Beyond FURIOUS!

[firemama]

I know this may seem like a small b!t@h to some of you, but I am furious with my mom. We have been using Charlie's Soap laundry detergent on everything in our house for over a year. When I was pregnant I knew we were going to use cloth diapers with DD, so I researched and decided on Charlie's. That is all I use on everything, and absolutely no fabric softener. We have to so the diapers keep their absorbancy. If they get fabric softener on them, they lose their absorbancy and we can basically flush all the money we spent on her cloth diapers down the drain. I know, they can be stripped, blah blah blah, but I do NOT have time for that. Nor do I want to go through the hassle.

I have told my mom this, but she NEVER listens. I have told her NEVER to wash anything of ours, but she NEVER listens. I have told her her Tide 'free and clear' is STILL not good enough, it still has chemicals, AND she uses fabric softener, but she NEVER listens. I have told her I don't want to wash something she has washed in our machine because it will leave residue in our machine, which will get on her diapers, but she NEVER listens! At some point last year, I left something at her house, and she washed it. And now it has happened again.

We were at her house last Saturday and DH left his sweatshirt there. I just talked to her tonight and she told me (DH must have forgotten that he left it there). AND SHE TOLD ME SHE WASHED IT. 'But I use 'free and clear' detergent!' UGH!!!!!!!!! And she uses fabric softener and she dried it. DH is tall and it is hard to find long jeans, long-sleeve shirts and sweatshirts for him. I always air dry these for him so they don't shrink.

I am beyond furious. First we will have to make sure he can still wear it, if she didn't shrink the sleeves. Then I will have to send it to work with DH so he can strip it of the detergent and fabric softener. (he's a firefighter and they have washing machines at work).

I don't know how else to get through to her. This happens a lot, she doesn't listen. I know, she was trying to help, blah blah blah!!! Well, she did not help, she made it more of a hassle for us. UGH! I could go on and on about how she doesn't listen to me. This.happens.all.the.time. :banghead::6::32::angry-smiley-005: It drives me up the wall. I have had it. It makes my blood boil when she doesn't listen!

How do you get people like this to listen to you??!!

[KrisM]

I'm sorry she's not listening. I'd probably do my best to never have her wash anything by not leaving things there. Double and triple check before you leave. I don't think asking anymore will change much.

I used cloth for a few years and used All Free and Clear and never had any issues. I can't imagine washing something that was washed in another machine would affect your diapers. I've never read that before. I would be you're just fine to wash it again at home.

[wellyes]

I honestly don't think a garment washed in another washer will impact your own clothes. But I do get wanting your mom to listen to you and respect your wishes and understand that this is something you're passionate about.

My vote? Throw that sweatshirt away and have a glass of wine.

[DebbieJ]

I honestly don't think a garment washed in another washer will impact your own clothes. But I do get wanting your mom to listen to you and respect your wishes and understand that this is something you're passionate about.

My vote? Throw that sweatshirt away and have a glass of wine.

:yeahthat:

[scrooks]

I honestly don't think a garment washed in another washer will impact your own clothes. But I do get wanting your mom to listen to you and respect your wishes and understand that this is something you're passionate about.

My vote? Throw that sweatshirt away and have a glass of wine.

:yeahthat:

[DrSally]

I'm so sorry, sooo frustrating.

[firemama]

Thanks everyone! Unfortunately I am allergic to alcohol, so this is about as close to a glass of wine that I can get :54: Cheers!

[Pear]

I know this is really about Her not respecting your boundaries or even actually listening to you. I understand your upset and probably would be just as angry in your position.

I did want to mention that this particular situation may not be that dire. We use tide free and clear for all our laundry including our diapers. I use fabric softener in the drier on regular clothing. No fabric softener in the diaper loads of course. We have no absorbency problems and I have never had to strip my diapers. You really should be fine just laundering the sweatshirt with the rest of your clothes.

[golightly1118]

I totally understand...while my mom and MIL live across the country, I do have to ask them to respect my boundries and parenting choices when we visit. Thankfully they're both really good about this, as they both had MIL's who didn't listen to them at all on multiple issues.

[BabyH]

Ugh. Mothers....(and MILs) can't live with 'em...... can't live without 'em, huh?

Sorry she doesn't listen. My mother doesn't listen to me either but I KNOW this, so I am not annoyed or irritated when I find myself repeating it for the 53rd time. It's just the way life goes. (And she's definitely just scatterbrained, I'm not worried about dementia or any of that!) MIL on the other hand is sort of scared of me (and that's the way I like it, hehe) so she listens better... but "forgets" more.... and there DH and I are starting to worry if there is a little something else going on, so we are trying to be patient while still deciding what we think is going on. (But all of these reasons are precisely why Mom and MIL do not babysit..........not now... maybe not ever, LOL -- and I'd happily explain why to them if they ask)

Hugs.

But honestly, you probably don't want to hear this but it's just a sweatshirt.... in the grand scheme of things.... it's not a huge deal.... *keep calm & carry on!*

[scrooks]

Can I ask a really silly sort of off the topic question....what does "stripping" laundry entail...I have never heard of this but I am the first to admit laundry isn't one of my strong suits!:bag

[FTMLuc]

I am so sorry she does not listen, I know first hand how hard it is. I am dealing with similar issues with my mom, who insisted that my 4.5 month DD was thirsty and boiled a 1/4 of an apple and STRAWBERRIES!!! in a cup of water and gave it to her to drink, after I told her numerous times that DD gets plenty of fluids from BM and supplemented formula (wet diapers galore) and to run all new foods by me before introducing them to DD. I have no advice, just hugs.

[firemama]

Ugh. Mothers....(and MILs) can't live with 'em...... can't live without 'em, huh?

Sorry she doesn't listen. My mother doesn't listen to me either but I KNOW this, so I am not annoyed or irritated when I find myself repeating it for the 53rd time. It's just the way life goes. (And she's definitely just scatterbrained, I'm not worried about dementia or any of that!) MIL on the other hand is sort of scared of me (and that's the way I like it, hehe) so she listens better... but "forgets" more.... and there DH and I are starting to worry if there is a little something else going on, so we are trying to be patient while still deciding what we think is going on. (But all of these reasons are precisely why Mom and MIL do not babysit..........not now... maybe not ever, LOL -- and I'd happily explain why to them if they ask)

Hugs.

But honestly, you probably don't want to hear this but it's just a sweatshirt.... in the grand scheme of things.... it's not a huge deal.... *keep calm & carry on!*

Thanks! :) This made me laugh. I know the sweatshirt is really inconsequential here. It's just a sweatshirt.

My major problem is the fact she doesn't listen.

[mariza]

Sorry, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but she will never change :shake: How do I know? I think we have the same mother. My Mom has been folding my pants wrong for literally 20 years. When I lived with her I asked her not to fold them like mans pants (she folds them so they get the crease in the front). She did it every time, even when I asked her to just let me do my own laundry. I fold them like you would find them if you pick up a pair of jeans at the Gap. Sounds silly I know, but like you it drives me unnaturally CRAZY! I end up unfolding them and doing it all over.
Now that I don't live with her I ask her to simply not touch my laundry. In addition to the pants thing, I just dont like like the idea of other people handling mine and DH's underwear. I don't know why but it skeeves me out. I have gone as far as hiding the laundry. She still manages to find it and do it wrong. I wonder if now she doesn't do it to make me crazy on purpose. I wish I had some advice for you. Maybe buy her a case of Charlie's soap to keep at her house?

[firemama]

Can I ask a really silly sort of off the topic question....what does "stripping" laundry entail...I have never heard of this but I am the first to admit laundry isn't one of my strong suits!:bag

Sometimes when people are using cloth diapers, depending on what detergent you use (or if a nice family member is helping out and they accidentally use a non-cloth diaper friendly detergent, or too much, and/or fabric softener), it can build up in the diapers. This then makes them lose their absorbancy, which is what you need diapers to do. When this happens you have to strip them, and this is what I am not exactly clear on. But it involves washing them repeatedly and using something like Dawn to get the build-up out. Kind of what happens to wildlife during an oil spill, and they use Dawn to clean them. A big PITA!!!

I personally think it's a good idea to wash everything else in the house with the same detergent and don't use fabric softener. But I guess some people don't have a problem. I thought I would have to strip his sweatshirt.

[BabyBearsMom]

Can I ask a really silly sort of off the topic question....what does "stripping" laundry entail...I have never heard of this but I am the first to admit laundry isn't one of my strong suits!:bag

You wash them in really hot water without detergent repeatedly until there are no bubbles left. http://www.zany-zebra.com/stripping-cloth-diapers.shtml

[MamaSnoo]

Sorry, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but she will never change :shake: How do I know? I think we have the same mother. My Mom has been folding my pants wrong for literally 20 years. When I lived with her I asked her not to fold them like mans pants (she folds them so they get the crease in the front). She did it every time, even when I asked her to just let me do my own laundry. I fold them like you would find them if you pick up a pair of jeans at the Gap. Sounds silly I know, but like you it drives me unnaturally CRAZY! I end up unfolding them and doing it all over.
Now that I don't live with her I ask her to simply not touch my laundry. In addition to the pants thing, I just dont like like the idea of other people handling mine and DH's underwear. I don't know why but it skeeves me out. I have gone as far as hiding the laundry. She still manages to find it and do it wrong. I wonder if now she doesn't do it to make me crazy on purpose. I wish I had some advice for you. Maybe buy her a case of Charlie's soap to keep at her house?

All this time I thought I was an only child! Now, I see, Mariza...........we are sisters! We may even had identical laundry-related-psychotic-disorder!

My mom totally does not get why the laundry thing bothers me. I have begged her to not touch it for years, and you are right, it never changes. 20 yrs of pants folded wrong, and t-shirts hung up to dry so they are nice and crispy. Bugger. At least she and I prefer the same detergent and she is allergic to fabric softener.

[MamaMolly]

All this time I thought I was an only child! Now, I see, Mariza...........we are sisters! We may even had identical laundry-related-psychotic-disorder!

My mom totally does not get why the laundry thing bothers me. I have begged her to not touch it for years, and you are right, it never changes. 20 yrs of pants folded wrong, and t-shirts hung up to dry so they are nice and crispy. Bugger. At least she and I prefer the same detergent and she is allergic to fabric softener.

Make that Triplets! Hi sis! Hi other sis!

My mom and MIL have both tried to kill me with the diapers. My mom melted the covers by drying them on such a high heat that the plastic all stuck together like paste. She then let them cool and ripped them apart. So I had holes in the covers. Not ideal for diapering!

And MIL. Don't get me started on her love of Febreez scented dryer sheets. It can't just be a dryer sheet, no it has to be Febreez scented. Gag, gag, gag. She has since discovered Febreez scented trash bags. She is also a big fan of those bathroom air fresheners that look like colorful cones of slime with a little plastic cap. If she could FIND one that was Febreez scented I think she'd die of sheer delight. But alas, she must stick with the strawberry and tropical fruit ones. Not like those are attractive to small children. Wink.

Then there is our sitter who tried to 'help'. I found a load of my 100% cotton fitteds in the dryer with SEVEN....yes, not a typo...SEVEN dryer sheets. WAAAAAAAA! :banghead:

[kellyd]

I'm sorry you're having issues with your mom. My gram does the same kind of thing when it comes to laundry and it's because she's trying to be helpful. It honestly just doesn't occur to her to leave dirty laundry in a bag until we come back to get it. (In her eyes once it comes out of the dresser or closet it's dirty) I've asked her not to because she uses a highly fragranced detergent and DS has broken out when I've wiped his face w/ one of her washcloths. I've just accepted it and just rewash everything that's been washed at her house at ours.

As far as the cloth diapers goes one piece of clothing washed in a different detergent and with fabric softener is not going to affect absorbency, especially when you're not going to dry that piece of clothing. If it makes you feel better you can run a hot wash cycle w/ a cup of vinegar after washing the sweatshirt and that will clean your washer. We use Tide or Tide Free for our clothes, and bounce dryer sheets. and Rock N green for our diapers for the last almost 9 months, and before the twins were born I used regular old tide on DS's dipes for 2 years before that without any problem. I've been using the same diapers since DS was born and have never needed to strip.

[BabyH]

Make that Triplets! Hi sis! Hi other sis!

My mom and MIL have both tried to kill me with the diapers. My mom melted the covers by drying them on such a high heat that the plastic all stuck together like paste. She then let them cool and ripped them apart. So I had holes in the covers. Not ideal for diapering!

And MIL. Don't get me started on her love of Febreez scented dryer sheets. It can't just be a dryer sheet, no it has to be Febreez scented. Gag, gag, gag. She has since discovered Febreez scented trash bags. She is also a big fan of those bathroom air fresheners that look like colorful cones of slime with a little plastic cap. If she could FIND one that was Febreez scented I think she'd die of sheer delight. But alas, she must stick with the strawberry and tropical fruit ones. Not like those are attractive to small children. Wink.

Then there is our sitter who tried to 'help'. I found a load of my 100% cotton fitteds in the dryer with SEVEN....yes, not a typo...SEVEN dryer sheets. WAAAAAAAA! :banghead:

LOL... I love Febreze too, but I cannot stand the trash bags. I think they smell disgusting. And I only use the spray when (for example) my dogs have bumrushed the couches after they've come in when it's been raining (this is not a practice we encourage, but sometimes they get away from us before we can wipe them off) and even so, I also think it's because when I was a child, my mom was (and is) a chain smoker so everything smelled like smoke. So ever since I've been on my own, I've really enjoyed fresh smelling stuff!

But OMG... seven dryer sheets??? Really???? What was she thinking?!?!

[karstmama]

totally off topic, but once i was in a laundromat (on vaca) & saw someone *cramming* clothes in a dryer, i guess to try & save money though ohmigod i'm sure she paid just as much to run the drier over & over instead of running two. i mean, the clothes were not tumbling, just going around in a big blob. anyway, she put in easily half a box of drier sheets. um, maybe if you used two driers and one sheet each you'd get the clean fresh smell instead of the allcrammedtogethermustiness you might be trying to combat??

[Edensmum]

I'm sorry, that is soooooooo frustrating. That said, I am a CD mom and I use Charlies. I know the box says not to use other things Etc. One sweatshirt will not affect the machine dipes enough to see any difference. In fact many moms use Tide on their CDs and the other free and clears if you read the CD boards with great success. I don't think that works well and I really like Charlies and the way it works. I also like having less residues on our things at the house and all but for while when we switched to Charlies we use it just for dipes and used the Seventh generation for clothes/linens. We just stopped buying it because it was easier to just go with Charlies. It will be okay but your mom needs to get a clue. Why can't people not wash things? I lent a neighbor a jacket and told her not to wash it. I can't stand the perfumey smell of most detergents but she did. Sigh. It takes awhile to get fragrance out.

[AnnieW625]

That seriously stinks. I have washing issues with my MIL she thinks that everything needs to be dried on hot.

Get her some All Free & Clear (Small & Mighty liquid label), it's a 4 star rated detergent (http://www.pinstripesandpolkadots.com/detergentchoicesataglancepspd.htm) just like Charlies for cloth diapers. It's a household name detergent just like Tide so maybe that will help. My mom used All as her main detergent for many years and used it when my sister (24) was small and cloth diapered. I did plenty of loads of wash for families I nannied for and those that cloth diapered also used All too. Of course that was for prefolds only as cloth diapering wasn't nearly as much of a science as it is today.

Stripping (http://www.pinstripesandpolkadots.com/detergentbasics.htm#Stripping%20Diapers) isn't that hard, it's annoying yes, but it's not that hard.