Kids 'Alone' in a Store

[Raidra]

Today I took my 7 and 5 year olds into the grocery store. They wanted to look at the books and magazines while I got the two things I needed. So I showed them exactly where I would be, made sure they understood they were not to leave the book section, and hurriedly picked up one thing. Then I checked in with them, then got the other thing. We live in a very safe area and I felt pretty comfortable doing this. But my parents freaked out when the kids bragged about it to them.

So what do you think? Was I totally irresponsible, or was it okay?

ETA: They're very well behaved and would have never acted up or run off without me.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Even if I trusted my kids, I don't trust other people. It is better that there were 2 of them together; safety in numbers. But, I still wouldn't have done it at those ages. I've started letting my 8yo have a bit more freedom when out but I probably still wouldn't do that.

Beth

[daisymommy]

Personally, in todays day and age, even if I had kids I can trust--I do not trust strangers out there. In the blink of an eye someone could have snatched up your 5 year old and your 7 year old could have done nothing to stop them.

Not saying you're a bad mama at all, it's just one of my fears when I hear about the countless thousands (200,000+ each year) that are kidnapped in the U.S.

[TwinFoxes]

That 200,000+ number (not sure what the source of that is) must include familial kidnappings, which is far and away the vast number of kidnappings. Stranger kidnappings are incredibly rare. That said, I don't have kids that age, but I don't think I'd do it.

I'll find the number of stranger kidnappings and post a link.

ETA: according to the Polly Klaas Foundation, the number of stranger kidnappings per year is less than 100. Here's the link:
http://www.pollyklaas.org/about/national-child-kidnapping.html

[waitingforgrace]

Eh, I think it just depends on the kids and how big the store is, etc. If the kids know to yell for help or whatever you've taught them and you were only gone for a few minutes I don't really see an issue with it.

[Green_Tea]

I allow my older girls (8.5 and 6.5) to be a few aisles away from me if they are together. My level of comfort depends in the size of the store. I would not allow them to be in the book section at Target if I were in the seasonal section, because they are very far away from each other. I would let them be in the book section if I was browsing greeting cards, though - they are pretty close together.

By the time I was 8.5, my mom would send me into our local (tiny) grocery store to buy a gallon of milk while she waited at the curb. I could totally see my 8.5 year old being ready for that (and being thrilled by the responsibility.)

[SnuggleBuggles]

Eh, I think it just depends on the kids and how big the store is, etc. If the kids know to yell for help or whatever you've taught them and you were only gone for a few minutes I don't really see an issue with it.

That's true. I am ok with ds1 running ahead at TJ's for samples but I could probably shout for him and be heard throughout the store.

Beth

[wellyes]

Not only are stranger kidnappings rare --- it's not like your kids are so young that they'd wander off with a stranger who smiled at them, like a toddler would. To kidnap a child forcibly would be horrific but probably not much less likely than a person kidnapping any adult woman.

I don't have kids that age so I don't know what I'd do.

[DietCokeLover]

I am extremely anxious about having my dc get out of my sight, so, this would not be something I would be likely to do. However, I think this is a judgement call based on the responsibility level of the children, the familiarity with the store, the time of day, etc etc.

[ellies mom]

Eh, I think it just depends on the kids and how big the store is, etc. If the kids know to yell for help or whatever you've taught them and you were only gone for a few minutes I don't really see an issue with it.

:yeahthat:

[wendmatt]

I would be fine with it, 2 together knowing not to leave.

[jent]

Hmmm, if I picture my own grocery store & where the book section is located, it would be difficult for someone to "snatch up" a child and carry them out without being noticed. A person intent on taking the kids would have to gain their confidence, and I think that would take longer than the time it took you to get one item at a time.

I think I'd be ok with this, but of course that's hypothetically speaking as my DD is much younger than your kids.

I'm surprised your parents were freaked, though. I feel like back when we were kids, we were trusted to be alone much more than kids are these days. I remember waiting in the car while my mom shopped-- much less safe than inside a store. And I couldn't have been more than 6.

[icunurse]

I know that it is a bit extreme, but all I can think of is Adam Walsh. His Mom left him with other kids watching video games, the group of boys started acting up and security kicked all of them out of the store. He ended up being kidnapped. I wouldn't worry so much about kidnapping as I would with my child walking around outside the store or whatever alone, scared, lost. *shiver*

[JoyNChrist]

With the two of them together, in an average-size grocery store, and given their ages, I would probably be fine with it.

[MMMommy]

I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Even if I trusted my kids, I don't trust other people.

:yeahthat:

I wouldn't have been comfortable doing that, no matter how well behaved and good listeners my kids are. I would be more concerned about predators that would take my kids. With my parents generation, it was probably no big deal to do that. Nowadays, I feel like I can never be too cautious or careful.

[JustMe]

It depends on the kids and situation but, since you know your kids best, I would probably be fine with it. With my dd, I would do this (if she allowed me to). She never talks/interacts with anyone she doesn't know. She ignores people or looks at them really funny when they try to interact with her. She is also very watchful and tends to know what is going on around her (she would probably notice if a stranger was approaching her and walk away pretty quickly). I know someone could pick her up and swipe her or do something inappropriate really quickly, but the chances of those happening are so small that to me its like getting in a car and risking all the accidents that could happen.

Ds, no. Not with dd and not alone. He is everyone's friend. We talk about this over and over but if the situation is the least bit different than we talked about, he doesn't get it. Also, he is a daredevil, and often does unsafe things. So, no.

[KrisM]

As a PP said, stranger abductions are incredibly rare. So, I'd be fine with it and I've allowed DS1 to look at something for a minute when I was a couple aisles away.

I think I tend more towards independence and freedom than a lot of people here. Last week, DS1 asked if he could walk home from the library. We had driven, due to timing of when we had to be there. But, it's only .5 miles and after a couple minutes, I'd catch up to him in the car. So, he walked and was about halfway home when I met up with him. He was thrilled to be able to do that himself.

A child is probably more likely to be seriously hurt during the car ride to the grocery store than kidnapped at the grocery store, yet people still take their kids shopping.

[bcafe]

I would be totally fine with it. I don't leave my house with the clutching fear of potential child abductions. Unless a stranger used chloroform on my children and slung them over a shoulder, there would be a loud ruckus.

[StantonHyde]

I have started having my 8.5 yo and almost 6 yo get things in the grocery store for me--it's a small grocery store and I can be on one end and they are on the other. They are fine. stranger abductions are truly rare. Now the other store downtown where we sometimes go--no way in heck!! Lots of odd people in that store, it is 2 levels, different doors to go in and out. Nope.

Depends on the situation.

[egoldber]

I would be OK with it if the kids got along well (and depending on the store layour). I would be more concerned about my own two squabbling than anything else.

But I used to routinely let older DD browse in the book section of a (small) store while I did other things. Maybe starting when she was 6ish (and reading).

And I have routinely left older DD to browse alone in the library shelves while I was occupied with younger DD.

[Toba]

When I was a small child (late 70s to early 80s), my mother would *frequently* drop me off in the toy section of a store to keep me occupied while she shopped. She wouldn't check in until she was ready to go (sometimes an hour or more). When I think back, it makes me paranoid. My DS is 7 years old, but he is never out of my sight. DH frequently goes shopping with me and he and DS will look at other stuff if I'm shopping, but he is *always* with one of us. Overly cautious? Perhaps. But I have been "into" true crime since JonBenet was murdered (before DS was born). I'm just way too paranoid and DS is really good about staying within my sight.

[arivecchi]

I would not feel comfortable with that. I live in a large city though.

[american_mama]

Do not judge your decisions about your children's safety by other people's standards. It is a highly subjective issue, even though some people will make it seem like X or Y is objectively un-safe. No one here knows the size of the store, the layout, how your children behave in such a setting, what your children know about safety and buddy systems, how they feel about independence, your values as a parent, how you balance safety with other needs.

What is objectively true is that we cannot keep our children with us all the time for their whole lives, and even if we could, that would still not ensure total safety. How and when we start giving them more independence is a very subjective question. All we can do is prepare our children for independence, teach them safety tips/role playing, wait until we and our kids are ready, and take reasonable precautions when we gradually let them have more and more independence.

[Roni]

Do not judge your decisions about your children's safety by other people's standards. It is a highly subjective issue, even though some people will make it seem like X or Y is objectively un-safe. No one here knows the size of the store, the layout, how your children behave in such a setting, what your children know about safety and buddy systems, how they feel about independence, your values as a parent, how you balance safety with other needs.

What is objectively true is that we cannot keep our children with us all the time for their whole lives, and even if we could, that would still not ensure total safety. How and when we start giving them more independence is a very subjective question. All we can do is prepare our children for independence, teach them safety tips/role playing, wait until we and our kids are ready, and take reasonable precautions when we gradually let them have more and more independence.

Well said. Our job is to prepare them to leave the nest eventually. We all do that in our own way.

[AnnieW625]

I am from a somewhat small city in Northern California and between the ages of 7 and 10 in our city my parents were okay with us being apart from them to go look at magazines or baseball cards, and such at a local small grocery store while they were shopping (the store probably had 7 aisles). At that age we could ride together to the same store to buy baseball cards too. We always went in pairs at that age so I think that is the key.

Nowadays we live in a city with a population 1/1/2 times the size of the city I grew up in and it connects to a city with almost 500,000 people so I am way more hesitant to allow things like that but I really think that it's up to you to decide what should be the norm for your kids.

[goldenpig]

JMO but I wouldn't. It makes me nervous. You can't necessarily trust strangers. There's a bookstore near us that we've been to before many times, and girls age 8 and 5 were molested (fondled) by a pedophile in two separate incidents while their parents were browsing in the next aisle. Fortunately they caught him, but ugh. Horrible.

[ABO Mama]

Nope, I wouldn't do it. I trust my kids, but not other people. We live in a safe town, but the grocery store is right next to a major freeway, making a bad guy getaway way too easy.

[g-mama]

Do not judge your decisions about your children's safety by other people's standards. It is a highly subjective issue, even though some people will make it seem like X or Y is objectively un-safe. No one here knows the size of the store, the layout, how your children behave in such a setting, what your children know about safety and buddy systems, how they feel about independence, your values as a parent, how you balance safety with other needs.

What is objectively true is that we cannot keep our children with us all the time for their whole lives, and even if we could, that would still not ensure total safety. How and when we start giving them more independence is a very subjective question. All we can do is prepare our children for independence, teach them safety tips/role playing, wait until we and our kids are ready, and take reasonable precautions when we gradually let them have more and more independence.

My thoughts exactly...and much better than I could have put them into words. :)

Yes, I would do it - and have done it - in the right set of circumstances.

[MMMommy]

OP, I posted earlier that I wouldn't do it. But in no way am I judging you as a mother. Different circumstances call for different actions. Like PPs mentioned, factors like store size, proximity from where the kids are to where you are, and other external factors affect one's comfort level. You do what you feel comfortable with. I happen to be an uber paranoid person, which leads me to be overly cautious in certain circumstances.

[daisymommy]

I'm kind of wondering now if maybe I am too overprotective of my oldest. Sorry for the initial alarmist post. I really thought kidnappings were much more prevalent then they actually are.

[s7714]

For me it would depend on the size of store, etc. As well as the child. My 8 year old would totally be responsible enough to be a few isles away from me, but my almost 6 year old would be inclined to wonder off else where.

I guess I'm the odd girl out, but I'm more concerned about inappropriate behavior/molestation type of situations than I am about out right abduction.

[brittone2]

I have not done this yet with mine (7 and 4) but I think it is a very individual decision and would not think badly of someone else making a different decision. My 7yo would be fine; the 4 yo is not ready and would be annoyed if her brother could hang out alone and she could not ;)

My one reservation is this: several PPs have mentioned that their child would kick, scream, yell, etc. if a stranger attempted to remove them from the store by force. I think a predator would be more inclined to use tactics like "I have a present for you in my car" or "can you help me find my dog? it ran away in the parking lot" types of scenarios. We have discussed some of this w/ my DS1 (very sensitive, so we haven't done a ton of talking about stranger danger since I don't think it is that effective). However, in the past when I've seen those undercover investigations related to the topic, the kids often go off with the stranger, even if they can repeat back (beforehand) that they should not, etc. I'm not totally convinced he couldn't be encouraged to leave if a predator "needed his help" because, well, he's a kid that likes to "help" out and I could see the potential for him to fall victim to something like that (even if he can tell me he shouldn't go with someone in that scenario if I asked him, kwim?) In contrast, I also am one of those people who does not believe that stranger abduction is a huge risk to most kids and the statistical likelihood is so, so small. For that reason, I can understand how someone else would arrive at a different decision about allowing their child to be in a different part of the store unsupervised.

I am not yet 100% confident that my 2 older kids would not fall prey to some sort of sly ploy to get them out of the store. I am confident they would kick and scream if someone tried to forcefully remove them from a store, but that scenario seems extraordinarily unlikely. But then again, stranger abduction on the whole is extraordinarily unlikely anyway. I can totally understand how you would decide that you felt okay with letting them be by themselves in the store a few aisles away and would not think negatively of a parent making that decision.

[boolady]

I'm kind of wondering now if maybe I am too overprotective of my oldest. Sorry for the initial alarmist post. I really thought kidnappings were much more prevalent then they actually are.

I think we're all just doing the best we can, and statistics are often twisted/misrepresented/misconstrued by people (I don't mean you...I mean people like Nancy Grace) who benefit from being the alarmist. Have you ever read Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv? It's a great look at the reality of safety in our world vs. how the 24-hour news cycle portrays it. It is absolutely true that the vast majority of abductions are familial, but you'd really never know it.

I don't pretend to not be conflicted about how much independence to give DD, both now and in the future, myself. I think there is also a valid point to be made about the possibility of some other inappropriate conduct occurring short of abduction, but I do not think the OP did anything wrong, and I'd like to think I'd consider it for DD when she is the OP's older child's age. Whether I will or not remains to be seen...

[Melaine]

I'm super paranoid, so not sure I would do that. Then again, when BOTH my girls are the age of your oldest, I could very well change my mind!

[Tondi G]

I would have been ok with it for my kids ... my boys are just turned 6 and almost 10. Both are big boys and I would pity the person who tried to kidnap my little one with his big brother on watch! My boys often go ahead at TJ's to get samples and sometimes they will go to the front of the store and play on the chalk boards while I am waiting to check out. I guess it really depends on the child and how comfortable you are as a parent. Sounds like it was an ok experience for your DD's and you until your parents chimed in. You do have to loosen those apron strings as some point... some parents/kids are ready for it sooner than others.

[goldenpig]

Have you guys read Protecting the Gift? I just finished reading it. It has a lot of great points about what alarm signals to be aware of (techniques that pedophiles use to gain trust), calculating risks, trusting your intuition, and realizing that abductions/molestation by strangers is much less common than abuse by family/non-strangers.

[Uno-Mom]

Do not judge your decisions about your children's safety by other people's standards. It is a highly subjective issue, even though some people will make it seem like X or Y is objectively un-safe. No one here knows the size of the store, the layout, how your children behave in such a setting, what your children know about safety and buddy systems, how they feel about independence, your values as a parent, how you balance safety with other needs.

What is objectively true is that we cannot keep our children with us all the time for their whole lives, and even if we could, that would still not ensure total safety. How and when we start giving them more independence is a very subjective question. All we can do is prepare our children for independence, teach them safety tips/role playing, wait until we and our kids are ready, and take reasonable precautions when we gradually let them have more and more independence.

Yep, well said. I can't honestly have an opinion when I hear that sort of story out of the blue. Well...I could if the child was 2 or something...but that's more extreme.

But in this case, I don't know the store, area or kids. When I hear the ages, my gut feeling is it would "depend". Not automatically a risky thing to do, but certainly not automatically ok.

[niccig]

But in this case, I don't know the store, area or kids. When I hear the ages, my gut feeling is it would "depend". Not automatically a risky thing to do, but certainly not automatically ok.

This is me too. At the stores we go to, I can't see myself doing that and DS is nearly 6.5yo. I'm talking big supermarkets/bookstores/target. He does go into the next aisle over sometimes, but I'm normally coming just behind him. I don't know when I would leave DS in one part of the store - depends on age, maturity, the store - and he's an only child, so he would be left on his own. Two kids seems safer to me.

I too don't worry about the stranger forceable abduction, it's more the "come see my dog" or something happening right there in the store. I was 13 and a girl from our school was abducted/raped/killed because she helped a woman at a park look for her lost dog. I know it's very very rare, but that was very close to us - same age, same school, we knew the park...so it does colour how I look at things.

[crl]

Well, I do let my 7 year old go to look for things at TJs without me. AND dh let him go into the snack shop down at the beach by himself to buy them drinks (dh waited out front with the puppy). I am completely comfortable with both. Stranger kidnappings are very rare and ds would scream bloody murder if a stranger tried to take him anywhere.

I also really believe in letting ds do things like this to build his confidence in handling himself with finding things, finding me even if I am not exactly where I was when he went to the next aisle over, paying for things, etc. Frankly, my biggest worry in these situations is that he will be rude to someone somehow--run into them, not thank the cashier, etc.

Catherine

[niccig]

Well, I do let my 7 year old go to look for things at TJs without me. AND dh let him go into the snack shop down at the beach by himself to buy them drinks (dh waited out front with the puppy). I am completely comfortable with both. Stranger kidnappings are very rare and ds would scream bloody murder if a stranger tried to take him anywhere.

I also really believe in letting ds do things like this to build his confidence in handling himself with finding things, finding me even if I am not exactly where I was when he went to the next aisle over, paying for things, etc. Frankly, my biggest worry in these situations is that he will be rude to someone somehow--run into them, not thank the cashier, etc.

Catherine

I would let DS do these things. I let him go up and buy things, ask questions etc, but I'm usually within eye sight - mostly to check that he was polite like you said.

When I read the OP, I thought of my VONS grocery store which is just huge. DH and I have lost each other in there. Smaller store like our TJs, less distance etc could change things for me. I also have one child, so he would be left on his own. I don't think he would like that. If he had a friend with him, then he might be Ok with it.

[Green_Tea]

I'm super paranoid, so not sure I would do that. Then again, when BOTH my girls are the age of your oldest, I could very well change my mind!

I think this is an important thing to keep in mind. When my oldest was 3 or 4 years old, I couldn't imagine allowing her to do many of the things she does now at almost 8.5! Your perspective definitely shifts as your children get older and you can better assess their maturity level and the amount of independence they can handle.

[egoldber]

Your perspective definitely shifts as your children get older and you can better assess their maturity level and the amount of independence they can handle.

Absolutely.

I do think it is really important for kids to be build self confidence and coping skills. They need to learn how to be alone and navigate the world. It isn't a switch that gets turned on at 12 or 14 or 16, it's a gradual accumulation of skills and experiences over time.

Whether that's in a store 3 or 4 aisles over or walking to school by themselves or whatever, at some point as parents we have to let them navigate a bit alone. I think one of the absolute most petrifying things to face as a parent is that you can't keep your kids 100% safe.

[Raidra]

Wow, I totally forgot I had posted this! Thanks for all the responses, I'm impressed that so many of you commented.

FWIW, the grocery store is medium sized.. a little bigger than TJs, but significantly smaller than Target. I definitely could have heard them if they yelled, and if they needed me, they could have walked to the end of the aisle and seen me. They're familiar with the store, and it was a quiet Sunday afternoon (Mother's Day).

I struggle with the somewhat irrational fears about their safety and really try to keep perspective and let them have age-appropriate independence. Colwyn has been asking to go into a store and buy something by himself for quite some time, but the circumstances have never been just right (I'd be okay with it if it was something like a small convenience store and I waited just outside, but we're almost never in that sort of situation). This was a good compromise, they were so proud of themselves, and they were still pretty safe. I do think it's important to balance our fears with their need for independence and growth.

Nobody offended me by saying they wouldn't do it. I feel confident in my decision (and my husband was totally okay with it), I was just curious about what other people would think.

Thanks!

[Melaine]

I do think it's important to balance our fears with their need for independence and growth.



I really feel this is the biggest challenge in parenting....at least for me, so far.

[sariana]

My sister and I used to run around Disneyland by ourselves at about those ages, or not much older. Despite opinions to the contrary, the world has not changed that much since then regarding kidnappings.

I would not let my 6-year-old DS be alone like that because HE is not capable of making good choices, even when closely monitored. DD is only 3, but already I can see that she will be much better about these kinds of things. So with her, who knows?

It really depends on your children, the store, and your community, as many other PPs have mentioned.

[maestramommy]

Eh, I think it just depends on the kids and how big the store is, etc. If the kids know to yell for help or whatever you've taught them and you were only gone for a few minutes I don't really see an issue with it.

:yeahthat: I haven't done that at the grocery store, but my kids are still much smaller. I have done it (sort of) at the library. The Children's library is its own room with only one entrance, it's not that big (one room, with a walled off section for story hour), and we're recognized. I usually let Dora play on the computer, then I supervise the other two in another area, checking on Dora from time to time. We live in a very safe area as well. I probably wouldn't do it in the city where we used to live. The Children's library was many times bigger.

[dogmom]

:yeahthat:

I wouldn't have been comfortable doing that, no matter how well behaved and good listeners my kids are. I would be more concerned about predators that would take my kids. With my parents generation, it was probably no big deal to do that. Nowadays, I feel like I can never be too cautious or careful.

Probably happened in my generation, and our parents, those kids just "ran away".

I think to the OP, depends on what time of day, what the clientile is, how the exits look, etc. I wouldn't call DSS on you.

[Ceepa]

Whereas my kids insist on staying near me while I shop but slow me down tremendously by examining every single thing they pass.

OP, I wouldn't judge you for leaving them in that situation. I think grandparents tend to forget how they were as parents and can adopt a hypervigilant stance to childrearing the grandkids. My MIL loved to tell us how we were either too lax or too stringent as parents in any given situation.

[MMMommy]

This thread has really got me thinking and wondering. At what point will I be comfortable letting DDs be more independent and autonomous? There has to be a time when I loosen the ties a little, but when will that be? I can't see myself ever being comfortable with loosening the ties, but I know it has to happen sometime. I feel like I'm always going to be afraid for the safety and security of my children, and I don't know how to ease up on these fears. For me, swim lessons are a similar example. DDs know how to swim "enough," but I haven't stopped swim lessons yet. At what point will I be comfortable enough to stop the swim lessons? I need to get over my own fears and insecurities.

[DebbieJ]

Eh, I think it just depends on the kids and how big the store is, etc. If the kids know to yell for help or whatever you've taught them and you were only gone for a few minutes I don't really see an issue with it.

:yeahthat:

I've sent my 7 yo back to the refrigerated case while I stayed at the check out when I forgot to get some OJ.

[dogmom]

This thread has really got me thinking and wondering. At what point will I be comfortable letting DDs be more independent and autonomous? There has to be a time when I loosen the ties a little, but when will that be? I can't see myself ever being comfortable with loosening the ties, but I know it has to happen sometime. I feel like I'm always going to be afraid for the safety and security of my children, and I don't know how to ease up on these fears. For me, swim lessons are a similar example. DDs know how to swim "enough," but I haven't stopped swim lessons yet. At what point will I be comfortable enough to stop the swim lessons? I need to get over my own fears and insecurities.


Well, it might be later for you with two daughters. At some point my DS just flat out refused to go into the women's room anymore.

[essnce629]

I wouldn't be comfortable with it.

I found out not too long ago that a man came up to DS1 and tried to grab his arm and have him come with him while we were in Target. DS1 was almost 6, in the toy isle, and I was in the next isle over in Target. DS1 never told me anything, but he told my mom way after it happened. We were both totally freaked out and I will never leave DS alone in an isle again, even if I'm just one isle over and within ear shot. Yes, DS wouldn't have gone with the man, could have screamed for help and I would have heard him, could have run away, etc, but why should DS have to deal with that type of situation and be exposed to that? I now tell DS that he has to be able to see me at all times and I should be able to see him as well.

[niccig]

Well, it might be later for you with two daughters. At some point my DS just flat out refused to go into the women's room anymore.

OT..but when did that happen?

DS asks about going to the mens on his own and in some places I allow it - eg. at music class. But at Target or the mall, no way. He's in K and goes with me to the ladies, and often say older kids, say 9-10 yrs old in there with their mothers. If DH is with us, he goes with DH.

A friend with older boys said once they started going on own to mens room, she would stand at the door, with it propped open with her foot, yelling out to them to hurry up and she'll be coming in, so others would know she was right outside.

[KrisM]

OT..but when did that happen?

DS asks about going to the mens on his own and in some places I allow it - eg. at music class. But at Target or the mall, no way. He's in K and goes with me to the ladies, and often say older kids, say 9-10 yrs old in there with their mothers. If DH is with us, he goes with DH.

A friend with older boys said once they started going on own to mens room, she would stand at the door, with it propped open with her foot, yelling out to them to hurry up and she'll be coming in, so others would know she was right outside.

We stopped at about 6, even at Target and the grocery store. I have him go in and come out and tell me how many people are in there. Then, he has about 3 minutes to finish or I would go in. No issues so far though.

[kozachka]

My DS is 7.5 years old and I have no problem letting him stay in another section of the store while I am picking something out. I would be very surprised, no shocked, if anybody managed to kidnap him unless they were professionals specifically hunting after him, and then there is little you can do. We often joke that if DS was ever kidnapped, he'd be probptly returned with additional payment for us to take him back as soon as possible. Advantages of having a spirited child, I tell you.

[Pennylane]

I wouldn't leave my children. I just wouldn't be willing to risk it, especially with a 5 yr old. What if the older child was distracted and the little one wondered off. Just not a chance I am willing to take.

Ann

[o_mom]

OT..but when did that happen?

DS asks about going to the mens on his own and in some places I allow it - eg. at music class. But at Target or the mall, no way. He's in K and goes with me to the ladies, and often say older kids, say 9-10 yrs old in there with their mothers. If DH is with us, he goes with DH.

A friend with older boys said once they started going on own to mens room, she would stand at the door, with it propped open with her foot, yelling out to them to hurry up and she'll be coming in, so others would know she was right outside.

DS1 is 7.5 and pretty much doesn't want to go in the women's room - unfortunately, DS2 (6) has picked up on this and now can read, so he won't go either. DS3 (4) tries to pull this as well. <sigh> They will go if I absolutely force it, and DS3 won't protest if his brothers are not around. I usually save the battles for the really big stores/restrooms like Target/Walmart. The library, small stores, parks, I just send them all together, stand at the door and yell at them to hurry up.

[SnuggleBuggles]

OT..but when did that happen?

DS asks about going to the mens on his own and in some places I allow it - eg. at music class. But at Target or the mall, no way. He's in K and goes with me to the ladies, and often say older kids, say 9-10 yrs old in there with their mothers. If DH is with us, he goes with DH.

A friend with older boys said once they started going on own to mens room, she would stand at the door, with it propped open with her foot, yelling out to them to hurry up and she'll be coming in, so others would know she was right outside.

I do what your friend does. Around 8yo I started letting ds1 go in by himself to the men's room but I am in communication the whole time.

Beth

[MelissaTC]

I am a little more apprehensive about letting M wander Target's video game area since there was a shooting at our local store. It was a domestic violence situation and I can't imagine the panic and fear either one of us would face if we were separated in such a situation. I used to be a lot more free range with him until that happened.