At what age can kids go in public bathroom by themselves?

[deborah_r]

For a while I was letting DS1 go in the bathroom by himself, but then I started getting worried about it and made him go in the ladies room with me. He is very small so most people probably think he's about 5.

How/when am I supposed to get comfortable with sending him into a room to partially undress where I can't see him and have no idea who else might be in there?

[kozachka]

DS has been using public bathrooms by himself for 6-9 months or so. So I would say about the age of 7. He still uses the ladies room with me but very, very occasionally, like once or twice in the last 6 months.

[sariana]

It depends on where we are. At gymnastics/swimming (same site) I let him go alone because it is very busy. With so many people coming and going, it is unlikely that anyone could do something nefarious. Also, half the time the door is open.

At the mall or somewhere else with a large bathroom, where there are places to remain concealed, no way.

I still take him in with me at Costco, but I probably could let him go in there alone. It is pretty open and well lit, and also pretty busy. But usually I am taking DD, too, so I can't just stay outside the door, which is the only way I would feel comfortable letting him go in there. So it's easier just to take both kids into the women's room with me.

DS will be 7 in July. But he is immature and often lacks common sense. So I don't really trust him yet.

[stefani]

I just started letting DS go into public bathrooms that is not single (multiple stalls) very recently. I am still paranoid though. Occasionally I still insist that he comes with me into the women's bathroom.

It is hard to say really... I cannot believe that at the swimming pool age 3 or over cannot go into opposite gender bathrooms. The family bathroom only has one toilet and there is no way I will let DS go into the bathroom alone at 3. I am still nervous about him going in there by himself now.

[deborah_r]

I'm wondering about places like Target, McDonald's (in our city, not like rest stop McDonald's - that would be a 'no way' for me), at the park, restaurants.

Eta...Stefani, I crossposted with you... I am ok with the swimming pool change room because I figure there are lots of dads and kids in there when we are there, should be fine. But I cannot imagine sending my 3 year old by himself.

[niccig]

Depends where it is.

At the Y, DS has to go into boys by himself. He's no longer allowed in the girls. At camp, he has to change in/out of swimming clothes by himself and he did that last year at 5.5 yo - I had to check every day if he had his swimming shorts/rash vest, as he often would change into his clothes and then leave them on the floor.

Smaller places, I let him go in on his own eg. gymnastics or music center. The mall, target, the movies, he still comes into the ladies room. If DH is with us, he takes him.

I'm sure I read it here about a mother sending her son into the gents, but keeping the door propped open with her foot, yelling at her son to hurry up, or she'll be coming in after him...that will be me. :waving4:

[C99]

Age 6 at places like Target, etc.

http://littleshoulders.blogspot.com/2011/04/urbanism-and-child-safety.html

[KrisM]

DS1 has been since about 6.5 pretty much every where.

[SnuggleBuggles]

8. :) I probably did it a little sooner but only at very select places where I had a good sense of who was around (small restaurant, for example or a non-busy day at the library). Still, I stand outside and call in periodically.

Beth

[liz]

I would say about 7. I am also one of those moms who stands outside the door and calls out every once in a while :).

[Jo..]

I would say about 7. I am also one of those moms who stands outside the door and calls out every once in a while :).

My Ds went alone for the first time in a restaurant the other day. Small 2 stall bathrooms. I probably called "Adam, are you done"? 4 times in about a minute.

In big places, no way.

[crl]

Age 7 here.

Catherine

[kijip]

Between 6 and 7. Usually he prefers to use the family restroom where the door can lock and there is privacy. He has certainly gone into many other, larger, stall restrooms. There is one shopping center restroom here where there are doors to multiple areas and conceivably a child could go in one door and then accidentally walk out the other or be taken out the other, including a door that leads to a hallway that leads to the parking lot. It is weird. So there, if J can not take him, we find a different restroom or go to one of the stores that has their own single door restroom.

[vonfirmath]

I don't know. as my son gets older, I'm worried about this. I'm not sure if he's okay to go into the guys by himself, but I'm also unsure how appropriate it is for him at 5-6 to be in the ladies restroom

As much as possible I'm starting to look for family restrooms!

[ha98ed14]

I'm sure I read it here about a mother sending her son into the gents, but keeping the door propped open with her foot, yelling at her son to hurry up, or she'll be coming in after him...that will be me. :waving4:

Hey, my high school best friend does this. She boys, 12, 7 and 6. She stands outside the door and talks to them, not saying, "hurry up", just having a conversation. She figures if they stop talking, that is a sign something is wrong because someone is threatening them.

[pb&j]

DS is 5.5, and I'm fine with it. He, on the other hand, enjoys the company.:rolleye0014:

[o_mom]

I don't know. as my son gets older, I'm worried about this. I'm not sure if he's okay to go into the guys by himself, but I'm also unsure how appropriate it is for him at 5-6 to be in the ladies restroom

As much as possible I'm starting to look for family restrooms!


I don't think there is anything wrong at 5-6 yrs old or even older. It's not like there is anything to see in the women's restroom.

I will let them go in the men's if it is a small one with low traffic (library, etc.) or at the larger stores, if I am not going to the women's restroom. My bigger issue with the older ones (6 and 7.5) is not so much them going in the men's room alone, but rather if I am in the women's room and they finish first, they can wander off in spite of strict instructions not to. DS3 almost always goes with me unless it is a small/low-traffic one and the older two go with him (and I'm not going in the women's).

[Indianamom2]

I have recently started letting DD ( 6 yr.s 8 months) go into smaller public bathrooms by herself. I stand outside the door (and in bigger places, peek in the bathroom first) and if it is taking a long time, I call in and check on her.

I absolutely refuse to let her go to the regular mall restroom by herself, but it's usually not necessary because they have a two room family restroom, so I know that one is safe and I can sit and wait right outside the door.

I don't love letting her go alone (especially since we recently had a wrongly released sexual felon go into a store restroom and rape a store employee in our area) but I know that I have to let her learn to be responsible eventually...

[Melanie]

It depends for me, as well. Ds is 9 and I really think that is too old to accompany me in the ladies' room, for the benefit of the other people there.

He has some anxiety over it himself, so that makes it harder in my situation. What we have done, if we can't find a one-seater situation, is I stand right outside the door, and LOUDLY say "I AM WAITING RIGHT HERE FOR YOU," for the benefit of anyone else inside. I also tell him to use a stall. If anyone is in there who makes him uncomfortable I told him to come back out and we will wait until they are gone. This generally works though recently at a busy mall it took forever for it to be empty.

Ds hasn't really been 'educated' to the evils of the world, so the fact that he has some trepidation over the situation makes me want to be cautious, even moreso and honor his caution.

[jess_g]

Wow I did not let my ds in the mens room until age 10 when he was realy too old for the ladies room. I also have a 7 year old and he will not be in the mens room until he is ready. Until then we will just try to avoid public bath rooms. I am mainly talking about ones in public places like the mall and the airport.

Jessica.

[vonfirmath]

I don't think there is anything wrong at 5-6 yrs old or even older. It's not like there is anything to see in the women's restroom.

I will let them go in the men's if it is a small one with low traffic (library, etc.) or at the larger stores, if I am not going to the women's restroom. My bigger issue with the older ones (6 and 7.5) is not so much them going in the men's room alone, but rather if I am in the women's room and they finish first, they can wander off in spite of strict instructions not to. DS3 almost always goes with me unless it is a small/low-traffic one and the older two go with him (and I'm not going in the women's).

So at the same ages would you be okay with your daughter going into the men's restroom when out with her dad?

We're going to have 1 son and 1 daughter soon.

(I'm not so concerned with what my kids "see" as the comfort of other people using the bathroom. I get uncomfortable when I see older boys in the women's restroom. Especially when they are peeking between the doors, climbing walls, running around, etc. And it is the older-looking kids in the restroom I see doing these things.

[Melanie]

So at the same ages would you be okay with your daughter going into the men's restroom when out with her dad?

We're going to have 1 son and 1 daughter soon.

(I'm not so concerned with what my kids "see" as the comfort of other people using the bathroom. I get uncomfortable when I see older boys in the women's restroom. Especially when they are peeking between the doors, climbing walls, running around, etc. And it is the older-looking kids in the restroom I see doing these things.

Neither of my children do that, at any age.

I'd rather Dd not go into the men's room, just because there's more to see in there (note: I think that is SO strange...the public/group peeing they do!), but at 5 1/2 she's too immature to go by herself. Totally physically capable, but could spend forever at the sink and worry us.

[deborah_r]

So at the same ages would you be okay with your daughter going into the men's restroom when out with her dad?

We're going to have 1 son and 1 daughter soon.

(I'm not so concerned with what my kids "see" as the comfort of other people using the bathroom. I get uncomfortable when I see older boys in the women's restroom. Especially when they are peeking between the doors, climbing walls, running around, etc. And it is the older-looking kids in the restroom I see doing these things.


Well, I think the difference is in the ladies room everyone is inside the stalls. I can't see why women would be uncomfortable with a young boy in the ladies room when they are not seeing anything except women at the sink? A young girl in the men's room is likely to see men at the urinal, making her and the men uncomfortable.

Peeking between the doors and such is a behavior issue, I would never let my sons do that.

[o_mom]

So at the same ages would you be okay with your daughter going into the men's restroom when out with her dad?

We're going to have 1 son and 1 daughter soon.

(I'm not so concerned with what my kids "see" as the comfort of other people using the bathroom. I get uncomfortable when I see older boys in the women's restroom. Especially when they are peeking between the doors, climbing walls, running around, etc. And it is the older-looking kids in the restroom I see doing these things.


Peeking between doors, climbing, running, etc. are rude and I would not tolerate my boys doing that at 5-6 yrs or older (not that I would 'tolerate' it any younger, but my expectations and consequences would reflect their age). Unless there are SNs coming into play, I don't think that it is an unreasonable expectation. I don't see even an 8-9 yo boy going in a stall, washing their hands and then standing by the door to wait as something that would make me uncomfortable if I were using the restroom, but I think that somewhere between 7 and 9 is where I think most boys are mature enough to handle both going in the men's room alone and being able to remember not to leave until mom comes out of the women's room.

I think for girls going in the men's room I would cut off a slightly lower age - right in that 5-6 yr age, when they can handle wiping, washing, etc. by themselves. For me, in the men's rooms with urinals, there is more an issue with the comfort of those using the restroom as they are more exposed. In a women's room with stalls, I don't see that as as big of an issue. Additionally, if your concern is child predators, then statistics are on the side of girls going in alone.

In that in between range where they can probably handle going in the women's room alone but before you can trust they won't leave the area afterwards, I would probably tell my DH to send her in the women's room while he waits for her, then have her come just inside the men's room door and wait while he used the restroom. I have done this before when the older ones swear that they don't have to go at all (or did just go recently), but I have to go (DS3 still goes in with me if I have to go).

All of that said.... I think that it is hugely variable depending on the individual child and unless a boy is shaving, I'm not about to judge a mom that brings him in the women's restroom.

ETA: One other thing that comes into play for us is that my kids are small and look 1-2 years younger than they are. I don't need the hassle of some busybody calling security because she thinks my 7.5 yo is a 5 yo left unattended. Also, it is rare that I am out alone with the oldest, so I'm usually dealing with at least one younger one and what they can handle.

[hillview]

DS1 goes into restrooms solo on a case by case basis and never when we have DS2 with us (DS2 would want to do the same thing). I let him go in when it is not super crowded and I can hang out outside. Like Nordstroms or a family restaurant.
/hillary