I'm done with surprises and tragedy... help?

[weech]

deleted.

[liz]

Oh, sweetie, that is a lot of stuff to deal with. Maybe a therapist could help you? Huge, huge hugs to you :hug:

[amldaley]

First of all, :hug:

Do you need therapy? Only you can answer that. But I do think you need to find someone to talk to: a therapist, counselor, pastor, support group or maybe ALANON.

Were it me, I would not only get in with a counselor, I would also have a sit down talk with my DH and explain that drug use is not acceptable behavior to you and ensure he really knows it can never happen again. And then explain how the secrets and drama and continuous recirculating of issues weighs so heavily on you. He needs to know what your needs and expectations are.

As for caring for your brother, I have one of those, too. I love him dearly but at 42 years old, he still doesn't know how to balance a checkbook or not buy a car without getting rooked or how to keep himself afloat, basically.

You can't do it for him. It is wonderful to be supportive and caring for your brother and you obviously have a close bond. But you also have yourself and the family you have created with DH to consider. There has to be a balance somewhere in there.

Loads of P & PT for you as you try to sort through this. :hug:

[artvandalay]

Hugs for you :hug:. That is so much to go through.

Yes, I think you should see a therapist. I've said it before, I think everyone could benefit from talking to a therapist at least once in their life. Everyone. I saw a therapist for an anxiety problem years ago and the tools she gave me I still use to this day. I think you need to talk to someone especially since you have noone to talk about these issues IRL. There is no stigma with seeing a therapist anymore. Please go talk to someone. You will feel so much better.

[WatchingThemGrow]

:hug:That's too much for one person to process alone -or even with your DH. Please do set up an appt. with a counselor and find ways to go on with happier days. so sorry your trust in people has been rocked!

[soon2b4]

HUGE hugs to you! :grouphug:
What an enormous amount of stuff to deal with all at once! I think that being able to share some of it has already helped and that you are being very thoughtful and "together" in realizing that you need that. A therapist may be a wonderful thing for you.
Lots of PT heading your way! I hope things slow down soon.

[tribe pride]

Hugs for you :hug:. That is so much to go through.

Yes, I think you should see a therapist. I've said it before, I think everyone could benefit from talking to a therapist at least once in their life. Everyone. I saw a therapist for an anxiety problem years ago and the tools she gave me I still use to this day. I think you need to talk to someone especially since you have noone to talk about these issues IRL. There is no stigma with seeing a therapist anymore. Please go talk to someone. You will feel so much better.

:yeahthat: I think everyone, even people not dealing with terribly difficult things, but just regular every-day things, can benefit from therapy/counseling. It helped me to think more objectively about my life, why I react the way I do in certain situations, how to deal with conflict in a healthy manner, etc. So sorry this is such a difficult time for you! :hug:

[momm]

I just wanted to say :grouphug:

[kdeunc]

I just wanted to say :grouphug:

:yeahthat::grouphug:

[wellyes]

I am so sorry. What a trial you are going through . I think it is good, though , that the men in your life are being so honest with you. Yes, do see a therapist. I have. I think more of us on this board have than have not, honestly.

[Smillow]

I just wanted to say :grouphug:


:yeahthat::grouphug:
and :yeahthat: :grouphug: :grouphug:!

P &PT to you - I also think you should find someone to talk to - that is a lot of overwhelming stuff - Happy belated b'day to your DS & congratulation to you for your first year as a mom!

[DietCokeLover]

You need some support to process all of that. That is a lot to take in. Find someone you feel safe with and lean on them.

Hugs to you.

[egoldber]

I agree that support can really help you process this stuff. That is a lot to take in all at once and it sounds like you are suffering emotionally and physically from it. Even just a few sessions to process may be very helpful.

Do you have EAP available through work? They are great for this sort of thing.

[wimama]

First off huge hugs!:grouphug:

You have a lot going on and you have been trying to deal with all this stress yourself. I agree with the previous posters suggestions about seeing a therapist and possible a support group like Alanon. You don't have to bear all this alone. You reached out to us, that is a great first step.:hug:

[JustMe]

I am so sorry about everything you have been through and are going through. You are having a normal reaction to long-term trauma. IMHO, you need and deserve to see a therapist. That could make a major positive difference in how you are feeling. This in turn would have a positive effect on your ds. So, yes, I think you need to make the time to see a therapist. Sorry that this is so strongly stated, I just believe you need and deserve to feel better.

[carolinamama]

Hugs for you :hug:. That is so much to go through.

Yes, I think you should see a therapist. I've said it before, I think everyone could benefit from talking to a therapist at least once in their life. Everyone. I saw a therapist for an anxiety problem years ago and the tools she gave me I still use to this day. I think you need to talk to someone especially since you have noone to talk about these issues IRL. There is no stigma with seeing a therapist anymore. Please go talk to someone. You will feel so much better.

:yeahthat:

You cannot beat yourself up about your brother. I have a 31 yo brother who CANNOT get himself together between stupid decisions and alcohol no matter how he tries.

:grouphug: You have so much going on right now and it sounds like it would really help to have someone neutral to help you process it and give you some tools to deal with it.

[BabyBearsMom]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry you are going through this. Having a professional to help you talk through your issues would really help. Good luck and let me know if there is anythign I can do to help.

[larig]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry things are so challenging for you. It's clear from your post how much you love your brother and wan to look out for him, but unless you yourself are strong enough you cannot be a good support for him. I agree with others that getting yourself someone that you can talk to about this sounds like a good idea.

[weech]

Thanks everyone. I'll start looking for a therapist soon... ugh.

I appreciate the support.

[hillview]

Hugs for you :hug:. That is so much to go through.

Yes, I think you should see a therapist. I've said it before, I think everyone could benefit from talking to a therapist at least once in their life. Everyone. I saw a therapist for an anxiety problem years ago and the tools she gave me I still use to this day. I think you need to talk to someone especially since you have noone to talk about these issues IRL. There is no stigma with seeing a therapist anymore. Please go talk to someone. You will feel so much better.

:yeahthat: totally agree. I find therapy helpful. It sounds very stressful. HUGS!
/hillary

[Globetrotter]

:grouphug:

I am so proud of you for overcoming your circumstances. As the one who "made it", you are now the Rock of the family, and that is a lot for one person to handle. Talk to your dh honestly and tell him your feelings about the incident, and I 100% agree that therapy would be very beneficial.

[elektra]

Another vote for a counselor. I was feeling overwhelmed a few months ago and went to a few sessions with a counselor, and it really helped. The situation I was dealing with has some similarities to what you may be going through with your brother.
And re: your DH and his admission, I can see why that would be incredibly upsetting to you, in light of all that you went through with your parents. However, I think it would be an entirely different situation if it happened last week or something. But something like that at a bachelor party years ago is forgivable IMO. I would still tell your DH how that makes you feel and hopefully he can understand why it's not just "no big deal".