Selfish Food allergy DH WTF Rant

[amldaley]

Official Pre-Bitch Preface: PLEASE do not try to counter this bitch post with "Well, at least your husband buys groceries" type comments. I get it. He is a nice guy. I am posting this in the bitching thread for a reason. The last time I posted here, half a dozen people felt the need to counter my bitch. I don't need constructive feedback. If I did, this would be in the Lounge. Thank you.

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WTF DH??????????????????????????????

In less than 30 days, I have had three (3) major reactions to what we now believe is Yellow #5. You know this. You were there for all three.

You know I have been desperately trying to get well.

You know I was diagnosed today with both athsma and yet ANOTHER upper respritory infection and the doctor said that I am in a cycle of allergic reaction leading to infections.

You know I drove an hour each way and spent ridiculous amounts of money a few days ago to buy ORGANIC mustard and ORGANIC honey mustard sauce that are free of artificial colors.

And you were so excited to stop at the commissary for me tonight. I have lost 3 lbs in 3 days from not eating. I finally get an appetite tonight and all I want is a pickle and cheese sandwhich. I asked SPECIFICALLY for you to get relish or pickles without Yellow 5. I even told you were in the store to look if you did not find such a product in the regular condiment aisle. And I know, for certain, they carry it.

SO WHY IS THERE A FRICKING JAR OF RELISH ON THE COUNTER WITH YELLOW # 5 IN IT???????????? ARE YOU TRYING TO FRICKING KILL ME? SERIOUSLY? IF I HAVE AN ANAPHYLACTIC REACTION RIGHT NOW WITH AN UPPER RES INFECTION I MIGHT DIE YOU F'ING IDIOT.

I know times are tight but is my life insurance really worth it?????????????

I can't figure out if you are seriously that stupid or seriously trying to kill me but either way, my appetite has been replaced with both fear and anger.

WTF? I know we are new to this food allergy thing and you are new to the whole "paying attention to details" thing, but COME ON.

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It sounds like such a petty rant and I know when I point it out he will put on his "I am very disappointed with myself" face and then go out and buy more later tonight and bring me a sandwhich at 10 pm when I am already asleep. It is not about the f'ing relish. It is about the fact that he doesn't seem to GET IT. He doesn't get that this is our life. I will be dealing with this stuff forever. And it is a big deal.

[Clarity]

:hug::hug::hug: DD2 has food allergies and some people just DON'T get it. It sucks. I'm sorry.

[sariana]

:bag
My sister cannot drink milk. I know this and usually buy rice milk for her. One time when she was visiting, I blithely poured milk on her cereal. She asked me if I was trying to kill her. (She's not actually deathly allergic, but she does have serious issues.) I felt so bad; I just wasn't thinking.

I'm not taking your DH's side. He was totally clueless here.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with all these reactions. I hope you are well soon and get your DH on board so you don't have to stress every time you EAT, for heaven's sake.

Feel better soon.

[happymomma]

I don't think this is a petty rant. I'm so sorry about your health issues. It sucks when you don't feel well. The nice thing is that you know what you are allergic to and can be on the lookout for it. But it sucks that your DH didn't see it. Sometimes I think that is just the way men are. I know my DH does things that I would ask "WHY?".

[amldaley]

:hug::hug::hug: DD2 has food allergies and some people just DON'T get it. It sucks. I'm sorry.

Dairy, right? It seems yet another thing our LO's have in common. Thanks for the support :hug:

[amldaley]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with all these reactions. I hope you are well soon and get your DH on board so you don't have to stress every time you EAT, for heaven's sake.

I think you're on to something there...that is one of the things that has me floored. Had he made the sandwhich for me, I would not have been out there reading the label and it could have been bad news. I feel like I can't trust him to even make dinner or a snack now b/c I have to check everything first.

[DebbieJ]

Ugh, I HATE it when the DH is seemingly irresponsible. I hope you get your allergy/illness stuff figured out soon. It sucks to be sick!

[Clarity]

Dairy, right? It seems yet another thing our LO's have in common. Thanks for the support :hug:

Yep, dairy. :) Our little ones did/do have a lot in common with some of their skin/food problems. It was a bumpy ride there for a bit.

There's definitely a learning curve for managing allergies. He'll get there but until he does. Trust no one. ;)

[ThreeofUs]

It's hard. My DH gave me a really hard time just for *having* food allergies when they first turned up - like I was faking, or sometimes like it wasn't okay for me to stand my ground and demand that we eat food that I could eat, too. He's gotten much better - particularly after I showed him the blisters that started at my lips and ended ... elsewhere (def. tmi).

I've come to think it must be hard to accept and process another person's limitations, even when they are life-threatening allergies, and even when that other person is someone loved. But I'll tell you, it dang near ended my marriage, it po'd me so badly.

So sorry! May he get on board soon.

[DrSally]

I don't think it's petty at all. It's serious, I get it. I'm so sorry. Sometimes people have a hard time getting it, either they are in some kind of denial, frustrated by other's limitations and passive aggressive, or just not detail oriented. In any case, it's no excuse.

[elliput]

:hug::hug::hug: I'm sorry. Hopefully, your DH will learn to read labels all.the.time, and learn that food allergies are not something to take lightly.

[MMMommy]

Not petty at all. This is your life and health at stake here. He needs to get it right, and hopefully he will have learned to get it right after this incident.

[crl]

I am so sorry. I am stunned at how often people really just don't get food allergies.

Catherine

[amldaley]

Thank you to all of you :grouphug:

I calmed down and we talked about it. He had some bizarre rational. It went like this:

Wife can't have sucralose. All these other relishes have sucralose. Therefore, Yellow #5 must be OK.

He claims he checked the other section and the whole shelf was empty...ahem.

But when I told him that I don't trust him to prepare meals for me anymore, THAT really upset him, b/c he really enjoys it. So, we are going to go back to square one and start learning about this all over again, together.

Thanks again, everyone. I needed that.

[momm]

Oh my goodness! Not a petty rant at all. Esp after you not being able to eat for three days. h dear.
I hope you get something delicious and nutritious and fantastic to eat real soon, preferably made by loving husband (that does not kill you)

Hugs

[firemama]

I don't think it's petty at all. It's serious, I get it. I'm so sorry. Sometimes people have a hard time getting it, either they are in some kind of denial, frustrated by other's limitations and passive aggressive, or just not detail oriented. In any case, it's no excuse.

:yeahthat: I agree with all of this. Some people just don't get it and it is sooooooo frustrating.

[MamaMolly]

NOt a petty rant, in the least! Dealing with FAs suck, and being the only one to really get it sucks even more.

My sister called to apologize after witnessing Lula have a reaction to a tiny ammount of egg (projectile vomiting for an hour in *her* car ~ha on that one! followed by days of loose acidic BMs that made Lula's tush blister and bleed) because she hadn't believed how bad FAs were until then.

Even my own DH blows them off sometimes. We recently had a skin prick test done for the first time, and as DH was trying to downplay the peanut welt reaction the doctor turned to him and said, 'there really is no such thing as paranoia when dealing with an allergy this severe. You need to get that through your head.'

Has your DH gone to the doctor with you? Maybe that might help him figure out that NOW is the time to clue in and start paying attention.

[amldaley]

NOt a petty rant, in the least! Dealing with FAs suck, and being the only one to really get it sucks even more.

My sister called to apologize after witnessing Lula have a reaction to a tiny ammount of egg (projectile vomiting for an hour in *her* car ~ha on that one! followed by days of loose acidic BMs that made Lula's tush blister and bleed) because she hadn't believed how bad FAs were until then.

Even my own DH blows them off sometimes. We recently had a skin prick test done for the first time, and as DH was trying to downplay the peanut welt reaction the doctor turned to him and said, 'there really is no such thing as paranoia when dealing with an allergy this severe. You need to get that through your head.'

Has your DH gone to the doctor with you? Maybe that might help him figure out that NOW is the time to clue in and start paying attention.

DD was like your Lula when she was on cows milk. I think I will ask that he go with us to her allergist appt next month (same Dr as me) so I think we might address some issues then. Thanks for the idea!

[ShanaMama]

I think you're on to something there...that is one of the things that has me floored. Had he made the sandwhich for me, I would not have been out there reading the label and it could have been bad news. I feel like I can't trust him to even make dinner or a snack now b/c I have to check everything first.
Holy cow!! DD2 has severe FA but even I haven't met anyone who is anapylactic to food coloring. I feel so badly that you've been feeling so sick. I was totally going to suggest that you tell your DH exactly what you wrote here, but I see you already did!

Thank you to all of you :grouphug:

I calmed down and we talked about it. He had some bizarre rational. It went like this:

Wife can't have sucralose. All these other relishes have sucralose. Therefore, Yellow #5 must be OK.

He claims he checked the other section and the whole shelf was empty...ahem.

But when I told him that I don't trust him to prepare meals for me anymore, THAT really upset him, b/c he really enjoys it. So, we are going to go back to square one and start learning about this all over again, together.

Thanks again, everyone. I needed that.

He needs to get it through his head that he is poisoning you. If there is no other one on the shelf, don't buy it!! I'm glad he was appropriately remorseful- maybe he finally got it.
I am rather baffled that you suddenly got this severe reaction. This was sudden, right? Like you've been eating Yellow #5 all your life & now you are anaphylactic??

[ShanaMama]

... the doctor turned to him and said, 'there really is no such thing as paranoia when dealing with an allergy this severe. You need to get that through your head.'


I am :heartbeat: your doctor. I can think of several people in my life who need to hear that- from a doctor, not from their daughter in law. :wink2:

[amldaley]

Holy cow!! DD2 has severe FA but even I haven't met anyone who is anapylactic to food coloring. I feel so badly that you've been feeling so sick. I was totally going to suggest that you tell your DH exactly what you wrote here, but I see you already did!


He needs to get it through his head that he is poisoning you. If there is no other one on the shelf, don't buy it!! I'm glad he was appropriately remorseful- maybe he finally got it.
I am rather baffled that you suddenly got this severe reaction. This was sudden, right? Like you've been eating Yellow #5 all your life & now you are anaphylactic??

Yeah, well...I guess I have had reactions previously but I did not realize it was anaphylaxis. I just called it a reaction. I was diagnosed with asthma last week and my primary Dr suspects I have Atopic Triad or Atopy, so, she thinks that as that is aggrevated, I was more susceptible to a stronger reaction. I am hypersensitive to all kinds of random things and have found it so annoying that most of my life I ignored it or dealt with it as I did not want to alter my lifestyle and I was embarrassed. But as I am getting older and developing more issues, I can't ignore it anymore.

[fortato]

This isn't the least bit petty....

Some people just can't get it through their heads that a food allergy is a serious thing. It's not like you are just avoiding sugar because your teeth will rot... you have a reaction and it makes you sick...

It's sort of like my neighbor's idiot husband, who gave their son almond milk because he couldn't find the soy milk in the store.

Ugh. Hugs.