my 7 YO DS...

[brittone2]

My DD (notsomuch my DS1) will say things like this sometimes. She's 4 as well. 4 yos don't feel particularly powerful and that type of language, etc. is a way of playing with power...she's really angry and she's playing w/ words to convey that IMO.

With my DD, I would reflect feelings "you are really angry with me. It is okay to say that you are angry with me." (and I'd try to focus on how she can get her feelings across in more appropriate ways than saying she's going to shoot you, without getting too hung up on the actual "gun" part of that whole thing. I think it is okay to set a boundary and say you don't want her drawing pictures like that)

We never did toy guns, etc. when my DS1 was younger. It was kind of a non issue...he didn't express an interest, I didn't provide them. As he got older he wanted a nerf gun. I debated and debated but eventually got him one this past Christmas at age 6 (almost 7). We have boundaries surrounding the use of it. I really never thought we'd own one. And now in my neighborhood his close friends play Nerf guns all of the time. And my DD (4 yo) joins in with a stick as her gun. Sigh. With "pew pew" sounds and all.

There are definitely different schools of thought on the normalcy of gun play with children. We talk a lot about gun safety scenarios (what to do if you find one, your friend finds one and asks you not to tell, etc.). Neither of my children is violent in the least. My DS1 is probably one of the most non violent, calm 7yo boys I know. You will definitely find she'll be exposed to kids who engage in this type of play and discussion.

Without a doubt it will come up at school and in play with other children.

[ThreeofUs]

I think Beth has the right approach. Talk to her about her feelings, validate the feelings, and lead her into different ways she can tell you she's upset. You know, "We don't do that to each other. Can you think of other ways that might be better for you to tell me that you are angry with me?"

For me, I talk to my kids about guns, what they can do and how very dangerous they are if used incorrectly, and gun safety. I know their classmates will continue to talk about guns, etc., and I want them to have the tools to be safe and understand what's going on.

GL! It's hard.