If you coslept and no longer do....

[elektra]

when did you child eventually sleep in their own bed???????

I am basically asking if my 4yo DD will ever sleep in her own bed! I do love cuddling her and her coming in every night around 1 or so hasn't been a huge deal.

However, we must lay down with her every single night in order for her to get to sleep and I just want to be done with that.

Also, DS has been waking up on occasion, and either I or DH will go get him and sleep the rest of the night with him in DD's bed. If we go the cosleeping route with DS, I would like DD to be sleeping in her own bed by then.

So last night, as I was in my bed with DD and DH was in bed with DS, I was thinking how it was just not my ideal setup.

The musical beds thing just isn't what I envisioned. :(

[longtallsally05]

Yep, I put DS in his crib when he was about 13 months, and that was that. He didn't like it, but we continued nursing to sleep (in the rocker, instead of my bed) and that helped. DS uses a security blanket which I started sleeping with (so it would smell like me) about a week before I transitioned him. I had to get up in the night to nurse a few times, but after a couple of weeks I just stopped going in and he quit waking up at night. He quit nursing altogether at about 14 months. DD always slept alone, and she still uses a security blanket (she's five years old). Night lights also help DD. Stay strong & best wishes!

[Katigre]

You can teach her to fall asleep without you there - it will just take work and time. If you instutute a new bedtime routine and are consistent about it (and she has some input on it within your preferred boundaries), within 2-3 weeks she should be able to fall asleep without you there.

[deborah_r]

DS1 co-slept for about 7.5 years. There was a break in there when I had him in his own bed (in our room) but that didn't last. In January this year, I decided to get the boys sleeping in their room. I do have to sit in their room still while they go to sleep. I have to rub heads and scratch backs - but I do not lay with them. (I do, however, fall asleep on their floor more often than I care to admit...but I do not lay in their beds with them) I am hoping to eliminate some of my "help" eventually, but I am just happy they mostly sleep in their own beds for the night now. It took a long time before it was just habit to go to bed in their room, but now I think they understand. We have an occasional night here and there where we let them sleep in our bed, but I think they get better sleep in their own beds now.

I'm sure you don't want to hear 7.5 years, but...you asked! And I was a wimp about enforcing it for a long time, and we were in a 1 bedroom apartment until about Sept 2009.

[arivecchi]

If you figure out the answer to the $64,000 question, please do let me know. DS1 is a permanent fixture in our bed. We also have to lie down with him in his bed and that sucks, so we just let him sleep in ours. I feel so wimpy but it is just a battle I don't feel like facing right now.

I am hoping DS2 will be able to sleep with him soon and we can just throw them in a bed together! ;)

[KrystalS]

My DD didn't start sleeping her bed every night until DS was born. She was close to 7. I will say my situation is a little different because DH has been deployed 3 times and when he was gone I didn't mind DD sleeping with me. It was just easier for us. Now I have made the mistake again by letting my DS co-sleep. Difference is that he is a horrible sleeper. DD was never like that. She would always lay right down and go to sleep, no trouble.

I tried every time DH was home to transition her back to her own bed but it never lasted. I always had to lay down with her until she went to sleep and then sneak out. She rarely made it the whole night in her bed.

I plan to start trying to transition DS to his crib soon and I absolutely dread it! He still wakes up twice at night, I know its out of habit but I still let him eat because I'm so exhausted and I don't want to fight him back to sleep! Don't mean to hijack your thread but if anyone has advice on how to make the process a little easier I would appreciate it! I really don't want to CIO, so I have no idea what to do. DS doesn't even nap in his crib. I don't know if I should start trying to put him in the crib for naps and then gradually try it at night or if I should just dive right in and put him in the crib for naps and nights.

[amldaley]

For her 2nd birthday, we got her a full size bed. It is just the mattress and low profile box springs on the floor. She was sooooooooooooooo excited! We talked about it ALOT - lots of positive prep. I had to sleep in there with her for the first couple of weeks. Then we went to me reading and laying with her until she fell asleep. Then it went to me laying with her until she was super drowsy but aware I was leaving. We finally did a CIO a couple of times - the longest she cried was 13 minutes. And then we talked about "every body sleeps in their own bed". Now, we read and lay for 10 minutes then kiss her and say "I will come check on you." She says, "Ok!" and we're done until morning.

[Tondi G]

I have a just turned 6 yr old and an almost 10 year old. Both boys like to lay in my bed at night to watch a little tv and most nights fall asleep there. I can still carry my DS2 to bed and have to rouse my DS1 and walk him into bed. Many night s they stay in their own beds.... if DS2 wakes up he crawls into bed with me and goes right back to sleep. I have no issues with it. Once DS1 was about 7.5 or 8 he stopped coming into our room when he woke up in the middle of the night..... usually he stumbled into the bathroom and then found his way back to his own bed.

[swissair81]

I'm mean and I don't let anyone who is not an infant or sick sleep in my bed. My babies always cosleep with me and then I move them out of my room when they start waking up every time I turn over- around 7 months or so. After that I take the baby into my bed whenever she cries during the night and nurse her back to sleep. I usually stop the cosleeping for good when I wean (which is usually when my milk runs out because I'm pregnant.)

[brittone2]

Between 3 and 4. I think I transitioned DS1 to us cuddling next to him for a bit and then eventually to a shortened version of that and a bedtime CD around age 3.5. DD was also roughly 3.5 when we could do a shortened bedtime routine and we no longer had to remain in her room until she was asleep. She gets a story, snuggles, and then she listens to a bedtime CD (a relaxation type CD).

DD still came into our room around 1-2 am maybe once every week or two up until about a year ago. Now she only comes in if she has had a bad dream or is sick. If she needs us one of us tends to go in with her for a few mins. DS1 calls us if he has a bad dream but hasn't slept in our bed for ages.

Both kids coslept full time until age 3 and then transitioned to their own beds.

[megs4413]

both mine coslept full time until they decided to stop...with DD she was done at about 15 mos. DS was done at about 8 months (much to my chagrin). Neither have slept more than a rare night here or there with me since. It's been many, many moons since either has at this point and they are 4 and 6.

[georgiegirl]

DD (now 5) co-slept until she was almost 3. I was pregnant with DS and knew I didn't want to sleep with both kids. However, I had to lie down next to her until she was 3.75. It was a very gradual process (sitting next to her rubbing her back, then coming back every few minutes, offfering lots of rewards, etc.). I still sleep with DS, but he's not even 2 yet (turns 2 in July). My goal with him is total sleep independence by age 3.

[Gena]

DS just turned 7 and currently cosleeps about half the time, maybe slightly more. He slept with us most nights as an infant and toddler. Then as a preschooler he slept in his own bed most nights. But we have an old house and DS's room is the coldest room in the house. So on really cold winter nights, we would have him sleep in our bed.

About a year and a half ago I went back to working full time after having been a SAHM. DS reacted to the change by needing more nighttime parenting, so he started sleeping in our bed again. We have been working on getting him to sleep in his own bed more.

DH and I know that we are more lax on this issue than our friends and family members. Most of them disapprove of DS being in our bed, especially at his age. But DS's developmental needs are more important to us than having their approval.

[MommyAllison]

We started the transition around 10-12 months into their own bed. DD was full time in her own bed by age 2.5, DS just after 2.5 y/o. Both were able to fall asleep without anyone with them at night by age 3. It was a long transition process, but worth it to us.

[bubbaray]

Not what you want to hear, but both my girls STILL wander into our bed at night. I can NOT sleep with them, so I either go into the spare room or into whatever bed they vacated. Typically, I wake up somewhere in the house alone and DH ends up with both the girls. And they are ALL snoring. Including the dog.

[arivecchi]

Not what you want to hear, but both my girls STILL wander into our bed at night. I can NOT sleep with them, so I either go into the spare room or into whatever bed they vacated. Typically, I wake up somewhere in the house alone and DH ends up with both the girls. And they are ALL snoring. Including the dog. Not what I wanted to hear either!

It seems to me that it is much more difficult to get a pre-schooler/older child to stay in his/her bed than it is to get a toddler to do the same. IMO, a 2 or 3 yo is vastly different from a 4 yo child or older who can argue/stall/sneak into your bed in the middle of the night! It's exhausting! Hijacking a tiny bit here :D, but I would love to hear from those who have gotten an older child to stay in bed!

[crazydiamond]

For her 2nd birthday, we got her a full size bed. I had to sleep in there with her for the first couple of weeks. Then we went to me reading and laying with her until she fell asleep. Then it went to me laying with her until she was super drowsy but aware I was leaving. We finally did a CIO a couple of times - the longest she cried was 13 minutes.

We are more or less using this approach with 3yo DD. Just starting it. However, she tends to wake up after about four hours and then wandering back to our bedroom....but it helps that we got her a convertible crib (to a full size bed) so I can lay down with her.

[egoldber]

My younger DD (4.5) still comes into our bed in the middle of the night about half the time. As long as she actually sleeps, I am OK with that. And like a PP said, I think it is related to the fact that I work full time and am now gone when she wakes up in the morning, so I think she feels a need to be close to me at night.

But, she always starts the night in her own bed. For a LONG LONG time (maybe age 2-3.5) we had to lay down with her until she fell asleep in her own bed. At about age 3.5, she started falling asleep on her own. I have to say, it is heavenly.

My older child was never like this, so it was very difficult for us for a long time.

[AnnieW625]

You can teach her to fall asleep without you there - it will just take work and time. If you instutute a new bedtime routine and are consistent about it (and she has some input on it within your preferred boundaries), within 2-3 weeks she should be able to fall asleep without you there.

No co sleeping in our family, but this is what we had to do with DD1 once she was in her twin bed (at just over 2 she decided she was done with her crib; never tried a crib tent). It did take about 2 to 3 weeks to make it work but it was so worth it to us.

Our routine with DD1 is that she gets into bed and we read a book, she often asks DH to lay with her, which he does and it varies for how long. Usually it's about 20 minutes, sometimes DH lays there for a few hours (depending on how tired he is). If DH sleeps in there longer than a few minutes it's rare that she even notices that he is gone.

As far as your DS goes do you have a toddler or twin bed you can try with him if he is consistently getting up at night? This is what was happening with DD1 she had zero interest in sleeping in her crib anymore and once we got her calmed down for bed time she did quite well in a regular bed.

Good luck!

[Green_Tea]

Not what I wanted to hear either!

It seems to me that it is much more difficult to get a pre-schooler/older child to stay in his/her bed than it is to get a toddler to do the same. IMO, a 2 or 3 yo is vastly different from a 4 yo child or older who can argue/stall/sneak into your bed in the middle of the night! It's exhausting! Hijacking a tiny bit here :D, but I would love to hear from those who have gotten an older child to stay in bed!

We went through a stage when DS ended up in bed with us nearly every night. We have a full size bed, so it was a tight fit! He always wanted to be on my side, and I HATE being squished in the middle. It makes me claustrophobic.

Finally DH and I decided that every single time he came into our bed one of us would pick him up and immediately bring him back to his own bed. We didn't discuss it or negotiate, we just scooped him up and tucked him back into his own bed. It sucked. Some nights we had to do it 3 or 4 times. But after a few nights (maybe 3?) he got the picture - and he stayed in his own bed. It was worth the 3 or 4 nights of sheer exhaustion.

IN DS's case, climbing into bed with us wasn't something he needed emotionally - it was just a habit. He'd wake up, come downstairs, get into bed with me, and immediately fall asleep. Since we broke the habit, he's been quite good at staying in his own bed.

[Tanya]

My two oldest each co-slept until they were about 3 years old. For the oldest, we moved her to her bed when I was pregnant. I would then read in her bed (pregnancy insomnia) while she fell asleep...and then some. So, she learned to fall asleep with the light on. Good move Mom.
Then she would wake up and call out in the middle of the night until I offered her a good enough bribe that she would only get if she made it 10 nights in a row without calling out. She eventually did and has been fine every since. She's 8 now and only wakes if there is a loud thunderstorm or she's sick.

Second kid, I kicked out and told her no more Mommy and Daddy's bed. She started out sleeping on the floor in our room on my side of the bed. Then she really wanted to sleep in panties instead of a pull-up or diaper and I told her she'd have to sleep on something waterproof, so we turned the crib into a toddler bed and made it more big girlish. She also got the same deal of a reward and easily did 10 nights. She's now 4.5 and occasionally gets up in the middle of the night (claims it's a nightmare, but I think she just happens to wake up). She's not allowed in our bed (started because I was hugely pregnant with twins and now have one of the twins co-sleeping), so she's allowed to pull out the kid sofa and sleep on our floor unless she got in big trouble the day before and she's not allowed in our room at all.

So, no more kids expected, so how am I going to kick the last one out of our bed???? Ha ha.

Anyway, it seemed like it was going to be some kind of impossible thing to get a co-sleeper out of our bed, but looking back, it wasn't that bad really. It sure wasn't hard enough that I avoided co-sleeping again.