Ridiculously getting nervous about TTC

[amldaley]

We are rapdily approaching the time frame for TTC. We had planned on trying last summer but with DH in Afghanistan, it was impossible (well, impossible if I wanted it to be his:wink2:)

But I am getting really nervous now. I am terrified about our financial situation. I am worried as my health seems to be consistently unstable. I am worried that we are TOO OLD. I will be 37 soon and DH is 40. And we are just tired and out of time all the time as it is NOW, so what the heck are we thinking trying for #2?

But, we really want a #2.

As I am staring down the ovulation calendar and realizing we are less than 2 weeks from TTC, I am freaking out a little bit.

I had wanted to get down another 16 lbs but have been bouncing around the same 3 lbs back and forth for 5 months now. I can't get past this plateau. That 16 lbs mark puts me at the difference between overweight and obese. I am only 5'1" or 5'2", so proportionally that weight is more on me than a taller person.

I just see our future filled with exhaustion for the next 3 years and I feel old and worried.

I have no idea why I am posting this. Feel free to share your experiences, advice, or kick me in the head if you feel you need to.

[wellyes]

I just see our future filled with exhaustion for the next 3 years and I feel old and worried.

I'm 36 with a 10 month old. I am completely exhausted all the time. And it is glorious. I have the sweetest boy with the biggest dimples ever, and my DD has blossomed as a big sis. I would not trade it for anything.

Good luck!

[fortato]

Hugs... Worrying and stressing out about it isn't going to help.
Relax and enjoy the process!

It took 2 years for me... worrying didn't help. All you can do is have a lot of sex and have fun with it. You're not getting younger... do it now!!

Good Luck! We'll be here for you.
Oh, and I'm 36 with a walking, climbing, running 11 month old. I am EXHAUSTED... but I couldn't imagine doing this 2 years ago when we first started.... I'm glad my kids are 4 years apart.

[amldaley]

... do it now!!

Well, DH is asleep right now but I am sure he will appreciate that I have my own online cheering section encouraging me to...wait...that's not what you meant, is it?

[fortato]

Well, DH is asleep right now but I am sure he will appreciate that I have my own online cheering section encouraging me to...wait...that's not what you meant, is it?

He doesn't have to be awake for it. He just has to "stand at attention".

[SnuggleBuggles]

There's always something that can hold us back from a new baby but it sounds like you should go for it. :)

[amldaley]

He doesn't have to be awake for it. He just has to "stand at attention".

You and I are about to go down the road that always gets us in trouble. I am not saying anything else (though you know I have three come backs already in mind.).

[Jacksmommy2b]

Well, DH is asleep right now but I am sure he will appreciate that I have my own online cheering section encouraging me to...wait...that's not what you meant, is it?

:rotflmao:

It's normal to be worried, it shows how seriously you take your family. I think #2 is the best decision we ever made. Good luck!

[sste]

I think that nervous excitement is part of the fun. :)

You know, you can get the finances sorted out and your health stabilized (assuming pregnancy isn't going to cause some sort of harm) over time. But, you probably don't have the next decade to get the baby sorted out! So, go for it.

Also, I was convinced my second baby would be as tiring as my first. I lined up nannies, night nurses, you name it. DD was an absolute cooing, sleeping, complacent chubby dream of a newborn. I had my co-sleeper, BFing was easy, the nanny helped out part-time . . . it was great. I have a few friends with second babies as easy as mine. It can happen. :)

[fortato]

You and I are about to go down the road that always gets us in trouble. I am not saying anything else (though you know I have three come backs already in mind.).

I have NO idea what you are talking about....

[MoJo]

I'm 38 1/2, have two exactly two years apart, and yes, I'm tired. (The baby still isn't STTN) I told DH that these were going to be two of the hardest years of my life, and that was before I knew DD#2 was going to cause me to need surgery etc.

But I have absolutely NO regrets about trying for and having #2, and I knew that I would regret not trying for much longer than this short hard time in my life.

FWIW, I also found it much easier to lose weight after #2.

But I will admit, financial fears are the #1 reason we aren't trying for a boy.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I'm 36 with a 10 month old. I am completely exhausted all the time. And it is glorious. I have the sweetest boy with the biggest dimples ever, and my DD has blossomed as a big sis. I would not trade it for anything.

Good luck!

:yeahthat:

Similar situation here Except I'm 33 with a 16mo and 2mo and I had ds first then dd. Am beyond exhausted but everyday I am just so so thankful for them. It's downright amazing seeing a toddler turn into mommy's helper / big brother.

[daisymommy]

Exhaustion is just part of parenting, it comes with the territory, no matter what age you are :)

I am honestly less tired now at 36 with 3 than I was in my 20's with #1 who was super high maintenance. My other kids have been so much less work. You also know how to do this mothering thing, so it's easier with each subsequent child, you losen up more, are more relaxed, and you learn what to let go of and what really is important. You lower your standards some, and that's okay.

Is life with more than 1 more work? Yes. But I wouldn't change my life (or the extra pounds I have put on) for anything in the world! The smiles, laughter, playing between siblings, games they play together makes it all worthwhile!

[JoyNChrist]

Just go for it. It's normal to be nervous, but that shouldn't stop you. If you wait to be 100% ready, it'll never happen.

Good luck!

ETA - I really think kids just make you tired, regardless of age. I'm 25 and exhausted. And mine all STTN most of the time.

And I wanted to add this: we went through a lot to give DS1 a sibling (well, siblings, but that wasn't exactly the plan). A lot of money and heartache and procedures and stress. And that's not even getting into pregnancy complications and the general hardships of life with two more babies. But having seen how much DS1 loves them already, I would do it all again in a heartbeat. It is so, so, SO worth it. A million times over. :)

[amldaley]

I'm 38 1/2, have two exactly two years apart, and yes, I'm tired. (The baby still isn't STTN) I told DH that these were going to be two of the hardest years of my life, and that was before I knew DD#2 was going to cause me to need surgery etc.

But I have absolutely NO regrets about trying for and having #2, and I knew that I would regret not trying for much longer than this short hard time in my life.

FWIW, I also found it much easier to lose weight after #2.

But I will admit, financial fears are the #1 reason we aren't trying for a boy.

I really appreciate your candor - thank you.

[amldaley]

Just go for it. It's normal to be nervous, but that shouldn't stop you. If you wait to be 100% ready, it'll never happen.

Good luck!

If I wait to be 100% ready, I will be one of those women on a TLC special "Decrepit Mothers"....

I totally agree there is never an ideal time, but I guess it is was more the make or break decision whether to have #2 at all. We are going to TTC for sure, but I am just praying I won't have some sort of nervous breakdown in the process.

A girl here at work just came in. She is 23? 24? And she told me that she is the oldest woman in her family not to have kids. She said she wants to have 3 or more and have them all before she gets too old, "like, 30".

[amldaley]

Exhaustion is just part of parenting, it comes with the territory, no matter what age you are :)

I am honestly less tired now at 36 with 3 than I was in my 20's with #1 who was super high maintenance. My other kids have been so much less work. You also know how to do this mothering thing, so it's easier with each subsequent child, you losen up more, are more relaxed, and you learn what to let go of and what really is important. You lower your standards some, and that's okay.

Is life with more than 1 more work? Yes. But I wouldn't change my life (or the extra pounds I have put on) for anything in the world! The smiles, laughter, playing between siblings, games they play together makes it all worthwhile!


Lol...I am hoping that DD will really take on most of the work. She is sooo in to the idea of a baby brother or sister. She walks around with her doll in her arms constantly. She has also offered to share her room, her toys and her clothes, so if the money thing is an issue, at least we have that going for us.

I do worry though as I found her baby doll in the dogs food bowl last night. I hope she will take better care of her sibling. Maybe I should re-think this "having DD take on most of the work" thing.....

[cucaw30]

Just go for it. It's normal to be nervous, but that shouldn't stop you. If you wait to be 100% ready, it'll never happen.

And I wanted to add this: we went through a lot to give DS1 a sibling (well, siblings, but that wasn't exactly the plan). A lot of money and heartache and procedures and stress. And that's not even getting into pregnancy complications and the general hardships of life with two more babies. But having seen how much DS1 loves them already, I would do it all again in a heartbeat. It is so, so, SO worth it. A million times over. :)

:yeahthat: It is tough when you are going through it but giving your DC a sibling is so worth it. My DS2 was born 3 1/2 months premature and spent those 3 1/2 months in the NICU (he was discharged the day before my due date). I was juggling a toddler at home and a baby in the NICU. Looking back, I have no idea how we did it but to see how the two of them interact, I would go through it again in a heartbeat. DS1 is now 3 and so helpful with DS2. There were times when we could not get DS2 to stop crying for whatever reason when he was a baby and his big brother would go up to him, get in his face, give him kisses, and he would stop crying.

[cindys]

I agree with Stacey in that you will be tired no matter what age...

I was 42 (turned 43 two weeks later) with my 2nd and 46 with my last....

I think I was way more tired with the 4yrs of fertility treatments I did to get my babies than when they were actually here and keeping me up during the night :)

Cindy
Mama to 3 boys...19, 5 & 2 :heartbeat::heartbeat::heartbeat:

[longtallsally05]

...But I am getting really nervous now. I am terrified about our financial situation. I am worried as my health seems to be consistently unstable. I am worried that we are TOO OLD. I will be 37 soon and DH is 40. And we are just tired and out of time all the time as it is NOW, so what the heck are we thinking trying for #2?...But, we really want a #2.....

Know what my mother told me when I said I wanted #2 but was kind of nervous about it? She said, "Honey, if everyone waited until they felt they had more than enough money to have a baby, then nobody would have babies. You will always feel like you could be saving more money." But, you can't always have more babies. Food for thought...

[mommylamb]

I don't think there is ever a "good" time to have another child. It's just one of those things you have to do and then deal with the fall out. I say that because I am totally in your shoes. I'll be 36 in a couple months and DH is 43. We're TTC, and have been for the last few months with no success yet and I'm starting to get really freaked out that there's something wrong with my hormones. I'm getting my LH surge really late and I want to go in and have my progesterone tested.

But even if I were to get pregnant, my first response would be total jubilation, and my second response will be out and out fear. I'm totally afraid of the financial implications, the sleepless nights, being too old... but I don't feel like my family is complete. I just keep coming back to that conviction.

[zag95]

I was exactly in your shoes- except I turned 38- and said to DH- when are we having #2??? We have to get this show on the road! So after about 2-3 months of charting my cycle (and having sex at the optimal times- gee that doesn't sound too romantic does it?!), we are pregnant! Tomorrow will be week 8- and at week 9 we do an ultra sound.

Do I wish I was thinner? Yeah. Do I wish I was a little younger? Heck yeah...... but I want DD to have a sibling. I want another child to complete our family. I will just be turning 39 when our DC#2 arrives, and think it will be wonderful. We are so excited!

Good luck to you!

[bisous]

You know, it occurred to me the other day that the "optimal" window for us as women to have our children is RIDICULOUSLY small. Between the obligations thrust upon us by society that interfere (sometimes) with bearing children (schooling, travel, career) and the stigma of bearing children later (by medical personnel and by our expectations of ourselves) our window is just so teeny, tiny!

I think in this day and age that most people wouldn't bat an eye at a child born at age 35. You are only 3 measly years older than that! Three years! That is such a small amount of time compared to how many years you will be living and how much you will enjoy your children.

I say if you want another one GO FOR IT! :)

FWIW, I'm 35 and having my 3rd. I'd always wanted 4 spaced 4 years apart. It occurred to me that I'll be 39 if I continue my pattern but I don't foresee feeling much worse in four years so for now, we're sticking to our plan! :)