How do you plan to keep your kids off drugs?

[KpbS]

A serious question--it breaks my heart when I hear of kids abusing drugs and struggling with serious addictions as teens and young adults. I've known several families who have experienced this heartache first hand. Thought I'd ask what your plans are/what did your parents do or say that persuaded you?

[khalloc]

I think the I'll try staying involved in their everyday lives. eating dinner together, etc...And also getting kids involved in sports. I imagine that would help. If they are busy being productive at school, after school, etc, maybe they wont have the desire or opportunity as much?

[janine]

Honestly my parents didn't say a word. I just knew it was not the thing to do if I wanted to have a respectable and successful path. I also was lucky enough to attend schools where the drug problem was minimal or if it was around, it was outside my circle of friends. This didn't include alcohol though - and there was alot of that! My parents were a bit old fashioned and hands off so I went through the usual pitfalls, but still knew never to drive etc.

I think it's something you can only lead by example and use the influence of silent expectation (ie the threat of disappointment). Keep them around a good crowd (where you live, schools) but never assume that means there won't be a problem. Be aware and approachable. I have a few years before I'll have to worry about this and honestly the alcohol abuse + driving + college parties is what scares me more!

[crayonblue]

I recently read a fabulous book called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. The one thing that stuck with me big time is that in order to achieve the end result that we want with our children (for most of us that would include stable, not on drugs, educated, etc.), we have to create a bigger, more compelling story for them.

Miller tells a story in the book of a teen girl who was going down the wrong path: drugs, bad boyfriend, etc. The parents decided that their story (working, paying the bills, etc.) wasn't very compelling so why wouldn't their daughter look for something more exciting in life? They decided to fund an orphanage. That became their story and it didn't take long for their daughter to get on board and make a 180 degree turn in her life.

I think this principle is so incredibly true. Kids look to drugs and sex and all sorts of other things when their is simply nothing more compelling and important in their lives.

I don't know exactly what our "story" will be...we are at a crossroad after a few very hard years. But, somehow DH and I want to live a compelling story that our kids want to be a part of.

ETA: My family did NOT live a compelling story. I didn't use drugs mostly because my friends didn't. One brother used extensively and another brother has dabbled in stuff.

[wendmatt]

Lock her in the house between the ages of 13-22! It's a real toughie, I know it can happen to the best of families. Like PP said, staying involved but I'm sure that's what everyone says.

[egoldber]

Be involved.

Keep them busy and supervised.

Make sure they have at least once activity that makes them feel really good about themselves.

Don't let any underlying issues (anxiety, depression, ADHD, etc.) go untreated.

Talk to them often and also listen.

Teach them it is OK to make mistakes and that experimentation does not mean an inexorable path into addiction.

[JustMe]

Glad you posted this. I have been thinking about this a lot myself. I also have 2 friends who have children older than mine, who are finding that their children are already using/experimenting (not sure where the line is).

For me, it was mostly that my peer group wasn't into drugs (some alcohol, but not much). Arround here, they seem to be everywhere, in all schools. I am already talking to dd (age 8) about the dangers, as well as why people do drugs. I'm already talking to her about other things to do if she feels lonely, like her problems are too big, etc. Still, I worry a lot. Dd is definitely on the anxous side, everything feels like a big deal to her, she really wants to belong, etc.

So, I will be watching this thread.

One of my questions is...what will you do if you find out your teenager is experimenting? How do you handle that? Its hard for me because I know they need to make mistakes/go down their own path to some degree, but this is something I did not do and I am not sure what the best way to react as a parent is.

[Laurel]

Be involved.

Keep them busy and supervised.

Make sure they have at least once activity that makes them feel really good about themselves.

Don't let any underlying issues (anxiety, depression, ADHD, etc.) go untreated.

Talk to them often and also listen.

Teach them it is OK to make mistakes and that experimentation does not mean an inexorable path into addiction.

ITA with all of these, especially the last one, even though it is the one that I feel is the most sticky from a parenting standpoint. This list is basically what my parents did with me, and while I can't say it kept me 100% "off drugs" it worked pretty darn well...although, I am also dreading the day my kids ask me about my past experiences.

[egoldber]

what will you do if you find out your teenager is experimenting? How do you handle that? Its hard for me because I know they need to make mistakes/go down their own path to some degree, but this is something I did not do and I am not sure what the best way to react as a parent is.

Well, I was very much the kind of kid who was terrified of my parents and did nothing (alcohol or drugs) before going to college. I have never used drugs, but I can't say the same about alcohol. :o I do have a somewhat addictive personality type, so I do need to be cautious even about my alcohol use and I worry about my kids because of this as well.

But DH was a relatively heavy drug user in high school and less so in college. He spent a LOT of time unsupervised and this is one of the things I primarily want to avoid. Some kids simply cannot handle having several hours a day in the afternoon of free time.

In the long run, it did not really hurt him at all, but it did severely limit his choices for colleges because his high school grades were so bad. But in his case, it was something he simply had to work through.

As a parent, I think you need to let your kids know you love them no matter what, that everyone makes mistakes and poor choices. What matters is being able to turn around and make good choices from there. That is not the same thing as turning a blind eye to or feeding an addiction, which can be a difficult line to walk as a parent.

Kids are getting exposure now in middle and elementary school, so I think that keeping kids busy and supervised in positive, self esteem building acitvities is very, very important. Kids are also exposed to and use in school, so that is something to be aware of as well.

[BabyH]

IMHO, it has to be education, consequences for poor choices/behavior and nipping problems in the bud instead of turning a blind eye (interventions, rehab, etc).

Granted, I have a one year old so I'm not "really" thinking about this kind of thing yet, but I have seen a few friends make horrible life choices. One ended his life a few years ago and I WISH.... his parents could have helped him when he first showed signs (because he did) of the bad path he was taking.

[JoyNChrist]

I think keeping them busy is the main thing, and finding something they excel at and enjoy. I know a lot of kids around here are into drugs and alcohol because there's not much else to do - it's a tiny, rural town, and when there's nowhere to go on Saturday night, you inevitably end up sitting around a fire with a bunch of friends passing bottles and joints around. I think boredom is a huge part of it.

I never got into any of that because I had a few interests (volleyball and music) that I was really good at and that my parents pushed me to excel in. So I was busy with those things and they made me feel good about myself, and I had a lot of friends who were involved with the same stuff.

[Katigre]

This book has a lot of excellent ideas in this area (and in keeping a strong connection to children in general). Don't let the title dissuade you - it's not about keeping kids on a short leash but rather about how to not let your emotional bond with them disintegrate as they grow older.

http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/0375760288/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1305039946&sr=8-1

[wellyes]

I think part of the prevalence of the overwhelming number of sports and activities that kids are into these days is partly parents doing what they can to protect their kids from drugs and other risks of unstructured days. Not that sports protect kids from drugs, but I know in my HS the kids who had drug problems mostly came from famlies without a good support system.

Of course there are risks of overscheduling too. I think one of the biggest challenges of parenting is making a place for safe aimless days as kids get older.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I hope to have a home where the boys want to bring their friends over and hang out (plans to have the basement finished and turned into a great rec space is deadlined for ds1's 14th b-day :)). I don't know, dh and I stayed away from drugs as did all of our friends. Besides health class I don't think that my family did anything other than just letting me know it wasn't ok to do drugs. I agree with pp about keeping them busy with positive things; dance class, sports, music...whatever it is. I also just plan to be involved and walk the line between hovering and being a presence.

Beth

[momof2girls]

I hope to have an open relationship with my girls where they can feel comfortable talking to me about anything.
However, as a teen the only thing that kept me in line was fear of my father freaking out on me. (no, he was never violent or abusive in any way, we just didn't want to cross dad)

[AnnieW625]

I can't really think of anything different that we plan to do than has already been said. We live 20 miles from downtown Los Angeles so I could always drive them through skid row and explain how bad drugs are and how they can royally screw up their lives. Turning a blind eye or ignoring the situation is definitely the wrong way to deal with things.

My grandpa did a similar thing while on vacation in San Francisco in 1967 or early 1968 my dad requested a trip to Haight Asbury (he was 17 yrs old or so) so my grandpa took the car and drove around the area, the dirtiness of the area, the people crazed out on drugs, and alcohol was enough for my dad to see that he didn't want that for his life, although he ended up embracing and loving the Grateful Dead and pretty much every other well known band to come out of San Francisco in the late 1960s and 1970s and did his fair share of weed in those days, and hitch hiked home in 1990 from a Grateful Dead concert in Sacramento he knew from that one experience he could never let drugs take over his life.

As a pre teen and teen the Say No to Drugs campaign, as well as the "This is your brain on drugs" ad made an impact on my life. Also the jr. high video we were shown in PE that showed a teen snorting a line of coke and getting into a car and getting into an accident left a lasting impression on me. To this day I can't stand to see images of people even in movies snorting any substance. My parents had the same attitude (although they had smoked pot) about drugs also, not something you want to use as it will ruin your life if you do it too much. I also hate to say it but River Phoenix, Kurt Cobain, Shannon Hoon, and other drug addicted stars who died of overdoses or the results of drugs in the early to mid 1990s made a huge impact on the reality that drugs kill. I also had a cousin with an addictive personality who got addicted to speed in high school, thank goodness her parents saw the signs and they intervened. She's been sober for 17 yrs. now. Life experiences are very sobering so I do plan to educate my daughters this way also.

[JBaxter]

I keep involved in my boys lives. They know they can come to me with anything and not be judged for mistakes. Our family believe in God is the biggest credit.

I pride my self in keeping an open relationship with my teens. I have had difficult discussions with them about many subjects. Sex alcohol and drugs thankfully my oldest 2 have not tried or had a desire to try drug ( even pot) but both have tried alcohol. They were honest with me about it. Mistakes will be made in their lives and I can only hope they learn positive things from them.

[mytwosons]

I haven't read all the replies yet.

Along with keeping them active, engaged, good croud, etc., I do intend to put some fear into them. My siblings and I knew my parents would hit the roof if we ever experimented with drugs or alcohol. We weren't afraid of my parents per se, but they were the parents and we were afraid of their reaction if we did something really wrong.

My cousins did not have the same fear of their parents. Those kids knew there would be limited consequences if they were caught with drugs or alcohol. The parents took pride in being friends more than parents. One of my cousins was a serious drug and alcohol addict. Even if he remains sober, his health is now shot and his liver isn't going to last much longer.

[Nyfeara]

My parents always told us to never do drugs. They weren't big drinkers either - I've never seen either one of my parents drunk or even close. I never tried anything in HS or college. I was too paranoid of getting into trouble. My mom used to threaten that she'd bring the drug dogs into the house to search if she ever suspected - my parents were good friends with quite a few local officers.

We were given space only if we respected it and were responsible. Also, all thru HS, my parents drove me 5 days/wk to gymnastics, 1.5 hrs round trip. There wasn't a whole lot for me to get into after school anyway.

I had an occasional drink while in college, never more than 1 in a night b/c I almost always drove and I was so afraid of its effect on me. I always knew it could mess up the rest of my life, never mind someone else's and just didn't do it. There was just always this idea that I was going to do X with my life and that drugs/alcohol would seriously mess that up or prevent it from happening, and that was enough for me.

[pinkmomagain]

I have a teen, so I am in the midst of really putting alot of this stuff in action. Here is what I am doing:

- Spend time together as a family
- Talk, Listen -- as much as possible
- Keep 'em busy & engaged -- yes, I have become the taxi driver.
- Monitor & get to know friends
- Find something they are good at...my daughter is into theatre
- Help them find something outside of school (sport, instrument, club outside of school preferably with kids who don't go to their school) -- so that they realize the little microcosm of school is not in fact their entire world.
- Help them find something that is not competitive (art lessons, knitting, piano lessons)
- Get help/meds if needed * This is something we have had to do.
- Getting back to listening -- really try to listen without passing judgement, overreacting. That is a surefire way to get them not to talk to you. My daughter tells me that we have the best relationship of all her friends and their moms. I don't pretend to know everything about my dd...nor should I. She needs to develop some autonomy. But I try very hard not to pass judgement on her/her friends (this is very hard) or overreact. I try to ask her things like "Well do you think that was the best choice?"...things like that, so that it is coming from her.

All I can say from the frontlines is that it is HARD.

[Globetrotter]

I've talked to the kids about drugs since they were little. When a celebrity dies of an overdose, I let them know about it. I've shown pictures of drug addicts or point out homeless drug addicts. I tell them what it does to your brain. I have no qualms about scaring them :) However, I think the bigger battle will be as they get older and go out into the world. I'd like to be there when they are home, keep them occupied with school and activities and keep an eye on their friends. This is one reason I hope dd stays with her close friends through high school (I'm hoping they all go to the same HS together). Beyond this, I think it's important to help them through their emotional ups and downs and be there for them as much as possible. After a point, you just have to hope that it sinks in because you cannot be there 24/7!

i was always very much against alcohol and drug use (I like the occasional drink, but I still don't like to see people out of control with drinking as I have seen some really obnoxious behavior from people when they are drunk). I never ever thought it was "cool" to drink or do drugs, even though I went through my short-lived wine cooler stage in college. The anti-drug education campaigns (this is your brain on drugs - the fried egg - that tells you how old I am :)) had an affect on me. One of my friends was killed by a drunk driver, so I'm sure that was a powerful influence.

[Twoboos]

I am not sure of our plan for the future (DDs are in K/1 now.) But I have a cousin who has been to rehab many times to no avail and I've seen it rip her family apart, emotionally and financially. And there is a history of drug/alcohol abuse on my dad's side of the family.

Some have mentioned keeping your kids involved with the "good crowd." I just wanted to say that I was in "the good crowd." Although I did not do drugs, I drank a lot in high school. National Honor Society, taking honors classes, part time job after school, etc. Many of my friends were also varsity athletes. And we all drank on the weekends. Did it make it better that we were honors students/athletes and drank, instead of "burnouts?" I don't know, but I doubt it.

So even the good crowd can be using drugs/alcohol. But I think talking to your kids and being aware of what they are doing no matter what "crowd" they are in is important.

[veronica]

I plan to have DC's stay away from drugs the same way I plan to have boys scared to date DD: be married to the high school vice principal :).

Seriously though, I was never given a drug talk. I just knew. My parents had already instilled in us that there are consequences for our actions. To put it bluntly, yes, my brother and I had a certain fear of disobeying our parents. I do believe there is something to be said for this type of "old-school" parenting that is harshly criticized these days.

[tamie]

There are some really great suggestions here and I am taking note of all of them.

DH and I have joked that we would make our kids watch the movie "Requiem for a Dream." Yikes! If that movie doesn't show you what can happen when you do drugs, I don't know what will.

[elektra]

Sports!
Or some other activity that they get involved in, care about, and excel at. I experimented with drugs but I was always a good student and exceled at sports, and having those goals and acheivements kept me on the right track.
I actually did most of my experimentation after college, when I didn't have school and sports to keep me in check. Luckily I was smart enough to realize that it was not the way I wanted to live my life.

And I can try my best to keep communication lines open with my kids. I think by showing my own vulnerability to them is a good start- its something my parents never did with me. But I too dread answering questions about my own drug use!

The scary images of crack heads and homeless people never worked on me. It was the complete opposite of the sexy, rich, beautiful, fun people I actually saw using drugs IRL. I was not prepared for that.
I really wish someone would have told me that drugs are fun! And that you may really enjoy doing drugs and the fun times you have while using them, and everything will seem just fine, and chances are you are not going to die and OD. HOWEVER, that path can be very shortlived- moreso for some than others.

[hellokitty]

I agree with what a lot of the other pp have mentioned. About staying involved with my kids, supervising them, keeping them busy with extracurricular activities, etc.. My parents tactic was to scare the crap out of us, so we knew they would kill us if we did drugs, lol. I'm not going that route, but I have told my kids before that if they end up doing drugs/smoking, etc., that it would be very disappointing to me.

[Gena]

How do I plan to keep DS off drugs?

Serious answer: I don't. I'm totally against the whole "Say no to drugs" campaign becuase I think it's false and fails to address the fact that prescitption and OTC medications are drugs.

DS takes medication for asthma and allergies. In the past he has been on antipsychotics. There is a good chance he may need ADHD medication at some point in the future. It makes no sense to me to say "Don't take drugs" while giving him his daily doses of medication and while he sees DH and I take daily medications for our own conditions.

So we teach DS about the responsible use of drugs: taking your own medications, not taking other people's medications, not taking medications/drugs from someone other than Mom or Dad. Right now we address it very simply, and how we go forward with it will depend a lot on how his understanding develops.

My own parents had the same attitude. My father has several chronic conditions and has been on medications his whole adult life. I remember when I was young, my father showed me all of his medications and explained what each one was for. He told me about his illnesses and how his medications helped him as well as what side effects they gave him. He explained to me that these were drugs and that some drugs have the ability to help a body that is sick. Then he told me that some drugs make you feel good, but hurt the body. He told me that drugs need to come from doctors and pharmacies to help the body and to not accpet drugs from anyone else.

It was simple and basic, but it stayed with me. My Dad's openness about his illnesses and medications made a big impression and made me think about what drugs are for. I'm sure my parents told me other stuff too, but I don't remember any of that.

Alcohol is a whole other issue - and I won't go into it here.

[Green_Tea]

Some have mentioned keeping your kids involved with the "good crowd." I just wanted to say that I was in "the good crowd." Although I did not do drugs, I drank a lot in high school. National Honor Society, taking honors classes, part time job after school, etc. Many of my friends were also varsity athletes. And we all drank on the weekends. Did it make it better that we were honors students/athletes and drank, instead of "burnouts?" I don't know, but I doubt it.

So even the good crowd can be using drugs/alcohol. But I think talking to your kids and being aware of what they are doing no matter what "crowd" they are in is important.

This was very much the case when/where I was growing up. It was the athletes who partied and drank the hardest, and smoked the most pot. Our salutatorian - a track star - had to go to rehab her freshman year of college and was hospitalized in high school for alcohol poisoning. It was the band and theatre kids who were more straight edge. I was shocked when I got to college and realized that it many places, the opposite was true.

[sste]

I was thinking along similar lines to Gena.

But, I don't even think some "illegal" substances are particularly worrisome except for the fact that they are illegal. So, I have nothing against recreational marijuana and I perceive it to be less addictive than tobacco (btw, I would freak, absolutely freak and have them in inpatient treatment if such a thing exists, if my kids started smoking tobacco - - my understanding is that the frequency of tobacco intake, the level of addictiveness, and the carcinogenic and other ill health effects are way, way higher than recreational marijuana). I don't smoke marijuana as a rule only because the professional consequences for me would be serious - - the same for DH, even more so because he is in the health care industry.

I guess I would explain to the DC that certain drugs, be they prescription or street drugs, can have serious health effects, including death. And that other drugs aren't particularly dangerous but aren't worth it because an arrest or conviction can have lifelong effects on your career and life choices.

[egoldber]

The scary images of crack heads and homeless people never worked on me. It was the complete opposite of the sexy, rich, beautiful, fun people I actually saw using drugs IRL. I was not prepared for that.

This is the downside to the "just say no" or "everyone who uses drugs is a homeless crackhead" type messages. When kids start to realize that cool, popular kids are using drugs and alcohol, most with no real ill effects on their life (at least that they can see) that argument can lose all of its effect. And the reality is that most people who try drugs or alcohol do not become addicts. Teaching kids that one mistake or one time of saying yes vs. no has irrevocable consequences is a terrible message for some kids.

Also, it ignores the fact that drugs and alcohol generally make people feel good. This is why they continue after the initial try. They want that euphoria or lightheadedness or that it lets them be more social at parties or fills a place in them because they feel lonely or depressed. This self medicating effect is why people with untreated illnesses (ADHD, depression, anxiety) are more likely to become chronic drug users. I think it is really important to talk about these things with kids.

And as for the "bad crowd", drug use is rampant in medical and law schools.

[Globetrotter]

Of course my kids asked why do people do drugs if they make you feel so bad, so I told them they make you feel good at first, then you can get addicted, but more than that they make you do really foolish things. I really think the kid's personalities come into play WRT what works and doesn't work, and also their age. I was always a huge goody two shoes, partly scared to death by my parents (about dating - they never talked about drugs), and I listened to all the public health campaigns, but I also saw drug addicts at school (and our teen neighbor in the apartments!) and was totally turned off by what I saw.
So clearly one size does not fit all, based on these posts.

ETA: I totally agree that the "smart" or "good" crowd can have just as many drug users. I think the rich kids just have more money for the drugs, vs. having to steal to get it.

[KpbS]

Thanks for all the responses. It is such an intimidating topic and there isn't a clear, simple, one-size fits all answer.

[infomama]

Just to add....some campaigns like the Montana Meth Project http://www.montanameth.org/View_Ads/ have some very compelling ads. **These are NOT suitable for young children and can be disturbing to watch but they make an impact.**

The newest commercials (at the top) are about remaining silent/not saying don't try meth. The older commercials near the bottom (bathtub/laundry mat) are really disturbing.

ETA- On a lighter note...Simplicity Parenting (the book) talks a lot about creating a rhythm for you family including really listening to your kids...not trying to "insert solution here" when they come home with an issue but just being there...listening, patiently. The earlier this groundwork is laid the better, of course.

[hellokitty]

Oh and I agree with the others who say that just b/c the kids appear to be hanging out with a, "good" crowd of kids, that means nothing. In our area, the richest community has the highest # of drug abuse. These are all kids that don't fall under the stereotype of what a typical druggie would look like. I also remember in high school, that the ones who partied the hardest (mostly alcohol, but I'm sure there were probably drugs too) were the popular kids, the jocks, cheerleaders, student council members, etc..

And yes, I'd much prefer that my house be the one that my kids' and their friends hung out at, than some place else.

[dogmom]

I just have to say, SPORTS DO NOT KEEP KIDS OF DRUGS. I did a lot of research years ago on this. (Some one was saying my kid was gong to become a gun man shooting the school up if I let him play video games but he didn't do sports. So I was very interested in this common saying, to see if it holds true.) The body of research does not back up that claim. There have a been a couple of well designed studies that show some effect, the most compelling one was inner city girls, but the vast majority show no effect. There are also studies that show and increase in alcohol use in teenagers in sports. I think it winds up being a wash. I can't figure out if the mantra sports=no drugs is us being brainwashed that sports really is that important, wishful thinking, or something else.

Likewise, I want my kids in activities, but the whole concept of keep them busy all the time so they won't have time all I can think of is, "I schedule them all their lives then sent them to college????!!! On their own? With a lot of alcohol?" That sounds like a recipe for disaster.

I plan to be honest with my kids about the history of substance abuse on both sides on the family. My experience as a health care worker about how devastating it can be. And the by delaying any experimentation with any drugs or alcohol as long as possible there is overwhelming research evidence you dramatically decrease the chance of addiction. Being vigilant about any mental illness I think is also important, since undiagnosed mental illness is such a risk factor for substance abuse. Likewise emotional, physical or sexual abuse.

In the end, however, I do believe that a child becomes their own person and they need to make their own choices. It would break my heart if bad things happened, but it the end it has to be their decision, it is their life.

[JoyNChrist]

I just have to say, SPORTS DO NOT KEEP KIDS OF DRUGS. I did a lot of research years ago on this. (Some one was saying my kid was gong to become a gun man shooting the school up if I let him play video games but he didn't do sports. So I was very interested in this common saying, to see if it holds true.) The body of research does not back up that claim. There have a been a couple of well designed studies that show some effect, the most compelling one was inner city girls, but the vast majority show no effect. There are also studies that show and increase in alcohol use in teenagers in sports. I think it winds up being a wash. I can't figure out if the mantra sports=no drugs is us being brainwashed that sports really is that important, wishful thinking, or something else.

Likewise, I want my kids in activities, but the whole concept of keep them busy all the time so they won't have time all I can think of is, "I schedule them all their lives then sent them to college????!!! On their own? With a lot of alcohol?" That sounds like a recipe for disaster.

I plan to be honest with my kids about the history of substance abuse on both sides on the family. My experience as a health care worker about how devastating it can be. And the by delaying any experimentation with any drugs or alcohol as long as possible there is overwhelming research evidence you dramatically decrease the chance of addiction. Being vigilant about any mental illness I think is also important, since undiagnosed mental illness is such a risk factor for substance abuse. Likewise emotional, physical or sexual abuse.

In the end, however, I do believe that a child becomes their own person and they need to make their own choices. It would break my heart if bad things happened, but it the end it has to be their decision, it is their life.

I don't think anyone was assuming that sports (or any activity) are guaranteed to keep kids off drugs, just that kids who have things they genuinely enjoy and feel good about aren't as likely to fall into the self esteem or boredom issues that lead to drug abuse. Sports or other activities can be part of the solution, but they certainly aren't the total fix.

[wendibird22]

I don't know the answer. Both my brother and I were high achieving, very involved high school students, from a middle class family, with involved, loving parents. My bro (who is 4yr older than me) drank and smoked pot in high school and I drank in high school and tried pot in college. When my parents learned of my brothers pot habit they sought out patient treatment and counseling for him. He clearly has an addictive personality as he's now a cigarette smoker. He was an honors student, a star soccer player, and a musician. He had the staring role in the high school musical his senior year. He was prom king. He had smart friends, girl friends, and pothead friends (who were clean cut and well behaved). I am not sure there is anything my parents could have done differently to prevent his usage. Thankfully they noticed his change in attitude, his decline in grades, and asked the right questions to discover it and get help.

I work on a college campus that is highly selective. These students are extremely bright and very involved in extra-curriculars. And many, many of them do drugs (rx abuse and recreational drugs). What I notice time and again is that the average student, even the non-users, don't see drug use/abuse as a bid deal. Pot smoking, rx drug abuse, are just seen as typical and not problematic and no more concerning than drinking alcohol. That's scary to me.

[dogmom]

I don't think anyone was assuming that sports (or any activity) are guaranteed to keep kids off drugs, just that kids who have things they genuinely enjoy and feel good about aren't as likely to fall into the self esteem or boredom issues that lead to drug abuse. Sports or other activities can be part of the solution, but they certainly aren't the total fix.

I guess I just getting very frustrating, because I DO hear people claiming sports keeps kids of drugs, a lot, in the general population. There ares studies that show things like art and drama go a long way in helping kids, probably because of the nature of self expression in it. But that's the funding that gets put on the chopping block first. I got many things I can sign up my 8 yo for sports, but there is only one activity in his age group in my town that is non-sports.

[hellokitty]

I don't think anyone was assuming that sports (or any activity) are guaranteed to keep kids off drugs, just that kids who have things they genuinely enjoy and feel good about aren't as likely to fall into the self esteem or boredom issues that lead to drug abuse. Sports or other activities can be part of the solution, but they certainly aren't the total fix.

The thing is, I don't think that feeling good about your self esteem and boredom is the key link. Like others have pointed out, if that's the reason, why are there plenty of high achieving, seemingly popular kids who do drugs and alcohol? I still think much of it is about peer pressure. If someone in the social circle does drugs/alcohol, I think that most kids would feel pressure and/or some curiosity to try it. Then it's a slippery slope from there, as to whether they will keep doing it, or decide it's something they don't want. However, I think it is so much easier to go with the flow of the group for young ppl, that a lot of teens probably get started this way, with no intention of it become a full blown addiction, esp since most teens have the mindset that they are invincible and bad things won't happen to them, just other ppl. Someone has to introduce the drugs/alcohol to them to begin with. I think that for a lot of kids, they would not actively try to seek out drugs and alcohol on their own, w/o help from someone else (and that would include parents leaving alcohol/drugs around).

[bubbaray]

The thing is, I don't think that feeling good about your self esteem and boredom is the key link. Like others have pointed out, if that's the reason, why are there plenty of high achieving, seemingly popular kids who do drugs and alcohol? I still think much of it is about peer pressure. If someone in the social circle does drugs/alcohol, I think that most kids would feel pressure and/or some curiosity to try it. Then it's a slippery slope from there, as to whether they will keep doing it, or decide it's something they don't want. However, I think it is so much easier to go with the flow of the group for young ppl, that a lot of teens probably get started this way, with no intention of it become a full blown addiction, esp since most teens have the mindset that they are invincible and bad things won't happen to them, just other ppl. Someone has to introduce the drugs/alcohol to them to begin with. I think that for a lot of kids, they would not actively try to seek out drugs and alcohol on their own, w/o help from someone else (and that would include parents leaving alcohol/drugs around).


:yeahthat:

[maestramommy]

For me I think it was just that my parents were very strict, and I knew if I did anything remotely that stupid they'd kill me many times over:p Friends had something to do with it as well. No one in my peer group in HS did anything except maybe very occasional underaged drinking, and I was never around, since I had very few privileges concerning afterschool hours. My social group was orchestra and we were too busy practicing and/or studying.

For my own kids, I really have no idea, but I think Beth's (egoldber) list is a very good one.

ETA: One other thing. For 3 years in a row my school showed the jr high kids a movie called "Dead is Dead." on the effects of drugs and drug addiction. Gritty kind of movie. Scared the bejeezus out of me, seriously. I'd never seen such graphic images before and it made a huge impression.

[artvandalay]

Be involved.

Keep them busy and supervised.

Make sure they have at least once activity that makes them feel really good about themselves.

Don't let any underlying issues (anxiety, depression, ADHD, etc.) go untreated.

Talk to them often and also listen.

Teach them it is OK to make mistakes and that experimentation does not mean an inexorable path into addiction.

That is really great advice. I think the suggestion of making sure any underlying illnesses are treated is a really good point.

[Globetrotter]

While I do think it's good to keep the kids busy after school, I think that overscheduling and excessive academic work can lead to stress, which in turn can lead to drug use as a coping mechanism - we see that in our area.. Also, I think kids have to learn how to deal with boredom and unstructured down time (which IMO needs to be supervised). THIS is why there needs to be options for after school care for teens. You can't call it babysitting, but surely there is a way to do this - a teen center, or something. I know many WOH parents who are concerned about this issue and would pay for this (I also know many would gawk at the idea of having to pay for teen care when they are allowed to stay home alone..). I guess that is why kids are so overscheduled these days!

[bisous]

Hmm. I think there have been many excellent posts.

My parents were some of those "extremely strict" ones that are sometimes talked about with disdain but I do feel like the very clear message that they sent (that drugs are ABSOLUTELY not okay) was a deterrent for me.

That said, I really think I would have been lost without my personal conviction that drugs were not consistent with the life that I wanted. I credit my own religious feeling and the feeling that I would not only be disappointing my parents but also my God if were to take drugs knowing that they were wrong.

I had good friends, attentive parents, high self-esteem, I was busy but it is absolutely amazing how pervasive and persistent the influence of drugs. I was curious about the effects of drugs and MIGHT have tried it (out of curiosity!) had I not felt that I would be betraying my personal religious convictions.