s/o Were you a free range child?

[BabyMine]

I remember biking to the store, almost 2 miles away, when I was in 3rd or 4th grade. We lived in a community/subdivision by a semi busy street. We were the corner lot so we had traffic on 2 sides. It didn't even bother my mom when she let us play outside even unsupervised. I can't imagine doing that now but I am working to get over it. Everyday I hear about something new that is found that COULD be dangerous to children or what if stories. I have decided to limit my news and information and get over my fears. My mom had never heard of "mommy drive byes" until I became a mom and explained it to her.

How was your childhood compared to how your DC(s) are?

[carolinamama]

Yes, I was a free range kid. We lived in a suburb of NYC. I was allowed to roam our suburban neighborhood on my bike and with friends freely. We walked or biked to the pool a few miles away. We walked along pretty busy roads to the convenience store and movie theater. I think some of the things were out of necessity. My parents had 3 kids. My mom went back to school when we were all in elementary school and we were all in many activities. So sometimes we had to get ourselves somewhere by ourselves - I walked from school to piano lessons once a week or had to wait 30 minutes for a ride home so I'd just start walking on my own and my mom would meet me. Sounds crazy now but I don't ever remember feeling scared not to mention that I learned alot about self-reliance and getting places on my own.

[infomama]

I was. I walked up to the local tiny drug store (maybe two miles) and to the local grocery to buy baby food for my dolls. I went to the pool with my friends sometimes toting a red wagon full of dixie cup icees I made to sell for 25 cents each. I would adventure in the woods (I remember filling tic tac containers with water and putting them in my bag in case I got thirsty on my adventures).
That being said our neighborhood was like Mayberry (but in the city)...that was 30 some years ago and things have changed there.

ETA- Am I the only one who can't stand the term 'free range kids'..i just think of chickens

[wendibird22]

Yes. Like OP, I grew up in a suburban subdivision and biked often to other friends houses in the neighborhood or next subdivision over and many times a few miles to 7-11 for treats. Our only rules were to be home for dinner and to let mom/dad know if our plans changed and we were going someplace else. Ignorance was bliss I guess!

[bubbaray]

No, definitely not.

[JoyNChrist]

I was definitely "free-range." My friends and I walked miles all around town and I was routinely staying home alone by 5th grade. We spent a lot of time exploring in the woods and riding bikes in town. We had lemonade stands, went trick or treating alone, and spent most of the summers going from someone's pool to the lake and back again.

I can't imagine giving my kids the kind of freedom I had. And in my case, it wasn't all that long ago (I'm 25) and we still live in the same town. But still...no way could I do it.

[lizzywednesday]

Absolutely.

When I was very young, my mother taught me the rules of the road so I could walk safely. We would walk to the nearby lake beach together, I was allowed to play on the park equipment by myself but needed a buddy if I wanted to swim outside of the roped-off shallow end of the lake where we set up our blanket.

I played in our yard (which was not fenced) with the neighborhood kids, often having hide-and-seek games that spanned several yards during spring and summer evenings.

I learned to ride my bike on a hill and by the time I was 10, I was biking to and from swim lessons and swim team practice (at another beach further away.)

I read an article about bike helmets at about that time (this pre-dates the mandatory "under 14" helmet law in our town) and insisted that my mother take my siblings and I to get helmets. Which she did.

Of the 4 of us, my sister was the most "free range" - she would yard-hop during the summer as her friends were called in for lunch or dinner or bedtime. My brothers and I had the darndest time trying to find her most days when it was time to come in! (I was not happy about that and our dad wouldn't set any limits, so it would often result in my brothers & removing our sister bodily from the area, but I digress.)

Our hometown is pretty small and fairly safe from a crime perspective (no serious crimes were reported in the time we were growing up) but it does have busy roads without sidewalks, so it's essential that you teach kids the rules of the road (walk against traffic while walking, a bike is a vehicle, look both ways before crossing the street, etc.) among other things. The part of town where I grew up was originally a community of summer homes, so the roads are narrow, winding and the houses set back from the street some. Yards are irregular shapes, but most people have a sizeable property.

[cvanbrunt]

Yup. Lived in small town in S.C. until I was ten or so. I walked to and from school by myself starting in the first grade. Spent all my time wandering around the neighborhood with my friends. There was a lot to explore. My favorite spot was this small pond. I saw countless tadpoles turn into frogs. There was this abandoned house that we would play in. Saw my first Playboy magazine in that house. Kinda of icky to think about what went on in there now. Childhood naivete is great. In the summer time, my big sister and I would walk over to the university campus where Dad worked and play school in the classrooms or to the community pool. Kids would just converge on "the big field" and play. I walked to the grocery store to buy a couple things for Mom and Bubble Yum for me. Thinking about this brings back some great memories of how I played. It was awesome, looking back.

[AngelaS]

I grew up in a town of 2000 in central IA. We walked and rode bikes all over town and into the country too. Our rule was "be home when the streetlights come on." we roamed the entire town by the time I was 8 or 9.

[fortato]

Oh yeah.... we would go outside after breakfast and might not come back until the street lights came on. We could pee in anyone's house, and had lunch where ever we happened to be playing at noon.
There was an old "cow path" that went behind our houses and onto what used to be an old dairy farm/ice cream place- we'd walk there alone all the time.
We rode in the "way back" of the station wagon, or in the bed of Dad's pick up truck.
We didn't have "playground coaches"- we just played. We didn't have arranged playdates, we had a telephone or doorbell.... if someone was home, we played.


I want so badly for Jack and Matthew to have a childhood like mine. I shouldn't worry about stupid things as much as I do...

(And I hate the term "Free Range Kids".... we were kids. We played.

[BabyMine]

I don't like the term either. I was just using the title of her book. Have any other ideas?

It sounds as though we all had the freedoms we no longer give our children. Why are we doing this? What happened?
With me it was the fear of abduction and pedophiles. I didn't care to search if it was a bigger problem than when I was little. I didn't look into anything. I just assumed because of all the news reports our world had become a scarier place than when I was little. I felt that if my child was kidnapped while I didn't have them in my sight for a nano second people would think I was a bad mom and didn't care. This comes from a person who thought she didn't care about what other people thought. I am going to have to work on not going on rumors and fear and slowly let my children grow up in a way that I did.

[infomama]

(And I hate the term "Free Range Kids".... we were kids. We played.
True that. I mentioned that in my post too.

[g-mama]

Absolutely.

We spent days down in the woods playing in the creek and dam behind our house. I remember hearing my mom yelling my name from a LONG LONG way away but I knew to listen for it.

Out in the streets, my brother and I would play with all the neighborhood kids, ride bikes, go from house to house, but mostly stayed outside, and knew to come home when the street lights came on.

We would ride our bikes up to the 7-11 and buy candy and trading cards, or even pick up a loaf of bread if our mom needed us to.

My mom would take us to the pool during the summer and go to the other side of the complex and play tennis all day. We'd swim and play in the pool all day and then go find her when we wanted money for lunch at the snack bar.

Those were definitely the good 'ol days.

[infomama]

I remember hearing my mom yelling my name from a LONG LONG way away but I knew to listen for it.


My dad would call us home by clapping. He had the loudest clap.

[fortato]

My dad would call us home by clapping. He had the loudest clap.

My dad whistled.... I wish I could whistle that loud... when we heard it we knew "get your asses home!"

[AnnieW625]

I haven't read the book yet, but based on the descriptions I have read here I was a free range kid, and so was my DH. I do agree with Fortato though I am not a fan of the term it reminds me of Free Range Chickens.

My home town had between 25,000 and 45,000 people from the time we moved there when I was 6 months old until I graduated from high school when I was 17. I used to ride my bike to the corner store 1/2 mile away starting at about age 8, I'd ride my bike three blocks away to my best friends house at that age too and then we'd go across the street to the city park. I vaguely remember calling home when I got there, and when I was leaving, but most of the time I said "I am going to S_'s, or I am going to the park". At 12 I could ride my bike to my tennis lessons across the other side of town and crossing a major intersection. My brother who was 9 at the time went with me. I rode my bike everywhere. By the time I was 16 I could ride my bike 8 miles on county roads to the university town, and back. I didn't have a helmet either. I didn't do it often, but I did enjoy it.

We had to be inside when the street lights came on, that was about the only rule and we had let my parents know when we were leaving the circle (we lived on a cul de sac).

I wasn't big into soccer or any other organized sport but I had friends who were and it did seem more relaxed. You didn't have to sign up for fall soccer in February to gaurantee a spot (so far my biggest gripe with AYSO).

I sat in the middle of 1968 Chevy pickup from the time I was 4 until I was 6, that was my mom's car. I remember driving to the fair in the back of the same truck with my cousins. I routinely rode in the back of my mom's Chevy wagon or the neighbors 68 Buick Vista wagon without seatbelts to the store or school. We'd lay on our backs and just look up at the sky; the Vista wagon was soo cool.

I loved it when my parents would let us sit in the car and listen to the radio while they went in the store or to the ATM.

I have great memories of my childhood and while I know that my girls childhood will be different I hope they have the same opportunities to "play" that I did.

[BabyBearsMom]

Definitely. Our house backed out into a huge Christmas Tree farm and the neighbor kids, my sister and I were always back in the farm roaming around. I remember that there were ponds back there and we would play around the ponds. It was a lot of fun.

[boolady]

Yes. I grew up in a town that's not quite 1 square mile and has a population of about 2,500. My friends and I would ride bikes all day, go over each others' houses, swim, etc. It was great. I hope to be able to give DD at least a taste of that freedom.

[Pear]

Yes. We roamed the neighborhood, biked to the store, explored the park, and spent insane amounts of time at the pool. We only had to check in somewhat our parents knew where we were at any given time.

I live a few minutes from where I grew up and it really doesn't seem like the city has changed much at all. Yet kids are on tight leashes.

[pb&j]

Kind of, but the neighborhood where I grew up wasn't walking distance to anything worth walking/biking to, so our "free ranging" just involved playing in the yard and with neighbor kids.

The neighborhood where I live now is prime for "free range" kids as we've got schools and shops w/in walking distance, lots of houses close together w/sidewalks, etc. DS's best friend lives about .3 mi away, and we're going to practice riding his bike there soon so that he can ride there himself.

[sariana]

I think I was pretty much a "free range" kid. I have a sister who is 2 years older; she and I would play together, ride our bikes wherever, etc., just like PPs.


It sounds as though we all had the freedoms we no longer give our children. Why are we doing this? What happened?

Well, I know for me it is because my DS has some developmental issues and a basic lack of common sense. He has poor impulse control and does not always respond when corrected. I am much more fearful of a lawsuit (or just plain having to pay for something he broke) than of an abduction or anything like that.

I am much more lenient with DD, but she is only 3 and thus not old enough to play outside by herself yet. I'm not sure I'll let her when she is 4, which is how old I was when my family moved to our house in the suburbs and I started playing outside alone with my sister. Again, the difference is that my DS, unlike my sister, is not necessarily capable of watching out for his sister. Also, they are boy/girl and 3 1/2 years apart, so the circumstances are a bit different.

[mommylamb]

(And I hate the term "Free Range Kids".... we were kids. We played.
:yeahthat: It makes me think of free range chickens.

My childhood definitely fit into the free-range category. By the time I was 8, I was walking to school, a mile plus away. I played outside anywhere in the neighborhood. We spent a lot of time at the beach and at a very young age I would walk down to the rocks where you could catch crabs (quite a ways from where my parents had their blanket) and stay for a couple hours, then walk back. I remember thinking (with my bucket o' crabs in tow) that I hoped I could find my parents' blanket in the masses of people sitting on the beach.

[BabyH]

Sure - around my neighborhood, and friends' neighborhoods, but I think I was in high school before my mom allowed me to go to the mall alone. Movies I *think* were ok when we were dropped off and picked up, but it's amazing to me how times have changed....I don't think I'll ever let DS out of my sight! :p

[elephantmeg]

yes and no. We rode bikes to school but we were only allowed to go there and back. Otherwise we were pretty much stuck in our compound (missionary kid in Africa). Our friends lived too far to bike to for the most part. I vividly remember leaving one time with my big brother-I forget if we told the sentry and he forgot or we didn't tell anyone-anyways, my parents had NO idea where we were (I forget now where we had even gone!) and was LIVID when we got home. LIVID. My mom was a completely un-involved SAHM (????) so after school and homework we were pretty much on our own. Dad did run a printing press so we spent hours there. There were kittens in the paper room (to keep out the mice), a store, the darkroom etc. It was a really cool place. We also spent a lot of time climbing onto the roof to avoid mom.

[Melaine]

No, I was definitely not a free-range child. My mom was about as a paranoid as I am now about my kids.

[crl]

Oh heck no. My mom was overprotective. I'm actually a bit more relaxed than she was, which is kind of astonishing given the different eras.

My dh though was absolutely a free range child, to an extreme IMO. At 5 he was thrown out of the house in morning along with his brother and sister and told not to come back inside until dinner. Lunch was left out on the porch for them. He did all sorts of things his parents had no idea about.

Catherine

[crazydiamond]

Yep - "Come back home by the time the street lights come on"

My mom did not know where I was, who I was with, no way to reach me, and did not have to schedule play dates, or activities, or drive me around. No video games, computers, cell phones.

Ahhh.... the Good Old days - if only with my own kids.

[elektra]

I was not a free range kid. Both of my parents worked and I was in daycare until 6th grade. I remember hearing childhood stories my dad would tell that are akin to the "free range kids" style. I didn't just play outside in the street, although I do remember riding my bike around the neighborhood in elementary school and I did ride my bike to school in 6th grade. I was never allowed to swim without an adult until I was maybe in junior high.
At my daycare I went to from 1st to 2nd grade, before the onsite center opened, I did have to take a bus to a drop off point that was about 3/4 mile away from the actual day care, and I and about 4 other 1st graders walked by ourselves down a long street to get to the center. I think it was the only choice my mom had though.
My mom was a worrier! But I really think this was more the norm where I grew up honestly.
I was then in organized activities where my mom would always be the driver- I never got rides with other kids although we would often pick other kids up.

[elephantmeg]

I think part of what has happened is how we view child accidents as negligence and not just an accident. Parents have this huge obligation to keep their kids safe and are viewed as negligent (and charged with it) if anything happens to them. I think it makes everyone more paranoid. I mean we've even had these threads. Kids who drown-accident or is someone (the parent?) at fault somewhere. We've gone from viewing them as accidents to viewing them as negligence. And none of us want to be viewed as negligent. And really any event that involves a child is splashed all over the front page for everyone to see. Just in the last year or so in my community we had a little boy climb out of a window during nap time and fall to his death and a little girl hit by a car. And in each story there is an explanation of what the parent did or didn't do to prevent this. And CPS examines EVERYTHING. I'm highly surprised that they didn't investigate DD's burns-might have if I hadn't been a well known staff member at the hospital and the burns matched what I said happened.

Parenting is a totally different job now.

[g-mama]

It sounds as though we all had the freedoms we no longer give our children. Why are we doing this? What happened?


I feel like there must have been just as many predators and pedophiles then, but maybe people just weren't aware of it back then? I really don't know.

I do know my mom did NOT worry about entertaining us or carting us around here and there. She was an amazing mom, but she (nor did the other moms) did not make it her job to be our chauffeurs and social directors. So different than it is now.

[TxCat]

Yes and no.

I was given a lot of freedom and unstructured time to play, make up games on my own, etc. Lots of time playing in the yard alone or with friends. The first time I was put in a structured activity was the summer between 6th and 7th grade! (tennis lessons). Starting at about age 8 or 9, my mother would allow me to be in a different part of a store without her and starting at around 10 I was allowed to walk to the bookstore by myself in the small neighborhood shopping center where my mother would go to get her hair done (going to the salon with her was BORING!). When I was 10, we also lived in a very small, idyllic town and I was allowed to walk from school to the library or mini grocery store by myself (a couple of blocks). I also stayed home by myself when my parents went out to dinner or to do errands during the day starting at 9 years old! (I think my mom had so much trouble finding decent babysitters that she gave up). Staying alone like that is definitely something I can't imagine ever letting my kids do.

On the other hand, my mom was super strict when it came to letting me go over to friends houses for play-dates, birthday parties, sleepovers, etc. - she had to meet the parents and talk to them face-to-face first, and if she didn't like them, I couldn't go. She also had to know where I was at all times, especially in high school.

[Puddy73]

My mom did not know where I was, who I was with, no way to reach me, and did not have to schedule play dates, or activities, or drive me around. No video games, computers, cell phones.



:yeahthat: We lived out in the country, so I rode my bike or my horse to see friends several miles away from age 8-9. My DD is 7 and I just can't fathom letting her wander the neighborhood all day. I'm just way too paranoid that she would get hurt or abducted. I know that the chance of abduction is very, very small, but I do think about it.

[Melanie]

Nope. I was an only child. LOL. The free-est range was biking to the corner shopping center (maybe 10 min) when I was in 6th grade. And I recently found out my mother followed me.

I could play out front but there were not many other children in my neighborhood so it wasn't one of those "go out until the lights come on" scenarios.

In High School my mom was a little more leanient (busy single working mom) and the rule was "don't make me worry." So as long as she knew where I was and I called her once it got later so she knew I was fine, she was okay with it. Though I never stayed out past 11 or so anyway.

Just thing how cell phones have changed things for children! I was talking to a mom yesterday who's 10 year had one, and used it to text people he met gaming online. :eek:

My 9 year old recently gained the privilege of riding his bike all the way around our block alone (we live in a ridiculously safe suburb) - if I am out front.

[Roleysmom]

Absolutely.

We spent days down in the woods playing in the creek and dam behind our house. I remember hearing my mom yelling my name from a LONG LONG way away but I knew to listen for it.

Out in the streets, my brother and I would play with all the neighborhood kids, ride bikes, go from house to house, but mostly stayed outside, and knew to come home when the street lights came on.

We would ride our bikes up to the 7-11 and buy candy and trading cards, or even pick up a loaf of bread if our mom needed us to.

My mom would take us to the pool during the summer and go to the other side of the complex and play tennis all day. We'd swim and play in the pool all day and then go find her when we wanted money for lunch at the snack bar.

Those were definitely the good 'ol days.

This was exactly my experience too. To me that's how parents in the 70s and early 80s parented. I would't go as far as Kristen though and say that they were the good 'ol days.

I think my friends and I were not supervised enough and while nothing really bad ever happened, I think that's really a matter of luck. I can think of three occassions - once when I took my dog for a walk to the park with two friends and he was ripped to shreds by another dog (both on leads) and I had to at the age of eight figure out how to get him home - that would shake me to the core if DD1 who is nine had to face.

That said, because of my experience, I am more "free-range" with DD1 than other parents I know, but way less than how I was parented.

[Naranjadia]

I feel like there must have been just as many predators and pedophiles then, but maybe people just weren't aware of it back then? I really don't know.

According to what I've read, there may be even fewer crimes against children than we were young. And the book points out that only a small fraction of abductions are not family-related. But I think you're right about awareness. When we were kids, my family knew about what was on the evening news, in the local paper, and in the New York Times. Stories from far-flung cities and towns were not heard about, and anecdotes and urban legends had to be passed by mouth. Now we have so many outlets to hear about it all. Community news reporting has also changed to include stories that are from a wider geographical net, particularly if they're sensational (and about white kids).

I was definitely a FR kid - lived in a suburban city in Missouri, walked to school a mile from K-9, sometimes by myself for half of it (unbelievable to me now!!). Lots of neighborhood play, like others have described. Don't remember much supervision when playing in houses.

[maestramommy]

I was much freer range when I was a child, but I didn't exactly come through unscathed either. I think the important thing to keep in mind when deciding to go free range is teaching your kids what to do and say in certain situations. Mine didn't. They either assumed everything would be okay, and when they saw that wasn't necessarily the case, they became overly paranoid, and still didn't teach us what to do or say.

I'm okay now, life goes on. But I'd rather my children not experience a few things I did.

[zag95]

I was semi-free range. I wasn't supposed to go riding in the 'hood until my dad was home. A few times I got in trouble (I think I was in 5th grade or maybe 4th) for riding with my pack of friends (there were 6 of us!) Those were the days of banana seat pink Huffy's and no helmets!

My brother and I used to ride down the Plaid Pantry and buy candy..... we were in elementary school- I was in 5th or 6th grade and my brother was 3 yrs younger. We didn't have to cross any busy streets to get there, which was lucky! It was maybe 1.5-2 miles from our house. When we were older, we used to bike up to our elementary school (our first one closed) and it was probably 3-4 miles away..... much busier streets to cross.

[elliput]

Definitely. I was walking home by myself from school in kindergarten- it was about a mile. We were given certain parameters with regards to how far we could go, and for the most part stayed within those boundaries (which were quite liberal).

[BabyMine]

I was much freer range when I was a child, but I didn't exactly come through unscathed either. I think the important thing to keep in mind when deciding to go free range is teaching your kids what to do and say in certain situations. Mine didn't. They either assumed everything would be okay, and when they saw that wasn't necessarily the case, they became overly paranoid, and still didn't teach us what to do or say.

I'm okay now, life goes on. But I'd rather my children not experience a few things I did.

That is what I think is the most important. Of course you will never know if they learned it until they are put into a situation. I want M and TT prepared incase anything happens but I know I can't do that for every situation but I can provide the basics. M is still to immature to do some I of things I did at his age. I am definately going to take baby steps and try to let them be more independent based on each of their levels of understanding and trust.

[s7714]

Definitely. I remember being left home alone the summer I was 5 when my mom would go down the street to my aunt's house to do the laundry because we didn't have a washer/dryer at home. I'd hop on my bike or walk down there whenever I wanted to. Granted it wasn't like I was left alone for hours, but I don't think I could bring myself to leave my almost 6 and 8 year old home alone for more than the two minutes it takes to go get our mail! Actually if my 8 year old would tolerate it, I'd be fine with leaving her alone for a half hour or less, but the two of them together or my 6 year old alone, no way!

When I was almost 7 we moved to a more rural area so I was running around all over the place unattended, but we also had acres between us and neighbors. But echoing a previous thread, I also would go off by myself to check out the toy dept. when we went to stores around that age as well.

[KrisM]

Yes, totally. I remember when Michigan added the bottle return in the mid-70s. My friends and I would collect the empty cans and return them to the store and buy candy. The cans were in a field about 1/2 mile from home and the store another half mile. I was 6-7 at the time.

And in middle school, we'd ride 2 miles on a busy road to get ice cream.

I really want my kids to learn to do that.

ETA: I wonder about our ages. It's become more and more rare, I think. I was born in 1970 and was free-range. I know there are posters here born in the late 1980s, so a huge age difference. Are those of us older moms more likely to have been free-range?

[Naranjadia]

ETA: I wonder about our ages. It's become more and more rare, I think. I was born in 1970 and was free-range. I know there are posters here born in the late 1980s, so a huge age difference. Are those of us older moms more likely to have been free-range?

Interesting - we need a poll!
1960s and free range
1960s and not free range
1970s and free range
1970s and not ... and so on.

I was 1970, too. And free range.

[twowhat?]

I was, to an extent. My parents would let my brother and I take our bikes and just ride wherever all afternoon. All they asked was that we were back in time for dinner. We'd ride at least a couple miles away from home.

I could never imagine letting my kids do that at a young age today, unfortunately. The world is just a different place now, and we live in a very busy suburb.

eta: I was born late 70s.

[Melaine]

I was 1980's....NOT free range. I think the age makes a big difference.

[crl]

I was born in 1970. NOT free range at all. But dh, born in 1971, was free range.

Catherine

[BabbyO]

I was in the 80's, too (well for most of the part that I remember anyway) and we were VERY free range. My brother is 7 yrs younger and I remember him biking into town (a good 2-3 mile ride) when he was in 3 or 4th grade, participating in the punt, pass & kick contest and finding out about it the next day when a friend's mom congratulated my mom in church. None of us even knew he went.

My sibilings and I put more miles on our bikes each summer than most elderly people put on their cars in a year! Of course our parents didn't know who's house we'd end up at...but it was clear, if you weren't home by dinner time, you didn't eat. I can't think of a time where it was a problem.

By the time I was in 8th grade/freshman in HS a 10-15 mile bike ride to the town over was normal.

[Ceepa]

Absolutely. I grew up not knowing anyone who wasn't free range, or maybe we just never saw those kids outside. LOL

[bubbaray]

Are those of us older moms more likely to have been free-range?


Not me. I'm 44, one of the older ones here. I was kept so busy with "enrichment" activities, I definitely was not free range. My mother and her siblings (so 2 generations back) were also not free range. Her parents (educators) lived by the "a busy kid is a kid kept out of trouble" mantra.

[boolady]

Absolutely. I grew up not knowing anyone who wasn't free range, or maybe we just never saw those kids outside. LOL

Yep, my whole town was this way. And honestly, there weren't many kids who weren't "free range" or we would have known, because when there are only 25 or so kids per grade (not class, grade) you literally know everyone and would see everyone...at the park, at the swim club, riding bikes, you name it.

[lowrioh]

I was totally free range as a kid. I actually had more restrictions put on me as a teenager ;)
I know I started baby sitting my baby sister when I was 11 and she was 5 months old. I can't imagine doing that with my kids.
That said, I lived in a town of 1200 and I knew all our neighbors and my Grandma lived 3 blocks away. I was born in the early 70's.

We live in a pretty small town now (6500) although it is an inner suburb of DC. I see a lot of parents who let their school age kids ride bikes to the playground and pool with their friends. I hope I will be able to be relaxed enough to let our DDs do that one day.

[MoJo]

I had what everyone considered overprotective parents. . . . but I walked 2 blocks alone to K, 2 1/2 blocks on a highway through town to 1-4, and by the time I was in 4th I walked with my younger siblings to the library a mile or so away and across the highway every week. We also regularly walked to the corner store across another highway for penny candy or to pick up a grocery item or two. Starting in 5th, I was home alone for half an hour or so every day while Mom picked up my siblings from school.

I was just very rarely allowed to go to anyone's home, have friends over, play at the park with anyone, or participate in any after school activities including school sponsored ones. I wasn't allowed to ride a bike until I was 12.

FWIW, I was "Miss Responsibility" to the point that I had the key to the school so I could run the ticket office alone on the weekends when I was in high school. I was born in '72.

[daniele_ut]

I'm 38 and was definitely a free range kid. I grew up right across the river from NYC. The town itself is only a mile square and I was pretty much free to roam. I walked to and from school alone by age 8 (with my sis before that) and was a latchkey kid by then too. We spent summers in a small town on the New Jersey Shore and my mom would just sit in the same spot on the beach each day and we'd come back and check in periodically for food and drinks. I'm amazed that she was so non-chalant about the beach, in particular, because I watch my kids like a HAWK on that same beach now. I'm too concerned about water safety after being a lifeguard.

[Green_Tea]

I was a pretty free range kid. I wasn't allowed to swim unsupervised, but spent hours outside, on my bike, playing in the woods.

I hear a lot of people saying that "it's a different world" as a reason why they don't let their kids out of their sight for even a minute. The world is actually safer now than it was when I was a kid (I was born in 1975.) There was a NYT article about it this week: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/24/us/24crime.html?_r=2

The biggest difference I see has nothing to do with safety and everything to do with parents being unwilling to act as a community to let ALL kids have that kind of childhood. I would be perfectly willing to let my 8 year old walk to school alone - should would walk around the corner, walk the length of the street (7 houses) and down a short path. She wouldn't even have to cross the street. But the banter at drop off and on the playground is very negative when the (sancti)mommies discuss children who walk to school alone. I don't feel like dealing with their flack. It baffles me. There are tons of people around, lots of families, and we live in a neighborhood with very little traffic. But apparently parents who allow their kids to walk to school are negligent, and the other parents want nothing to do with watching out for those kids, nor do they trust those parents to host playdates.

I think the same applies to playing outside - it used to be that kids played outside in roving groups. Some parents might be outside at the same time - hanging laundry, gardening, mowing the lawn - and casually kept an eye out for the neighborhood kids. It was an informal, often unspoken thing. You watch out for your kids and your neighbor's kids, and expected them to do the same. Now it seems that the prevailing attitude towards kids who are outside riding bikes and running from yard to yard is, "Where in the world are the parents? Why aren't they being supervised?"

I am not sure what came first - the eroding sense of community responsibility for children or parents who feel threatened by what they perceive as an ever more dangerous world. I wish every day that my kids lived in a neighborhood where parents sent their kids out to play and didn't mind if the ("unsupervised") kids ended up in their yard. I would welcome those kids here!

[sste]

I was not free range. And my kids certainly won't be!!

This is probably second-generation anxiety disorder talking but I just don't see how my kids can be free-range. We live in a place with more vehicle traffic than average. Cars are way bigger - - virtual killing machines - - than when I was a kid. There are also light rail trains, highways, and subway stops in the communities I tend to live in. Nobody, child or adult, is safe near or in water alone. A child won't nec. have the judgment to avoid going in alone or with a non-swimmer. And child molestation is rare but it has a lifelong impact. That is another one where I don't think parents realized the frequency and danger when we were growing up.

When they are 12, maybe I will be able to see the words "free range" without hysterics. But, until then my kiddos are going to be like VEAL!!!

[Melaine]

I was not free range. And my kids certainly won't be!!

This is probably second-generation anxiety disorder talking but I just don't see how my kids can be free-range. We live in a place with more vehicle traffic than average. Cars are way bigger - - virtual killing machines - - than when I was a kid. There are also light rail trains, highways, and subway stops in the communities I tend to live in. Nobody, child or adult, is safe near or in water alone. A child won't nec. have the judgment to avoid going in alone or with a non-swimmer. And child molestation is rare but it has a lifelong impact. That is another one where I don't think parents realized the frequency and danger when we were growing up.

When they are 12, maybe I will be able to see the words "free range" without hysterics. But, until then my kiddos are going to be like VEAL!!!

You read my mind. Second generation anxiety disorder here too...I totally agree with every bit of your post, even though I'm really not close to subways at all! I just don't think free-range parenting (as I understand it) is compatible with the world my kids are growing up in.

[Puddy73]

I think the same applies to playing outside - it used to be that kids played outside in roving groups. Some parents might be outside at the same time - hanging laundry, gardening, mowing the lawn - and casually kept an eye out for the neighborhood kids. It was an informal, often unspoken thing. You watch out for your kids and your neighbor's kids, and expected them to do the same. Now it seems that the prevailing attitude towards kids who are outside riding bikes and running from yard to yard is, "Where in the world are the parents? Why aren't they being supervised?"

I am not sure what came first - the eroding sense of community responsibility for children or parents who feel threatened by what they perceive as an ever more dangerous world. I wish every day that my kids lived in a neighborhood where parents sent their kids out to play and didn't mind if the ("unsupervised") kids ended up in their yard. I would welcome those kids here!

This is an excellent point. It really is important for everyone in the community to be on the same page. I think that fear of litigation plays at least a small part in the shift. I'm not comfortable with neighborhood kids just wandering around our backyard unless I'm supervising them because if they get hurt on my property, I'm responsible.

[bubbaray]

The biggest difference I see has nothing to do with safety and everything to do with parents being unwilling to act as a community to let ALL kids have that kind of childhood.

<snip>. But apparently parents who allow their kids to walk to school are negligent, and the other parents want nothing to do with watching out for those kids, nor do they trust those parents to host playdates.

<snip>
You watch out for your kids and your neighbor's kids, and expected them to do the same. Now it seems that the prevailing attitude towards kids who are outside riding bikes and running from yard to yard is, "Where in the world are the parents? Why aren't they being supervised?"




But, not everyone WANTS a return to those times/attitudes. I absolutely do NOT want to be at all responsible for other people's children. it would never dawn on me to watch out for other people's kids in the neighborhood (not that we often see any unattended kids in our area). I absolutely would think "WTF, where are those parents?!". If the child were young enough, I might call the police, but I sure wouldn't go outside and look after or watch the child myself. Never ever ever would I assume that responsibility/liability.

I do not want the community looking after my kids. I don't trust the community, frankly. Bad things happen. Rarely, yes. But they *do* happen and its my job as a parent to reduce the risk to my children.

JMHO.

[deborah_r]

Yes. 1970's, small town, youngest of 6 - I was very free-range!

[Green_Tea]

But, not everyone WANTS a return to those times/attitudes. I absolutely do NOT want to be at all responsible for other people's children. it would never dawn on me to watch out for other people's kids in the neighborhood (not that we often see any unattended kids in our area). I absolutely would think "WTF, where are those parents?!". If the child were young enough, I might call the police, but I sure wouldn't go outside and look after or watch the child myself. Never ever ever would I assume that responsibility/liability.

I do not want the community looking after my kids. I don't trust the community, frankly. Bad things happen. Rarely, yes. But they *do* happen and its my job as a parent to reduce the risk to my children.

JMHO.

I understand what you're saying - I really do. But I am still saddened by the eroding sense of community and the lack of opportunities for my kids (my almost 2nd grader and almost 3rd grader, specifically) to just be kids on a summer afternoon - running around in backyards with their friends, riding bikes to each other's houses a few streets away, spending their time playing in a unstructured way and knowing that if they got a skinned knee or needed a cold drink that there were any number of neighbors who would happily help them out. That's the way I grew up, and what I envisioned for my family. I don't expect the neighbors to sit outside and babysit, nor do I do that. But I'm around and happy to hand out a band-aid, or welcome a friend who's strolling by to hang out for a while. I know which kids walk to school alone, and keep an eye out for them. I don't feel as though I am shouldering a great responsibility - just being a mom and a good neighbor.

[m448]

Born in '77 and grew up in the states but spent a lot of time in my birth country. Free range? yes and no.

In the states sort of. We were latch key kids but still my mom worried so she had a neighbor watch us go in the door and lock it when we were dropped off (around 6-8 years old).

In my birth country totally free range, going throughout the neighborhood at 4-5 years old all day, in a couple of years walking to other parts of town and store trips etc.

What happened? I was molested. First by my grandparents' next door neighbor of 40+ years who was like family. In one of those "going next door" times. Then by a little kid on the same street. All while free ranging.

In the states by a cousin, several times. I was exposed to pornography before the proliferation of internet distribution. I was heavily scarred in many ways despite two very loving parents. My immediate reaction as a first time mom was to want to shelter my kids from that ever happening to them. After some work, therapy, empowerment I've adopted a more realistic view but it does not entail free ranging as this author likes to tout. Allow them to grow up and gain age appropriate responsibility? Sure.

Stuff happened in the "good 'ol days" people just didn't let it be known, issues didn't have names back then and kids were harmed without "reporting". My sis and I were followed by people in vehicles walking back from elementary school on 2-3 separate occasions. Things happened in the "good 'ol days" that I'm still feeling my way on how to deal with now as the parent.

My kids have responsibility, they are thrown out into the backyard to do what they please (within reason since one is a wee bit obsessed with fire) and they are responsible for their own play in the home. I don't schedule their days and I think they're pretty amazing kids if I do say so myself. Still I'm not sold on this interpretation of free range kids and my gut agrees.

[MommyAllison]

Yes and no.

I grew up out in the country (15 minute drive to the edge of our city) on 20 acres, in an area where everyone had at least a few acres, so neighbors were not next door - you can't even see another house from my parents property. My sisters and I were allowed to be anywhere on our property, and sometimes played on our neighbor's property as well, but there wasn't a "roaming the neighborhood with other kids" dynamic - everyone was just too spread out. My parents owned their own business, and most afternoons they'd give us each $1 and let us walk to the gas station and buy a treat - I was the oldest, and we started doing this when I was probably 2nd grade. I also babysat my sisters after school each day starting at a young age. My parents both grew up on rural dairy farms, and my dad in particular had a lot of responsibility very early on - driving a tractor daily by age 5, etc, and they raised us much the same way. Free range parenting looks different in the country though. :)

DH's parents were the complete opposite of free-range - they were extremely paranoid, partly because they just are, and partly because a number of freak accidents (child abduction by stranger, latchkey kid coming home to their house being burglarized, etc etc) happened to DH's cousins. Even by today's standards, his parents were overprotective and paranoid.

So now here we are, trying to figure out how to blend our upbringing & philosophy to parent our own kids. :) We'll fall somewhere in the middle, I think. The ILs are horrified by some things we do, but I roll my eyes at some of the ways they parented, too. :)

FWIW, DH was born in the 70s, me in the early 80s.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I always thought I had a good amount of freedom as I rode my bike in the alley or played in neighbor's yards all the time. My parents still live in the same house and a few years back I was looking out the window that overlooked the alley and yards. I was really close to home and they could easily hear and see me.

I was able to walk to the convenience store in grade school. I spent a good amount of time roaming the woods near my friend's house. Again, it turns out the woods are much smaller than I remember them being. :) Pretty much none of the adventures we took were really far from home.

My friend and I were dropped off at the mall, movies and places like that though when we were 12+ and I wouldn't be ok with that now.

Beth

[niccig]

Yes, but we grew up in a little town where we could ride our bikes to the store or pool. We would take off and turn up home or at a friend's house later. Everyone knew everyone, and if you got into trouble, Mum would know about it by the time we got home.

We don't live in a place where DS can do that - nearest store is a few miles away, nearest pool is 20 mins drive. So, he can't get to some places unless we drive. His school is 15 mins away, so to get together with friends we do have to arrange it with the other family. I don't direct his play though, as long as they're not hurting themselves or damaging things in teh house, it's OK.

[crl]

Green Tea,

You would like my neighborhood I think. Most days after school the parents hang out together and the kids run wild playing. The whole neighborhood is rental so there are no private yards. We all yell at any kid who crosses the steet without looking and the closest mom picks up the crying toddler. And we take turns supervising while one or the other of us runs in to start dinner or goes to pick up an older kid from an activity. It is a really nice sense of community. And I love that ds has kids to play with. I do not believe in scheduling kids for constant activities and I do believe that free play is extremely valuable. But it can be very hard to find playmates these days, ime.

IMO, ds still lacks the judgment to be left outside alone. He is nearly 8. The big issue at this point is that he doesn't always remember to look for cars. So I go outside with him and join the gang of parents supervising the gang of kids.

There were a couple of kids on the street who were always outside, without their parents. And their parents objected to anyone else disciplining their kids. Fair enough, except when their boy, who was older and bigger, was tackling kids, etc. And these kids would just show up at neighborhood bbqs with no contribution and no adults. Apparently we were just supposed to feed them. That situation was difficult. One of the moms talked to the parents and now those kids are very seldom outdoors.

Catherine

[vludmilla]

Yes. I walked to school by myself starting in 1st grade and it was a bit more than a half of a mile each way. I walked to my father's photography studio after school which was almost a mile away from school and then to the diner to buy him a black coffee and me a "big cookie". I felt great doing these things and I was considered very responsible but it seems difficult to imagine letting DD do these same things.

[cono0507]

Most definitely free range. We lived on a single street kind of plopped in the forest preserve. Starting around age 7 or so we'd pack a lunch and leave in the morning, heading out to the forest preserve and return before dinner, every day in the summer. Around age 10, we'd bike 2 miles to the 7-11 to buy slurpees. By 11-12 I was biking 2 miles daily to a babysitting job everyday in the summer.
After dinner we'd play outside again, anywhere on our street, playing in yards, etc until the sun went down. It really was wonderful.

[MontrealMum]

Oh yeah, I shudder to think of letting DS do the kind of stuff I did as a kid. Though I will say, I'm not sure that my parents and other parents in the neighborhood always knew what we were doing. Riding bikes to the local grocery and 5 & Dime? Yes. But riding up to the dirt bike trails in a secluded and woodsy area along a creek where older boys hung out? Probably not. And they would not have been pleased about it. I was also a latchkey kid from about age 10 or so.

Of course, I grew up in a fairly smallish town in a very family oriented neighborhood, and there were lots of parents around keeping half an eye on the kids running through their yards. I now live in a huge city, on a busy-ish street, across from fairly deep water with a current. It's not just the changing times that make me more watchful of DS.

[Green_Tea]

Green Tea,

You would like my neighborhood I think. Most days after school the parents hang out together and the kids run wild playing. The whole neighborhood is rental so there are no private yards. We all yell at any kid who crosses the steet without looking and the closest mom picks up the crying toddler. And we take turns supervising while one or the other of us runs in to start dinner or goes to pick up an older kid from an activity. It is a really nice sense of community. And I love that ds has kids to play with. I do not believe in scheduling kids for constant activities and I do believe that free play is extremely valuable. But it can be very hard to find playmates these days, ime.



I think I'd love your neighborhood :love-retry:.

There is a neighborhood nearby that sounds similar. I have a bunch of friends there. The kids (who range in age from 4 to 11 or 12) play outside all day in the summer, and wherever they land at lunchtime is where they eat. The hopscotch from house to house, and at the end of the day the parents sort of congregate outside with a glass of wine and chat. I love how the moms and dads treat all the kids as their own, kissing boo boos, refereeing disagreements, doling out snacks. I keep threatening pitch a tent and move into one of the backyards :).

[MelissaTC]

No, definitely not.

Me either. I grew up outside of NYC in a sketchy city. My parents are/were paranoid Bronx folks and with good reason. Lots of shady things happened where I grew up.

We were allowed to roam freely when we went upstate every summer to Lake Champlain. I had a very similar experience to what some have posted here.

[BabyMine]

I understand what you're saying - I really do. But I am still saddened by the eroding sense of community and the lack of opportunities for my kids (my almost 2nd grader and almost 3rd grader, specifically) to just be kids on a summer afternoon - running around in backyards with their friends, riding bikes to each other's houses a few streets away, spending their time playing in a unstructured way and knowing that if they got a skinned knee or needed a cold drink that there were any number of neighbors who would happily help them out. That's the way I grew up, and what I envisioned for my family. I don't expect the neighbors to sit outside and babysit, nor do I do that. But I'm around and happy to hand out a band-aid, or welcome a friend who's strolling by to hang out for a while. I know which kids walk to school alone, and keep an eye out for them. I don't feel as though I am shouldering a great responsibility - just being a mom and a good neighbor.

This is how I grew up and I loved it. We all taken care of by people in our neighborhood.

[Jo..]

Nope. I was an only child. LOL. The free-est range was biking to the corner shopping center (maybe 10 min) when I was in 6th grade. And I recently found out my mother followed me.




That will be me. :ROTFLMAO:

I was one of those kids kicked out at dawn (after the barn chores), and let back in at dusk (in time for the evening chores). While I had a lot of fun, there were times, many times, when I just needed hugs or mothering that I knew weren't there for me. I was wild and free and lonely.

I know I will be far more protective of my kids, in part due to location (I grew up in a very rural farming area), in part due to changing times (more sickos), and in part just because I have been-there-done-that and I know the dangers. I got cut on rusty barbed wire and tin cans several times weekly and that is the least of it. I didn't look both ways when crossing the street. I took rides with strangers when I found myself too far from home. And, I played doctor with the very few local boys in the area way too much.

A certain amount of supervision is good in my eyes.

[kijip]

Yes. I don't like the term but I was certainly left to my own devices. That said, this was not at the expense of a relationship with my mom.

[wildfire]

I was born in the early 70's and was free range. And I know in my head that the world is safer now, but because of the increased awareness I still am having trouble with the idea of letting my kids be free range.

In grade school I walked to school. It wasn't a short walk unless we cut through a yard or two (our block was a really long block and we needed to be right on the other side of where our house was). I started in Kindegarten, with my older sister who was in first grade. A whole mob of kids would go together, but I walked home alone at noon, unless a kid came home with me for lunch. In Jr. High we rode our bikes or walked about 1/2 mile every day to school, a bus wasn't an option. Now kids from where I lived are bussed because one of the streets is now too busy. We would walk the dogs by ourselves, and go as far as two miles away from the house. We also went to the local drug store a few blocks away without supervision.

[Jo..]

Yes. I don't like the term but I was certainly left to my own devices. That said, this was not at the expense of a relationship with my mom.


Yeah.

In an ideal and perfect world I would have a childhood do-over. With my mom always there and an open door, yet free to roam.

Due to MY childhood, in my mind, free-range = get out I don't want to deal with you borderline negligence.

In my VERY limited experience the moms who cared the most watched more closely...don't flame me, please. This is what I know and what I grew up with. It's a sore spot and I don't claim to know the right way.

I have no doubt that some extremely caring mommies go out of their way to provide their children some freedom...this was just not my experience.

My bff's mom was a super cautious caring involved mom...she knew EVERYTHING. That is the mom I see myself being.

[kijip]

Yeah.

In an ideal and perfect world I would have a childhood do-over.

Wouldn't we all! :tongue5:

FWIW I had not seen your first post when I wrote my post. It's a co-inky-dink that our posts both reference mothering.

My parents knew a lot about what was going on in our lives and my mom was there to talk a lot, but they let us roam a bit. Partly, I think, due to poverty. When you are 6 and it is 1986 and your parents don't have money and hae to be at work you walk a 1/3 of a mile from school across a busy street to the boys and girls club. When you are 7 or 8 and your mom wants to treat you to a movie, she might send you alone with your younger sibling because she can afford two summer matinee kid tickets but not a 3rd ticket for herself. At 8 and 9 I was adept on the city bus unsupervised while looking out for my little brother. Before that I was often in the company of my older brother. When you are 12 and you have a job, you end up with having both more and less freedom than your middle class peers. I don't think my parents neglected me but all they had to give was way less than what many would consider minimum. I think you and I have so
similar experiences with working young and being on our own as barely adults. It is interesting to talk to people who also experienced that, as most people I know have no idea what that much responsibility as a child looks and feels like.

[g-mama]

That said, this was not at the expense of a relationship with my mom.

Not at all! I was "free range" and my mom was my BFF. I didn't imagine anyone was assuming these two things are mutually exclusive.

[mousemom]

I was definitely a free-range kid and, unlike many other posters who grew up in more rural or suburban areas, grew up in one of the boroughs of NYC and went to school in Manhattan. I had several friends on my block and we played outside together all the time, ranged between houses, walked two blocks (crossing a busy street) to the corner store when we were seven or so, rode bikes around the neighborhood and to the park. I walked from my school to where my Dad worked in Manhattan (about 6 blocks, crossing very busy streets) starting in 3rd grade, took public transportation home from school and to the mall starting around 12.

My parents took the approach of preparing me for this responsibility. I remember my Dad "teaching" me to walk from school by myself - pointing out which shops were "safe havens", letting me take the lead while he was with me so that he could make sure I was following the lights and looking for cars, etc. Later, I started out taking the subway home from school with my older brother for the first year or so, then graduated to doing it on my own. Around the neighborhood, they made sure that I knew to stay with friends (safety in numbers, I think) and I did have to let them know where we were going. As others have mentioned our neighborhood was also different than most seem to be now, neighbors (even those without kids) would be out gardening, washing cars, or just sitting on the porches in the evening. They weren't actively watching the kids who were out, but they certainly would have stepped in if needed or if we were really doing something wrong.

I hope I can give DS some of the freedoms I enjoyed when he is ready for them, but I agree that the sense of community responsibility has changed, as well as the increased fear of being seen as a negligent parent.

[SpaceGal]

DH was a free range kid...and I was prisoner in jail. I reported home the instant school let out and was not allowed to go anywhere but stay home do homework or watch TV. I'm sure when my kids get older DH and I will butt heads about how we feel about letting them go do things.

[kristac]

I had alot of freedom as a kid. I remeber building forts and playing on a rope swing in the woods at a very young age (6 or 7?). I would bike all around my neighborhood with friends and not come home until the street lights were on. When I was 10+ I would hang out near the railroad tracks or the woods nearby. Sometimes I would take a shortcut through a drainage tunnel under the highway to a friends house. Or I would walk 2 miles or so to the bowling alley or mall.