Swim class woes!

[wendmatt]

8.5 yo DD had her first proper swim class today, she never wanted to do it before and the one I did sign her up for she sat on the side and wouldn't even get in the water. She actually did really well but got out after the 30 mins in tears and told me she hated it, hated the water going up her nose and doesn't want to go any more. I've signed her up and paid for 4 classes this week, but tonight in bed she was crying her eyes out saying she hates it. She loves to be in the water but doens't like to put her face in. I don't want her to be a quitter and I want her to learn to swim properly, she can't doggy paddle for the rest of her life, BUT I don't want to torture her and make her do something that makes her so miserable. Ugh! Do I get her to finish out this week or let her not go?

[new_mommy25]

Give her some time and talk to her again after she's calmed down. Maybe tomorrow? See if you can gently convince her to try again. Maybe even offer a special treat after? FWIW, I highly value swim lessons and think learning to swim is one of the most important life skills there are.

[wendmatt]

FWIW, I highly value swim lessons and think learning to swim is one of the most important life skills there are.

So do I which is why I feel so strongly about it. Unfortunately DH just told her she doesn't have to do it tomorrow and maybe try later in the summer. While I don't totally disagree with him, I'm upset that he's just given in, although she was crying for over an hour, so maybe he's right.

[crl]

Swim class is not optional at our house. We insist because we view it as a safety issue. Ds is 7 and he can swim the length of the pool, no problem. But swim class still isn't optional.

Catherine

ETA. Sorry, we cross posted. When you try again, maybe a private class with a patient instructor who is willing to focus on making things fun?

[SnuggleBuggles]

The only way it's going to get better is with practice. I'd make her keep at it. If bribery is necessary then I wouldn't be opposed.

Beth

[bubbaray]

Swim class is not optional at our house. We insist because we view it as a safety issue. Ds is 7 and he can swim the length of the pool, no problem. But swim class still isn't optional.



ETA. Sorry, we cross posted. When you try again, maybe a private class with a patient instructor who is willing to focus on making things fun?


:yeahthat:

Not optional here. BUT, we've had our issues, esp. with DD#1. We did a few privates and moved on. :thumbsup:

[soon2b4]

Goggles and a round of private lessons helped us at the beginning. DD loves swimming and I am so glad - having had my own rotten experiences at swim lessons as a child.

[California]

She's right about the yucky water up the nose sensation.

Are there any classes for timid kids? Locally I know I saw some last summer that were basically splash and play based to get timid kids used to the water.

[MMMommy]

Do you think the instructor might have any bearing on how she feels about swim class? Would she respond differently to a different instructor?

DDs started swim class three years ago. All the kids in their first group lesson were crying and terrified. And they all hated having to put their face in the water. I admit that it took a good 1.5 years of swim lessons to reach the point where DDs were happy and enjoying the water and their swim lessons. We would have setbacks where DDs sank and/or choked on the water, and that would set them back a good month.

Water safety is very important to me. I don't expect them to be champion swimmers or swim team material. I just want them to be able to survive if, god forbid, they ever find themselves in dangerous situation with the water.

I would not give up or take a break from swim lessons. I would push through and just do your best to be encouraging and make it a positive experience (with rewards or an incentive system probably if need be).

[HIU8]

I have a sensory sensitive kid. Two summers ago, at preschool camp, he sat on the edge the ENTIRE summer. Some moms would stay and take a peek at their kids in lessons (I worked) and I would get emails and phone calls about how DS was not participating--from the nosy moms. Anyway, swim lessons are not optional in our house. DS got a few private lessons that summer (about 6). The next summer he participated in swim lessons but had a hard time concentrating with a group of children (thank you adhd). I did not do private lessons last summer--I used to be a swim instructor and was able to teach him myself. This summer he again will be in swim lessons at camp. Like I said, it's not optional, but we are taking it slow. DS has goals if he wants to be able to use the slide in the deep end at camp etc...

[infomama]

If my dd was reacting that way I would be hard pressed to keep on at the current plan. I would try a lower level class if there is one or private lessons. Can you go in the water with her for support? She sounds awfully scared and learning to swim is so important.

[wendmatt]

She was terrified. The swim coach is a really nice, fairly young woman and it was just DD and 2 other kids, but they are both 1st graders which did not go down well that they were so much stronger than her, and both on swim team so very confident in the water. DD can dog paddle a length but is not confident and it upset her that they are younger than her and so good! Ugh, she was so upset and I agree I can't torture her, maybe I'll talk to the coach and see if I can get her in lessons with kids that are less confident. She does have a prior class but they are really young ones. We live in Texas and of course everyone has been swimming forever, we came from Kansas and rarely swam there (and I tried the lessons but she sat out as I said before).

[bubbaray]

Something you may wish to consider -- my girls definitely do better with male swim instructors. They will mess around and not listen, act like they are scared, blah blah blah with female instructors. With male instructors, they do what they are asked to do, no problem.

[niccig]

Private lessons - they'll go at her pace. Get her googles.

Do you or DH swim? Frequently take her to the pool just to paddle around and have fun.

Honestly, she's always going to hate getting water up her nose. *I* hate getting water up my nose and I did competitive swim club and was a scuba diver pre-DS. She'll learn to blow out through her mouth, but occasionally *I* still get water up my nose if diving in.

Swimming is non-negotiable for me. It could save DS's life. Plus, it's very debilitating to be afraid of the water. I know a coupe of people, who went go on a boat because afraid, or they dream of learning to scuba dive but can't pass the swim test. Then there's just having fun with your friends in the pool.

I would say OK to no more group classes, but you will set up private and she'll have to go until she can swim x distance....DH needs to be firm too.

[niccig]

Something you may wish to consider -- my girls definitely do better with male swim instructors. They will mess around and not listen, act like they are scared, blah blah blah with female instructors. With male instructors, they do what they are asked to do, no problem.

And we have the opposite. DS will carry on that it's too far to swim with the female instructors we've had here, but when we were in Australia he didn't complain at all to the male 6'3" 22 year old that swims on the state's swim team. He pushed DS the most, and DS did it all.

So, you might find you have to try a couple of instructors to find who works best with your DD.

[JElaineB]

I would recommend private lessons. We started DS when he was much younger in group lessons and it he hated it, it really set us back a couple of years. I wouldn't push the group lessons if she hates it, but do try private lessons. It has been well worth it for us.

[crl]

We do private or semi-private lessons. IME, you get more instructor time for your money than in group classes. And it sounds to me like your daughte may be embarrassed as much as scared. I'd try private.

Catherine

[vdrake71]

You might want to look for swim classes that let the kids wear masks not goggles. My son wore a full mask for a long time at the YMCA swim classes. Finally, they told him that they could not pass him anymore until he learned to swim without the mask.

[Tondi G]

how about goggles and a nose clip?

http://www.amazon.com/b?ie=UTF8&node=3418821

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[schrocat]

Another vote for private lessons and goggles. I had a kid who was reluctant to put his head in the water. Private swim classes with patient teachers made all the difference.

[Cuckoomamma]

My older dd started serious swim lessons at 8. She'd taken a few when she was younger, but nothing for more than a few months. She's also very sensitive and didn't like the water in her face.

While I think learning to swim is non-negotiable, I think everything around it is. We picked a swim school where the teachers have never been swim coaches. They're very laid back and weren't at all irritated that it took her 4-5 months to really put her face under. She'd put her lips in or nose, but not all the way under. They didn't push her to jump in, she jumped in almost after a year of lessons. At a year and a half of lessons she can swim the length of the pool and goes under like a mermaid :-) No problems jumping in, loves it.

Her sister is 4 years younger started in January and is already beginning to swim. Just a very different personality.

I'd really recommend a gentle, non-forcing, no tricks teacher male or female. Goggles are a definite for us and the private lessons work much better. Dd also had the same problem as your dd with the other kids in her class being younger. Our lessons were once a week and I'd take them once a week for free swim where we'd just goof around, no pressure.

If your dd trusts the teacher and isn't forced to do anything, she'll do it on her own. Maybe the teacher isn't the right teacher.

[wimama]

Swim lessons are not negotiable in this house either.

I agree with the suggestion of goggles and private lessons. I would also suggest some pool time with you just for fun. My DS's swim classes got the kids to put their faces in the water by having them pick up rings in the shallow kiddie end of the pool. Dive sticks are great for that as well. The goal of picking up the ring helped the kids get over their fears. Even just putting her mouth in the water at first to blow bubbles in the water is a start. Then gradually ask her to put more of her face in the water. Baby steps. Spend lots of time at pool for a few weeks and then have her start private lessons.

DS still doesn't like to swimming without googles. So, he wears them all the time. The first lesson my DS went to last summer another girl kicked him in the face and he cried the rest of the lesson. But, he kept going and he loves swimming now, he isn't strong enough swimmer yet. I think us taking him to the pool to swim/play about twice a week was the biggest help to him.

[egoldber]

I agree with private lessons and goggles or even a mask.

My older DD could swim a little, but did not really take off in swimming until she started private lessons at age 8 AND we bought her a mask. She now wears goggles, but initially she needed that more full face coverage.

Some kids repsond well to a super firm instructor, but not my DD. She responds much better to patient encouragement. Any type of gruffness immediately puts her off.

[wendmatt]

She has a mask and loves it, she'll float around snorkelling for ages, I didn't think she'd be allowed to wear it for classes. DH has contacted a girl about private lesson, I kind of felt like 3 kids was close to private! Thanks so much for all the advice, I feel so sad about it this morning. I want her to be confident in the water but don't want to push it so she hates it. She loves to be in the water and play, it's the whole putting her face in and water up the nose thing.

[secchick]

We started private lessons at age 3 or so. Just half an hour, once per week for the summer. Same the next year, but for about 2 months longer out of the year. Now she is 5 and is really progressing. Form is far from perfect but she can swim, roll over onto her back to rest, and swim some more for the length of the pool. We plan to do the same for other DCs. Private lessons worked best for us, primarily because we both WOTH full time, but I know that it really helped DD as well in terms of attention and in trusting her instructor.

[connor_mommy]

I would start off with private lessons. When my boys started their lessons last June, their classes didn't start off so well. They were scared and kept clawing at the instructor and even scratched him at some point. It wasn't until the 6th lesson that they started to feel more comfortable. So, give her some time. We have a didfferent male instructor now, and I really like him. He knows the boys personality and when they're going to throw-up from drinking too much pool water. My little one cried, but we just kept him in the pool and eventually he stopped and listened.

[Gena]

This is a really hard issue for me.

I have a terrible inborn phobia of the water. It terrifies me to the core of my being. I have recurrent nightnmares about being underwater/drowning and have had these nightmares my entire life.

I play in the water, but I do not go underwater and I do not put my face in the water.

I failed my 7th grade swim class because I refused to dive and swim underwater. Yup, it's on my permanent record. Despite the fact that I worked hard to get A's on everything else, I did not care about failing swimming (and 25 years later I still don't).

I have a great sidestroke and backstroke because I can do these with my face out of the water. I can float on my back. My parents made sure I learned these things for safety's sake. And while my parents did not completely understand my phobia, they respected it. It saddened and concerned them, but they were unwilling to push me further than I could psychologically handle, especially after a couple of incidences where I totally freaked out.

My DH's family loves swimming and other water sports: canoeing, tubing, water skiing, etc. I encourage DH to do these with his family. And I encourage DS to join them, to the extent appropriate for his age and development. I have no inclination towards these ativities. That's OK, there are other things I like to do. My fear extends to boats. I get nervous on the ferry, but it bearable. However I had major panic attacks when we went on a cruise.

But I do not want my child (or anyone else's) to have the same fear I do. I want my child to have the option to play water sports, to go boating, and to enjoy these activites. My phobia of the water is the reason I started DS in swim lessons when he was a toddler. Luckily he takes after DH's side and loves to swim.

So I understand your DD's fear, but I also understand your desire that she learn to swim.

I agree with private lessons with a compassionate, patient instructor may be best. And maybe start with things like the sidestroke, backstroke, and backfloats so she can gain confidence in the water without putting her face in. This will at least give her some safety skills.

I don't know if this helps. I don't know if your DD's fear is the along the lines of nervousness that is common for that age or more like my own phobia. Or maybe it's somewhere inbetween. So I'm just sharing my own experience.

[Twoboos]

Another vote for private lessons. You might also want to see if there's an "Older Beginner" class, they offer this at our gym for kids who are older but need the basics. So they are not in class with the older swim club kids. (That placement is so not right!)

DD2 has been scared to get her face wet forever, in fact she was crying about it last week when we restarted swim lessons. At the beginnig of the class she wouldn't even get her SHOULDERS wet. But by the end of the class she had up to her chin in the water, big improvement.

You could try practicing getting her face wet at home in the bathtub? We've done this before.

GL!

[mikeys_mom]

My DD1 is only 4 but we have been dealing with similar issues since we started P&T classes at 6 months old. She hates putting her face in the water. Like many of the PP's, swimming lessons for us are not optional. It is a safety issue IMO. I was a lifeguard/swim instructor for many years and I know full well the dangers of not knowing how to swim. I don't expect my kids to be champion swimmers but they need to master the basic strokes.

DD1 has certainly had her ups and downs over the years. What works best for her is a patient and understanding instructor. We reassure her each time that she does not have to do anything she isn't comfortable with. She's only 4 so sometimes, an instructor just using the word "dunk your face in the water" will make her freak out. She has done really well with this approach. It usually takes a few minutes every class for her to get comfortable in the water and then they have her first do her back floats, then kick on her front without her face in the water, then they have her blow bubbles. They never mention dunking or submerging but she has done it a few times at the end of the class.

A private class would probably be best because the instructor could really slow down and work with your DD at her pace, plus she doesn't have to feel insecure about being older than the kids in the class.

[Kungjo]

We're starting lessons in July for my DDs. Older DD had lessons before and isn't afraid of the water, but needs more work. Younger DD is just starting and she's the one I'm more concerned about. She's more timid and shy than her older sibling and is slow to warm up to strangers.

We opted to go with private lessons given by a lady out of her home. She gives lessons to special ed kids and opens it up to the public if there are openings.

I think that it may be beneficial for you to look into private lessons. It may help if she works consistently with one person.

[sewarsh]

Your 8.5 YO NEEDS to know how to swim. Try to bribe her with ice cream after next lesson or something. Not only is it a safety skill as you know, but its also a confidence booster and soon, if not already, it will become a peer issue IMO and I'd be concerned she'd get made fun of if she enters middle school in a year and doesn't know how to swim.

Good luck.

[sewarsh]

Also, for who is interested and wondering, we started swim classes 2.5 weeks ago with ISR (Infant Swim Resource - look it up online to see if there's classes near you). They are 10 minute private lessons M-F until they know how to swim.

Its absolutely amazing the transformation that both my 4.5 & 2.5 YOs have had. My 4.5 YO DD who HATED the thought of having her face wet is going to be done swimming at the end of this week (3 weeks total!!) and we've had her in bunches of different classes since she was 2 but NOTHING came close to helping. My DS should be done in about 5 weeks.

Seriulsly HIGHLY RECOMMEND ISR.

Good luck.