i can't ask my own sister for help

[tiapam]

because she is selfish and pretty much always says no. one day i called and asked her for help and she basically said she DID NOT KNOW WHAT SHE WAS EVEN GOING TO DO THAT DAY but that she could not help me. so i just called my dad's house (where she lives, that is another story, she is 37 years old) and asked my 73 YO dad to watch my kids so i could go to the doctor. because i can't ask my sister. who pretends she wants to have a great relationship with my kids but then does not show up for weeks in spite of living 10 minutes away. and when she does it is unannounced, no phone call, and she does the following things at my house:

sleep
use computer
eat our food

i can't stand her and her BS!

[DebbieJ]

I hate that! I wouldn't be able to handle her BS either.

[vludmilla]

Sorry she can't see past her own interests to help you out. That really stinks.

[firemama]

Sorry you have to deal with her!

[hellokitty]

If I were you, I would just assume from here on out that it's better not to bother asking her for help. It seems like you know she is selfish and that she will always say, "no," so why make yourself feel worse by setting up the scenario to begin with? I'm not saying this to be critical, BUT it will save you a lot of grief in the future, b/c she probably doesn't even care about your feelings and you're left stewing over it.

Both my mom and mil are this way and I basically just have really low expectations and accept that they will never be the type of family members who can help and be supportive. I know that it sucks and I feel for you, but I am tired of being irritated and angry with family members like this. They will never change, so it's not worth it for me to waste my time being so ticked off at them each time they let me down. So, I suggest that you either seek help from someone else, even if that means friends/neighbors, or pay someone to watch your kids. There are ppl willing to help, you just have to figure out which ones they are. {{{HUGS}}}

[AJP]

If I were you, I would just assume from here on out that it's better not to bother asking her for help. It seems like you know she is selfish and that she will always say, "no," so why make yourself feel worse by setting up the scenario to begin with? I'm not saying this to be critical, BUT it will save you a lot of grief in the future, b/c she probably doesn't even care about your feelings and you're left stewing over it.

This exactly. I have had to learn this way also. It sucks that you can't ask for help from family.
When my sister was having her kids I was married but no DC of my own yet. I had tons of time to help her, go shopping with her, babysit, etc. Her DH worked a lot back then, and she was pg taking care of 2 kids virtually on her own with no help from him, and he had no sympathy for her needing help around the house or the fact that she sometimes fell behind. I was always available to organize, help sort/fold laundry, do dishes, pack her condo while she was pregnant, help unpack and set up new house. Now that she has 3 kids (all in school full time), she doesn't have time to come visit us once a week. I needed help in the beginning when I was alone with twins and losing my mind. She didn't come often. I helped her while I was able to and did it cause I wanted. I get that I didn't do it so she could repay me one day...just hurts that she doesnt have any time to offer us. I have never asked her to baby sit (well, once) I just ask her to visit, have coffee, meet me at the mall etc. I get that "I don't even know what I have to do today" also. My sister doesn't work and she IS busy whe. Her kids get out of school. Offer me an hour one morning so I can take my dog to the vet or something...anything small might help!
Huge hugs! I know it sucks.