s/o Life Partner Thread - Did your SO partner with someone like his/her parents?

[BabyBearsMom]

They say men like to marry women like their mother's. Are you like one of your SO's parents?

We always joke that DH couldn't have married someone less like his mom. MIL is blond, bubbly, SAHM who never had a career, likes to do domestic thing, loves Lifetime movies and Danielle Steele books etc. I'm brunette, from new england (so not bubbly at all), love my career and don't want to stay home, do domestic things because I have to, and want to poke myself in the eye with a spoon when I hear the words "Lifetime original movie." DH is very close to his mom (talks to her at least 4 or 5 times a week) and loves her a lot, but admits that he didn't want a wife like her.

[elektra]

MIL and I have some very basic similarities- we like to chat; we are nice; we love DH. I actually love her very much and we get along great.
But we are definitely more different that alike, especially in looks! I am a foot taller than her for starters. I am caucasian and MIL is half Filipino and half Mexican.
She is a religious Catholic, and we have opposing political views, which we politely do not discuss with each other. She had six kids, was a SAHM (with a college degree) and baked cookies. I can barely handle my 2 kids, am a WAHM and am a disaster in the kitchen.
Definitely nothing freudian about DH's choice in a wife.

[weech]

I'm very similar to DH's dad - we're both reserved (yet still very intelligent), love to bake, patient, slow to anger (but fierce when angry), introverted, deliberate, thoughtful, etc.

MIL is my polar opposite - extroverted, loud, impulsive, chatty, etc. She's at least a couple inches shorter than me (and I'm only 5'5"!) and she's TINY (like size zero tiny)... I'm somewhere on the other end of the spectrum :) She is messy, though, which might be one of our only similarities.

[mommylamb]

want to poke myself in the eye with a spoon when I hear the words "Lifetime original movie."
:rotflmao:

I don't think I'm very similar to my MIL either, though I do like her a lot. She had a lot of challenges in her life that I, thankfully, do not have, and those things have shaped her in many ways. She comes from a very different background than I do. She is much more passive than I am, though she has a lot of strength that isn't immediately apparent when you meet her and that I respect greatly. While she's a smart person, she never had the educational opportunities that I've had, and I think she second guesses herself a lot. OTOH, I have a lot of faith in my convictions and I'm not shy about anything. I thing DH would be very frustrated if he had married someone like her because I don't think that personality would challenge him in the way that I do, and I know he appreciates that about me.

[boogiemomz]

Ummm... NO. We could not be more different. But I can see how DH was/is accustomed to living in her house, and how this still impacts his behavior now. Sometimes I have to remind her that I'm NOT her, and he doesn't get why I say that. :shake:

[crl]

No, I am nothing like my mil. Not in appearance or personality or in work related choices. Since she drives me nuts, I think this is a good thing.

Catherine

[crayonblue]

MIL and I have very similar interests and I think that our basic personalities are the same. But, I just WISH I was more like her. That lady doesn't have a selfish bone in her body (unless you try to take away her Godiva!) and I struggle with selfishness. So, I would say yes, somewhat.

[niccig]

I asked DH this last night, and he said I'm not like his Mum at all. I like her a lot, I think she's a great grandmother, but we're not alike.

[TwinFoxes]

I think my MIL and I mostly opposites other than we both are social (something DH is NOT). I love to travel, try new things, and eat new foods. MIL travels some, but mostly wants to make her travel experience just like home, she doesn't try new food, and finds anything different from the way it's done in her town "weird". We are both very loyal, and truthful, so I guess those are similarities too. And we both married guys who dote on us. :)

[maestramommy]

I actually asked Dh this last night, telling him about the other two threads. He didn't think so:tongue5: He's heard of the notion of course, but no.

[icunurse]

No. Other than a love of DH, I don't think my MIL and I really have anything in common. But DH and I don't think that he is like anyone is his family, either. MIL is very nice, just *very* different. She is very passive, defers to her husband, claims to be religious, a Republican, can't make decisions, cooks poorly, and never sees or speaks of her children having faults. I am, well, the complete opposite of that. DH always says that he could never marry a woman like his Mom LOL

[arivecchi]

We are nothing alike.

My MIL is/was a homebody, SAHM, bubbly, ditzy, cheery, super laid back with kids (it's a miracle DH and his brothers survived), a bit gullible, does not like confrontation, celebrates anything and everything, high school grad.

I love to work, went to college and grad school, love to argue, am very conservative about safety issues, question everything, am not super cheery or positive, a different ethnicity than MIL, sometimes forget to celebrate certain birthdays and holidays.

I think he picked a complete opposite actually, just like I did.

Having said that, we both love her to pieces. She's an awesome mother and MIL.

ETA: I asked DH and he agreed that I am the polar opposite. :)

[hellokitty]

No, I am nothing like my mil. Not in appearance or personality or in work related choices. Since she drives me nuts, I think this is a good thing.

Catherine

Yup, same situation here. My mil and I are like fire and water. So completely different, and a bad mix. She wears too much make up, I don't wear any. She is very skinny and vain about her looks, I am NOT skinny and NOT into my looks at all. She's very self-centered and selfish, I put everyone else first. She is also extremely superficial and materialistic, everything she does is for show. I am quite the opposite from this, I have a tendency to do what is, "right" over what looks good. She is very closed-minded and judgmental about anyone who is different from her and I'm usually pretty open-minded and accepting. I'm a good cook, she sucks at cooking, my bil cracks me up, b/c when he ans sil started dating, sil asked what his mom was like and he told her, "she's a REALLY bad cook!" I'm pretty independent, she acts like she is an invalid, even though she's not. She's super religious, I'm about as non-religious as you can get, and my actions are not governed by my religion (ie: she does, "nice" things b/c of her religion, not just the sake of being nice). And not to sound snotty about it, but my mil is NOT an educated person at all, she comes off as extremely ignorant. It is not all her fault, I know that in her culture and time, education was limited for women, BUT she is one of those ppl who doesn't even REALIZE how foolish/ignorant she usually sounds (and has diarrhea of the mouth, when she should just shut up when she doesn't know WTF she is talking about) and she refuses to try to educate or enlighten herself about ANYTHING, it drives me crazy. She is the type who always believes crazy crap that she has heard, spreads rumors about it and thinks it's true, w/o checking facts first. Also, she is very irresponsible, constantly getting herself in deep water, b/c she is impulsive and lacks forethought. I probably over-think things too much before I do things, so we are so opposite in this way too. My mil also CONSTANTLY brags about her sons and how perfect they are. I am not braggy about my kids, part of this was b/c I grew up in a family where we were always criticized, and never complimented, so I feel very weird about bragging about my kids. What is weird about my mil is that she even brags about stupid crap that isn't even worth bragging about. Like she will go around telling ppl how proud she is that neither of her sons smoke cigarettes or does drugs. I think that is an incredibly DUMB brag. Sorry. I mean, it's good that neither of them are into drugs or cigarettes, IMO nothing worth bragging about.

I sometimes wonder if my mil dislikes her dils so much, b/c both of us are almost completely OPPOSITE in every way from my mil. Meaning, her sons chose women completely opposite from their own mother, which is a reflection of what they think of their mother. I don't think she knows this consciously, but maybe subconsciously this adds on another layer of why she is such a crappy mil to her dils. My DH does love his mom and is a huge mama's boy (too much so, we still get into arguments about this pretty regularly, and my mom keeps pointing out that it's, 'good' that my DH is such a mama's boy... yeah good for his mom, not good as his wife!), but yeah, he drives me nuts. I don't think that anyone has been that surprised that my DH chose someone like me as his spouse.

[boolady]

Yes and no. Physically, no. She would have done anything for anyone and took great care of DH, BIL and FIL and was incredibly loyal, which is also me; however, and this is a big however, despite having a lot of inner strength, she let herself and her desires for her life be completely subjugated to what my very domineering FIL wanted for himself. My DH's entire life, until we were married, honestly, was about doing what FIL wanted for himself-- their entire family revolved around (and it sometimes still feels that way) FIL.

I won't waste too much time with details, but I could never stomach giving up my identity and desires the way my MIL did. Some of it might have made her happy, b/c she loved to see my FIL, DH and BIL happy, but some of it did not, at least on a subconscious level. I know that for a fact. This will never be me. I am wayyyy too strong-willed for any of that, and DH was well aware of that when we started dating. I would give my right arm for DH or DD, but I'm not an appendage, I'm a person.

[Raidra]

I'm nothing like MIL, and my husband would agree. On the other hand, my husband is very much like my father.

[daisymommy]

DH says thank God I'm not like his mother ;)
His parents are both dysfunctional. He says he never knew how parents were supposed to act or raise their kids until he spent time with my family. That breaks my heart for him.
It also means I don't have very big shoes to fill, which is a relief I guess.